8.1>3, 21 unchanging and 49.1>31

[yxeli]

So I went away this weekend with a group of friends, was great fun, but a strange thing happened which i think is so inappropriate.

A friend of mine (Who also happens to be best friends with my ex) started flirting with me, I didnt acknowledge it (for reasons explained below) and thank god there was enough other people around all weekend that I didn't have to engage with him on a one to one level after he did that.

The horrible thing is he has a girlfriend who is pregnant.

there was no way in hell i'd be getting myself involved in that, it's a very nasty thing to do to his girlfriend of 6 years. Never mind the fact that she's pregnant.

I feel really bad about this, cos i really thought this friend was someone i could call reliable and genuine and someone i could trust. ( and i have very few friends i'm that close with).

I asked first 'why did x do that'

8.1>3 , so he felt a genuine connection and wanted to act on it?

I then asked 'but he has a girlfriend and shes pregnant. why would he do that'?

and got 21. Now i know i asked the same question twice there, but i think Yi is saying here how wrong the action was on his part.'it is favourable for justice to be administered' in other words, to possibly let him know how wrong i thought it was? ( i was hoping to just leave it, i didnt acknowledge it so i think he might have gotten the point, but he was looking at me the way someone does for the rest of the weekend)

I then asked, 'what should my position be?' and this is the stumper, cos i asked about another guy and got the same answer this morning 49.1>31


Now, it says dont act, 'hide of a yellow cow', etc. turning to 31.

Im surprised by this. Is yi telling me to wait to woo?? or is it the other way, to radically change the attraction, so there isnt any there??

The other guy i asked about this is my ex. i got the same answer, asked the same question, what should my position be.


confused.


Yxx

 

[foxx777]

My feeling is that, yes, he was acting on a genuine attraction. This is how I would read 8.1; I have had a lot of experience with that H and line...

8. Associate

Line 1:

Having a trusting association with someone.
Without fault.
Have confidence,
a full well-bucket will eventually arrive.
There will be other good fortune.

Associating with someone who one can trust to be willing to really help. It is not a mistake. This person will not leave until things are finished. One can expect other good things from this relationship as well.
(Here a well is being dug, and the comrade is helping until it is possible to use it for getting water.)

I also believe that he must be feeling trapped with the pregnant GF: Horrible for her, him, and the unborn child.

21: It is favorable to let justice be administered (through clearly defined penalties): Your reaction was traditional and appropriate. (It seems to be mirroring back YOUR reaction, and leaving the "but why would he do that?" hanging in silence. This is a great secret of the I Ching: It waits for us to answer our own questions.)

49.1 Legge says the subject has no proper correlate and cannot take any action: Here again: Sounds like the guy, and not you. I know you asked about your own position, but my experience tells me that it either withholds an answer deliberately, or the I Ching sometimes sends forth images automatically, which relate to the situation. Additionally, in the relating hexagram, I suppose it is saying you should do/say nothing, and just influence him (31) by being aloof. He will get the message, I think. . .

The relating hexagram, 31, again is influence.

Could it be that this man genuinely wishes he were with you, and this is all just tragic now, with the pregnant GF? Was the pregnancy an accident? (they are not married after 6 years, of course I am very conservative on this issue- probably just my generation showing! ). Does he feel she may have intentionally trapped him? ( yes, that old 1950s trick still works)--obviously, he is not feeling good about being with her, or the pregnancy: He would have acted very differently (proud, committed, attentive to her).

Of course , we do not know the future, they may separate, he may wind up being genuine with someone new.....I don't see huge judgment here, from these readings. More along the lines of tragic. Question: Had he been drinking at all ( perhaps did not mean for his real feelings to surface)? - It could be that in being your close friend, he has fallen in love with you. It happens. -- you asked if you should "radically change the attraction": If he were not with the pregnant gf would you yourself be interested in him, or is he only a friend in your eyes?

 

[yxeli]

well we became close because of my ex, (his best friend) didnt know him very well before that.we became close because he became an intermediary between us of sorts, and i think we developed an intimacy that wouldnt have been there otherwise. He's a nice chap but i fell in love ( and unfortunately i still am), with his best friend.

We really otherwise have a fairly 56 type relationship, we go to the same gigs and we all hang out at houseparties after, but really the only intimacy we share is because of my ex.

He has been out of sorts for the last while now, i think its really dawning on him that this pregnancies for real, and I think maybe he's just buckling under the weight of it all and maybe wants to explore new territory before he has to become responsible. I'm on fairly uneven ground after a messy breakup with that group and i dont want to be pigeonholed as someone who is just out for her own gain or to cause trouble or some such nonsense. I hoped maybe i'd be more to this guy then the 'girlfriend' type stereotype ( in the group, if ya know what i mean). just thought he would be a great friend after all the stuff thats happened, someone who'd stick around and listen to my side of things, and we'd have some great craic together.

I actually just read over my notebook, and the question i asked about my ex which was 49>31 was actually predictive, i had asked 'what will happen between me and my ex'.

