Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
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+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
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LostAndFound
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- Joined
- Jan 31, 2022
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Do we do content warnings here? This is a very delicate subject and involves conception with one possible path being terminating a pregnancy. Sharing this as a warning in case that is sensitive for someone. Also, if you have your own personal ethical qualms with abortion and don't feel you can answer without that bias coming in, I'd appreciate it if you please refrained from commenting.
Also, to be clear, I'm not basing this major decision solely on the I Ching, but using it to help illuminate in part something that is currently agonizingly difficult.
44-year old female accidentally pregnant with younger (30) new partner (casual but sexually monogamous relationship) with whom we don't cohabitate. I have never longed to be a parent and am uncertain what path to choose. No ethical qualms with abortion but feel like I might regret it this time after two abortions in my 20's during a mental health crisis. But, at the same time myself and the father are in very financially unstable places in our lives, as the pandemic hit me hard in unexpected ways and I lost a lot, and he is just settling here as an immigrant who escaped war in his country. We are also both full time students embarking on new career paths. And though we like and appreciate each other it's not Big Love, hard to say whether the relationship would last, and being a single mother is a path I've never wanted to possibly walk into (I know for many it can happen unexpectedly, always a risk). In this context could we actually give a child a great life? Would it be fair to the child to bring it into instability, both financial and relationship? Would I be able to bring out of myself into the world what I want to career- and calling- wise, or would parenting derail that? At my age there are greater potential complications for myself and the unborn life, am I willing to take that risk? Also, it's really expensive where we live with extremely high rents with food prices skyrocketing, we would be in a precarious position for many years, especially because I would have to delay finishing school and starting work in my new field, which is a late stage career change to begin with. Not to mention climate change and other global instability and so many humans on the planet, part reasons why having kids has often been off the table for me. Or, would terminating this pregnancy be denying a karmic path that is miraculously on the table for me that I said no to two times before? It would truly be the last chance as they say the likelihood of conceiving at my age approaches zero, terminating would almost certainly be choosing a childless life in a definitive way.
Question #1 If the pregnancy is viable, what does life look like if <partner and I> proceed ahead and have this baby?
58.4.5 > 19
"Opening" with its association with joy, off the get go it sounds affirming that a baby would bring joy into our lives, the kind where it is won even through navigating hardship, and also that it would "open us for exchange." It's unclear to me whether that would be myself and my partner or with the possible future baby/new human, or all three of us together. It also names "creative force" which seems obvious, yes, there is this miraculous creative force growing inside me. And the image of two lakes joined replenishing each other gives the sense that this is a nourishing path... or perhaps the creative force of my partners and my DNA coming together to create new life?
But... looking at the lines:
4 - "a complicated exchange that engenders much unsettled discussion is difficult, but if we avoid harm, we will find happiness" ... already this has produced difficult discussion with my partner and much more honest look at how we communicate and connect, and whether navigating this together would even be feasible. Would it always be the case? There are nice things about the relationship but we are very different with additional age and culture differences complicating things, and my heart isn't in it. Or, would it be hard to parent the child? Is that the part that is the complicated exchange?
5 - "In this situation, the event is disintegrating and splitting apart. We must maintain our confidence even though times will be harsh" ... this does not sound very positive. I'm left wondering what is splitting apart? It's early and I have a 50/50 chance of miscarriage at this point, could it be that the decision will be out of our hands? Or is it the relationship? Will the relationship that wasn't serious be able to get serious enough to handle this path or will it disintegrate? Conversations over the last few days were ok, but we have incredibly different processing styles and that alone makes this tough as heck.
The relating hexagram >>> 19 "Nearing" Clarity gives a really moving description of this hexagram that in a time of caregiving the ancestors are near, this sense of souls bonded together nearing each other. Is this a karmic bond that is asking to come in, one last chance? In the Deng Ming-Dao book I have, it also gives a strong association with spring and rebirth, which feels like it could be a precious baby, or perhaps my partner and I will experience an unexpected rejuvenation of new life through this miracle too? It also says though that there is a pitfall/misfortune at month eight... will there be complications that we could never foresee now? The thought of that scares me, what could it be? Problems with the baby? Still birth? Medical issues for me? There is also a part about one teaching and reflecting tirelessly, which sounds a lot like parenting.
