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61.2.5 and 7.3.6 regarding relationship and no contact

poeticwalking

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So I got involved in something with a guy I came to fancy recently. I had met him about a decade ago, apparently at that time he was interested in me, never really made a move. I wasn't interested in him then. He has always been sensitive and shy at times, moody even, though also a really nice guy as well. I know it's difficult for him to get started with women although also they like him too, he's a sensitive artist type. He recently has been making a lot of positive changes for his physical and mental health and this was very attractive to me. I had moved to another city 2 or 3 years after we met, only coming back recently. I see him once a week at an activity we do with others. We ended up hanging out and then hooking up (he asked me out, though I had to basically ask him to make the first move). Just cuddling, though for couple hrs (we had been hanging out already all day, really deep conversations learning a lot more about each other). He was hesitant the next morning what to do, I said I thought we should just see how it goes, we're adults, just communicate with each other. He seemed to be into that. The next time we hung out it was really great, again super deep conversations he again said he wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship. He didn't explain why, but he got hit again with quite a bit of grief still from dad passing away (almost 1 yr now) due to a holiday, also in the background I think his ex was stirring up a lot of stuff (she was basically stalking him- got job next door to him, had showed up to his apartment that day that she shouldn't have known where, started showing up out of nowhere to our activity. He was really stressed by this.). Also he is working on a personal project and kinda just adulting stuff. Again I thought and then said, this is pretty soon to DTR, I am liking the hanging out part, I don't care what it's called right now. Also I was going away for a month and wouldn't have cell service much, and that would give us time to reflect and work on personal projects.We had like 6-7 dates over 3 weeks which all were chill/fun/awesome. I don't have a lot of physical experience which I wasn't explicit about- tho hinted at- and he was super cool with boundaries and exploring that at my pace. Couple sleepovers, lots of making out and great talks. I left for my trip, we hadn't really said anything about what will happen, there were people around when we last saw each other and he just gave me a kiss. He sent one text wishing me a safe and exciting trip, which I got a few days later. We had a short talk via text. I never heard from him again, it's been over a month now. About two weeks after that text he wrote all of us in the activity to say he was quitting for 8 months. He hasn't responded to anyone else's calls/texts/emails either. It was a group he was in for over a decade and also some of his best friends are in it. When I got that I wrote to say I was sad and things I'd miss from him in the group, but wanted to support him with all that was going on. Wrote when I'd be back and also another time that I knew I'd have cell service, he didn't reply. Sent just one other text that was a lil goofy, about something we were both interested in, nothing. I guess I just wanted to emphasize that I was trying to mirror his interest, I wasn't over contacting or something.I asked Yi for advice on what to do now about the burgeoning relationship, Yi gave me 61.2.5 going to 27. I am thinking that even though I really want to, I shouldn't contact, just be patient? He will contact when he's ready? I think I can accept that he needs the space right now, though I would have preferred for him to tell me that he needed it for our personal situation and not just the group. OR is it that I need to say, hey, my actual goal is to be in a healthy relationship, and focus on that, and to prepare myself for someone who is ready for that? Line 5 maybe too could be to just state what I need clearly which is I want a relationship with him at this point, to make that known. And accept the consequence? OR is it even to be there for him, to remind him I can provide that nourishment? People with grief often withdraw in exactly the way he is doing.Yesterday I was at a friend's wedding and it was a rough day, as I had to take care of (emotionally and medically) a guest who was having an anxiety attack and food poisoning the whole time. I went to an afterparty, and after all of that, and it was at the site of first 2 dates with guy, I got pretty upset. Then when I came home my roommate was asking 20 questions about him and it got me even more emotional. I asked Yi: "Any advice for me today, yi? Yesterday was pretty rough and I was upset about X/being single" I got 7.3.6 going to 18 and I'm not as familiar with these hexes. Line 3, is it just saying to let it go? Or is it that I need to let go this thing where I feel like I shouldn't contact him, and just do it to make things clear? Taking responsibility for what it is I want to know or establish? Or even that if it was a friend only who is grieving, the right action is to gently remind person I am here for support without intruding too much, but to let go the romantic/emotional element? Line 6- I don't know if the issue is that I am wanting to support an "inferior" person- ie someone not on same wavelength as me. Or if it's I need to reach out to re-establish that we're a team. Ending up on hex 18 does not seem doubleplusgood to me. Again I don't know if the issue is that the situation has already decayed, or that I need to take action in order to prevent the decay.Please help, thank you!
 

equinox

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Hi jawnwilliams,

I reframed your posting, because it was hard to read. If you are not ok with that, please tell me, I'll delete it then.

