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Argh...Yep. It's another Relationship Question 34.3.5 > 58

ariel13

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Well, here I go again. I met someone new that I like a lot. When I first met him I liked him, but ended the night early bc it was a weeknight. Texted him shortly after and he basically just said— "nice to have met you." I was sort of waiting for him to make a move to ask me on a second date. He never did, but someone else asked me out. So I ended up dating guy #2 for about a month or so. Then that kind of fizzled. So I thought, why not ask guy #1 out again? So I did. And we had this epically amazing time. Like so much that I was saying to my friends— This is THE guy! Like I was really thinking he was potentially a long term partner soulmate type person.

Well, fast forward to about 2 days later. And he did ask me out again. He said he had a really fun night. With exclamation points and everything. I responded back the same. I was supposed to go out of town the next week, so he said let's get together again when you get back. I said okay and told him what date I was returning. I also asked him a question in that same text. He never responded. In my joy and excitement I also sent him a Facebook friend request that night (with a message), just not thinking anything of it. Just thinking that we mutually liked eachother, and it was not big deal. He never responded to either of the messages.

I have since returned from my vacation and have not heard from him at all. I am so confused. I don't know whether to contact him again or not. I feel kind of like I was ghosted a little bit, and I can't think of any real explanation as to why I would not have heard from him at all.

I want to text him or something, but I keep thinking that I should let him contact me. Because ultimately I want a guy that can show me he likes me. Also, of course I want a guy who really likes me and sees potential for a future. So I can't figure out what is the best course of action. I have asked Yi way too many questions at the point. And I am thinking I had better just stop completely and focus on something else.

But I thought— since some of you guys tend to have the weirdest, most uncanny insights that I never would have considered. I thought I would ask you.

The last thing I asked was simply "Will I see him again?"

What do you guys think? Have I been ghosted? Do I need to contact him or let it be?

I would really appreciate your insights!

:bows::bows:

Thanks in advance!!

Jen
 

ariel13

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Oh and I should add that when I last asked why I had not heard from him, I received hexagram 57.

Thoughts??
 

altair139

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you should take it slow... i think he's not serious yet, or at least doesn't feel as intense as you.
Line 3 means: forcing the issue will only ends in an impasse
Line 4: Take it slows and things will start to be clear

Hex 58 basically tells you to get rid of self-created illusion (joy) and move on with life. If he's indeed the one, you two will definitely cross path again. Judging by his action that he's not replying you, I think it's fruitless to keep trying to contact him for now. Guys dont really like too clingy women so ya...
 

angelatlantis14

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Hi Jen,
before I go into your reading, I'd like to first adress something that altair said...sorry no personal offense intended here, but I take issue with the "guys don't like a clingy woman" comment. First I don't see nothing clingy in Jen's behaviour, just naturally being interested in someone - women have the same right to that as men do :) second, I see no good coming out of women restricting themselves voluntarily into the passive female role and waiting being the only option they have. And third, most important, I've never yet seen a man who was actually interested in a woman to be turned away by her returning that interest.
Again, altair, no personal offence at your viewpoint, just an expression that I do not share it at all :)

Jen: your reading for if you will see him again was 34.3.5 to 58.
I must admit that while I personally, from your description of the situation, would be sceptical for the immediate present, the reading nonetheless says something else:
As altair already said, Line 3 would be a recommendation for you to step back for the moment; at this particular point, nothing can be gained by pushing ahead (even if altair and I disagree on the reason for that). But the advice seems clear: stand back and let things take their course. Line 5 further supports that, saying that whatever you loose now, you can afford to loose it. Take it easy.
The changing Hex 58 points to an open road further ahead, so stay calm and collected, the way will show itself.

