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sugarlobster

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hi,

i've been asking the yi about a relationship, the relationship feels good but at the same time it is moving very slowly and there seem to be long periods of distancing involved, so i've been trying to understand better what are the issues at play.

so i asked a series of questions to try and build up a yi-enhanced picture of the state of things
happy.gif

most questions are about how he feels and i know that's a tricky area, but still, i'd welcome any comments.

how does he see me now? 14.1,3>64

what image would encapsulate what i am for him? 8.1,5>24

if there is a particular area where he has doubts about me, what is it?
50.5>44

what is the main thing that is affecting how he relates to or feels about me?
57.2,3,4>12
i asked for clarification on this one, what is his main concern about me, and got 57 unchanging (please yi, don't shout, i'm doing my best to listen!)

can existing obstacles be overcome?
43.1,5>32

what do i need to know to help me steer the right course?
53.3,5>23

i'd appreciate your thoughts on any of these...
love,
xx sl
 
C

candid

Guest
Hi Sugarlobster,

At a glance-

1. He sees you as possessing some wonderful qualities. And he sees that you are not entirely satisfied with how things are.

2. You are someone good to be with, someone with depth.

3. He wonders whether your intent is purely romantic love rather than a broader, enriching and nourishing quality.

4. He thinks you have some ghosts in your past that need to be dealt with. His relating is, in part, to help you to exorcize those issues and bring progress to your potential.

5. Yes. But not without some difficulty.

6. Patience. Its going to take time, and staying focused on the broader picture. Its going to require some giving up or giving over certain existing ways of looking at things. The "right course" may not be exactly the course you're on. You must be prepared for course corrections.

C
 

sugarlobster

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hi candid, thanks so much.

i find it quite shocking that the yi says he's not sure about my intentions, they're very clear to me (enriching and nourishing, in case you were wondering, lol!) but i realise i might have been sending off mixed signals, mostly out of fear of coming on too strongly at the wrong time, but also because that were the vibes i was getting from him.
could the ghosts in the past in fact apply to him, not me? could it be his ghosts affecting how he relates to me?

after reading your post i asked what 'course corrections' i should apply, and got 27.1,5>20
lines 1 and 5 in 27 seem to have to do with dependence/independence, but i'm not sure how to interpret them. in the w/b translation, line 1 seems to counsel independence, and line 5 to willingly accept guidance and help from someone and remain aware of dependance. so i'm a bit confused.

and also, because you got me thinking about mixed messages, i asked what is the main thing i should make sure i communicate to him clearly,

22.3,5>42

love,
xx sl
 
C

candid

Guest
Hi Sugarlobster,

Absolutely, the ghosts could apply to him and how he's relating to you. Or it may apply to you both?

27.1,5 to 20 - (I must say you're drawing strong readings about this.) It is, as you've well described, about dependence/independence. Isn't this how everything is? Its a matter of depending on what is reliable, and also finding and then developing that reliability in ourselves. If/when we lack the strength and clarity to rely solely on our own its up to us to find nourishment (and answers) from other available sources. We can't help another unless we ourselves have arrived at an objective view of prevailing forces. In order to reach this vantage point (20) its necessary to rise above our own subjective way of thinking.

Finally, the way to communicate with him clearly to bring increase to this relationship is to employ simple, honest but cautious communication 'skills' to bear.

Please remember, these are only my impressions. I don't have the inside track to the answers apart from my own personal experience with them.

I wish you well with the relationship.

C
 

sugarlobster

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candid,

lines 27.1,5 might be about the need to find a balance between independence/dependence in the way i seek my nourishment. i have to admit to erring on the independence side of things, for all that i want love and companionship, i'm a 'fear of commitment' kinda gal...

i don't want to abuse your kindness so please don't feel under any obligation to post your comments on this, but i've had a further conversation with the yi about this whole matter and it has struck me as being extremely clear in its answers, but i could be deluding myself...

Q in what way may i be creating, or be the source of obstacles in the smooth flow of this relationship?
A 17.6>25

the way i interpret it, this seems to indicate that there is a very strong connection here, but that i'm keeping 'disentangled' from it, not letting myself dive into it wholeheartedly.