Best, equinox


So I got involved in something with a guy I came to fancy recently. I had met him about a decade ago, apparently at that time he was interested in me, never really made a move. I wasn't interested in him then.

He has always been sensitive and shy at times, moody even, though also a really nice guy as well. I know it's difficult for him to get started with women although also they like him too, he's a sensitive artist type. He recently has been making a lot of positive changes for his physical and mental health and this was very attractive to me.

I had moved to another city 2 or 3 years after we met, only coming back recently. I see him once a week at an activity we do with others. We ended up hanging out and then hooking up (he asked me out, though I had to basically ask him to make the first move). Just cuddling, though for couple hrs (we had been hanging out already all day, really deep conversations learning a lot more about each other). He was hesitant the next morning what to do, I said I thought we should just see how it goes, we're adults, just communicate with each other. He seemed to be into that.

The next time we hung out it was really great, again super deep conversations he again said he wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship. He didn't explain why, but he got hit again with quite a bit of grief still from dad passing away (almost 1 yr now) due to a holiday, also in the background I think his ex was stirring up a lot of stuff (she was basically stalking him- got job next door to him, had showed up to his apartment that day that she shouldn't have known where, started showing up out of nowhere to our activity. He was really stressed by this.).
Also he is working on a personal project and kinda just adulting stuff. Again I thought and then said, this is pretty soon to DTR, I am liking the hanging out part, I don't care what it's called right now. Also I was going away for a month and wouldn't have cell service much, and that would give us time to reflect and work on personal projects.

We had like 6-7 dates over 3 weeks which all were chill/fun/awesome. I don't have a lot of physical experience which I wasn't explicit about- tho hinted at- and he was super cool with boundaries and exploring that at my pace. Couple sleepovers, lots of making out and great talks. I left for my trip, we hadn't really said anything about what will happen, there were people around when we last saw each other and he just gave me a kiss. He sent one text wishing me a safe and exciting trip, which I got a few days later. We had a short talk via text. I never heard from him again, it's been over a month now.

About two weeks after that text he wrote all of us in the activity to say he was quitting for 8 months. He hasn't responded to anyone else's calls/texts/emails either. It was a group he was in for over a decade and also some of his best friends are in it. When I got that I wrote to say I was sad and things I'd miss from him in the group, but wanted to support him with all that was going on. Wrote when I'd be back and also another time that I knew I'd have cell service, he didn't reply. Sent just one other text that was a lil goofy, about something we were both interested in, nothing. I guess I just wanted to emphasize that I was trying to mirror his interest, I wasn't over contacting or something.

I asked Yi for advice on what to do now about the burgeoning relationship, Yi gave me 61.2.5 going to 27.

I am thinking that even though I really want to, I shouldn't contact, just be patient? He will contact when he's ready? I think I can accept that he needs the space right now, though I would have preferred for him to tell me that he needed it for our personal situation and not just the group.
OR is it that I need to say, hey, my actual goal is to be in a healthy relationship, and focus on that, and to prepare myself for someone who is ready for that?

Line 5 maybe too could be to just state what I need clearly which is I want a relationship with him at this point, to make that known. And accept the consequence? OR is it even to be there for him, to remind him I can provide that nourishment? People with grief often withdraw in exactly the way he is doing.Yesterday I was at a friend's wedding and it was a rough day, as I had to take care of (emotionally and medically) a guest who was having an anxiety attack and food poisoning the whole time. I went to an afterparty, and after all of that, and it was at the site of first 2 dates with guy, I got pretty upset. Then when I came home my roommate was asking 20 questions about him and it got me even more emotional.

I asked Yi: "Any advice for me today, yi? Yesterday was pretty rough and I was upset about X/being single"

I got 7.3.6 going to 18 and I'm not as familiar with these hexes. Line 3, is it just saying to let it go? Or is it that I need to let go this thing where I feel like I shouldn't contact him, and just do it to make things clear? Taking responsibility for what it is I want to know or establish? Or even that if it was a friend only who is grieving, the right action is to gently remind person I am here for support without intruding too much, but to let go the romantic/emotional element?

