Break up - please help!

[Lola1986]

Hi all,

I'm in a bit of crisis, the end, possibly of a difficult relationship with someone I am still very much in love with (and he with me I think) but we are ending because of cycles of conflict that we cant break out of, and also because essentially he doesn't give me enough or isn't able to be there for me enough in ways I need (he is not available enough and he recognises this to some extent).

Anyway to cut a long story short, we have sort of decided to split and it feels very unreal. The most difficult thing is that I have a lot of emotions around it and I don't know how or whether its a good idea to share these with him, or sort of try to be cool. We have agreed to 'try' and be friends, we share many people in common so neither of us wants a hard time etc etc but of course it is hard, for me anyway, to be friends because really that's not what I want. So it's a challenge! Anyway, only time will tell if we manage that or not.

So I asked the following questions:
What should my attitude to x be?
2 - 8
changing lines 5
This confuses me...is it just about a chnage - the union bit is confusing

how do I best manage this breakup
14 - 25
changing lines 2,3,5
does this mean with integrity, looking after myself?

Is it the time to end my relationship with x?
35
advancing, I guess this is a positive one about moving towards good even though right now I am very confused.

TBH the confusion is around wanting to profess my love and missing of him over these past weeks, and express my sadness. It's not so much that I'm like oh we shouldn't split, but its like wanting to really acknowledge with him what is going on for me, and vice versa. But maybe this just makes things all the more complicated and its best to just let go gently and not go there in a way!

Any advise much appreciated, or other questions I should ask.
Lola

 

[rosada]

2.5 means your attitude should be that you can continue to care for this person without making your feelings public.

14 - 25. Move on. Don’t be sad because it’s over, be happy because it happened. Your determination to speak well of each other helps you return to your natural self.

35. This break up does seem to be appropriate. Who knows, maybe after things calm down a bit a relationship as friends turns out to be a much better fit.

I think you are being advised that you are right not to try to discuss your feelings with your friend.

 

[Lola1986]

Thanks for the wise words. It's really tough because of course there are quite a few things i am angry about as well but mostly its just hurting and having to accept that he was not able to give me what I need in a relationship in order to feel loved and supported and accepted and that's just the way it is. For now I guess it's best to just sit tight and hope he doesn't find someone else too soon (this was a recurring issue, his relationship with other women including friends was too hard for me to deal with) because that will cause much pain. Although perhaps I simply need to know that all is for the best - and whatever is good for him will be good for me too. Ah well!

 

[Lola1986]

I just did another reading, is there anything I need to say to x now:
hex 28, lines 2 and 4, - 39
Its a bit CONFUSING coz line 2 is like yes, can be positive to say something, and then line 4 is like, no more is needed, more will lead to shame.
39 is not a particularly positive one though - so general suggestion is no, don't need to do that?

 

[rosada]

28.2.4 in this situation suggests to me that you are wanting to say something wise (28.2) and supportive(28.4) that would some how shore up your relationship but 39. Obstruction says that's just not possible now. The image for 39 is water above and mountain below. The water could represent fog around the mountain top as in some sort of confusion about the situation. Thus I don't think anything you might say now would clear anything up or leave you feeling better.
I think your first reading said it all - assume the romance part of the relationship has ended, give it a rest for now, move on and perhaps your acting with such calm maturity will smooth the way to having a more honest discussion further down the road (where you share a glass of wine, talk about old times and then get to tell him what a total jerk he was ).

 

[Trojina]

So I asked the following questions:
What should my attitude to x be?
2 - 8
changing lines 5
This confuses me...is it just about a chnage - the union bit is confusing

The way to write the answer is 2.5>8

What should your attitude be ? I think Yi is bypassing the question straight to saying you're doing fine, you don't need to change your attitude or manage it or anything.

This answer I feel says you are genuine, your feelings are real, there's no ego getting in your way, you are quite humble in the sense of being in touch with how things really are. Whether this means going on or breaking up doesn't matter as much as you being true to yourself and true in your relationships. As you are true this inevitably leads to true connections (8)

how do I best manage this breakup
14 - 25
changing lines 2,3,5
does this mean with integrity, looking after myself?

14.2.3.5>25

This answer confirms for me my interpretation of the previous cast. You're really showing up well in these answers. You may be sad and heartbroken but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong you need to correct or 'manage'. You can't exactly 'manage' this, it is what it is (25). The lack of ego in this whole thing shows up again in line 3 which does call you to be generous as you can afford it.

Look at line 5 'truth strikes awe'....I think you are blessed in that you have such generosity to offer and such sincerity, truth of heart, according to Yi.

I think you can manage this by appreciating yourself more, telling yourself yes it's really hard but you have acted with truth, I would say with the very best of intentions and so you can't really go wrong.

Is it the time to end my relationship with x?
35
advancing, I guess this is a positive one about moving towards good even though right now I am very confused.

It doesn't really seem like the time to end it. Your last two casts were lovely and 35uc doesn't especially scream 'breakup' at me.

TBH the confusion is around wanting to profess my love and missing of him over these past weeks, and express my sadness. It's not so much that I'm like oh we shouldn't split, but its like wanting to really acknowledge with him what is going on for me, and vice versa. But maybe this just makes things all the more complicated and its best to just let go gently and not go there in a way!

Well given the casts yes I feel it would be good to be totally open with him about missing him. I wouldn't normally say that myself but so far I don't feel you can go wrong whatever you do because whatever you do comes from a place of truth. Do protect yourself as you see fit, it's horrible to profess one's feelings and then the other doesn't reciprocate, but you know about those kind of risks more than I do so that's still something for you to decide.

I just did another reading, is there anything I need to say to x now:
hex 28, lines 2 and 4, - 39
Its a bit CONFUSING coz line 2 is like yes, can be positive to say something, and then line 4 is like, no more is needed, more will lead to shame.
39 is not a particularly positive one though - so general suggestion is no, don't need to do that?

You two need to talk sooner or later. In hexagram 28 things just can't stay as they are, the roof is near breaking point, too much pressure. Stop taking the lonely self sufficient route (39) yes you need to talk to each other.

Again you have to take what I say cautiously and use your own judgment but you don't need to hold back so much.

 

[Lola1986]

Hi Rosada and Trojina,

Thanks for your replies - tho they were slightly conflicted in advice. In the end I have kept quiet, at least for now. Felt I wanted the dust to settle a bit but yes, I will of course reach out sometime soon (it has only been a week). I am cautious because my skin is VERY thin right now so I fear getting hurt if I don't get a loving response but also I think you're probably right in the sense that tonight, for example, I wanted to just say hi, and then instead of just messaging I cast about a thousand ichings, over thought it completely, checked the horoscope and probably missed an opportune time instead of just messaging when I felt like it. ANd didn't send a message. Sigh.
And you know the funny thing is, this is how it was at the very very start of our relationship, me totally overthinking everything instead of acting from the heart and trusting in that. I won't even bother either of you with all the hxagrams I cast this eve, got myself into a real confusion! Anyway thanks and hopefully I learn to trust my instincts more and in turn be more trusting of him as well as this situation unfolds. Will indeed report back if there is more to tell : )

 

[Lola1986]

I did have one more question tho, for a few times on different questions I've had the answer:
20.2 > 8

What are either or both of your general thoughts on this message generally?

Also, Trojina for other questions I got 23 a number of times which does, to me indicate break up right?! As i understood it this is the classic breakup one. So perhaps advancement meant to a different kind of relationship between us...
I guess only time will tell.

 

[rosada]

Check your calculations.
20.2 changes to 59.

 

[Lola1986]

Sorry, I meant 20.6 - 8
The noble one sees their life... and is without blame?