Best of luck, and I hope you will update us on what happened.

best wishes

maui
 

altair139

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Nah i didnt mean she's clingy YET, but if ariel13 still tries to make contact even though she was obviously ignored then that's clingy.
If your messages got ignored, that's a sign. If he's into you he will initiate contacts again. You can try again maybe a few weeks or months from now but now it's best to leave him alone and carry on with your life.
 

rosada

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Wait a second, I'm not clear here. Did he specifically ask you to contact him when you got back? I know you emailed the dates you intended to be back but have you tried to contact him since you got back? I know that's a long shot but 57 could mean he hasn't gotten in touch because he spaced out or thinks you're still floating around and not home yet. Personally I think that's way too much of a long shot but still.... Anyway, I would call him or email him that you are back now - if only so you can feel you did all you could in your own mind. Or you could ask the I Ching what you should do. But the man did say he enjoyed the evening and wanted to hear from you so as much as guys would like to be able to say things and then accuse woman of being "clingy" because we were so stupid as to have believed them, I just want you to know I think it's totally acceptable for you to call him just to say hi or better yet, to tell him what a complete a** he is. :)
 

Trojina

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you should take it slow... i think he's not serious yet, or at least doesn't feel as intense as you.
Line 3 means: forcing the issue will only ends in an impasse
Line 4: Take it slows and things will start to be clear

She didn't get line 4 she got 34.3.5>58.


Rosada said

but have you tried to contact him since you got back? I know that's a long shot but 57 could mean he hasn't gotten in touch because he spaced

she didn't get 57 she got 58
 

ariel13

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Hi all,
Thanks so much for your responses!

Just to update you, I got impatient and just texted him, and I think we will go out again on Saturday. haha

So maybe much ado about nothing? I don't know. Will write more later, as I'm at work right now, but thanks for your insights especially Rosada!

I do agree with you that it's silly to think it would be "clingly" to contact someone who asked you to contact them. I am still confused as to why he did not respond to the previous messages though, so that is a bit curious. And although no I did not get line 4 in the original reading I do think he is maybe not taking this as seriously as me. But more on that later...

Trojina, to your second point Rosada was referring to my follow up question of why he had not contacted me which was hexagram 57.
 

altair139

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Oh yes sorry it's line 5... god my eyes...
Line 5: You can easily discard your compulsion to act.
The situation will progress with ease; therefore you do not need to use excessive force.

Even clearer than line 4 i guess :eek:

Hi all,
Thanks so much for your responses!

Just to update you, I got impatient and just texted him, and I think we will go out again on Saturday. haha

So maybe much ado about nothing? I don't know. Will write more later, as I'm at work right now, but thanks for your insights especially Rosada!

I do agree with you that it's silly to think it would be "clingly" to contact someone who asked you to contact them. I am still confused as to why he did not respond to the previous messages though, so that is a bit curious. And although no I did not get line 4 in the original reading I do think he is maybe not taking this as seriously as me. But more on that later...

Trojina, to your second point Rosada was referring to my follow up question of why he had not contacted me which was hexagram 57.

Hmm interesting he asked you to contact him then ignored your text on facebook? Probably somebody not so active on social media then
Do give us the result of the date later if you'd like to, I'd like to know if hex 58 actually means self-indulgence or just pure joy.

anw 57 for the 2nd question could mean that he was busy doing something else (research/study) or that his interest in you isn't enough to make him spontaneous in answering the texts. (slowly penetrating influence)
 

Trojina

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Trojina, to your second point Rosada was referring to my follow up question of why he had not contacted me which was hexagram 57


:eek:

sorry​



FWIW I think your answer suggests letting it go. 34.3 pushes through and gets entangled 34.5 lets things go with ease. These might be alternative courses of action of course. You can either forge ahead and get stuck or let it go.

Well you have contacted him now but if he doesn't reply in future I wouldn't advise contacting him again. That is both my opinion and what the reading is saying, they coincide on this occasion. I think if he isn't replying to you, you should let him go.

I don't know what 'ghosting' is....
 

rosada

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Thank you so much for giving us this update! It not only helps us learn but it also makes this study a lot more real.

Your friend sounds charming.

Rosada
 

ariel13

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LOL Rosada you are too funny. Yeah I guess its kind of lame that he has been a but incommunicative. Oddly though, I think Altair may have hit the nail on the head w 57 though. He is doung his PHD and was working on a paper the night I messaged him :) I do still think there is not much excuse for not responding later though.

More on this soon though and teah will fill you in sbout developments :)
 

ariel13

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ack sorry for all the typos.. typing on my phone while out and about!
 

angelatlantis14

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Hi Jen,

thanks for the update! Interesting that what the reading said was much closer to the truth, than I would have personally expected. This is a good hint for me to be more trustful of the actual reading than my own personal impressions...good thing to learn as I am still a beginner in I ching.