Line 6- I don't know if the issue is that I am wanting to support an "inferior" person- ie someone not on same wavelength as me. Or if it's I need to reach out to re-establish that we're a team.
Ending up on hex 18 does not seem doubleplusgood to me. Again I don't know if the issue is that the situation has already decayed, or that I need to take action in order to prevent the decay.Please help, thank you!
 

equinox

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Hm that is really a difficult situation.
The first result shows that you two indeed seem to have kind of a spiritual connection, the other result suggests, that you are totally overchallenged with this story and the question how to proceed. The latter is not a good precondition for action on your part.
Honestly if I were you, I would leave him alone for now and meanwhile bring your 'army' back in order, as hex 18 suggests.

I am sure that he got the message that you want to keep up contact with him, right? So I think here is no need to try drawing his attention to you.

At the utmost I would try to approach him as a friend without any expectations -- but only if this is in accordance with your needs and wishes. You shouldn't strategically act as you were without expectations in order to 'get him' back later.

Btw, if you are interested, my personal opinion after some difficult experiences in my life:
I must say my patience for people who withdraw because of depression has its limits -- I would accept it and try to stay friends with them, but I wouldn't commit too much in such a constellation. I wouldn't offer them endless help and understanding if they even can't answer a simple text message that I wrote.
 
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poeticwalking

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Hey-Thanks for the formatting! I kept trying to edit it the post to let it have more readability, but I was unable to.Your post was very helpful. I would love other people's insights as well. There is a part of me that thinks maybe I was unclear about wanting to stay in contact- the email I sent definitely did indicate this, but the text I sent was more joking and vague. But again your last few sentences, yeah. The balance of being compassionate, and being a doormat.
 

poeticwalking

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BTW I am "new" to this site with my screen name, but I have been studying Yi for years, tho very off and on. I had an account here years ago that I had 10-20 posts with, but it was with an ancient screen name and I can't even remember the user name.
 

Trojina

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Hey-Thanks for the formatting! I kept trying to edit it the post to let it have more readability, but I was unable to.

Just to let you know, and all regular respondents know, this issue of posting using paragraphs yet them not appearing in the post when it's posted/trying to edit but being unable to is pretty common for new posters as far as I can see.

I had this issue myself in the past where I found even when I posted my posts in paragraphs a huge chunk of text would appear when it actually posted with no paragraphs. This can be frustrating for respondents as they might think the querent is just being thoughtless in posting a big chunk of text but actually it is a little forum glitch I think.

Here is one way around it that Hilary suggested in CC where we were talking about it


"One thing to try on the editing/formatting front: switch to a different editor type in forum settings. Look for 'message editor interface' towards the bottom of this page https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/profile.php?do=editoptions
 

Trojina

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Dealing with it in chunks

So I got involved in something with a guy I came to fancy recently. I had met him about a decade ago, apparently at that time he was interested in me, never really made a move. I wasn't interested in him then. He has always been sensitive and shy at times, moody even, though also a really nice guy as well. I know it's difficult for him to get started with women although also they like him too, he's a sensitive artist type.

Oooh sensitive artist type ? Might be more trouble than he's worth.

He recently has been making a lot of positive changes for his physical and mental health and this was very attractive to me. I had moved to another city 2 or 3 years after we met, only coming back recently. I see him once a week at an activity we do with others. We ended up hanging out and then hooking up

Does 'hooking up' mean having intercourse ? I'm not sure, it's a phrase I've heard young people use and I don't know if that is what it means ?


(he asked me out, though I had to basically ask him to make the first move). Just cuddling, though for couple hrs (we had been hanging out already all day, really deep conversations learning a lot more about each other). He was hesitant the next morning what to do, I said I thought we should just see how it goes, we're adults, just communicate with each other. He seemed to be into that.

No readings yet but it sounds like this isn't terribly romantic with you having to prod him to make the moves. When you say 'next morning' does that mean you 'hooked up'/had sex ? I ask because this makes a difference in how you feel and where the relationship is at.

The next time we hung out it was really great, again super deep conversations he again said he wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship.

Oh dear....you don't want to waste any time on someone who says this. If he doesn't want a relationship why is he having one with you ? What does he think it is when he is cuddling you, having sex with you (?) and deep conversations. When someone says this they basically want to have their cake and eat it. They want all the bonuses of a relationship without any of the commitment.


