Building a picture to make a decision on whether or not to disassociate

[serinasioux]

Good Morning People of Clarity!

It has been a while since I last posted to the forums. I have been been receiving fairly precise responses from the Yi as of late, but I have an issue now that is too heavy to interpret on my own without some outside guidance. I don't typically respond to others' posts because I kind of feel that I can understand what the Yi is saying to me but do not have the confidence to throw my two cents into other peoples readings that they may use to make decisions about their lives, So I apologize for taking in this respect without really giving much back. I hope to gain more confidence to offer feedback in the future but as of yet I am still very green.

On to my issue....I have a long time friend that I am trying to decide if I should disassociate with. This friend has been a good friend in his way but he is also an abusive and toxic person. In the past I have been able to tolerate and accept him for who he is because...well, many reasons. First, I used to smoke enough weed to disconnect and let it go. I find now that since I first lessened my intake to just smoking at night to now not smoking at all that I don't have that tolerance for him anymore. I also harbored perhaps too much sympathy for him because he (probably) has Aspergers and doesn't really have other friends that he is close to, save one person that is battier than he is. That however, isn't the meat of the issue.

 Once we had a pleasant friendship that allowed me to overlook his inability to respect boundaries. His generally angry demeanor was palatable because he was funny about it. Over the last couple years however, he has become increasingly less stable and is unpredictable due to an excessive intake of drugs and alcohol that he uses to cope with the stresses of his business ventures. You could say that he is a business savant and he takes huge risks. He has decided to implement a humanitarian facet to his business and his delusions of grandeur and self-righteousness have reached epic status.

Recently, we had a conversation when he was drunk and angry. He said some pretty horrifying things and told me that we were no longer friends and took actions to fire me from his projects on a drunken whim. He has been establishing a pattern of saying heinous shit but he went too far when he told me I am not "allowed" to ever marry, and that if I did and there was a divorce he would have my husband killed to avoid divorce settlements with the amount of hypothetical money I would have if I am a part of his projects. Also, when someone says that they are "done" with me, I take it very seriously as I am a serious person and do not throw words around lightly. I am not really upset that he fired me, I chose to help him out despite my misgivings about working for a friend because he begged me to and it seemed like it was mutually beneficial. The money isn't that great of an appeal for me because I am confident I can make my own way in life and promises of excessive wealth are just that, promises.

Since then, he has basically tried to gloss over this conversation and acts like nothing happened though I have sent him a very detailed email reminding him, as well as the barrage of nonsensical text messages he has sent me, and all of the reasons why I find the dynamics of our friendship to be disturbing. He is also ignoring the fact that he fired me and began to make plans for my role in his company demanding that I be considerate of his need for emotional distance in not talking about any of this while he is getting his company off the ground. He has also implied that his success depends on my help as he has nobody else he truly trusts. Never mind the fact that I have many reasons not to trust him. 

My fear is that if I try to completely disassociate from him he will retaliate against me or the people I care about. He can be downright nasty when he perceives any slight directed toward him. It is for this reason that I have not simply stopped talking to him and told him to f*ck off. I have tried that before but he harassed another close friend of mine perceiving her to be the reason I "abandoned" him until I came out of hiding to get him to stop. I was successfully able to stay away for a while, but after some time he attempted to reconnect and I let him because he seemed genuinely apologetic and was taking his meds.

Fast forward to now, he is unstable again and scarier than I ever really thought he could be. Before he was just obnoxious, now I am concerned. I don't hate him, I truly hope that he gets the help he needs. I have no faith that he will though. On some level I wonder if keeping him close so to speak is not the safer option because at least then I can monitor his stability and avoid upsetting him enough to retaliate against me. He swears that he would never hurt me, but that doesn't necessarily extend to my loved ones. Also, this notion that I am somehow "special" does not sit well with me. Everyone is special until they're not. 

I asked the Yi many questions a few nights ago and I have been sitting on them giving them consideration. I apologize for the lengthy post and the number of hexes to sift through but I appreciate any perspective you may be willing to offer. I am also open to any suggestions as to questions I can ask. 

1. If I were to agree to work for him, how will my sense of stability be affected?
51 unchanging
** I don't think "Shock" gets much clearer, though shock can be both good or bad. Either way it is a new direction.

2. How will this shock to my stability affect my overall happiness?
17.1.3 changing to 31
**Should I just let it go and "let the current guide me?"
**17.1 - Perhaps with boundaries and clearly stating my concerns he will honestly try to reign himself in and things will be alright?
**17.3 - Losing the small child - Maybe he will be shocked by my genuine dismay and it will force him to grow up?
**31 - The overall affect could be positive. Following him in work would be gainful. Being consistent in my approach will change his heart and lead to good fortune.

