63.1>39

[wind]

First time poster, but very much a lurker. I would like to say I am very inspired by the dedication many prolific posters have in relation to the Iching. I am totally new to this all and there are some of you that I almost feel like I know you from reading what you've written. You have a beautiful community here, Hillary. Filled with lovely people.

To shorten a long story... my husband was sent to Pennsylvania and then Maryland to work while I stayed back in New York with my children. I stayed to allow the kids to finish their school year before moving and to tie all the loose ends we had- packing, selling the house. I took care of everything and when he'd return for the weekends, he had nothing to do but enjoy the family.

We moved here in July of 2012. After 4 months of being here, he up and left the kids and I. I only found out about his "girlfriend" (I have more colorful names for her) a few weeks ago. He was cheating the whole time he was here.

I came into factual information. About his girlfriend and ironically (or not so ironically) the house we purchased in Maryland is literally half way between his job and hers. I asked the Iching, " Did he buy this house to
accommodate m or for the kids and I?" and Yi's answer, 63.1 to 39

Any thoughts?

 

[deusa]

I know relationships end, and that is life.
What I don't understand is why people cheat... Why add the pain of lying to an already difficult situation. Why not be clear from the beginning...
Is it a male thing?

 

[wind]

I don't think it's a male thing as much as it's a selfish person thing.

What blows me away is if he knew this was what he was doing and wanted, why drag the kids and I away from our home, our family and friends, the kids school, my job and everything we know. I was already used to living without him after a year of living apart.

My biggest concern is my children and if I can provide for them financially. Otherwise, hindsight is 20/20...

And karma is a real b*tch.

 

[themis]

Hello,

You've been dealt an unfair deal, based on the facts provided ... to say the least. Life appears to be a messy puzzle at times, but just wait and see ... wouldm't be surprised if an auspicious conjunction of heaven and earth occurs, in your favour.

 

[wind]

Thank you, Themis. I really hope and pray something good comes out of this mess. I know out there someone has things much worse than I do. Sadly, that sadistic thought has kept me together.

 

[themis]

Pardon me, didn't even answer your question. Hex 63.1>39 depicts his current situation.

63.m1 -Already fording
Pulling back one's wheels. (a)
Soaking one's tail. (abashment/shame)
Without fault

Coments:
(a) Righteous without fault indeed

I guess it's somewhat comforting to know another's lot may be worse, it also encourages us to be positive and not complain too much. With regard to sadistic thoughts, here's your opportunity to gloat quietly to yourself, or loudly if you so wish .... even the Potential Hex. 39-Limping, proves things aren't going according to plan.

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning".

 

[wind]

I appreciate the application of the results to my situation. As I had said, I am new to Iching and I was wondering how the hexes are sorted and applied to him and as well to myself?

I don't think I gloat to even myself. My strength comes from my two children. I have a girl and boy, twins. I had delivered them 10 weeks early and their initial prognosis was quite grim. They are 11 years old now and I know they were a Blessing that God felt I deserved. I have them... and truthfully, he wasn't very involved with them. I always over- compensated for what be was not doing with them. But, I'm the lucky one here. I have two amazing children that will never feel loss from me and they know they had competed for his attention for much too many years. There is no doubt that they are the auspicious works of heaven.

I would like to thank you as well... and I also want to click the thank you button Hillary talked about in the sticky post of how the forum works. I don't see it though.

 

[themis]

As to how the Hexs. apply to yourself or him, depends on the issue at hand, a feeling, intuition. For clarification do enquire again, rephrase, consider things from a different angle, bearing in mind the IC might provide a picture which has nothing to do with your situation re. him, but deems it necessary to inform you. In addition, if the message is clear to you and yet you ask again, you might receive a contradictory response.

Wishing you every success in your future endeavours - your kids are a blessing.

 

[wind]

Thank you once again Themis. I truly appreciate your time and insight. And of course, the well wishes. I wish the same for you and yours in this new year.

I will consult the Yi once again to see if I need to know something. Be well and thanks for the help.

 

[blue_angel]

Hi wind, Happy New Year to you, I am sorry things are not well in your marriage.
You seem to have asked two questions for one answer. As already discussed here, I too would say ask one clear question. If you already have the facts, maybe decide what you want to do about it. Do you at heart want to work out your marriage if possible or would you rather take what you learned and the positives and leave the rest behind you.