Trojina: Ghosting is an expression for someone going incommunicative all of sudden, instead of having the courage to say that they are not interested...turning into an nonexisting person so to speak...
 
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altair139

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LOL Rosada you are too funny. Yeah I guess its kind of lame that he has been a but incommunicative. Oddly though, I think Altair may have hit the nail on the head w 57 though. He is doung his PHD and was working on a paper the night I messaged him :) I do still think there is not much excuse for not responding later though.

More on this soon though and teah will fill you in sbout developments :)

wow i didnt expect it would really be the research context haha @_@
well if that's the case, he's a phd, so being inactive on social media is very common... most of my phd friends are like never online...
 

ariel13

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Hi all,
Thanks again for your responses. I agree that it is really great to be consistent in updating about these things though so that we can learn which interpretations are accurate and grow more in our ability to read the iching, so here goes! I just want to update you on what happened:

After contacting him, he said he would be free to go out perhaps on Saturday but needed to confirm later in the week. He did text me unprompted on Friday to say that he would be free Saturday.

On Saturday we met up, and everything went fine. We had a great time. We did briefly discuss the fact that he did not add me to Facebook. Oddly he seemed to think it was too soon! And he ignored my request on purpose :confused: which is kind of frustrating. BUT I do kind of see his point, so I tried not to let it get to me. Apparently this is some faux pas that doesn't bother me but bothers some people when dating and is not that uncommon.

Anyway, like I said we had a pretty amazing time. I feel like we are really compatible. There is definitely a comfort and a chemistry there that is really nice. We also share the same values quite a bit— financially, in terms of the amount of value we place on education and also other things like sharing an interest in health and just how you should treat people. We also have really similar musical interests and were raised listening to the same stuff and hanging with similar crowds. We also both love food and cooking and I think generally enjoy each other's company. So there is soooo much good there I think.

BUT I just wanted to say that one of the biggest reasons I have felt misgivings or worry about his level of interest is not even just the fact that he has been incommunicative here and there but is also bc we met on an online dating site. And when I first met up with him I was annoyed with the site and had kind of stopped really reading people's profiles. So when he messaged me I just didn't look at his profile thoroughly. And I missed seeing the part of his profile that said he is not looking for anything serious. Also, he told me he had been through a semi-recent break-up. It was around 4 months ago and didn't sound too serious to me (a year and a half but didn't live together. We are in our 30's so at this point that type of relationship seems like nothing to me!)... but I'm just concerned that he is looking for more of a fling than anything. And it's too early to tell whether he still feels that way, but it makes me nervous bc I like him a lot more than I thought I would. And I have definitely been down this road before, so there is a lot of fear in me about this.

Like I said before I have asked more questions than is wise regarding this, but being that you guys were so helpful with the previous ones thought I share a couple more with you.

I asked "What can I expect from the future of my relationship with x?" and received 11.5 > 5. I feel like this could be auspicious for love but maybe yi is just telling me to be patient?

I also asked how he feels about our relationship and got 49.2.5. I feel like I have no idea what that means. :confused:

I also asked if I would see him again soon and got 55.1.5 changing to 31.

Anybody have any thoughts on these?

I am still thinking I'm with you Trojina— going to try to leave the ball in his court this time and let it go if he is not responsive.

What do the rest of you guys think?
 

canislulu

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11.5 > 5 and 55.1.5 > 31

11.5 > 5
Go with the Flow while Waiting to see what happens. Engage your Life

I understand wanting to know what to expect. But I'm learning it is more fun to be in the moment and let myself be surprised. When you can't be with the one you can't stop asking about --- enjoy the people that are available.

When you read a novel, do you skip to the end and first? Don't miss out on any of the chapters of your story.
 
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ariel13

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haha well that is an annoying answer. Logical of course but annoying nonetheless. And of course the issue here is whether I should continue to put energy into something that is a no-go. I am not getting any younger... and there are other fish in the sea. So it's less about needing to know what will happen and more about needing to know what to look out for...

