A close friend unfollowed me on Instagram

[MalaMundoMiraculus]

How to position myself towards this childish behavior: 19.1.3.4.6 > 50.

Backstory:
At the moment, I'm fuming with anger. I have a close friend who I've been friends with for about 18 years who has been inexplicable and changeable in her friendship with me over the past two years. She has kind of broken up with me because I was too much concerned with "children things" according to her, which I thought was strange since we talk about plenty of other things rather than my life as a mother of my five year old son. In the past she has also closed off our friendship by blocking me on social media like Whatsapp and unfollowing me.

She came back into my life a while ago, saying that she missed me, yadiya, we live really nearby and are practically neighbours, we had a nice and low-key friendship where we share walks and talks, and cat food. I didn't really address the earlier reasons for her sudden departure from my life and just kept some healthy distance, but we became more close again as time moved. I'm also expecting another baby right now, by the way. There was some kind of stress over our friendship recently, with some slanderous stuff being written by an old friend about her saying she was done with our friendship, and she addressed it and said that she has always been in open communication about our friendship. Also I had said something that was difficult for her to hear. So I wanted to talk IRL, but she replied through voice messages which is way more indirect. At some point she said: we have talked enough, but I didn't agree because I still want more clarity: why exactly was what I said so hard for her to hear, and what is actually really the reason she broke up our friendship earlier? I also was looking forward to stress out IRL I don't like this fickleness, especially in times where I'm vulnerable or having a hard time like being very pregnant.

So, we ended the conversation well, and would meet up sometime later this week. Now I checked my Instagram and she actually unfollowed me. And it's such a passive-agressive, childish move. I had decided beforehand: if she keeps treating me like this, like I'm a disposable person, I'm not buying it anymore.

And I asked the I ching: How could I best position myself towards this childish behaviour?

And I got 19.1.3.4.6 to 50. Taoscopy says No longer taking any sneers, and being fed up with slander. And it's very accurate.

I'm just not sure how to understand the oracle furthermore. It seems like 50 - the well refers to our friendship which has been like a well, there's plenty of energy and nice things we have had to share with each other.

And then that there is a process of approaching. The third line makes sense to me, comfortable approaching, that if you feel too comfortable that you will regret it. It could be me being too comfortable and acting in a certain way that caused her to feel uncomfortable, or that it refers to herself acting so nonchalant, just unfollowing me as a indirect passive-agressive move like: I'm fed up with you. Which I just am very much fed up with.

Why did she unfollow me? 44.2.6 > 31.

So she is proud (44.6) and just likes to disengage when something is difficult or there is some degree of conflict. 44.2 it's a bad habit that can be contained (the bad fish)


Any advice ?

 

[dfreed]

So I wanted to talk IRL, but she replied through voice messages which is way more indirect.

What is IRL?

And are you saying that all your back and forth on FB is way more 'direct' than someone leaving you a voice mail? I'd think that at least with voice mail they actually have to say the words, 'I unfriend you', whereas with FB they only have to push a button.

 

[redoleander]

Why did she unfollow me? 44.2.6 > 31.

She is protecting something (herself, her feelings, her ego, pride, could be anything honestly) and has done so in an aggressive (and somewhat regrettable) way. However, line 6 could also refer to you? Maybe saying that you came on harsh or strong and so that’s the “why” of pulling back. Regardless, Hex 44 is often about a relationship that is very difficult to keep in a functional state because someone or both are just too willfully or difficult or the interaction consistently will be difficult. Hex 31 can be about an emotional response, something that’s feeling-based and so sometimes it can be reactive. I would maybe focus on 1) how you delivered your message to her 2) what she thinks she needs to protect or defend so that you can’t “touch” it

How to position myself towards this childish behavior: 19.1.3.4.6 > 50.

This interpretation I’m not as sure of. I think it could be saying to center yourself and approach only with an attitude of friendship, or just not approach at all. It’s like a pull between maintaining your own center or being near this person. It looks complicated to be able to have the harmonious connection and does to some degree rely on your doing some things that feel like being the bigger person.

 

[MalaMundoMiraculus]

What is IRL?

And are you saying that all your back and forth on FB is way more 'direct' than someone leaving you a voice mail? I'd think that at least with voice mail they actually have to say the words, 'I unfriend you', whereas with FB they only have to push a button.

In real life it means, I wanted to have a conversation over a cup of coffee. Yes it would have been good if she would have communicated even through voice message: I don't want to be friends anymore now. But her last message was sugary sweet and then indirectly on Insta I was unfollowed/unfriended. Thank for your response.

 

[MalaMundoMiraculus]

Why did she unfollow me? 44.2.6 > 31.

She is protecting something (herself, her feelings, her ego, pride, could be anything honestly) and has done so in an aggressive (and somewhat regrettable) way. However, line 6 could also refer to you? Maybe saying that you came on harsh or strong and so that’s the “why” of pulling back. Regardless, Hex 44 is often about a relationship that is very difficult to keep in a functional state because someone or both are just too willfully or difficult or the interaction consistently will be difficult. Hex 31 can be about an emotional response, something that’s feeling-based and so sometimes it can be reactive. I would maybe focus on 1) how you delivered your message to her 2) what she thinks she needs to protect or defend so that you can’t “touch” it

How to position myself towards this childish behavior: 19.1.3.4.6 > 50.

