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Balancing act

bonnieta

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Any help members of the community would be willing to offer with respect to interpretation of the Yi's responses to my questions would be most gratefully appreciated.

I broke off the platonic friendship I have been having with my former partner two weeks ago. I did this openly, honestly and peacefully. I recognized I could not move on in my life while still loving him and wanting more. The inner conflict was creating too much inner tension for me. He was present on his terms. We most definitely had good times--dating as friends, but I want a full relationship. He likes things the way they are with limited commitment and intimacy, stating he does not want to be in an intimate relationship at present, can not offer me any hope for the future or work toward a mutual goal.
It has been a worthwhile learning over the past 10 months on many levels. The big learning for me is about trust in myself: not to leave my heart when someone I love is not present or emotionally available. I entered into the friendship knowing there was no promise of anything more than a friendship, but my feelings of love have not changed. It became clear that if I want to be fully embraced in a relationship, I have to move on. J. is not available for a healed partnership beyond our dating platonic friendship. I can not be sustained or fully nourished in a limited relationship, nor can I move on while I still love him. (I have often received Hexagrams 38 (Opposition) and 39 [Difficulties,Obstruction, Hinderances] and 60 [Limitation] and 12 [Standstill] as I have sought to understand him and our relationship, as well as many encouraging responses about our relationship using the oracle.)
Many friends thought we were "back together" because we interact like a couple in public, share interests, dance like lovers, and have a level of emotional intimacy even in friendship. My close friends were aware of the imbalance and were concerned and spoke about my courage to re-engage under the conditions of the friendship. J did not leave me for someone else but to live alone. This is why this is so hard. He is simply choosing to live "free" and alone without expectations or a commitment to me. Friendship was welcome.

Making the clear but difficult cut to end the platonic friendship due to my feelings for him and his limited reciprocity, was less devastating then when J aburptly left the partnership over two years ago,but shocking in its own way, as we have been getting along well. My other posts have references, if any one who responds to this post wants to know more of the history of this relationship and process using I Ching.

I know I can not continue or return to the platonic friendship while being true to myself and honest about my feelings for him. I realize I was at a disadvantage in the friendship, giving way and following his lead. It was okay for a while to learn more, to see what could develop and how I would feel. Now, I don't want to continue with the imbalance or be at a disadvantage. Yet, I still hope for him to see the light of the goodness in himself and the value of commited relationship. We share an incredible amount of compatibility...but there's the wall. I believe underneath is his fear of failure. I believe my choice to end the friendship at this time is the right action given the circumstances, though it hurts.
Using LiSe's site, I asked the I Ching today: "Will J seek me out or is it over for good?"
I received:
Hexagram 64-Not Yet Across, Lines 2 and 6, changing to 16 Enthusiasm-Weaving Images
Line 2 Dragging One's Wheels
Line 6 To Be True When Drinking Liquor. Without Fault. Soaking one's head and being True: Losing It

I also asked What it the future picture of our relationship?
Hexagram 63, unchanging
Already Across

What does J want for our relationship?
Hexagram 61 Inner Truth;Inner Sincerity, lines 1 and 5 to Hexagram 4
Line 1 Inner stability and preparedness
Line 5 He possesses truth which links together, no blame
Hexagram 4 Not Knowing

What is the best action for me to take with respect to our relationship?
17. Following Without Resistance, Line 5 Changing to 51. Thunderbolt/Shocks
Hexagram 17-Following
Emminent-Expansion
Harvest Determination
Without Fault
Line 5. Truth In Excellence. Auspicious/ Sincere in the Good, Good Fortune

Hexagram 51: Thunderbolt
Shock Comes , Expansion
The Shock comes, Fright Fright
Laughter and Talk, Shriek Shriek
He does not forget the ceremonial ladle and the libation.
Repeated Thunder;
The Noble One through anxiousness and fear sets in order an examines
The Shock Scares a hundred Li
He does not forget the ceremonial ladle and libation.

Thank you again for your thoughtful, insightful input. It is helpful
B.
 

willowfox

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I asked the I Ching today: "Will J seek me out or is it over for good?"
I received:
Hexagram 64. 2 and 6, changing to 16

It suggests that he will seek you out when the time is right for him, he needs to build his confidence first, then he should call.

I also asked What it the future picture of our relationship?
Hexagram 63, unchanging

Again it will end in chaos if you don't prepare ahead of time, this is both a warning and a forecast.

What does J want for our relationship?
Hexagram 61.1 and 5 to Hexagram 4

It seems that he wants a guiding hand as he will get dependent upon you.


What is the best action for me to take with respect to our relationship?
17.5 Changing to 51.

The advice is simple, just keep hoping and believing that you can win in the end, its your goal.
 

bonnieta

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Thank you very much, Willowfox, for taking the time to respond.
I wonder about Hexagram 63, unchanging, as a "future picture" of this relationship, and your comment:
"Again it will end in chaos if you don't prepare ahead of time, this is both a warning and a forecast."
Is your sense that the relationship is already established, but preparation is necessary to prevent furture problems?
I have been reading on site about 63.. seeing the commentary Already Completed, Settled, You're already there, Attainment of Order and Harmony, Favorable with Cautions, as well as warnings about backsliding, the need to maintain correct posture, to be sure to deal with any problems that may occur. Would you say the preparations are happening in this process? Is it a warning about ultimate failure of the relationship?
Bonnieta
 

willowfox

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Yes and no about ultimate failure, because you have been warned now that things could get silly once again if you are not careful and mindful. Remember your partner can be difficult/strange at times and things like that tend to run in cycles.

It is probably applicable to most relationships really, if you take them for granted then becareful that oneday there won't be a relationship to be taken for granted.
 

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