Can I have some advice, please? - 31.4>39

[Applesauce]

Hello!

So, I went out to the bar with some of my classmates to try and socialize, befriend them, etc. And it sucked!

Truth to be told, I have always had a hard time making friends, and also would have liked to try out something new, so I went with them to the bar! But I just didn't like it at all! Like the atmospheres of bars' are just so oppressive and depressing! And I don't even like alcohol as I found out! Regardless, I tried opening myself up and bonding and whatnot but I just couldn't. I then realized that maybe deeply within myself, I just don't want to. This threw me for a loop, as my whole life (which is only 20 years as of now to be honest) I thought that this is what I wanted, and when given the opportunity I simply disliked it. I had more fun looking at the autumnal trees at night, as we were walking from bar to bar, than I had at any of those places.

After some time, this weird disconnect between what I thought I wanted and what it truly was like grew larger and larger, and I had to excuse myself and go home. As I arrived home, overwhelmed with a bunch conflicting feelings, such as disappointment in my own reactions, happiness that I learnt more about myself and so and so, I asked the oracle:

Can I have some advice, please? (The best I could formulate in my emotional state)
And got the answer: 31.4>39

Now I genuinely have no clue what hexagram 31 is trying to say. But I think that 39 is urging me to step back and reflect upon myself, I don't get what the north-east south-west part means though!

Well that's all I gathered by myself after a couple of days! I would be most greatful if others would share their own insights or experiences with this as it left me quite dumbfounded!

 

[Trojina]

I tried opening myself up and bonding and whatnot but I just couldn't. I

Given the answer it is probable you opened up bonding in more ways than you realise. I mean those people could be reacting to/receiving you in ways that are known only to them

I had more fun looking at the autumnal trees at night, as we were walking from bar to bar, than I had at any of those places.

Oh yes and if there was a moon even better. You certainly aren't alone in preferring the autumnal trees, it's just an unfortunate part of youth is feeling one ought to like crowded bars and wotnot. In truth I sometimes wonder if anybody really does.

As I arrived home, overwhelmed with a bunch conflicting feelings, such as disappointment in my own reactions, happiness that I learnt more about myself and so and so, I asked the oracle:

Can I have some advice, please? (The best I could formulate in my emotional state)
And got the answer: 31.4>39

It's always a quick way into a reading to find yourself in the answer, or to find the situation in the answer through a word or a phrase you used in the question. You asked about a situation with friends/people you tried to bond with and Yi gave you an answer with the word 'friends' in. So Yi's right there in the bar, in the midst of the situation, describing what's happening

'Constancy brings good fortune, regrets vanish.
Wavering, wavering, going and coming,
Friends simply follow your desires.'

So in hexagram 31, there's an openness, an invite, an invite to exchange with others/be impacted by others and while this often seen assort of romantic you only have to look at the lines to see how hard and messy this can be. So you boldly set off to be open and exchange and you come home in a state of some turbulence following this attempt. This is what the line describes, that turbulence, uncertainty. But this isn't a bad sign it's a sign it's all more open to your impact than you think. I'd say whatever you think those people thought of you it's all more open than that, they are more open to you and what you might want than you'd think. If you read that line closely isn't it very near that situation in the bar ? 'Going and coming' (echoed of course in 39) friends not being sure of what you want or need but ready to go along with signals from you.

One might think the advice was for you to say 'I'm going on a splendid autumn tree at night trail in a full moon, anyone up for it?' . That's just an example I appreciate it might not work for that particular group but the line does show you as the one who is giving the cues as to what she wants...and of course she doesn't totally know what she wants, there's 39ish struggle here which leads to back and forth, difficulty of going ahead. That's precisely what you've said here

As I arrived home, overwhelmed with a bunch conflicting feelings, such as disappointment in my own reactions, happiness that I learnt more about myself

...but bear in mind, and there's judgment in this at all, others can't necessarily keep up with who you are/what you want and so after you left I could see they might be saying to each other 'why did Apple leave/do you know what's going on with apple' and everything. Not in a nasty way though because the line shows people more or less ready to follow your lead in many respects. Perhaps you could try expressing a bit more of what you do really like ? And it is important to remember there's no closed doors from others here, it's not like anyone made any firm decision over you or anything. Maybe some of those people are interested in what you like and so the emphasis is not on you fitting with them but also here very much them being able to follow your wishes....if they knew what they were....