3. Between the two choices of disassociating with him and agreeing to continue working for him, what is best for me?
16.4 changing to 2
**"Partners are united" - Is this one telling me that working for him is best? "great possessions gained, do not doubt"
(There is a staggering amount of money on the table...enough that a couple years dealing with this crap means I never have to work again. I'm not sure that my sanity and security is worth it though...perhaps the Yi thinks different.)

4. How will I be affected if I disassociate from him?
62.1.4 to 36
**16.1- I must be consistent in my approach
**16.4 - running away from him could be dangerous

5. How will my partner be affected if I disassociate from him?
28.4 to 48
**He will be relieved that I am letting go of this stress but picking up the slack may overwhelm him in time.

6. What do I need to know before I engage him in discussion about possibly continuing to work for him?
25.4.5 to 27
**I really don't have any guesses on this one.

Please and thank you in advance for input. This is an embarrassing problem to have as it feels like I am fourteen again dealing with an overgrown petulant child except this one has the money and the resources to screw with me endlessly if he wants to.

 

[ginnie]

2. How will this shock to my stability affect my overall happiness?
17.1.3 changing to 31

Go out and ask other people what they think. Make no move right now. Hex 31 often means that we have become sensitized to someone.

3. Between the two choices of disassociating with him and agreeing to continue working for him, what is best for me?
16.4 changing to 2

Please notice that moving line 16.4 does not have an auspice, like "good fortune" or "misfortune." Just this year I had a serious disappointment because I thought the line meant "have no doubts." Surely something has been lost in translation with this line, because we must become wary when we receive it. Enthusiasm can be a wonderful emotion to experience, but in some situations caution and rationality would be a better road to take.

4. How will I be affected if I disassociate from him?
62.1.4 to 36

You will be like a bird in flight. The situation would come to an end before very long.

How will my partner be affected if I disassociate from him?
28.4 to 48

The ridgepole will be upheld: he will come through it okay. His business position will not suffer.

6. What do I need to know before I engage him in discussion about possibly continuing to work for him?
25.4.5 to 27

Seems like you should think about your "nourishment," which might mean your income in this case. But with all the insights about this man that you outlined above, how can you keep your integrity in such a relationship? He sounds like someone who is drunk with his own power. Don't be clueless. Act on what you know to be true.

This is an embarrassing problem to have as it feels like I am fourteen again dealing with an overgrown petulant child except this one has the money and the resources to screw with me endlessly if he wants to.

I once was entangled in a relationship very much like this one and I finally got myself together and walked away from him. My life took a turn for the better almost immediately after that. This man sounds like he is made of money, but money cannot buy happiness. Beware adults who are really petulant children in disguise. They are very "interesting," but we are better off without them.

 

[arbole]

Please notice that moving line 16.4 does not have an auspice, like "good fortune" or "misfortune." Just this year I had a serious disappointment because I thought the line meant "have no doubts." Surely something has been lost in translation with this line, because we must become wary when we receive it. Enthusiasm can be a wonderful emotion to experience, but in some situations caution and rationality would be a better road to take.

To add to that, once i was invited to a party, and i was in doubt because there was a girl that we dated briefly. I asked the I ching what would happen. One of the lines was 16.4, and i think it was the moment in the night that i played the piano, and just happen that:

‘Source of enthusiasm. Great possessions gained. Do not doubt. Partners are gathered together as a hair clasp gathers hair.’

That connection that you have when you make music for example, the source of enthusiasm, you gain great possesions... the inspiration that comes when making music mindlesly, you have no doubt, when doubt reachs you, you lose that inspiration and go "what im doing? oh, i lost it".

And when someone looks at you in that state, they gather around. "Oh, this dude is flowing". And i dont know how to play the piano, but everyone was surprised. I think that it just state that.

Maybe hes the 16.4? And you are gather around him? Since you say hes a business savant.


62.1.4 > 36 seems like a trouble. ‘Bird in flight means a pitfall.’ seems pretty literal, if you fly out of the nest, pitfall.
62.4 > I read once about this line, about not trusting. Maybe meaning him losing your trust, or the other way around.


Thats just my take on reading that, i dont know how is dealing with him.

 

[ginnie]

16.4 indicates that the person is charismatic and tends to attract others. That does NOT mean that what happens is going to be favorable. In fact, you could be injured.

62.1.4 indicates a period of transition. At first you are like a bird in flight and perhaps suffer emotional insecurity. But soon the whole thing is over. It comes to an end.