But thanks for your response, as I said it is of course logical. :)
 

canislulu

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55.1.5 > 31
My guess is that you will in fact see him again.
But I think it is wise to take him seriously when he says he is not looking for something serious.
There is nothing to keep you from spending time with him when he swims in your direction.

:)
 

ariel13

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Thanks. Ugh. That's what I am afraid of though... bc I don't want to spend time with someone who just me for "fun." I have enough of those people in my life. I want something serious, and I have gotten really picky about what I am looking for. He represents a lot of those things I am looking for. So I can't have a casual relationship with him. So that's my dilemma.. I don't know if I should see him again even if he contacts me, because it might be very upsetting for me. But on the other hand.. it could be fine. Because you never know how things can develop and what could change in terms of what someone is looking for. So I just don't know what to do. Let things unfold or just run the other direction. UGH.
 

canislulu

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55.1 > 62.5 > 31 (bradford's transitional line method often employed by ashteroid and now me)

62.5 --- Sounds like you have a choice between shooting an arrow into his cave or waiting for him to come out of his cave. And then, as you say, you are not sure what you want to do if he approaches you again.

Perhaps instead of asking more questions about him you can ask "What do I need to do in order to find the serious relationship that I want?"

Or you could ask my favorite question, "What time is it for me (ariel in your case)?"

If you do ask again it might be good to start a new thread.
 

ariel13

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Thanks jumpgmouse. Clear as mud :) Maybe I am just not meant to know what is going on with this guy... I think I will try to forget him for now. I have several other prospects making requests. I don't know why I am focusing on him. I just thought we bonded a lot quickly. That's why I feel a bit confused. Anyway, I know I prob should start a new thread. And I will for the next question. But just wanted to tell you I did ask "What do I need to do in order to find the serious relationship that I want?" and the response was hex 62 unchanging, which I have always interpreted as something along the lines of sending a message. LOL. So maybe that means contact this guy or just respond to one of the guys asking me out sheesh. Thanks Yi. Captain obvious!
 

canislulu

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H 62 uc

Hmmm. 62. That is interesting. It is clear as mud to me too.

Yes, I have seen it said that 62 can be about "carrying a message." But that is only one sense of it.

peter2610 said of H62 UC that it is a "reminder to keep within your own path."

And I think of "62" as sometimes being about taking very small careful steps.

How would it feel for you to "settle for less" than "serious" relationships as a small step on your way to a "serious" relationship?

Or perhaps if you just keep doing the next right thing in your life what is yours will come to you without you having to go hunting for it.

Anyway, I don't really have a good feeling of what 62 means in your situation.
 

altair139

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I think you haven't found the right person for a serious relationship yet (he's not in your social circle), so a question about a relationship right away would be difficult. You have to meet the person first, then a question about the relationship with that person can be viable.
 

canislulu

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I think altair makes a good point. It seems the question I suggested wasn't a very helpful one.

Perhaps before you can meet the "right" person you need to become a Flying Bird (H62) and fly away from this person who is not interested in a serious relationship.
 

ariel13

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Possibly, or like I said before.. send a message to someone who is interested in me. i.e. respond. There were several messages awaiting my response, so perhaps that.
 

ariel13

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I think altair makes a good point. It seems the question I suggested wasn't a very helpful one.

Perhaps before you can meet the "right" person you need to become a Flying Bird (H62) and fly away from this person who is not interested in a serious relationship.



Possibly, or like I said before.. send a message to someone who is interested in me. i.e. respond. There were several messages awaiting my response, so perhaps that.
 

ariel13

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I think you haven't found the right person for a serious relationship yet (he's not in your social circle), so a question about a relationship right away would be difficult. You have to meet the person first, then a question about the relationship with that person can be viable.

But the question was "what do I need to do in order to FIND a serious relationship?" Has nothing to do with my current social circle. Also, I don't date within my social circle, so the point is moot.
 

rosada

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The guy you met online had posted he wasn't looking for a serious relationship but you skipped over that detail and then were disappointed when it turned out he wasn't looking for a serious relationship.

Now you've asked the IC what you need to do in order to find the serious relationship you want and you've received 62: "Pay attention to the frickin' details!!!"
 

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