He didn't explain why, but he got hit again with quite a bit of grief still from dad passing away (almost 1 yr now) due to a holiday, also in the background I think his ex was stirring up a lot of stuff (she was basically stalking him- got job next door to him, had showed up to his apartment that day that she shouldn't have known where, started showing up out of nowhere to our activity. He was really stressed by this.). Also he is working on a personal project and kinda just adulting stuff.

You mustn't take his stress into account you have to think about what you need. I agree with equinox on this.

Again I thought and then said, this is pretty soon to DTR, I am liking the hanging out part, I don't care what it's called right now.

What does DTR mean ? You need to care what a relationship is called because if you don't you can get ripped off.

Also I was going away for a month and wouldn't have cell service much, and that would give us time to reflect and work on personal projects.We had like 6-7 dates over 3 weeks which all were chill/fun/awesome. I don't have a lot of physical experience which I wasn't explicit about- tho hinted at- and he was super cool with boundaries and exploring that at my pace. Couple sleepovers, lots of making out and great talks. I left for my trip, we hadn't really said anything about what will happen, there were people around when we last saw each other and he just gave me a kiss. He sent one text wishing me a safe and exciting trip, which I got a few days later. We had a short talk via text. I never heard from him again, it's been over a month now.

This is why you need to know what it's called, the relationship that is, otherwise you are left dangling waiting for him to pick you up or not at his convenience. In future if he wants to hang out and make out he needs to allow the relationship a name such as you are his 'girlfriend'. If he can't call you his girlfriend tell him to go find some other sucker.

About two weeks after that text he wrote all of us in the activity to say he was quitting for 8 months. He hasn't responded to anyone else's calls/texts/emails either. It was a group he was in for over a decade and also some of his best friends are in it. When I got that I wrote to say I was sad and things I'd miss from him in the group, but wanted to support him with all that was going on. Wrote when I'd be back and also another time that I knew I'd have cell service, he didn't reply. Sent just one other text that was a lil goofy, about something we were both interested in, nothing. I guess I just wanted to emphasize that I was trying to mirror his interest, I wasn't over contacting or something.

No you weren't over contacting him but he's being a flake and he isn't worth your time

I asked Yi for advice on what to do now about the burgeoning relationship, Yi gave me 61.2.5 going to 27. I am thinking that even though I really want to, I shouldn't contact, just be patient? He will contact when he's ready?

The connection does look special and yet line 2 can be so ethereal. So often it will show up for people who have a real inner connection which doesn't always become an outer one. That's fine for some relationships, you know sometimes you can meet someone a few times and bond and even though you don't have them in your life the bond is there but is that enough for a male/female romantic liason ? I don't think so. But anyway it is a nice cast although change pattern is 29/30.

I don't think you should contact him again no, if you are sure he did get your messages. Unless he is dead or very ill he is just acting in a very hurtful cruel way by not replying.

I think I can accept that he needs the space right now, though I would have preferred for him to tell me that he needed it for our personal situation and not just the group.

No, either he wants to be in a relationship or he doesn't. If he didn't want a relationship with you he should have been straight with you instead of leading you on and then indulging in his feeble excuses about how he needs his 'space' (what a cliché :rolleyes:)...If he didn't want a relationship why did he start having one with you and then make out he wasn't having one.




OR is it that I need to say, hey, my actual goal is to be in a healthy relationship, and focus on that, and to prepare myself for someone who is ready for that?

Well yes, don't ever listen to all those old clichés about how he is depressed and not ready for a relationship blah blah just walk away and let him not be ready for a relationship with someone else.

Line 5 maybe too could be to just state what I need clearly which is I want a relationship with him at this point, to make that known. And accept the consequence? OR is it even to be there for him, to remind him I can provide that nourishment? People with grief often withdraw in exactly the way he is doing.

I see where you are coming from and it's a mistake many women make. You've been rejected and hurt by him so you end up thinking you need to offer more. Crazy logic but very common. No, I don't care about his grief how hard is it for him to answer a text !!


Yesterday I was at a friend's wedding and it was a rough day, as I had to take care of (emotionally and medically) a guest who was having an anxiety attack and food poisoning the whole time. I went to an afterparty, and after all of that, and it was at the site of first 2 dates with guy, I got pretty upset.

Exactly. You cannot afford to spend so much of your heart on this thoughtless guy, you don't have the time in your life to be being upset over someone that selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings.