Apart from locating your question in the answer, and it is always there somewhere, I recommend focusing on the change line more than the relating hexagram in particular when there is just one change line. I mean 39 is there in the answer but it's expressed in that change line, the difficulty experienced is that to and fro, the wavering.

 

[my_key]

Hi Applesauce

It seems that the overwhelm you experience in social gatherings takes a firm and substantial hold on you, your thoughts, your feelings and your behaviours. The advice coming from 31 < > 39 can be easily found when you step back from the overwhelm and focus on the concise advice given in the images of each hexagram.

The advice Yi has for you, using Wilhelm's commentary as the basis for the rebalancing you are looking for, is to embrace an upgrade where as a new version of yourself you encourage people to approach you by displaying your readiness to receive them (31) and you can achieve this through turning your attention to yourself as you take positive steps towards remoulding your character (39). Remember, if you are always limping in life it becomes very easy for the limp to become a permanent habitual gait.

You don't have to make this complicated, in your overwhelm, by trying to second guess or introduce any red herrings. How important is it to really know what the north-east south-west part means when there are so many other treasures in the reading?

Clearly express to yourself what it is you would like to achieve - step by step; slowly slowly; safely safely - to counter the overwhelm; accept the toing and froing of doubt - it'll not kill you; feel the fear and do it anyway in a safe manner. Then stand back and watch how friends come flocking in (31.4) to be with the new you.

... of course other interpretations may make more sense for you.

Good Luck

 

[Applesauce]

Hello!

Thank you everyone for your interpretations!

I'm sorry that it took me this long to respond, but I didn't realize what a sore spot this issue was for me, until I tried to truly reflect on it, and oh my it physically hurt to do so!

I really thought about it and I think this might be a deeper problem, which I might not be able to handle on my own! So I'll probably seek out a psychologist, this decision was also inspired by hexagram 39 which says "It furthers one to see the great man". And what a coincidence happened! My university just posted that it offers free psychological counselling for students!

So I asked the oracle: "What would happen if I went to the university psychologist?"

And I got: hexagram 30.2.5.6 to 43!

And this sounds very promising to me!

• The 2nd line simply says that there will be good fortune!
• The 5th line says that there will be crying and sorrow, but there will be good fortune. I feel like going to a psychologist inherently involves crying and sorrow, as dealing with strong emotions is not a pleasant experience.
• The 6th line to me appears to be about a king getting rid of the leaders of the rebels to achieve peace, maybe? It does sound like what I want to happen, symbolically of course!

I don't really get what hexagram 43 is trying to say (seems like not getting the meaning of the changed hexagram is a common problem of mine!). But I think it might be suggesting that some restructuring will happen!

I'm very thankful once more for your responses, if you didn't take time from your days to respond to me and try helping me, I probably would have just ran away from my problems instead of taking a step to try and get help with them! So this truly meant a lot to me, as I basically had to force myself to engage with this topic, regardless of the extreme negative feelings I associate with it, as I would have felt very mean that people responded to me and I didn't even take the effort to read it! For this I am truly greatful!!

Anyways, I'll most likely sign up for an appointment as it probably won't kill me! (I am at a medical university and the psychology department is right next to the morgue, so I mean you can never know!)

Thanks once again, bye!

 

[Abersquillion]

Just wanted to mention with your first reading the 39 has this lovely turn towards the west and south - the place of friends and allies. What if this is an alternate way of establishing friendhip via your allies = Do you love books? board games? nature walks? sketching? dancing? bowling? cinema?there are soooooo many other great things to do!
As per 31.4 ...friends follow your thoughts - can you be the leader initiator but set the field as you would prefer it (i.e.) not bars.
I can so relate to your issue. I was the same...and still am. As I think Trojina pointed out, more people than you would expect are actually uncomfortable socialising in bars.
This could make your process in the second reading one of doing the inner work and then being in the '43' deciding position - as per above.
Best wishes

 

[Trojina]

I don't really get what hexagram 43 is trying to say (seems like not getting the meaning of the changed hexagram is a common problem of mine!). But I think it might be suggesting that some restructuring will happen!

