59.1.2.3 to 37 Reunite with Clan when Question is about rejection by family

[Meri_X]

I came from a very chaotic family, where I was the outcast. A good deal of drama has ensued, where I stood up for myself after having been taken advantage of. My sister came with my niece to my area and I wanted to see her, but apparently my anger frightened her. No amount of explanation - I have PTSD and bipolar disorder, and had a breakdown over the past 4 years - has been helpful. It seems to be falling on deaf ears. This also parallels the situation with my mother. My other sister and brother stopped talking to me several years ago due to a lawsuit they had over a will, where I didn't join them.There is virtually complete estrangement -once I stopped fulfilling their needs, they had nothing to do with me.

I had wanted to be close to the family I grew up with - parents and siblings - but am finally accepting that they are dysfuntional, I am rejected by them and it is best for me to stop expecting any relationships with them, and to move on.

I am thoroughly confused by the Hexagrams I received. My question was "How should I see myself in this situation of being rejected by my family, when efforts on my part have been fruitless, and I am willing to move on?"

Hexagram 59.1.2.3 talks about, in R.L. Wing's book, making an effort to REUNITING among members of the family. How can I reunite when it is clear I am, was and always will be rejected by them? In Hexagram 57 moving line 1 talks about discord, and how it is easier to reunify at the beginning. I never was accepted by them. Moving line 2 says my problems originate from within. Now they do - I've suffered permanent damage and scarring by the mistreatment by my family. Line 3 talks about how working towards common goals will benefit me. What common goals? I have no family.

The changing Hexagram, 37, the Family, says I have clarity about my role and that will bring me power and strength. I agree - to finally let go of the desire to have relationships with these people will free me and empower me.

But I am confused by the original Hexagram. What is it I am supposed to REUNITE with? Should I look for a spiritual family to substitute? I've had moderate success in friendships with these kind of groups, but this is not family. I feel these Hexagrams are saying something to me -that they are relevant to the circumstances, but they mystify me in how paradoxical they are.

I would greatly appreciate some insight into this. Thank you. :bows:

 

[blue_angel]

What did you mean "How should you see yourself?" How do you see yourself? What is it that you are wanting to know? What insight are you hoping to gain with this question? In your question, you described your feelings and situation according to your perception. I think your answer is a reflection of that. I wonder how it might be different if you were to ask "What position should I take towards _____?" "What is ______ position towards me?" Rather than the whole family, being more specific with individual people within the family may bring better clarity. It may help to simplify the question a bit. Another question could be "What do I need to understand about my position within my family?"

Your question and your reading go together in a way that seems to say you've made up your own mind already of how it has been, how it is now, what is right for you, and what you are going to do about it. What additional insight did you wish to receive, if any? If so, another question may help.

 

[corvinnclaedh]

To me, this suggests that any preconceived notions you have of yourself (and your family) are to be washed away, dispersed. Line 1, perhaps some assistance from another or an internal reserve of strong, noble spirit (the horse) can salvage your relationship. You still would like to be an integral part of your family it seems, though the pain of rejection is cultivating the idea that you're better off without. If you really want to be loved and accepted, go to the one that supports you (line 2). is there anyone in your family that got along with you best or expresses the least hostility towards you? they could be an important ally in rebuilding connections after they've been swept away. and the last, line 3 reinforces what I said earlier, dissolve any preconceived notions you have about the situation. You say they are dysfunctional. Everyone's family is in their own quirky way, some more volatile than others. Nevertheless, that is the family you were given and if you want to be accepted, accept them without judgement first. As for hex 37, it is quite clear. People in the home is all about cultivating community within a shared place/ideal. The important part here is that it will take a woman's constancy. Lots and lots and lots of patience. This situation you're in developed over a long period I'm assuming, it may take a while to repair that. Which reminds me of a part of hex 59. Do not anticipate rebuilding things as they were, but instead, look to build them in new, more fitting ways. Back to hex 37, a home is not just the walls around it, but the space within it. Give them space, time, and understanding. Patience and genuine goodwill can work wonders on the messiest of situations. I hope this helps you and I pray your situation improves. Best wishes!

 

[ginnie]

I had wanted to be close to the family I grew up with - parents and siblings - but am finally accepting that they are dysfuntional, I am rejected by them and it is best for me to stop expecting any relationships with them, and to move on....I have no family.

Everyone doesn't agree with R.L.Wing that hexagram 59 is about reuniting with one's clan. Some say hex 59 is about a flood. Others say it is about ill-will and how to overcome rigidity. This last interpretation seems to fit with your situation.

All families are dysfunctional. Wills and inheritances bring out the worst in people. Our family members push all our buttons and make us feel all riled up. Yet our task is to find peace of mind anyway. How do we do that? It seems that the I Ching is suggesting you would do well to let the hard feelings dissolve and disperse. If you have a spiritual practice, that would help you.

The yang change pattern is 11, Peace. The yin change pattern is 12, Blocked. Yes, right now the relationships appear to be blocked and miscommunication rules the day. Yet simple changes in the area of your thoughts can reverse this uncomfortable state of affairs. I would focus on what you can do, not on what the other family members are doing or not doing . . . Best of luck to you!

 

[blue_angel]

I really like the other two posts and agree. I'll add in case it may be of help. I understand you have been hurt. If possible, step way outside of the situation. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. And then look back at them and see them as human beings. Not family members that hold an ideal position. Not family members that "should" act or treat in any specific way. But just human beings. Is it possible they hurt others, because they have been hurt? No, not by you. But somewhere deep in that family history. Although the hurt feels personal, especially when you are feeling so close to the situation. What if it is truly not personal at all? But issues they have in dealing with their own feelings and communication.

It doesn't mean you allow them to treat you unkind now, you take care of you first. But it can be surprising, if you can step way back, and see it all with a new perspective. It does require a lot of patience, first with yourself, and then with each of them. It requires forgiveness and love, both with yourself and then with them. Sometimes one act of kindness, just for the sake of being kind, or one act of love, just for the sake of loving, with no expectation of any return other than to heal another, can bring about a miracle for yourself. And if you happen to see the little changes for the better or small miracles happening, have true appreciation for them. And continue with being patient. A lot of times it starts with you, and the change of your perception.

I do wish you healing, love, and happiness on your journey

 

[Meri_X]

Thank you all for you wonderful insights, and support. I'm still learning the workings of this site, and I didn't reply because it seemed this post was in limbo. But all things come when the time is right, and I figured out how to access this thread.
Excellent advice, from all of you. I'm going to spend time rereading the posts and mediate upon all the suggestions. I'm trying to shift and make the people I do have in my life my family - I am blessed with fantastic relationships. But, still, I have a deep-rooted need for my biological family. Which makes sense - I'm sure it's hard-wired into all of us.
I will try all things mentioned. Already I did do one "act of random kindness" towards a family member and I truly hope it does some healing. I will bide my time, and do the right thing, as far as superficial interactions. It's true, all of us in the family have been very damaged. It was a tragic situation - a true Greek drama, a soap opera. And I need to keep that in the forefront of my mind - all are coming from places of being wounded. Still, I need to shield myself from hurt, protect myself. This is something I have only recently learned, much to my detriment. But I am an optimist and will continue to move forward. I have done a great amount of work on healing, and feel blessed for the concern for others' pain that these experiences have given me.
Thank you all also for your well wishes and blessings. They are greatly appreciated, and healing.