Be clear this guy has treated you like shit. You have messaged him a number of times and he couldn't reply not even to say he wanted to end it with you. What a prick (unless he's dead or seriously ill) ! And yet you think you should offer more to him ????


Then when I came home my roommate was asking 20 questions about him and it got me even more emotional. I asked Yi: "Any advice for me today, yi? Yesterday was pretty rough and I was upset about X/being single" I got 7.3.6 going to 18 and I'm not as familiar with these hexes. Line 3, is it just saying to let it go? Or is it that I need to let go this thing where I feel like I shouldn't contact him, and just do it to make things clear?

The advice is to let go of dead ideas that don't serve you...I think he's the dead weight or rather your commitment to him is the dead weight in line 3. Line 6 echoes what I was saying about what you can afford to do with your heart. Don't throw your pearls before swine or offer your heart to selfish self obsessed cowards. Give it to someone worthy of it, not him.

18 would show the background to your tendency to the pattern you are in here which I see as the less you are given the more you think you have to give. Along the lines of 'he isn't showing me any care at all maybe I should give him more care'. That's a corrupt pattern you may have inherited through your upbringing ? It is quite a common one for women.


Taking responsibility for what it is I want to know or establish? Or even that if it was a friend only who is grieving, the right action is to gently remind person I am here for support without intruding too much, but to let go the romantic/emotional element? Line 6- I don't know if the issue is that I am wanting to support an "inferior" person- ie someone not on same wavelength as me. Or if it's I need to reach out to re-establish that we're a team. Ending up on hex 18 does not seem doubleplusgood to me. Again I don't know if the issue is that the situation has already decayed, or that I need to take action in order to prevent the decay.Please help, thank you!

18 isn't where you end up, the relating hexagram is the whole ambience and backdrop to the question.

You know what I think by now...and I wouldn't be surprised if 61.2.5>27 is showing how full your heart is, how much there is to share and how that needs to be reciprocated so you are fed too (27).

I don't think I have fitted your first answer to your question very well...and perhaps if he comes back to you then you can have some kind of relationship but right now just reading this as another human you should stop thinking about his grief and think about your own. Grief doesn't stop people using their fingers to type or text a one line message ! Screw him, take care of your self .
 

Trojina

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Probably I have been far too hard on him given he did say he was taking 8 months off but still I feel having begun a relationship with you he needed to be clear about what would happen next, needed to have more compassion to you perhaps.

Undoubtedly this is a lovely cast for a relationship so maybe he will be in touch and things can go on.

I gave my own human response to the situation because even lovely casts don't guarantee good outcomes in romantic relationships. I don't know why that is exactly but I don't think romance casts are very reliable which is unfortunate because that is pretty much all people ask about here in SR.

It may be that we see relationships very differently to Yi. Our culture has made some kind of religion out of romantic relationships as if they were the purpose of all life but often Yi answers our own development within all those feelings...or something.

So he may be a very nice guy and you have a really deep connection but does that connection fill your hunger (27) ? I don't think so and I do think it is your own hurt you need to tend to here not his.

If he does contact you and resume things be clear about what you need in the relationship otherwise it looks like something that would drift along with you continually being the giver. I say that not from the casts just from what I read.
 

equinox

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It may be that we see relationships very differently to Yi. Our culture has made some kind of religion out of romantic relationships as if they were the purpose of all life but often Yi answers our own development within all those feelings...or something.

I have the suspicion that this may be -- in some cases -- because people who ask the Yi on their relationships or non-relationships do this often very frequently. And then they take the most hopeful casts and share it here for discussion, because they want to hear something, well, hopeful. (Generally said, I am not talking about you, jawnwilliams.)
But if you ask the Yi repeatedly on the same matter it will give conflicting answers -- maybe rather mirroring an emotional rollercoaster than the "real life" situation. That's at least my impression.

What does DTR mean ?

"Define the relationship" -- says Google.
 
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equinox

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There is a part of me that thinks maybe I was unclear about wanting to stay in contact- the email I sent definitely did indicate this, but the text I sent was more joking and vague.