Question #2 What is my life outcome emotionally, spiritually, karmically if I choose to terminate this pregnancy?
2.4 > 16
2 - "Earth" sounds like continuing on the path that I am on of deepening into my new career as a psychotherapist, which feels like a lifelong practice to cultivate and offer myself in service to the world, helping be a small light and ally in the relief of suffering. I think if I did terminate it would create in me an even more steadfast focus on making myself the tool of my work, deepening the healing I've already invested much into, and getting really focused on the destination I am heading towards - "encouragement to get to work" and making the "limitless earth feel like home". It feels like the *relatively easy and familiar path*, the one that I was on until this shocking surprise, but with greater galvanized force of focus to create meaning in the face of such a hard choice.
Line 4 - "A tied sack - neither praise nor blame" ... wow, this one blows my mind, the tied sack is like the uterus being tied and shut down, and its fine, its not wrong, its a possible choice, no praise, no blame. I guess its saying, ya, I can choose that, it's a possible path for sure. And from James De Korne website it literally says:
A tied-up sack is a very womb-like image -- who can tell what is going on inside of it? Gestation is a slow and hidden process, and we cannot know the outcome until its time is complete. The line often depicts a stalemate. At such times it is best to take no action at all.
Before I was pregnant I felt like I was in a process of birthing a new me, new career, new identity, and heading into midlife with perimenopausal symptoms and all, so entering a new stage of my female life. I feel like I have creative potentials inside of me that want to birth themselves into action in my life and the world. I thought that would be the practice of my career and service. I definitely did not think that would involve becoming a mother at this age.
Relating hexagram - 16 "Enthusiasm" ... "raw energy and channeling it successfully into productive results" but "could be a signal that you need to become more consciously aware of what is inspiring you before it begins to carry you to new places". This sounds like it weaves into the career continuation path but with asking me to get clearer and more specific about where I am headed and why and what creates meaning in my life. It does seem to be demanding constancy, hard work and perseverance "to find a lasting path."
Does anyone see anything else in these readings that I'm missing? Are either of these paths more fortuitous seeming than the other? If you read all this thank you, it's long, but wow, I am floored by this and in utter shock, I need all the help I can get to get clarified about what choice to make. Thank you in advance for any I Ching insight.
Also, to be clear, I'm not basing this major decision solely on the I Ching, but using it to help illuminate in part something that is currently agonizingly difficult.
44-year old female accidentally pregnant with younger (30) new partner (casual but sexually monogamous relationship) with whom we don't cohabitate. I have never longed to be a parent and am uncertain what path to choose. No ethical qualms with abortion but feel like I might regret it this time after two abortions in my 20's during a mental health crisis. But, at the same time myself and the father are in very financially unstable places in our lives, as the pandemic hit me hard in unexpected ways and I lost a lot, and he is just settling here as an immigrant who escaped war in his country. We are also both full time students embarking on new career paths. And though we like and appreciate each other it's not Big Love, hard to say whether the relationship would last, and being a single mother is a path I've never wanted to possibly walk into (I know for many it can happen unexpectedly, always a risk). In this context could we actually give a child a great life? Would it be fair to the child to bring it into instability, both financial and relationship? Would I be able to bring out of myself into the world what I want to career- and calling- wise, or would parenting derail that? At my age there are greater potential complications for myself and the unborn life, am I willing to take that risk? Also, it's really expensive where we live with extremely high rents with food prices skyrocketing, we would be in a precarious position for many years, especially because I would have to delay finishing school and starting work in my new field, which is a late stage career change to begin with. Not to mention climate change and other global instability and so many humans on the planet, part reasons why having kids has often been off the table for me. Or, would terminating this pregnancy be denying a karmic path that is miraculously on the table for me that I said no to two times before? It would truly be the last chance as they say the likelihood of conceiving at my age approaches zero, terminating would almost certainly be choosing a childless life in a definitive way.
Question #1 If the pregnancy is viable, what does life look like if <partner and I> proceed ahead and have this baby?
