Age gap relationship continued... hexagram 34

[Petragg]

So the story goes on... Below is the link to previous thread but in short, there is a very important and at times emotionally exhausting connection I have with R who is 16y my junior. We started out in early 2019 as a one night stand but it quickly developed into something more which I guess freaked him out and spurred a complete life overhaul for me which to be honest was a long time coming. Also, by a strange twist of fate I have since formed a professional allegiance with R's father who is of course un aware of our history.
https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...ationship-where-is-it-going-61-2-to-42.30571/

Furthermore R has a girlfriend now of about 5 months though something tells me they might have split over the Christmas holidays... considering I know what his life goals are and settling down in his home town at this age is not one of them! The girl on the other hand is early 30's too, professionally established, financially secured... do the maths.

I must say I have a pretty good idea of what my position in R life is and vice-versa as well as how to proceed, but I have been consulting IChing as a end of a cycle thing recently and getting a lot of 34 unchanging and with lines which I'm not too sure how to interpret!

So recently I had a meeting with his father at his house with both R and his mother present. It was the first time after I had a melt down when I found out about the girlfriend and I deleted him from all social media... and it was a nice friendly reunion in the background of a work meeting. So over several days since, asked
How did seeing me affect R? 34 unchanging
and then trying to get more clarity also
What is R position in relationship to me now? 34 unchanging
then a few days later
Who/what does R want to be in my life? (not a great question I know) 34 unchanging
and
What is the relationship potential between R and I? 34 unchanging
also
What is my position in relationship to R? 34.1.4 to 46
and then not a 34 answer
What is R attitude towards me at present? 39.1.4 to 49

I really don't know what to make of all these 34? Does he see me as powerful? Does he want to overpower me? Power-on or power-down?? I see 34.1.4. to 46 as me being in a strong position and being able to exert positive change if I proceed carefully and in pace with the evolving situation.

And 39.1.4 to 49 perhaps he is undergoing a transformation which will result in removing of the barrier he has put up between us in an attempt to protect himself?

I also asked how does R want to interact with me to which I got 33.4. to 53 which to me sounds abit like a cha-cha, 2 steps forward one step back LOL

As said, I think I have a pretty good idea how to keep the connection going until such time when we can discuss openly and honestly because I have no doubt in my mind that he has an important and ongoing role to play in my life as I have in his.
But in the mean time I would really appreciate your view on interpreting hexagram 34 in this context?

Thank you and wishing all a healthy and 11ish 2021!
P

 

[MadameOak]

That’s a lot of 34 uc! I would say the dynamic between the two of you creates a very powerful energy - and to be cautious with it. That kind of energy can both create and destroy.

 

[Petragg]

That’s a lot of 34 uc! I would say the dynamic between the two of you creates a very powerful energy - and to be cautious with it. That kind of energy can both create and destroy.

Thank you for taking the time to respond. That is my impression too I just wish for some more clarity about the nature of this energy and how to manage it... this is the frustrating bit of receiving a static reading! No direction, no advice...

Perhaps @MadameOak if it's not too much to ask, what is your view on the last 3 readings 34>46, 39>49 and 33>53?

 

[Matali]

Thank you for taking the time to respond. That is my impression too I just wish for some more clarity about the nature of this energy and how to manage it... this is the frustrating bit of receiving a static reading! No direction, no advice...

Perhaps @MadameOak if it's not too much to ask, what is your view on the last 3 readings 34>46, 39>49 and 33>53?

Hello Petragg !

Yes there is a great advice with the hexagram 34 for all your questions : you must stop moving towards this man... The Image of 34 : "the noble man does not walk in paths that do not conform to order."
34.1 "misfortune, pitfall" is a warning to stop your movement towards him. Just keep him as a friend maybe ?

