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63.1.2.5 Saga with old flame popping up, me trying new action

EmMacha

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This is actually a journey through about 4 hexagrams:

An Old Flame popped up on social media, I resisted the follow suggestion & profile looking, though *wanting* to very much. The situation / friendship has been complicated and difficult for me, especially this year, and he hasn't been good in himself either, (he got depressed and suicidal, this wrenched my heart so much, I needed to step back. I care too much, that's not necessarily helpful to either of us, I made a decision to step back to try find the balance & process things, focus on myself). We have a double Pluto-Moon conjunction astrology, it's v hard to step back!


Re that social media profile, and the emotions it evoked inside of me: Hexagram 44.1.2.5

I was thinking I resisted temptation by not looking at his profile, or 'following' him, but I got tied up trying to write about it, to post here. I composed a massive long spiel trying to explain about the situation & relationship. TWICE! I didn't realise it was wrecking my head that much. I thought that I had moved, processed it. Bit of a rabbit hole, I got very emotional: lots of hurt & confusion, love, loss, desire, fear; huge emotions awoken, I was very very late to bed, to sleep, I *accidentally* deleted it. (A good thing really! ) then I tried to repost it yesterday, again the maelstrom.

Seems like I fell into line 1 and 2 - this situation is too confusing to figure out - I can't 'marry it'.

It seems to me that trying to explain it is the temptation / difficulty, the extremely yin situation, overly magnetic, that pulls me in?
Or that I am holding back and having a massive internal argument about it? It's the holding back from communication that is hard, it's a very strong feeling. (that Pluto-Moon thing again)

Positive thinking, I'm waiting to find that melon ;)



After deleting it, I cast hexagram 29.5 going to bed

Line 5, full enough, full to the brim.


Reading this, I conked out straight away, fell right asleep.


Half-dream waking up: images of these chasms, maybe on Mars, chasms, one filing with dark water, of me having filled up this gorge, deep canyon with water, emptied out my heart, pouring and pouring, massive massive amounts of water, seeing myself lost in dark waters, having opened a stopper in my heart and this ocean came out! dark, chaotic flow of waters, It felt like an unstoppable flow. But then it just stopped. I realised that I had just stopped it, stopped the flow, just at the right time to fill the chasm to the brim. And that was it, there was no more.


So I woke tired, feeling awful, just a sense of frustration and confusion.

Memories of the dream chasm: though in my minds eye there is a peaceful deep chasm lake, the water just still & deep, lapping the edges & soft waves in the wind, high in the mountains (rocks red, like Mars)blue sky , & I am seeing a boat, thinking, a boat would get me across to the other side. I'm feeling shocked, but kind of proud of myself, and a little in awe - the waters just stopped and there is this beautiful chasm lake!

I'm feeling sort of shocked, afraid, afraid of those arguments we had, afraid of my feelings there, all that stuff that seemed unheard, unresolved, and fear of the whole situation , & the depth of older wounds awoken…



I cast Yi in relation to that, that sense of shock (where did all that emotion come from?)
What do I do with it? I don't really want to do anything, direct it, I just want to let it be: hexagram 12.1.6

Line 1
Line 1 'Pulling up thatch grass, roots entangled, with more of its kind. Constancy, good fortune.
Creating success.'

Which for me felt like 'yes I am feeling blocked, with this man! Blocked in following my heart, open the love & passion, flow with that, it's just not the right thing right now, but I also feel blocked in pulling back, If I pull back, I feel hurt, anger, sense of panic, panic & push to reach out, very very strong pull, blocked in focusing on other things, being creative' Of course, I see that lots of other emotions were pulled up too, but constancy is important.

This hexagram, line 1 said to me - it's ok to feel blocked, things are full, you have pulled up something rich & deep.

Line 6
Line 6 'Overturning the block.Before, blocked.
Afterwards, rejoicing.'

I 'm thinking, one needs an effort, or to see a 'Great Man' to overturn the block. Also, reaching for Higher principles / Self in the situation?