My experience is, that if you want to stay in touch with a love interest, they will get it, as long as you behave consistent and reliable. And what you wrote looks to me like you behaved that way. You were ready to share intimate moments with him, you warned him that you will possibly not always be available due to unstable phone network while being abroad, still tried to contact him and let him know when you are back -- I think you made your intentions clear. We often fool ourselves when we think "it will work out if I give more/ do more". Often excactly the opposite is the case, at least if you are a person who tends to give a lot anyways.
Maybe you think he doesn't get it because his perception is clouded due to his depression. I can't rule that out, but still be careful not ending up as "the giver" as Trojina already said. Very often it is the case that people who are emotionally unstable gladly accept what you give -- but ultimately end up with someone who set boundaries to them. My experience is that people who tend to be emotionally unstable appreciate it when their counterpart sets boundaries.
 

poeticwalking

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Thanks guys for your viewpoints. I think I have to just take it one day at a time and with time, it will get easier to be doing my own thing. I think he really did not mean to be a jerk, the grief thing is very real for him at this time, let alone everything else, but it's not satisfying my needs presently. PS - No, we did not have sex, as I said we did things physically at my pace, it felt very loving but who even knows. It did feel like we had an emotional/intellectual/friends connection, but again, nothing doing now.I am in my 30s and never had a relationship nor sex (don't even get me started on that, plenty of times I've asked Yi about this over the years) so it's easy for me to slip into the "not enough" mode, yeah, definitely my upbringing echoed that as well. Men never pursue me, anything I've had has been from me initiating, most of my dating experiences as of late (other than this- all from online) have ended with the guy in first date or two catching onto my inexperience and dumping me/even lambasting me for it. I think your guys' interpretations helped me focus my interpretation of 7/18, thank you guys for the guidance.
 

Trojina

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Thanks guys for your viewpoints. I think I have to just take it one day at a time and with time, it will get easier to be doing my own thing. I think he really did not mean to be a jerk, the grief thing is very real for him at this time, let alone everything else, but it's not satisfying my needs presently. PS - No, we did not have sex, as I said we did things physically at my pace, it felt very loving but who even knows. It did feel like we had an emotional/intellectual/friends connection, but again, nothing doing now.I am in my 30s and never had a relationship nor sex (don't even get me started on that, plenty of times I've asked Yi about this over the years) so it's easy for me to slip into the "not enough" mode, yeah, definitely my upbringing echoed that as well. Men never pursue me, anything I've had has been from me initiating, most of my dating experiences as of late (other than this- all from online) have ended with the guy in first date or two catching onto my inexperience and dumping me/even lambasting me for it. I think your guys' interpretations helped me focus my interpretation of 7/18, thank you guys for the guidance.

I think it's a really difficult situation for you and I'm glad you didn't have sex with him because it would probably feel worse if you had and he then just didn't answer you. Some say having sex with a person creates some kind of etheric thread between the 2 people which continues still exists regardless of if they have a relationship. It isn't good to have loose etheric thread/connections, it can be emotionally and psychically depleting so I think the idea that there can be just sex and nothing else is somewhat a falsehood. That's somewhat off topic here but the guy who dumped you for your inexperience ? Well you are well rid of him. Him having such a dead utilitarian view of what a relationship I doubt he'd have much to really offer anyone.

On a more mundane level I think you'd simply feel worse if you'd had sex with him because you would have maybe felt you'd opened yourself to him more which would have made it all the more painful when he doesn't answer a simple friendly text and leaves you worrying about whether you said the right thing.

However while a month of no contact feels an age to you right now, maybe in his head it isn't and he will at some point reply to you. Also I guess the fact he abandoned everyone else makes it far less of a pointed gesture that he didn't reply. He doesn't sound like someone who would go to the trouble of making a pointed gesture it sounds more like, well a lack of consideration or lack of awareness of how it might feel to you.

I don't doubt his grief or his depression are real but I don't see how that prevents him simply sending you a tiny message back. Not being replied to when you have been that close simply is hurtful and kind of invalidating of the time you gave the relationship so it is natural you are feeling upset about it.

But this was a lovely cast certainly suggesting this is a bond that goes on regardless of how it looks, your connection was/is real, you have no need to doubt that...it's just well you can't sustain yourself emotionally on someone who disappeared ..Let us know what happens.

I have the suspicion that this may be -- in some cases -- because people who ask the Yi on their relationships or non-relationships do this often very frequently. And then they take the most hopeful casts and share it here for discussion, because they want to hear something, well, hopeful. (Generally said, I am not talking about you, jawnwilliams.)
But if you ask the Yi repeatedly on the same matter it will give conflicting answers -- maybe rather mirroring an emotional rollercoaster than the "real life" situation. That's at least my impression.

