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60.2,4 > 17 Following Up

mariah kaze

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I've ambled around this morning until my questioning has led me back here for clarification - again. The question is with regard to goal setting "what is a worthy goal for me to set for myself with regard to this relationship with Dave?"

Having started out with Standstill - 12 and reading old posts, I went on to question what problem I'm still not facing squarely (in myself) and that I have to address this in a different way. I hear and read that I am too focused on "him" and I need to find outside interests and physically exercise and then "be still" but that I still have no idea where this is going or where I want it to go. No goal.

I get that I'm not seeing this in the right way, that if I change the way I look at this, my anxiety can be put to rest. I also get that what he and I have not talked about - at all - is that his relationship exists on a level we aren't allowed to tamper with. 61.5 Nice karma :)

I've never discussed what I believe in with Dave. He says things that make me think he believes in wizardry & magic but I know he was raised Catholic and does not practice that faith as an adult. Politically, we're extreme opposites - I am liberal and he's ultra-conservative (American politics). The I Ching is an important part of my daily practice and has been for many years. I don't often discuss this with *anyone*!

Stumble ..... I just tripped over my resistance problem right here: in an old archived post I read where I may be satisfied with the distance in our relationship because to really become intimate with someone, I'd be called upon to share what I believe and how I believe in it .... with someone who has failed in several respects so far, to value what I think. And People, what I think is the only thing keeping me in this relationship, right?

So, where I need advice .... help me to look at this differently. I'm afraid to tell people what I think because I'd rather not argue .... not true .... I like to argue .... I don't want to look ridiculous .... feel ridiculed for what I believe .... Oh Lord ... I want to be right? Groan! :brickwall:

I do not want to be a leader. I want a partner who walks with me - evenly - and does not expect me to follow paths that go nowhere. I have to figure out how to talk about this without coming across as a FLAKE! Is that a worthy goal? :bows:
 

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