COMMENTARY
Confucius/Legge: How could it be prolonged? Wilhelm/Baynes: When standstill comes to an end, it reverses. One should not wish to make it permanent. Blofeld: In the end it must be overcome. How could it endure forever? [The process of change is continuous. This is the last line, which is held to have emerged from the evil symbolized by the hexagram as a whole.]Ritsema/Karcher:Wherefore permitting long-living indeed? Cleary (2): What can last? Wu: How could it last?
Legge: There is an end to the condition of distress. It was necessary that that condition should give place to its opposite; and the dynamic line in the topmost place fitly represents the consequent joy.
...
When one has learned to live with the manifestations of the "not-I" in an attitude of concrete acceptance, bearing one's seemingly inferior personal characteristics as a burden rather than identifying with them and at the same time humbly remaining open to the demands of hitherto unrealized transpersonal powers, a new phase of psychological transformation is initiated. The instinctual drives themselves may change character and consequently the needs for suppressive discipline or sublimation can be lessened. Much of what formerly seemed evil, or at least compulsively disturbing, reveals itself as merely primitive and therefore capable of constructive growth. The instinctual drives thus transformed and matured cease to be sources of moral danger, temptation or sin; instead they become the originators of new creative impulses and possibilities of expression which eventually widen the scope of the personality and with it the whole life.
E.C. Whitmont -- The Symbolic Quest
A. The situation is about to improve. Once the lessons of an impasse are integrated, one moves on to other things.
It looks to me that the 'primitive' here, the chasm of emotions, blocked from previous channels of expression, in a situation of being blocked, or held here, is good, necessary for change. The temptation, the compelling magnetic power moving up through 44 is necessary for positive change and greater self awareness?

meditating on the dream images: Images again of the water filled chasm, holding to my heart, swimming amidst dark waters, no longer feeling lost, just there in the middle of deep waters so deep they barely reflect the sky & red rocks, but also images of him pushing me, dark, focused, passionate, he is pushing me in, pushing from behind, but I'm thinking 'haha yes but I can swim!' & he's getting hotter, pushing, but the waters are nice and cool.



So I asked Yi about that sense of pressure from him in the dream, pushing me into the waters, and my sense that I can swim

Hexagram 63.1.2.5 › 46

Line 1
Line 1 Breaking the wagon wheels the tail gets wet = no blame.
Changes to (39) Obstruction. During any transition from completion to renewal the way forward can appear confusing.
Change is often accompanied by mistakes or missteps. You can think that you are on cruise control and suddenly get a flat tire that stops you in your tracks. There is not any real harm, but you are warned that the path you were on is changing. Any obstacles you meet are simply slowing you down so that you can examine the proper way forward.

This line
stands out to me, it seems to resonate with the earlier sense of accepting the blockage with 12
Wet tail - getting emotional?
It's the situation of feeling the emotions, but not acting, or reacting, instead understanding...that is hard, but that is the work? This is what I-Ching helps us to do?


Line 2
Losing the carriage screen I get, my ego /daily self is not happy with these deeper emotions, I do feel vulnerable, exposed somewhat, that I have emotions of hurt and anger with him, I'm not 100% sweetness and light towards him even though I do love him. This changing line says to me its OK, nothing is lost, no ground or progress lost in your inner journeys (even though I entered the chasms of 29!)

De-Korne again:
NOTES AND PARAPHRASES
Wing: You are suddenly exposed, whether by your own hand or by circumstances beyond your control. Do nothing. Don't try to cover up, or attempt to make a case for your position. This time of conspicuousness will soon pass.
Editor: The image of the hexagram suggests a high water mark -- the point at which a cycle is completed. Beyond this point is the beginning of a whole new cycle. The second line is the ruler of the hexagram -- a magnetic, receptive, yin line who remains fully devoted to the dynamic yang line, her husband, in the fifth place. A magnetic force is vulnerable during a period of completion -- it must remain in place until the synthesis is complete and the next cycle begins.
When a patient begins to feel the inescapable nature of his inner development, he may easily be overcome by a panic fear that he is slipping helplessly into some kind of madness he can no longer understand. More than once I have had to reach for a book on my shelves, bring down an old alchemist, and show my patient his terrifying fantasy in the form in which it appeared four hundred years ago. This has a calming effect, because the patient then sees that he is not alone in a strange world which nobody understands, but is part of the great stream of human history, which has experienced countless times the very things that he regards as a pathological proof of his craziness.
Jung -- Alchemical Studies
A. An image of temporary vulnerability: take no action until the situation matures.


This is actually so significant to me: remain in place despite exposing the inner confusion I have been trying to push down! The magnetic force must remain where she is... that's really resonating with the almost firghtening magnetic power of 44. It's also helpful to see that I am not mad.
The I-ching is showing us our Tao - and in a way we create our Tao around us, our interaction and response can shape or shift it, so I'm feeling at peace with the fact that there are unpeaceful emotions, raging to act, but blocked from action. They are visible, but this is no harm?