I just dont see how both of these casting about interactions with different people( although they are best friends) could have the same interpretation. there must be two different versions of this one casting for it to make any sense?


Thanks Foxx


Yx

 

[foxx777]

Yes, I agree: Because the castings were about 2 different people, they must be interpreted in light of the details and different aspects pertaining to the 2 respective people. With your ex, the oracle probably would run along the lines of Berker: "Things are too fixed at present to change them with any action." The relating H31 may mean you are influencing him at a distance: He may be thinking of you, missing you.....so many times people break up only to come back together in the end...

With your "friend":

Well, men seem always to equate any kind of comradery with sexual/romantic aspects: It is very difficult to have an intense Platonic friendship with any man, unless you are far older than him and are viewed as an older sister/ mother figure - but you obviously are young, and yes, under the weight of the ensuing responsibilities, he is likely yearning for you....I think the fact that you did NOT encourage him, respond to him, or give him the idea you were "interested" has made him see that you are not going to go down that road, as you say, of just being out for fun at the expense of his pregnant GF, who I do not envy. - He may also envy and resent your Ex: He may feel your ex was a fool to spoil things with you, and is thinking, "I could do better for her"---of course all the while the pregnant gf looms ever larger as she progresses toward delivery-----argh, not a good situation, but you handled it well I think.

 

[yxeli]

With your "friend":

Well, men seem always to equate any kind of comradery with sexual/romantic aspects: It is very difficult to have an intense Platonic friendship with any man, unless you are far older than him and are viewed as an older sister/ mother figure - but you obviously are young, and yes, under the weight of the ensuing responsibilities, he is likely yearning for you....I think the fact that you did NOT encourage him, respond to him, or give him the idea you were "interested" has made him see that you are not going to go down that road, as you say, of just being out for fun at the expense of his pregnant GF, who I do not envy. - He may also envy and resent your Ex: He may feel your ex was a fool to spoil things with you, and is thinking, "I could do better for her"---of course all the while the pregnant gf looms ever larger as she progresses toward delivery-----argh, not a good situation, but you handled it well I think.
__________________

Yes its very true, I thought we had a platonic thing but maybe the old stereotype is true, you cant be friends with the opposite sex. (which i will fight till my dying day!)

The funny thing is, this couple have a very solid relationship, i've been hanging out with this group for ages, and she doesnt really hang out with us, but sometimes she does, and she's really nice. Ive never seen my 'friend' even look at another girl before this stuff.

well im definitely keepin my head down from now on, do not want to even articulate the flirting, cos that would just cause more nonsense. Best to keep very quiet about it and i'm sure in a few months time my 'friend' will get his head together about the situation. he's a very nice guy, this behaviour is very strange for him. So i reckon it'll all fall into place.


as far as my ex is concerned, I dunno how to take that reading, I thought there was no chance left for us after all the stuff thats happened, so maybe both interpretations could be seen in the same light, in as far as .'Don't do anything'.


Thanks Foxx


Yxx

 

[foxx777]

With your "friend":

Well, men seem always to equate any kind of comradery with sexual/romantic aspects: It is very difficult to have an intense Platonic friendship with any man, unless you are far older than him and are viewed as an older sister/ mother figure - but you obviously are young, and yes, under the weight of the ensuing responsibilities, he is likely yearning for you....I think the fact that you did NOT encourage him, respond to him, or give him the idea you were "interested" has made him see that you are not going to go down that road, as you say, of just being out for fun at the expense of his pregnant GF, who I do not envy. - He may also envy and resent your Ex: He may feel your ex was a fool to spoil things with you, and is thinking, "I could do better for her"---of course all the while the pregnant gf looms ever larger as she progresses toward delivery-----argh, not a good situation, but you handled it well I think.
__________________

Yes its very true, I thought we had a platonic thing but maybe the old stereotype is true, you cant be friends with the opposite sex. (which i will fight till my dying day!)

The funny thing is, this couple have a very solid relationship, i've been hanging out with this group for ages, and she doesnt really hang out with us, but sometimes she does, and she's really nice. Ive never seen my 'friend' even look at another girl before this stuff.

well im definitely keepin my head down from now on, do not want to even articulate the flirting, cos that would just cause more nonsense. Best to keep very quiet about it and i'm sure in a few months time my 'friend' will get his head together about the situation. he's a very nice guy, this behaviour is very strange for him. So i reckon it'll all fall into place.


as far as my ex is concerned, I dunno how to take that reading, I thought there was no chance left for us after all the stuff thats happened, so maybe both interpretations could be seen in the same light, in as far as .'Don't do anything'.


Thanks Foxx


Yxx

Yes, sometimes non-action is the best course. Let all sit, with both men, and rest your thoughts. When the time is ripe, all will become clear. Sometimes I have fretted about situations and once I have dropped them, they have a way of working out without my having needed to do or say anything. Best of luck!:bows: