Advice on 36.4.55

[hulda]

Dear ICC friends,
Some time ago I asked a similar question and I received very good feedback from you. But I still need some advice (actually lots), and would be really grateful if you could help me. My husband and I are basically estranged, though life goes on as usual, with our teenage children. I asked the Yi: What should I do about my feelings of distress and impotence in relation to my husband? The answer: 36 changing line 4 to 55. I had gotten this line some time ago (almost a year) when I asked about the possibilities of having a relationship w. a person I met 19 years ago and with whom I have established a good connection (e-mail).
So I feel the whole thing is really about ME not about the people involved. 36 is always ominous, and it seems to be the leitmotif of the situation I'm in. I have spoken w. my husband on several occasions, and it's basically agreed that we will separate, but it's as if he were just preparing for that fate and kind of just accepting it. He doesn't seek to clrear up or dialogue anything. I have made all the moves. I had hoped he would react. All he does is make sure his image is good: the father who cares for his children, the responsible worker, son-in-law, etc. As if I were the person who has whims.

Changing line 4 is very strong. Talks about being very weak, I think.
Why 55? A light of hope? that the general situation is of abundance?

Where should I head? I swear, if I could "fix" things w. the husband I would! Or, go in peace w. the other person, too. Now, it's just limbo, very stagnant, very draining of all my energies.

Any help will be grately welcome!
thanks
Hulda

 

[jesed]

Hi Hulda

i had write you a private message, with some general recomendations

Now, about this particular answer:

To many people think in "abundance" like a situation with no limitation.

In traditional teachings, the meaning is a little bit diferent. Yes, there are "to many" things; the situation is "plenty" of choices.

But one cann't have abundance without sacrifice. If you have to many paths as choices; you need to chose 1, and leave the others. You cann't have everything, so in 55, you need to chose what you want, and leave the other things.

The last paragraph on your post seems like this meaning of 55: "I swear, if I could "fix" things w. the husband I would! Or, go in peace w. the other person, too. Now, it's just limbo".

Well, yes... you need to chose: try to fix your marriage... or leave it. Is your choice.

Now, 36.4: When you get in the darkness situation, you cann't expect an improvement... is better to leave

It's cause is in 59.4: He/she had leaved his/her own group

It's effect is in 55.4: He/she would find his/her master, wich is his/her pair.

If you take only this answer... it could be understand like: this feelings won't improve, because you had leaved this relationship already; better to leave and find another partner.

But I strongly suggest you to take the Path I wrote you in private message, before made a decision.

best wishes

 

[rosada]

I hope you get many responces to your question.

From my perspective I see 36.4 as meaning that you do indeed see to the very core of the situation.

55. suggests you bring your secret fears, hopes, feelings out in public (meaning i think, to your husband - not necessarily to the neighbors!), perhaps because you have stiffled yourself for so long that you wont really know what your true feelings are until you bring them out "in public."

My interpretation is that you should live your life, make your choices, based on the inner assumptions you have about your marrage. BUT my advice is that you not carry that idea too far. I mean, if you feel your husband is not as emotionally envolved as you are, I would give myself permission to do more things that you may worry he wouldn't approve of. You may find he really doesn't care if you have lunch with your girlfriends or play loud music. But I also wouldn't encourage you to throw caution to the wind. Thus while the IChing maybe saying "You're right!", I urge you to not do anything drastic.

 

[jte]

One thing about 36.4 - remember, like most lines it has multiple meanings. "Penetrating the heart" *can* mean understanding a situation fully and it *can* mean recognizing that a situation is hopeless (through analysis). However I've also found that it can mean influencing a negative person by appealing to their emotions ("heart").

That's another possible interpretation that would apply to your situation. The idea would be that you could influence your husband emotionally to improve the situation. If you decide you want to try to do this, you should think about how far you intend to go with it. I know nothing about your situation except what you've described, so I'm not suggesting you try to "save your marriage" - maybe just find ways to ease the burden it seems to be on you.

Anyhow, best of luck...

- Jeff

 

[lightofreason]

hulda wrote:

"36 is always ominous"

no. It is both positive and negative depending on context (and that includes how you choose to interpret it). If the current environment is not suited to working with the 'likeminded' then it is advantageous to 'hide' that mindedness, that light - not put it out, just hide it. 36 shares space with 22 where we hide the light of the inner by drawing attention to one's outer (and so 22 is usable to see what a hexagram meaning looks like from the outside:

101000 (36)
101001 (22)
--------
000001 is what 36 'looks like' from the outside -its 22-ness is described by analogy to hex 23.

On the inside, we use 47:

101000 (36)
010110 (47)
---------
111110 is what 36 'looks' like on the inside - all of that 'intensity', that need to 'seed', to 'spread the word' that is covered up until a more 'likeminded' context comes along.)

Note that the trigrams of 36 allow for the the reading of 'with acceptance [fire in lower] comes devotion' OR 'with acceptance comes darkness.'

fire as acceptance reflects being 'one of us' - aka 'likeminded'. earth comes in the flavour of 'darkness' (fear) or its positive form of 'devotion to another/others' - both 'draw in'.

 

[Trojina]

Yes I don't think 36 has to be ominous, just a time for saving whats most precious in yourself from harm by not exposing it, keeping your inner light alive when those around you see no value in you.

I have to say I had two experiences of 36,4 lately. Both had to do with not being seen and being able to get away undetected. In neither instance had I especially wished to hide anything, yet with hindsight can see the fact that I was ignored/overlooked/1 time literally not seen, had allowed me to continue unimpeded in directions I wanted to take.
Without these things happening several times I guess i would not necessarily think of 36,4 that way.

I'm not sure how this might relate to your question, but it seems you have the opportunity to go your own way undetected, or rather unimpeded by others judgments.

 

[dobro p]

Hi Hulda

Sorry to hear about what you're going through.

"What should I do about my feelings of distress and impotence in relation to my husband? The answer: 36 changing line 4."

This is one of my favorite lines in Hex 36. It means you're getting to the heart of what's making this situation light hiding/light wounding. When you draw Hex 36, it means that something in the situation is wounding the light, something is making it hide out. That's the situation between you and your husband - sensibilities have been bruised, and you or him or both of you are hiding out so as not to get hurt. Fair enough, that's very often what happens in the endgame of a relationship that's not going to continue. But when you draw 36.4, the Yi's telling you that you're penetrating to the heart of the matter, to the heart of what's queering everything, and that by doing so you are free to emerge from the situation, emerge into a realm of freer movement. Ta-da! (That's why the relating hexagram is 55 - very sweet.)

"I had gotten this line some time ago (almost a year) when I asked about the possibilities of having a relationship w. a person I met 19 years ago and with whom I have established a good connection (e-mail)."

So, the whole area of relationship between you and men right now is characterized by the wounding of the light...

"So I feel the whole thing is really about ME not about the people involved."

That's my feeling as well. It's as if your personality and the stage your life is at are configured in such a way as to damage the light, or be involved with people who damage the light, or your interaction with them will result in the light being damaged and then hiding out to avoid further injury. Don't blame yourself, but be aware of it.

"36 is always ominous"

Mm, yeah, but in your case it's *useful* ominousness on the one hand lol, and on the other hand, 36.4 is, like I've pointed out, really quite a cause for a liberation celebration. It's a new dawn for you, I'd say.

Hope this helps.

 

[hulda]

Hi everybody,

I am just amazed at the insights all of you are giving me. I am also very thankful for the sympathetic comments. The powerful image of a "darkening of the light" which really means hiding from pain and hurt, and at the same time getting me to go to the heart of the matter is making me understand a lot better Yi's message.

As I said in my first post, I decided a year ago that I would not stop until I would get to the heart of my malaise. When I started getting all the 36's, and especially the 36.4.55, I kept on thinking of it as a warning, a bad omen, so to speak. Now I understand it more as a "do get to the heart of the matter, don't stop until it's all clear".


I'm going to have to ruminate over all of your comments and will get back shortly.

I guess what gets to me, especially after this year of limbo I've been in, is that I don't seem to get liberated from the kind of bind I'm in. I have finally understood the problem between my husband and I (his stoicism) and what I REALLY need in a relationship and don't seem to get. I have finally understood why it's so difficult to face the problems and give them the importance that they have for ME. After all, it's as if what really mattered in a relationship were responsibility, duty, commitment to others. In fact the malaise I feel that I can't really hide from myself any more, on the outside seems lacking in any apparent reason. After all we always have seemed the perfect couple, not divorced when all around us there are breakups left and right.

So, as Dobro says, I'll take this as an encouragement to really go all way. What does that mean? I seem to have done it (talk to the husband on numerous occasions), yet I still need some kind of bigger jump. it's very clear to me that nothing will happen if I don't make the moves.


Thanks for the time being!
Hulda