Line 5

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9 at 5: The Eastern neighbor slaughters an ox. Nothing compared to the Western neighbor's Yue offering in really receiving his blessing.

|-

I know this is about a modest sacrifice, considering your actions, moving with sincerity in small ways.
The sincerity is what is important, remaining true to what is in your heart, and holding to what you believe is right.
Whatever you do, however humble or small, if it comes from your heart, it is right.
It also means to me: 'Don't compare yourself, or your contribution, with others.


For me, the relating hexagram 46 - pushing upwards, is always reassuring, with it's gradual growth, just let the grass grow!
It tells me "don't worry, bigger things happening slower, you'll get there! You'll be lifted by everything else rising"


I'm putting this I-Ching journey and the emotions and dreams and meditations here, wondering what insight others might see and hoping that there could be some insight for others too.
I'm thinking about Hexagram 62, Already Complete

Whats done is done, but more to come, things continue. A cycle is over, but a new one begins.
I see it that this is the chaos of transition into something new, be cautious and don't rush (but watch that kettle on the fire!)
 
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EmMacha

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Obviously, this man, I'm not over him yet... And going there , into those emotions was 44uc...
But they are there, those feelings, locked away, unless I do feel them!

But where is the melon?????
;)
 

equinox

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These are so many results. What was your very first result when you asked about him and what did you ask excactly? Hexagram plus changing lines, if there were some, please.
 
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Trojina

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I think this is your signature ?

Throwing this out there, how do ye see moving out of a difficult connection like this in the light of Hexagram 62,Already Complete, the chaos of transition into something new, (but watch that kettle on the fire!)

Hexagram 62 is not Already Complete, that would be 63 you are thinking of. There is no kettle on any fire in 62. 62 is Small Exceeding with the little bird. Maybe it was a typo ?
 

Olga Super Star

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Glad to see I am not the only one having this kind of crazy conversation with the I Ching :rolleyes:
 

EmMacha

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These are so many results. What was your very first result when you asked about him and what did you ask excactly? Hexagram plus changing lines, if there were some, please.

Apologies Black Milk, yes that all looked very confusing, I have tried to clean it up now
 

EmMacha

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I think this is your signature ?
No, not my signature,
difficulties getting the hang of the editing



Hexagram 62 is not Already Complete, that would be 63 you are thinking of. There is no kettle on any fire in 62. 62 is Small Exceeding with the little bird. Maybe it was a typo ?[/QUOTE]

Yes sorry, It is 63
 

EmMacha

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I have been thinking to delete this thread as my emotions have moved on a lot, but every time I go to do that, I can't. So I am going to leave it here, it could be helpful to someone.

It seemed my compulsion or pit, it was an argument in myself re contacting hime, and that I always do that first.

there is peace and that sense of connection if I do text every few days or so, without expecting anything, or thinking of the future.

The temptation, and the pit relate to building big stories in my head, and big emotions ... or trying to find an answer or explanation to this connection right now.

It defies definition, but just 'is'
 

equinox

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Ah sorry @EmMacha I didn't want to embarrass you, I just wanted to say that too many results are not easy to interpret, but I didn't want you to delete everything. It was interesting to read, like this "stream of conciousness" narrative mode.
When I asked you to tell your first result I did this, because the first result is often the most expressive, I find. I am also asking too often on one matter and when I am too puzzled I go back to the first result I had and it is normally striking.
I remember you wrote that you received a lot of 33 and 24. Alone this is a clear sign that you are in a danger to lose yourself on this matter (but at the same time you have the chance and the strenght to find back). This isn't new for you, I know, but I-Ching seems to confirm it clearly.
I think that all the results you posted show that you are really overwhelmed by the whole story. Did he trigger something in you that makes you really feel vulnerable and exposed? I had similar results when I was in the middle of a love story that smashed my ego. Which was a good thing eventually, I think, because I learned a lot about me. I felt so exposed and ashamed of myself, it was exhausting. I think it is normal -- when you suddenly feel the sensation of pure affection and one is immediately in touch with all their weaknesses or what one thinks to be such.
When was your last real contact with the guy and how was it? (Or is this thread old now anyways, a few days passed and you wrote that your emotions moved a lot. Sorry, I had no time to respond earlier.)
 
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