I wonder if you are seeing the relating hexagram as 'the future' . It isn't. It can include elements of the future but mostly it shows where you are in relation to the question. Not always, it's a fairly fluid kind of thing in terms of interpretation but if you see it just as 'the future' that can be misleading. 43, decision, breakthrough, that's what you are trying to do by seeing this person, Break through (43) to Clarity (30)

An old blog on understanding the relating hexagram from Hilary

The old 'resulting hexagram' conundrum

I recently had an email from 'M', who's baffled by a recent reading. M's particular question was a little unusual, asking what he himself is really looking for in a given situation, but the basic problem he's having is familiar: "Essentially, I am confused as how to interpret the original hexagram,

www.onlineclarity.co.uk

I just wondered if you thought the relating hexagram was the future as you seem to focus more on it than the change line in the first reading. I mean there's nothing wrong with that if that's what you feel drawn to but I can't see in that reading why 39 would be more important than the line received. If your answer had been just 39 you would have received 39 as the primary answer.

 

[my_key]

Trojina is right to point out that seeing the relating hexagram solely as the future can sometimes be misleading; most often so when this method is followed by rote.

I've always found the safest / least ambiguous path of primary to secondary can be navigated when the changings lines are seen as specific guidance, warnings, or even necessary course corrections that will allow you to best navigate your way through and potentially transform the patterns of the situation you are in.

"What would happen if I went to the university psychologist?"

And I got: hexagram 30.2.5.6 to 43!

If you went to the university psychologist you would (30 <>43) gain 'Radiance' through 'Deciding and Parting'. Rummaging in what is held below creates a break through.

30.2 - a new light shines through to your inner world
30.5 - restructuring the sadness and grief that has been hidden there
30.6 - thus challenging your habitual leaders and so restoring balance.

... of course, other interpretations are available for you to digest in alternative ways.

Good Luck

 

[gene27]

Hello!

So, I went out to the bar with some of my classmates to try and socialize, befriend them, etc. And it sucked!

Truth to be told, I have always had a hard time making friends, and also would have liked to try out something new, so I went with them to the bar! But I just didn't like it at all! Like the atmospheres of bars' are just so oppressive and depressing! And I don't even like alcohol as I found out! Regardless, I tried opening myself up and bonding and whatnot but I just couldn't. I then realized that maybe deeply within myself, I just don't want to. This threw me for a loop, as my whole life (which is only 20 years as of now to be honest) I thought that this is what I wanted, and when given the opportunity I simply disliked it. I had more fun looking at the autumnal trees at night, as we were walking from bar to bar, than I had at any of those places.

After some time, this weird disconnect between what I thought I wanted and what it truly was like grew larger and larger, and I had to excuse myself and go home. As I arrived home, overwhelmed with a bunch conflicting feelings, such as disappointment in my own reactions, happiness that I learnt more about myself and so and so, I asked the oracle:

Can I have some advice, please? (The best I could formulate in my emotional state)
And got the answer: 31.4>39

Now I genuinely have no clue what hexagram 31 is trying to say. But I think that 39 is urging me to step back and reflect upon myself, I don't get what the north-east south-west part means though!

Well that's all I gathered by myself after a couple of days! I would be most greatful if others would share their own insights or experiences with this as it left me quite dumbfounded!

I will go out on a limb here on what this means. But I think it might help, at least a little bit. 31.4 tells us something about the feelings of the heart. The feelings we may have, and here, it is telling us, in essence, to find our own place of the heart, and those who are in accord with our hearts strings will accompany us, and others will not. Find your own place, that makes you happy. It’s possible that 99.9% of the world won’t like who you are, but the few who do, will fit into your world. Don’t go with the crowd, but let the few who enter your space enter. They will be the right ones for you. (See hexagram 61 line 2). Now one thing I might do is some soul searching to see if you really don’t like it, or if there are just unfounded fears in your psyche that keep you away from something you could enjoy. My feelings say that you really don’t like it, and I can relate to that myself, however I am 78 years old and that might affect my desire for socialization. Use hexagram 57.2 to discover who you really truly are, and what you truly like and don’t like.