58.4.5 > 19
"Opening" with its association with joy, off the get go it sounds affirming that a baby would bring joy into our lives, the kind where it is won even through navigating hardship, and also that it would "open us for exchange." It's unclear to me whether that would be myself and my partner or with the possible future baby/new human, or all three of us together. It also names "creative force" which seems obvious, yes, there is this miraculous creative force growing inside me. And the image of two lakes joined replenishing each other gives the sense that this is a nourishing path... or perhaps the creative force of my partners and my DNA coming together to create new life?
But... looking at the lines:
4 - "a complicated exchange that engenders much unsettled discussion is difficult, but if we avoid harm, we will find happiness" ... already this has produced difficult discussion with my partner and much more honest look at how we communicate and connect, and whether navigating this together would even be feasible. Would it always be the case? There are nice things about the relationship but we are very different with additional age and culture differences complicating things, and my heart isn't in it. Or, would it be hard to parent the child? Is that the part that is the complicated exchange?
5 - "In this situation, the event is disintegrating and splitting apart. We must maintain our confidence even though times will be harsh" ... this does not sound very positive. I'm left wondering what is splitting apart? It's early and I have a 50/50 chance of miscarriage at this point, could it be that the decision will be out of our hands? Or is it the relationship? Will the relationship that wasn't serious be able to get serious enough to handle this path or will it disintegrate? Conversations over the last few days were ok, but we have incredibly different processing styles and that alone makes this tough as heck.
The relating hexagram >>> 19 "Nearing" Clarity gives a really moving description of this hexagram that in a time of caregiving the ancestors are near, this sense of souls bonded together nearing each other. Is this a karmic bond that is asking to come in, one last chance? In the Deng Ming-Dao book I have, it also gives a strong association with spring and rebirth, which feels like it could be a precious baby, or perhaps my partner and I will experience an unexpected rejuvenation of new life through this miracle too? It also says though that there is a pitfall/misfortune at month eight... will there be complications that we could never foresee now? The thought of that scares me, what could it be? Problems with the baby? Still birth? Medical issues for me? There is also a part about one teaching and reflecting tirelessly, which sounds a lot like parenting.
Question #2 What is my life outcome emotionally, spiritually, karmically if I choose to terminate this pregnancy?
2.4 > 16
2 - "Earth" sounds like continuing on the path that I am on of deepening into my new career as a psychotherapist, which feels like a lifelong practice to cultivate and offer myself in service to the world, helping be a small light and ally in the relief of suffering. I think if I did terminate it would create in me an even more steadfast focus on making myself the tool of my work, deepening the healing I've already invested much into, and getting really focused on the destination I am heading towards - "encouragement to get to work" and making the "limitless earth feel like home". It feels like the *relatively easy and familiar path*, the one that I was on until this shocking surprise, but with greater galvanized force of focus to create meaning in the face of such a hard choice.
Line 4 - "A tied sack - neither praise nor blame" ... wow, this one blows my mind, the tied sack is like the uterus being tied and shut down, and its fine, its not wrong, its a possible choice, no praise, no blame. I guess its saying, ya, I can choose that, it's a possible path for sure. And from James De Korne website it literally says:
A tied-up sack is a very womb-like image -- who can tell what is going on inside of it? Gestation is a slow and hidden process, and we cannot know the outcome until its time is complete. The line often depicts a stalemate. At such times it is best to take no action at all.
Before I was pregnant I felt like I was in a process of birthing a new me, new career, new identity, and heading into midlife with perimenopausal symptoms and all, so entering a new stage of my female life. I feel like I have creative potentials inside of me that want to birth themselves into action in my life and the world. I thought that would be the practice of my career and service. I definitely did not think that would involve becoming a mother at this age.
Relating hexagram - 16 "Enthusiasm" ... "raw energy and channeling it successfully into productive results" but "could be a signal that you need to become more consciously aware of what is inspiring you before it begins to carry you to new places". This sounds like it weaves into the career continuation path but with asking me to get clearer and more specific about where I am headed and why and what creates meaning in my life. It does seem to be demanding constancy, hard work and perseverance "to find a lasting path."
Does anyone see anything else in these readings that I'm missing? Are either of these paths more fortuitous seeming than the other? If you read all this thank you, it's long, but wow, I am floored by this and in utter shock, I need all the help I can get to get clarified about what choice to make. Thank you in advance for any I Ching insight.