As you see with 39-49, there is an obstacle because of a transformation in his life (probably the other woman).
The challenge in romantic relationships is to find the right person for you, patience

 

[ClavdiaChauchat]

So the story goes on... Below is the link to previous thread but in short, there is a very important and at times emotionally exhausting connection I have with R who is 16y my junior. We started out in early 2019 as a one night stand but it quickly developed into something more which I guess freaked him out and spurred a complete life overhaul for me which to be honest was a long time coming. Also, by a strange twist of fate I have since formed a professional allegiance with R's father who is of course un aware of our history.
https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...ationship-where-is-it-going-61-2-to-42.30571/

Furthermore R has a girlfriend now of about 5 months though something tells me they might have split over the Christmas holidays... considering I know what his life goals are and settling down in his home town at this age is not one of them! The girl on the other hand is early 30's too, professionally established, financially secured... do the maths.

I must say I have a pretty good idea of what my position in R life is and vice-versa as well as how to proceed, but I have been consulting IChing as a end of a cycle thing recently and getting a lot of 34 unchanging and with lines which I'm not too sure how to interpret!

So recently I had a meeting with his father at his house with both R and his mother present. It was the first time after I had a melt down when I found out about the girlfriend and I deleted him from all social media... and it was a nice friendly reunion in the background of a work meeting. So over several days since, asked
How did seeing me affect R? 34 unchanging
and then trying to get more clarity also
What is R position in relationship to me now? 34 unchanging
then a few days later
Who/what does R want to be in my life? (not a great question I know) 34 unchanging
and
What is the relationship potential between R and I? 34 unchanging
also
What is my position in relationship to R? 34.1.4 to 46
and then not a 34 answer
What is R attitude towards me at present? 39.1.4 to 49

I really don't know what to make of all these 34? Does he see me as powerful? Does he want to overpower me? Power-on or power-down?? I see 34.1.4. to 46 as me being in a strong position and being able to exert positive change if I proceed carefully and in pace with the evolving situation.

And 39.1.4 to 49 perhaps he is undergoing a transformation which will result in removing of the barrier he has put up between us in an attempt to protect himself?

I also asked how does R want to interact with me to which I got 33.4. to 53 which to me sounds abit like a cha-cha, 2 steps forward one step back LOL

As said, I think I have a pretty good idea how to keep the connection going until such time when we can discuss openly and honestly because I have no doubt in my mind that he has an important and ongoing role to play in my life as I have in his.
But in the mean time I would really appreciate your view on interpreting hexagram 34 in this context?

Thank you and wishing all a healthy and 11ish 2021!
P

Hi! I'll give an overall try on 34, as you reiceived it many times.

I think you play the role of the masculine type hier. But, i think, that's too much for him. This power should be in accord and harmony with good intensions only. He, on his side, would love to play the role you are currently playing. Is this a power-based relationiship? Overall, i think yes.

 

[Petragg]

Hello Petragg !

Yes there is a great advice with the hexagram 34 for all your questions : you must stop moving towards this man... The Image of 34 : "the noble man does not walk in paths that do not conform to order."
34.1 "misfortune, pitfall" is a warning to stop your movement towards him. Just keep him as a friend maybe ?

As you see with 39-49, there is an obstacle because of a transformation in his life (probably the other woman).
The challenge in romantic relationships is to find the right person for you, patience

Hello @Matali thank you for responding
Circumstances are such that I can not "move towards him" anyway... there is much to accomplish before I can give myself permission to to move towards anybody... So yes, I can not afford to waste my energies walking on a path that is not solid and with no clear direction!

And the 39-49 i think just need to remove myself from his plate as I think he has enough to contend with.

Wish me to stand firm in my resolution! lol

 

[Petragg]

Hi! I'll give an overall try on 34, as you reiceived it many times.

I think you play the role of the masculine type hier. But, i think, that's too much for him. This power should be in accord and harmony with good intensions only. He, on his side, would love to play the role you are currently playing. Is this a power-based relationiship? Overall, i think yes.

Hi @ClavdiaChauchat thank you for your contribution!

My best and oldest friend calls me "The Man" so I guess there is more truth in your words than you realise! In many ways I may be seen as an accomplished independent woman that has it all... career, family, social standing.... I have often suspected that he compares himself to me and being a young alpha guy my power irks him as much as it attracts him. It is a power based relationship and as long as he can keep me in wanting of his attention he has power over me at least in this ?

Thank you for helping me make this connection Clavdia.

