Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
Hi everyone, I’m coming once again with a relationship question. It is the same person about who I inquired in summer. We continued the relationship as he was much devoted and in love with me; his intensity of emotions bothered me sometimes, and on the negative side he would’t make sound financial decisions and lived with me for 3 months which was’t good for us. He also has strong abandonment issues that results in him being clingy and jealous. Fixated on the fear of being cheating, needs a lot of reassurance. We almost broke up end of December as we lived together and I wasn’t happy. Long story short, he got financial support from family, we got our separate places and suddenly life got pretty iddilic. Fast forward to this past week, when we got into fights over miscommunication. Then yesterday, he argued with me in the car relentlessly, he started swearing and jumping on the sit a little and called me crazy (topic in question was some boring business stuff). Previously I said I don’t tolerate swearing and he promised to stop. So I left the car and we did’t talk all day (he didn't apologize). I went about my day and met to catch up with a friend who leaves on a trip soon. By coincidence, my boyfriend is super jealous of him. Suddenly my boyfriend demands to see me, no apologies, nothing, claims that we made plans (we did’t speak all day and he knows I don’t tolerate insults and swearing). Eventually I said I’m home (i was nearby), but later realized I’m tired and told my bf to come talk tomorrow. Instead he came to my house, demanded to see me and called me 30 times. I wasn’t picking up and he sent walls of angry texts. He asked if I’m with this guy and I said yes, now leave me alone. He was blowing up my phone, demanding to see me and him, accusing me of cheating and giving ultimatums. I wasn’t picking up cuz it’s nonsense and I said clearly tomorrow. He didn’t apologize for the morning still. Today I sent him a text about how upset his behavior made me but instead he would blame me for cheating. I wasn’t cheating and in the past he promised me not to throw tantrums about his paranoia and not control me. Last night he gave me a ultimatum aka if I don’t call he’s giving me up and “I’m forcing him to break up” and putting all the blame on me. I said he’s welcome to come talk per invitation yesterday but I’m not happy with this. He never came, just mentioned that I "know where his home is”. At the time of online arguments, I asked the following questions
1) what if I forgive him now (and continue the relationship) 36.1.6.>52 -I won’t be happy if I makeup?(2) What if I don’t talk to him? 10.3.6>43 Sounds like it will lead to a separation that’s good for us? (3) Advice on how to proceed in the relationship?43.2.5>55 43.2 “An anquished cry pierces the night.Fully armed, sleepless and ever-watchful, but there is no need for fear.”43.5 “The wisest method for dealing with weeds is to remove them before they are firmly rooted. In this way, your garden grows strong without violence.” So this sounds like do nothing and it will resolve itself for the better? Or this incident will remove bad patterns? After I was a bit confused with positive 55 (great abundance with or without him?), I asked: (4) Does it mean I should continue the relationship? 42.1.2.3>57 Which got me even more confused, 1,2 positive and 3 - enriched by someone’s misfortune? So enriched by not being in a relationship anymore, so what’s 57 persuasion about? I think 43 is about either some breakthrough level but most likely a good break? I need to add that otherwise he is very sweet and kind but he has a history of insecurity. He can act like a savage and be rude; we had numerous talks where I asked not to do that. When I speak honestly and firmly he gets insulted but I honestly don’t see a future with a person who can’t regroup and correct such behavioral mistakes. I’m not going to coddle him while asking not to swear and be rude with me after already multiple dramas. I understand when people are married or committed and something like that comes up, they speak tenderly and resolve an issue...but this is a pattern and he feels justified because "he is improving". All of this improving is at my emotional expense. Therefore I don’t sugarcoat it but that’s what he seems to want. I will look at it with a clearer head once again. Thanks everyone for your insight!
1) what if I forgive him now (and continue the relationship) 36.1.6.>52 -I won’t be happy if I makeup?(2) What if I don’t talk to him? 10.3.6>43 Sounds like it will lead to a separation that’s good for us? (3) Advice on how to proceed in the relationship?43.2.5>55 43.2 “An anquished cry pierces the night.Fully armed, sleepless and ever-watchful, but there is no need for fear.”43.5 “The wisest method for dealing with weeds is to remove them before they are firmly rooted. In this way, your garden grows strong without violence.” So this sounds like do nothing and it will resolve itself for the better? Or this incident will remove bad patterns? After I was a bit confused with positive 55 (great abundance with or without him?), I asked: (4) Does it mean I should continue the relationship? 42.1.2.3>57 Which got me even more confused, 1,2 positive and 3 - enriched by someone’s misfortune? So enriched by not being in a relationship anymore, so what’s 57 persuasion about? I think 43 is about either some breakthrough level but most likely a good break? I need to add that otherwise he is very sweet and kind but he has a history of insecurity. He can act like a savage and be rude; we had numerous talks where I asked not to do that. When I speak honestly and firmly he gets insulted but I honestly don’t see a future with a person who can’t regroup and correct such behavioral mistakes. I’m not going to coddle him while asking not to swear and be rude with me after already multiple dramas. I understand when people are married or committed and something like that comes up, they speak tenderly and resolve an issue...but this is a pattern and he feels justified because "he is improving". All of this improving is at my emotional expense. Therefore I don’t sugarcoat it but that’s what he seems to want. I will look at it with a clearer head once again. Thanks everyone for your insight!