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Approach

lillytiger

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How is the best way to approach the person I love or how can I approach him?
I got 54 (marrying maiden) with 4th line changing and then 19 (approach).
I read the explanation but I did not understand it so much......
I need your professional help.
At last, how is the best way to approach him?????
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hilary

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Dear Lillytiger,

It doesn?t take a genius to see that the second hexagram is about the motives behind your question ? it practically is your question! But could also let you see further into your own motives. (Not what you asked for I know, but bear with me ? it will all come together?)

Hexagram 19 describes someone who draws closer, ready to offer help, care and guidance. Once you have come through Hexagram 18, understood and surmounted your own issues, you are filled with your own sense of strength and purpose and ready to move on ? ready for more active involvement. Hexagram 19 also has the sense that something beyond you, or within you, is approaching ? a spirit of possibility and manifestation.

There is a warning here, though ? becoming and approaching are not the same thing as being already manifest, already there. Careful, patient timing is essential: trying to bring things to their culmination too soon brings misfortune. The trigrams suggest both inner vitality and a lot to communicate, and limitless patience and tolerance in your interactions with others: ?The wise disciple teaches and reflects deeply without tiring; she accepts the people and keeps them safe without limit.? In my small experience of this hexagram, the normal human response is to feel the approach, be filled with its enthusiasm, and miss out on the ?patience? part!

So this is your approach ? in more ways than one? - to the situation of Hexagram 54. This is not the ideal relationship hexagram. The story behind it is of the customs of Chinese marriage, when the official wife took young female relatives with her to her husband?s home, where they would be ?second wives? ? part of the family, but with lesser status than the main wife. This is the hexagram of the second wife. The obvious implication ? that you come second to another woman ? by no means always applies. But this does always mean an awkward situation that needs to be negotiated with extreme care. For whatever reason you come second to someone or something (and these days it could be a career). It could be that you are entering his life rather late in the day, when he already has established patterns and relationships. You can?t directly influence things to shape them as you would wish ? trying to do so would be counterproductive ? and your best course is actually not to attempt to direct things at all. This doesn?t mean you can?t find fulfilment and a new life in this relationship ? it can be done: it just requires a great deal of foresight and care.

Bringing together the situation of the Marrying Maiden with the desire to approach, you get some quite unambiguous advice:
?The marrying maiden passes the agreed date. Delaying the marriage, has the right time.?
Something stronger, a greater purpose, is approaching ? and not yet arrived. It seems the simplest answer to ?how do I approach him?? is ?at present, it would be better not to?. Or at the very least, to delay any commitments (you can take ?marriage? figuratively!) until the right moment has come. It could be that things with this man will be better later; it could be that there is someone else on the way, with whom you can have a much more fulfilling relationship. This kind of purposeful delay can actually work to your advantage.

Hope this makes sense ? let me know what you think!
 

pocossin

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Dear Lillytiger,

I am very hesitant about commenting because a fellow woman would probably do better and because I also am undecided about the meaning of hexagram 19. My first thought (some years ago) about this difficult hexagram was that it referred to the care of infants. This idea is supported by the component trigrams Tui and K'un (as I understand them), which might be interpreted as maternal love, or as the care of infants. Surely there's a place for maternal love in the hexagrams.

Hexagram 54 I would take as the current situation, and line 4 says:

Nine in the fourth place means:
The marrying maiden draws out the allotted time.
A late marriage comes in due course.

And you have been waiting.

Hexagram 19 I would take as symbolizing the solution. The care of infants suggests to me that a way to approach would be to do something for him, perhaps a small courtesy.

A courtesy is a very powerful introduction. If you have any Biblical interests, may I suggest Genesis 24 and Rebekah's offer of water.

Best wishes,
Tom
 

lillytiger

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Hilary, the more powerful that is coming can be himself later in this lifetime when he can be reached by being available? Ask this for me, please.

Tom, I find your reading very sensitive. I think a courtesy is never forgotten by sensitive hearts, and he is! Thanks for the advice. I will practice it.
 

hilary

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Hello Lillytiger,

I'm back (at last).

About your question - I can't say for sure. The main meaning of 'Approach', it seems to me, is that this is what you were thinking about. But the moving line does say that something better will be available for you later if you delay your approach now. I imagine what you want to know is whether this is with this man.

So I asked ? what are the prospects for your relationship with this man in particular? The I Ching gave Hexagram 22, Grace, with no changing lines. This is the hexagram of beauty, of outward appearance that is filled with inner vitality and spirit, like a flower?s. Intriguingly, its moving lines tell the story of a courtship ? showing the very best of oneself to the beloved. So this is the positive side ? a relationship whose outer beauty finally reflects its inner quality.

The I Ching says:
?Grace, success.
Small harvest in having a direction to go.?
A ?direction to go? is a sense of purpose ? in your case, what you want from the relationship. There is no great reward to be had from this ? but there is a small one. Perhaps it is only small because the emphasis is all on improving appearances and how you present yourself ? an absolutely necessary stage in any relationship, but not the ultimate goal. It gives you increased awareness, but not the authority to take major decisions.

As things become more fully and radiantly expressed, the situation contains the possibility of Release ? a sense of freedom to choose your path, without tension, and without the bonds of resentment.

Where does all this leave your original question? It depends in part on what sort of relationship you were looking to create? There?s certainly the possibility for something of energy and beauty with this man, but it?s not clear how far it could go.

I?d be interested to hear what you think!
 

lillytiger

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I don't know exactly what I think Hilary. I love this man for so long. I don't know what I think.
I feel like I was made to love him and I will love him forever.
We are not seeing each other actually. He is moving on with his life, specially career matters and I feel like I was left behind. I am afraid he could forget me and I doesn't want to cross the lines with him because he is valuable and worth and means a lot for me. To be honest I don't know what to do: if I approach him by e-mails, if I wait, if he will look for me. I simply do not know. I don't want to bother him, I long for him to look for me, but I also don't know if he is waiting for some decision or approach of mine. Here is my actual state of mind.
But, thanks for your readings. They meant a lot to me. I will read them all again and try to find some clues in practical terms.
Thank you very much.
 

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