 

[Matali]

Hello @Matali thank you for responding
Circumstances are such that I can not "move towards him" anyway... there is much to accomplish before I can give myself permission to to move towards anybody... So yes, I can not afford to waste my energies walking on a path that is not solid and with no clear direction!

And the 39-49 i think just need to remove myself from his plate as I think he has enough to contend with.

Wish me to stand firm in my resolution! lol

Yes precisely, "stand firm in your resolution" ... I think that's also the advice of your 34

 

[Petragg]

I decided to lay-off IChing untill R and I meet again, but I allowed myself today to ask last 3 questions to meditate on until then.

What is the situation between R and I? 25.4.5. to 27

Why did R come into my life? 47.1.2.4.5.6. to 27

What is my best course of action? 64.5. to 6

I will take my time to ponder these as the picture isn't at all clear on the first 2 Q! 27 always leaves me scratching my head...not to mention multiple changing lines! Can anyone help me shed light on these?

But the last one at least is pretty straightforward - to follow my inner compass :
"The fifth line, divided, shows its subject by firm correctness obtaining good fortune, and having no occasion for repentance. (We see in him) the brightness of a superior man, and the possession of sincerity. There will be good fortune." - Legge

 

[Petragg]

Why did R come into my life? 47.1.2.4.5.6. to 27

I had further thoughts on this and for anybody trying to interpret this they would have to have to know a bit about my life before R.
I gave up on love after a really bad disappointment in my late 20s and made the decision that I will make the next relationship I have "work" because what I really want in life is children. Soon after I met (online) A and after 2y of long distance relationship I made the decision to move to his country; the alternative was to breakup. After a year we got married and shortly after our first anniversary I gave birth to our first son - all according to plan, my plan. I know how this reads and it is true, I entered a loveless marriage just so I could have children and I was "happy" to sacrifice romantic love for unconditional love of/from a child! But A did not. When he realised I didn't "fancy him" in truth he was gracious enough to give me another child and then proceeded to find greener pastures elsewhere, but he would't leave me. He wanted me to make that decision... as I decided everything else in our lives. Including moving the family to my home country after Brexit. Here I started feeling myself again, started socialising spending time with old friends and met a lot of new ones. I was expanding and I was starting to feel ever more confined (hex 47) by A's insecurity and suspicions. One night he got very drunk at a friend's party and accussed me of cheating on him with half the people in the room! That was the final straw for me. I have been nursing the idea of divorce for years and now it felt the only sane thing to do. But in an insane attempt to preserve the marriage at least for kids sake I thought perhaps having a lover (enter R) on the side would be enough to sustain me (hex 27) so I could endure. I could not though. I am not a dishonest person and neither is R (at least not with intent I believe), so R brokeup with me and few months later I asked for divorce. Which ultimately came as a relief for both. In case anyone is interested, we went through a friendly (as humanly possible) split and the kids have well adjusted

So 47-27 describes well the energies under which R and I got involved. Hope this helps?

 

[ClavdiaChauchat]

Hi @ClavdiaChauchat thank you for your contribution!

My best and oldest friend calls me "The Man" so I guess there is more truth in your words than you realise! In many ways I may be seen as an accomplished independent woman that has it all... career, family, social standing.... I have often suspected that he compares himself to me and being a young alpha guy my power irks him as much as it attracts him. It is a power based relationship and as long as he can keep me in wanting of his attention he has power over me at least in this ?

Thank you for helping me make this connection Clavdia.

Absolutely you galvanize each other, as far as it's a power based relationship!

Let it go... It's not worth. Love is not power or fighting!

Best wishes, Clavdia

 

[heyman]

You are right that love is not power or fighting but sometimes you have to fight for it, but in this case, it is probably better to retreat. In such situations, I think it's best to forget about this person. I had a similar story in my life with a married girl and I realized that I really wasted my time on her. Now I have a beautiful girl that I have been looking for for a long time. But due to my antics, we have a toxic relationship for some time, but I was able to correct myself as I fell very much in love with her and plan to marry her. I wish you good luck in your personal life, I am sure you will find the right person.