Q should i open my heart to him and lay my cards on the table?
A 10.1,4>59

i must be true to my path, and move with my desire. the best way to do this is by doing it simply and without pretences (seems to link up with the advice in 22 above). i must present my case clearly even if it's scary to do so. that will help disperse obstacles (or illusions)

Q what will be the effect on our relationship if i do this?
A 17.1,4>8

this looks very positive. following leads to union.
line 1
'The standard is changing.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
To go out of the door in company
Produces deeds.'
it will bring a positive change, and the 'going out the door in company' bit just sounds cool ;)

line 2 one of the things it says is 'to go one's way with sincerity brings clarity', that sounds straightforward enough...
but this line still baffled me until i read karcher's take on it:
'your righteousness is a trap. you have turned following and influence into a kind of hunt'. this is difficult to explain, but it's right on the mark. in a way, i have been playing hide and seek with him, although i felt that i was doing it because from his attitude that's all he could take now and i didn't want him to feel i was making demands on him, but also because ultimately it would help me in the 'hunt'. (liSe translates the line as 'following, possessing, catching')
'connect with the flow of events rather than your will' (karcher), don't rationalise so much, stop playing games, just 'be true on the road'(liSe).

anyway, that's my take on it, if i'm grossly deluded please shout!!

lots of love,
xx sl
 
C

candid

Guest
chuckles..

Sugar, it sounds like you're anything but deluded. I'm with you on your interpretations.

One thing though which has me curious. Most relationships have a leader and follower built into their structure. Or a Yang/Yin, if you will. Here however you say that it is you who are reluctant to commit, and yet it seems you are the one doing most of the initiating. I find that interesting.

C
 
C

candid

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hmm... and what if he were to me more proactive toward expressing his romantic interest in you? How would you respond to that? Would you be the one distancing yourself? The one fearing commitment?

Sorry about going off the reading topic a bit, but this sort of thing is a pet interest of mine. Obviously no need to answer if you're not comfortable doing so. At least maybe its something to think about while you're indoors in 17.

C
 

sugarlobster

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lol! isn't that exactly what happens sometimes when it's a guy doing the wooing? he might want to 'get the girl' because he really likes her a lot and is quite taken by her, but at the same time he's scared that it might all snowball and he'll lose his freedom and become vulnerable and he might get hurt. so he's initiating and pursuing and being yangy about it but being '25' at the same time ;-)

the funny thing is, i have no doubts about my feelings for him, and i do very much want this relationship to become committed (if i can learn how to do that!) and a full-blown 50. but i must be scared. i thought i was scared of him rejecting me, and just trying to make sure i didn't move too fast and make him run away, but maybe i'm also scared that he might go for it and i'm tip-toeing around just in case.

anyway... there's a take on the yin-yang of modern love :)

(oh! and him being a quirky taoist, he probably thinks he's 'leading from behind', wei wu wei...)

lots of love,

xx sl
 

sugarlobster

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hi candid, crossed posts!

you asked 'and what if he were to be more proactive toward expressing his romantic interest in you? How would you respond to that? Would you be the one distancing yourself? The one fearing commitment?' well you see, i don't think so. i'd be over the moon! it's because he hasn't done that that i've been fearful, i think. he's been playing quite a bit of hide-and-seek himself, to be honest. it was intense at first, then he pulled back, then i 'wooed' him again and we've been dancing this crazy dance ever since.
i always thought the angry ghosts were on his side of the court, but i must admit that so far i haven't been good at committed full-time relationships. this time it feels different to me, i really want this to happen, but maybe my own ghosts heve been seeping through the cracks of the dancing floor and it's been reinforcing his own attitude to the relationship.

mmmhhh... doubts, doubts.

but then, why dance the twist if what you want to do is tango?

love,
xx sl

ps 'At least maybe its something to think about while you're indoors in 17.' lmao!
 

sugarlobster

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oh, and just to confuse matters further ;-) one of the reasons i really like him so much is because if this ever gets to be a strong long-term relationship, one thing i'm sure of is it will never be about dinner parties, middle-class domesticity and shopping week-ends. and he's as protective of his freedom as i am of mine. maybe that's why we're still dancing the twist.

love,
xx sl
 
C

candid

Guest
The twist is an interesting image to describe a dance of lovers. They aren't touching... well not initially anyway. But they dance closer as the music plays on... become more and more suggestive.. personal space diminishes.. eventually downright seductive. Who knows, you may be doing a tango yet.
mischief.gif
 

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