I think that can be part of the story but not the whole story of why romance answers seem unreliable. Over the years I have heard many accounts from even well seasoned Yi users of how they had seen their casts as a real green light for a relationship and it turned out not to be so and I've also seen that myself. Partly it may be as the answer involves someone else's feelings the situation is very fluid, there isn't a solid object called 'the relationship' even though we speak of it as if it were an independent entity that stands by itself it actually isn't, it's an ever changing flow between people. Also could be when the person is really into someone their own mind has such momentum in the desired direction it does the kind of interpretation filtering you mention. I don't know.

So even though people certainly do get guidance for their relationships via Yi with new or growing relationships I always prefer to look at what is actually happening than lean too much on what I think the answers say. Relationships with other people can never be solely orientated or directed via Yi IMO since their reality must be taken into account.

On the plus side it has been said that the vast majority of people, well women anyway, actually first get to know Yi through relationship questions, even very repetitive ones. it's a kind of preliminary phase of getting to know Yi perhaps.
 

poeticwalking

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I think that's why it's generally important to ask questions that are not about another person's thoughts/feelings etc whenever possible. Framing something in what my needs are, what should I know in this instance, say (I think my first Q was worded something like what to do about this situation w/x to have a healthy romantic relationship, I lost the exact wording). Because one is the question asker- the other person isn't.


PS don't make too much fun of these sensitive artist types! I guess I'm one too :p
 

poeticwalking

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Well, so interesting to have a further development I guess. To make things even more confusing!
At my activity tonight randomly another guy started talking to me about that dude, this also happened to be the guy who told me about a year ago said love interest had "always had a thing for me". Which was news to me, I told my friend at the time that, "uh, really? he never showed it"..."yeah, he had a funny way of showing it...by not showing it at all". I didn't quite believe him at the time but he was very insistent that this love interest was into me years ago.

Anyway this guy now mentioned to me that apparently my love interest was overpaid earlier, and owing a fair chunk of money back to him. He apparently wouldn't give it back, saying he cashed it and needed it...which this dude was willing to work with, he said he could pay it back over the year's work. To which he responded: oh, so I have to play for free now? I have no idea of course if this was in jest or not. Of course also my other friend mentioned how it was so sudden and weird that he quit, not replying to anyone's messages etc. To boot now owing all this money.

Anyway then I find out apparently my love interest had put up resistance to me rejoining the group when I moved back, he had told another friend in the group (his best friend in the city) that it took him a long time to get over the "thing we had" in the past...um....what? We never had any sort of thing, though I had a vague suspicion he might have liked me or wanted to hook up or something. We never had a date, we are talking ten years ago, we had always hung out in a big group. Thankfully the rest of the group who were aware of this were like, uh, no, she really knows how to do this, we need extra people especially with a flexible schedule, she was in the group before and always when people left they could come back no problem.

Well all this casts a really confusing light on his character to be sure. Either he's a total *french word for shower* or so far down a rabbit hole of depression/messing up it's really going to take a lot to get him in a better place. Which I just don't think I'm responsible for, at all. I hope I can get to a point of compassion again but right now there's definitely some anger and of course hurt.

It is interesting about this idea of communication being even more muddled, Yi I guess picked up on that.
All this really leads me to think- yeah, I did what I could, it's time to let it go and worry about my own thing for now. I won't rule out a resolution, but there is going to have to be some explaining and apologies, that I'm not going to dig for.
 

equinox

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Anyway then I find out apparently my love interest had put up resistance to me rejoining the group when I moved back, he had told another friend in the group (his best friend in the city) that it took him a long time to get over the "thing we had" in the past...um....what? We never had any sort of thing, though I had a vague suspicion he might have liked me or wanted to hook up or something. We never had a date, we are talking ten years ago, we had always hung out in a big group. Thankfully the rest of the group who were aware of this were like, uh, no, she really knows how to do this, we need extra people especially with a flexible schedule, she was in the group before and always when people left they could come back no problem.

That is a very inmature and egoistical way to deal with rejection. Just because he couldn't have you back then, he wanted to exclude you.
Maybe you can have a relationship with him -- but if he doesn't manage to change a lot, I guess it would be quite exhausting with him. I think he would tend to put his own wellbeing far over yours.
 
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