This interpretation I’m not as sure of. I think it could be saying to center yourself and approach only with an attitude of friendship, or just not approach at all. It’s like a pull between maintaining your own center or being near this person. It looks complicated to be able to have the harmonious connection and does to some degree rely on your doing some things that feel like being the bigger person.

Thanks very much for your response. Yes, she's protecting something about herself, I triggered her by being myself, open and honest. I think she has some issues that are unresolved which I came too close to. I didn't mean to and also we were able to talk about it but i wanted to have more clarity and safety about the past disturbances in our friendship and therefore still wanted to explore more in an actual conversation rather than through bloody WhatsApp.

Maintaining my center seems very important. Also I'm eight months pregnant so I don't have space for these kinds of strange unpredictable interludes. I feel like giving space is good and just retreating into myself. If she comes back, we can have a serious conversation but I won't let her back so easily this time. This is the third time she has acted in this way.

 

[dfreed]

In real life it means, I wanted to have a conversation over a cup of coffee.

That I totally get. Thanks for clarifying!

 

[becalm]

That I totally get. Thanks for clarifying!

Acronyms have been such a learning curve for me and a new one seems to pop up every week. I just ask my kids WTH they're talking about!

 

[redoleander]

It also sounds like maybe she is just a reactive person so it could also depend on your ability to accept this about her? Like when she’s upset and angry, she unfriends on social media. But then the feeling doesn’t stick and she comes back. It’s understandable to not want to be in a roller coaster-y situation like that, but I guess the other option is to be coming from a higher place like “ok I’m not taking this personally, this is just what she does”. I think that’s maybe some of what the 19 lines are saying, like there’s all this stuff going on and so you have to be the one to really simplify and not get sucked into it. But that could obviously leave you with a not very satisfying friendship so there’s that too!

 

[dfreed]

I just ask my kids WTH

FYI: it's sort of like: IRL asking a friend, who used to be your BFF*, WTF they are talking about?

* BFF is short BLMFF, which is short for "Black Lives Matter Friends Forever", but BFF is more accessable (and less threatening) for us white folks!

D.

 

[becalm]

Hahaha is LOL - Lots Of Love or Laughing Out Loud - I guess it depends who the message is from???!~!!

 

[rosada]

I got a birthday card:

Aches and pains? Memory loss? Cranky attitude?
You may be suffering from
Ongoing Lifespan Disorder
Otherwise known as
O. L. D.
Up until recently getting O.L.D. was almost always fatal but now there is a cure! It called "Birthdays"! Studies show 100% of those who have annual birthdays live much longer than those who don't.

ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF BIRTHDAYS ARE RIGHT FOR YOU!
(side effects may included greying hair, loss of hearing, and death.)

 

[dfreed]

How to position myself towards (my close friend's) behavior: 19.1.3.4.6 > 50

Looking at the the trigrams (three line figures), 19's lower trigram is Lake - it is often associated with joy, but here with two moving lines (1,3), it may suggest your attitude or feelings toward this situation: that it's just 'not fun anymore' - there is no communication, and perhaps you (or your friend) are holding on (like an addiction) to how things used to be between you two.

19's upper trigram is Earth, which can be about caring and making things real (down-to-earth), but with the two moving lines, it may suggest that you're friend has become passive (or passive-aggressive) about what she needs or is feeling - and maybe that her 'joy' (for whatever reason) has been replaced with anger - and this is what you are experiencing here.

One name for Hex. 19 is 'Keening' (according to Richard Rutt) which is about expressing grief - wailing, crying, tearing one's clothes .... Your moving lines (1,3,4,6) all describe different types of keening, with Line 19.6 being about 'unrestrained keening (grieving). So, one way to deal with this - to position yourself - is to let yourself grieve - deeply and fully - if that is what is needed.

Hex. 50 is called 'Tripod Bowl'. It always reminds me of an alchemist's cauldron where 'stuff' goes in and is then transformed. The lower trigram Wind suggest that this is a time for you to look at and explore new possibilities and that you take a gentle, long-term view of the sitation.

The upper Trigram is Li/Flame: it is not just about light and clarity, but it is also about how we are all connected and co-exist with one another (as does a flame with fuel and wind); it is also about protection: so perhaps you can think about how - at one time - you were connected with your friend, and also that you now need to stay safe, and make a 'safe space' for yourself ... and maybe to ask, is your friend still a part of any of this?

One more thing comes to mind - perhaps a bit far-fetched: the Earth-Lake trigrams of Hex 19 could be seen as representing the Mother and Youngest Daughter, so it made me wonder, is there perhaps a mother-daughter dynamic or struggle that's a part of this situation (and if not, just let forget I said it).

I hope that's of some use to you (and is not too much information!) Best, D