As said the reading could go either way, it could be speaking to you and your situation or him or both. Here's what I got.
63, already across, at the beginning auspicious, at the end chaos.
Could this mean the beginning of your marriage was great and now there's chaos or he bought the house and it was for good reason but now as you've found out there's an affair there's chaos?
63 line one changing pulling back ones wheels, soaking his tail, without fault.
Could this be speaking of you also, you found out, you soaked your tail, now that you know you are pulling back your wheels, and not sure to go on with your marriage, this of course is without fault. Or it could be him, soaking his tail, having an affair, now pulling back his wheels so as to stop the affair, without faul.
39's image says noble one reverses his being to repair his character. He is limping. This also can be speaking to you or to him. It says determination is auspicious. I'm not sure if you've talked to him yet and discussed what you want, are willing to do. Or what's possible.
Now, I didn't respond right away to this post as when I first read it, brought up deep feelings. Touched a spot in my heart that is very much from the past. Behind me for some time now. However, I feel this is a site where people come together and help each other to learn the tao and iching, so incase it will help, I will share a piece of me with you.
One, I can tell you, I agree with cheating is not about a man or a woman. Both have cheated. It takes two to tango and a lot of times the outside party knows there's a marriage, a family. Sometimes they just don't care, sometimes they fell inlove without meaning to hurt anyone.
I was married before for over 12 years. I have two wonderful children like yourself. My partner cheated, actually had a child with someone else during our marriage. Even after this child was born, my partner still wanted to fix our marriage, stay together. I tried and the pain and new responsibility that came to the table was more than I was willing to bare. I left, and through leaving I have taken a journey through spiritual awakening, I have found what it is to love and what love feels like. I am in a much better place, although I am still learning, I don't think we ever stop while on earth. What I can tell you I learned is we had major miscommunication. Our finances were introuble. I was working very hard to help us do better financially, as well as parenting our children. We were both drained, tired. We had no passion, hardly any intimacy., partly because we had little time. I suppose we could've made time. But as I've met people and observed people, also family members, some do stay, and some are able to have a lasting successful relationship, get passed the affair and learn by it. I think its the betrayal that hurts us. We are suppose to be partners. Be open. Be honest. I've also met people that marry and remarry, this one didn't work, onto the next. I sort of admire these people, as they seem to take on an attitude of lifes too short, let me enjoy it to the fullest. But I will tell you knowing what I know now, had I been in love with my partner. I would've stayed. I would've put my best foot forward to mend our broken bridge. I wasn't. The love was not there. So it was easier for me. Not easy. But easier. As far as the blessing of our beautiful children, we told the children, mommy and daddy still and will always love you very much. Mommy and daddy just make better friends than a husband and wife, that doesn't change your relationship with us. We try not to talk about each other around or to the children. We let the children grow and nurture each own relationship and see where it leads for them, only guiding them in the best positive way. However their relationship works out, they will build their own and see and learn for themselves. When we love, there's almost nothing we wont do to work through life with the one we love. But it takes both and a willingness of both to see errors that can be corrected. Either way, no relationship will be perfect, and through each person we connect with we have something we can learn and grow to better ourselves. I don't know you, but I send you my love, and hope for peace to be brought to your heart. I hope you are able to find the answers and clarity you are looking for.

 

[wind]

Thank you very much, Themis and Blue Angel.

I found out and spoke with yet another woman he was cheating with. As soon as he was exposed, it took all of three days for him to apologize and tell me that I deserved better than what he did. I told him he needs to seek professional and spiritual help for himself. He wasn't asking for forgiveness, as he said it would be unfair and he did not deserve it. However, I gave him forgiveness and told him it is up to him to take it and do what he wishes with it. I let him he know that it was an extraordinary opportunity that he may never get again in life- utilize it.

I don't know what will be for him, but for myself, giving forgiveness removed a huge weight off of my soul. I no longer feel the burden of his transgressions. I gave forgiveness to the woman I was able to speak with. I felt she needed it as well. I am in a good place mentally... figuring out what path I need to take for myself and my kids is not as clear. I'm sure I will figure that out without the emotional baggage.

Thank you again for your wisdom. I truly appreciate your time to help me through this- both of you. Much love and happiness to you both! xoxox

 

[themis]

WOW ! I do hope things get sorted out and settled nicely, in a way that'll suit you as well as your kids.

 

[wind]

Thanks Themis.

I spoke with him last night for quite some time. He wants to stop this all and come home. I realize the burden in this falls on me, being able to move forward knowing all that I do. After so many years together, I am willing to give it a go. Of course there will be changes on both our behalf. I'm a fairly tough bird. I just hope trying once again does not lead to my kids being heartbroken again.

I had asked, "How will things be when be does come back?" and I received 32.2.3 to 16, then followed by a similar question with the outcome of 3.1 to 8. Let's hope this is the beginning of something good. It seems positive to me.

I shall keep you posted as to how this plays out.....:bows: