Can we make it work? Hex 14

[dancingfox]

Hello everybody

I was dating J. the first halve of this year. We have a strong connection but wanted different things, so this summer we ended the relationship. It really was the right thing to do back then. Feelings were there from both sides, but he was afraid to deal with his feelings and afraid to commit after coming out of a long term relationship with 2 kids involved. I wanted a committed relationship at the time. We agreed it was best to end things.

After J. I was in an another relationship with someone else for a short while. I noticed two things. I was putting to much energy into building the relationship and not investing in what I truly needed. I was not feeling the chemistry, so that was the end of that. Despite the lockdown and all of the challenges that come with living alone, I prefer to remain independent.

I have done a lot of soulsearching in the past months about what I truly want for myself in life. I am slowly realizing my dream to start up my own coaching practice. I want to focus on myself and developing my talents, sharing my gift with the world. Perhaps a relationship just doesn't fit me right now.

Last week J. reached out to me again. We talked. We seem to be in the same place, choosing to be independent. Would a casual relationship be a possibility if we remain respectful and sincere towards each other. We both want to focus on ourselves and we have great chemistry. After everything we have come to know each other very well. My feelings were hurt after ending the relationship but I did move on since then.

I asked Yi: can we make this work? Hex UC 14
On the Yi Jing website from Lise I read the following text

If you use every talent you have as best you can, then you will attract the blessings from Heaven. Don’t expect Heaven to carry you though, its gifts come with the condition to use them and also use them free from egoism. The talents for living and loving are the really big ones. But small ones can also achieve a lot.

I don't think the Yi is directly answering my question about my relationship with J here, but it feels more like a confirmation that I am choosing the right path for myself in life, by focusing on my talents and following my dream (my own coaching practice)
Interpreting it along the lines of my question: we have what we need to make it work.

Not sure if i am getting the answer entirely?
Any thoughts?

 

[Olga Super Star]

can we make this work? 14, great possession!

14 is my favourite number

 

[dancingfox]

Yes it does sound positive doesn't it I just hope I am doing the right thing here. He still means a lot to me and I fear it's clouding my judgement.

 

[Olga Super Star]

Go for it
The worst that can happen is things not working out.

 

[dancingfox]

Just bumping this thread. Iwould like to understand more about hex 14uc in relation to my question

 

[Matali]

Just bumping this thread. Iwould like to understand more about hex 14uc in relation to my question

Hello, do you have another hexagram for this question ?

 

[dancingfox]

No... it's an unchanging hexagram

 

[ClavdiaChauchat]

Hi Dancingfox,

in my experience, the 14 is a really positive hex. I think Yi is saying: "you already know, you're doing good, you chose the right path". In this hex everything is clear, there's the sun, there is modesty and if destiny: perhaps Yi is saying you should go on and let's see what "matches with this great time".

Clavdia

 

[dancingfox]

Thanks Clavdia, I will update this thread when it's relevant.

 

[Topher]

14UC is saying that you can achieve it if you offer the best of you, what makes you worthy, either if you have noble emotions, be supportive of that person with your emotions, if you have intelligence, help with whatever needs problem solving,if you have a good understanding of the other person try to work the problems out that way and offer the best you have. if you do you can make it work. also dont expect anything in exchange when offerin the best of you because the purpose of offering oneself is abundance so the other person could value, and does not consider the behavior as selfish

the greatest expression is 14.6 though that is giving too much, if someone doesnt value that perhaps they are too selfish

how do i know? well I received 14.6 and I know exactly what I offered, it was too much and I was offering the best of myself without looking for any benefit in exchange

P.S: if the person is manipulative set boundaries and don't let them influence you but still offer the thing that makes you unique(the best of you)

 

[dancingfox]

Well

It isn't working. Everything that went wrong between us is repeating itself. Old wounds opening up, I feel terrible. Best just leave it be for now. If anything changes I will update this thread. Hex 14uc really mystifies me.

 

[ClavdiaChauchat]

Well

It isn't working. Everything that went wrong between us is repeating itself. Old wounds opening up, I feel terrible. Best just leave it be for now. If anything changes I will update this thread. Hex 14uc really mystifies me.

Hi Dancingfox,

I'm sorry in reading that. I think that it was somehow destiny (wors which is also in the hexs description written). But you are clearly understand this dynamic. That's hugely important. I also read in the hex: "the sun brings to light the bad and the good". (sorry for my translation, i don't have an english version of the book).

 

[Topher]

Well

It isn't working. Everything that went wrong between us is repeating itself. Old wounds opening up, I feel terrible. Best just leave it be for now. If anything changes I will update this thread. Hex 14uc really mystifies me.

Exactly what went wrong the other time? or what were the causes that repeated this time?

 

[dancingfox]

Hi Topher.

J didn't want to commit to a relationship. After 6 months I stopped seeing him because I was in love and my feelings weren't entirely answered. He admitted he had feelings too, but got nervous because he's afraid to commit. It was a very draining dynamic with him pulling at me and pushing away when I got to close. He never respected my boundaries and I in turn was not very good at keeping my boundaries.

Now he says he misses me, but he wants keep seeing other women. Even in a casual relationships I don't want someone who is involved with other women. Hello boundaries I think this man came into my life to teach me about boundaries . We had something beautiful for a while but it is time for both of us to let go and each go our separate ways.

 

[dancingfox]

Hi Clavdia

What I get from this unchanging hex is a also to let go of any negativity I feel towards J or what we had together. The sun brings to light the bad and the good, yes.

What it was that I had to offer J I'm not sure. Though in another reading on the forum someone told me J saw me as a'boon from heaven'. A gift in a difficult time.

Well, we live and we learn...

 

[ClavdiaChauchat]

Hi Clavdia

What I get from this unchanging hex is a also to let go of any negativity I feel towards J or what we had together. The sun brings to light the bad and the good, yes.

What it was that I had to offer J I'm not sure. Though in another reading on the forum someone told me J saw me as a'boon from heaven'. A gift in a difficult time.

Well, we live and we learn...

I agree in letting the negativity go. Why do you speak about an offer? Don't get it. I personally don't see J as a gift, as the hex is unchanging.

Hope it helps!

Clavdia

 

[dancingfox]

I agree in letting the negativity go. Why do you speak about an offer? Don't get it. I personally don't see J as a gift, as the hex is unchanging.

Hope it helps!

Clavdia

No no, I meant J saw me as the offering. Not the other way around.

 

[ClavdiaChauchat]

No no, I meant J saw me as the offering. Not the other way around.

Ok, now I ser your point. And something comes to my mind.
I had this hex approximately one month ago. The question was about my ex boy. I wanted to get in touch with him, and I was wondering: how will he react.

And i got 14. I think you're something special to J. Something which has caused intense and true emotions. In my case, i was nothing more than this to my ex boy. A sweet, beautiful memory.

Hope it helps!

 

[timpatrick]

Hello Dancingfox.....I see a certain dilemma in your situation that might be spoken to by the nuclear hexagram which in this case is hex 43.. deciding/parting which asks us to consider our resolution to confront difficulties and clarify what we can deal with and what must be left behind ...hex 14 it seems to me contains such a broad wealth it really requires huge FOCUS to bring it to realisation ....
So, perhaps it says something like " We have something really substantial here, but we must focus on what is really good and life affirming and cut out the crap ...... can we do this?

The answer to that question for both of you is what leads you forwards...

with painful experience x

 

[dancingfox]

Hello Dancingfox.....I see a certain dilemma in your situation that might be spoken to by the nuclear hexagram which in this case is hex 43.. deciding/parting which asks us to consider our resolution to confront difficulties and clarify what we can deal with and what must be left behind ...hex 14 it seems to me contains such a broad wealth it really requires huge FOCUS to bring it to realisation ....
So, perhaps it says something like " We have something really substantial here, but we must focus on what is really good and life affirming and cut out the crap ...... can we do this?

The answer to that question for both of you is what leads you forwards...

with painful experience

Hi Timpatrick...

I don't think there is a scenario here that involves the two of us in harmony. I told him I don't want him in my life like this. If he wants to see many women instead of just one... he can do as he pleases but he will continue to live his life without me in it. I am not that magnanimous.

I think cutting out the crap for me means cutting J out. The really good and life affirming thing here is focus on my freelance coaching practice, surround myself with people who love me for me, without conditions that compromise my self worth.

with painful experience indeed
In the words of Pat Benatar: Love is a battlefield

 

[Olga Super Star]

Anyway it's not over yet.
SOmetimes casts do take some time to pan out.
14 is good fortune for sure. Be positive!

 

[Topher]

Hi Topher.

J didn't want to commit to a relationship. After 6 months I stopped seeing him because I was in love and my feelings weren't entirely answered. He admitted he had feelings too, but got nervous because he's afraid to commit. It was a very draining dynamic with him pulling at me and pushing away when I got to close. He never respected my boundaries and I in turn was not very good at keeping my boundaries.

Now he says he misses me, but he wants keep seeing other women. Even in a casual relationships I don't want someone who is involved with other women. Hello boundaries I think this man came into my life to teach me about boundaries . We had something beautiful for a while but it is time for both of us to let go and each go our separate ways.

Ok If I were him I would be nervous too if it was talking about engagement start first with something small then go exponentially up, if there was no engagement I cant really tell why he was scared. the only way to get someone to commit to a relationship is trust, dont go too fast but ensure he is only interesed in you. else it will be a loss of time

I am going to be honest I was in a similar situation where I was pushed too fast into a circumstance I didnt feel comfortable(lol I asked her if she wanted a silver ring) and she asked if I was asking to marry her, no it was only a gift, even she is the girl I love and like a lot the question gave me fear, also we had been talking for just 4months. so it seemed too fast and that scared me a bit.

trust me if you arent the ONLY one that he LOVES he is not worth your time. it sounds harsh but it is... if he wants to se eother women he probably wants to have to as a backup plan nope. that is not how it should work

P.S ICHING answers what you ask you want to know either it is bad or good, sometimes it could tell you to not bond with certain people, if you ask sometimes about said person(not only a single cast) so if it has told you that he isnt the right for you at least once it might mean something but if it hasnt(perhaps you havent asked enough) you cant tell... but given his behavior that isnt acceptable for a formal relationship

if I were you I would ask iching is he the love of my live? or something along those lines, or maybe something more objective, is he the right person for me? how it would be our relationship with him?

anyway I think the message behind 14UC could be taking as you as a person. you can give all your talents to him but he has to value you as such as a treasure...

P.S if you had a long term relationship dimiss my post's advice and follow your heart and think about what you feel with your reason

 

[dancingfox]

Ok If I were him I would be nervous too if it was talking about engagement start first with something small then go exponentially up, if there was no engagement I cant really tell why he was scared. the only way to get someone to commit to a relationship is trust, dont go too fast but ensure he is only interesed in you. else it will be a loss of time

I am going to be honest I was in a similar situation where I was pushed too fast into a circumstance I didnt feel comfortable(lol I asked her if she wanted a silver ring) and she asked if I was asking to marry her, no it was only a gift, even she is the girl I love and like a lot the question gave me fear, also we had been talking for just 4months. so it seemed too fast and that scared me a bit.

trust me if you arent the ONLY one that he LOVES he is not worth your time. it sounds harsh but it is... if he wants to se eother women he probably wants to have to as a backup plan nope. that is not how it should work

P.S ICHING answers what you ask you want to know either it is bad or good, sometimes it could tell you to not bond with certain people, if you ask sometimes about said person(not only a single cast) so if it has told you that he isnt the right for you at least once it might mean something but if it hasnt(perhaps you havent asked enough) you cant tell... but given his behavior that isnt acceptable for a formal relationship

if I were you I would ask iching is he the love of my live? or something along those lines, or maybe something more objective, is he the right person for me? how it would be our relationship with him?

anyway I think the message behind 14UC could be taking as you as a person. you can give all your talents to him but he has to value you as such as a treasure...

P.S if you had a long term relationship dimiss my post's advice and follow your heart and think about what you feel with your reason

Oh Topher

Perhaps I wasn't clear about what I meant with a casual relationship. What I mean is that we both want to remain single and see each other every once and a while for good company and a a couple of sweet nights together. And with engagement I didn't mean engage to marry. I meant engaging in this casual relationship were we are both free to live our own lives separate from each other. I never asked him to marry me or anything like that. When we were dating before (around 7 months) we were still figuring things out. I had real feelings and he wasn't sure, so we ended. Now, a couple of moths later, neither of us want to commit but we still want to see each other... casually. But as I said before not with him dating other women as well. So it's a standoff. I don't think we can make it work, we want different things, just like before.

 

[Topher]

Oh Topher

Perhaps I wasn't clear about what I meant with a casual relationship. What I mean is that we both want to remain single and see each other every once and a while for good company and a a couple of sweet nights together. And with engagement I didn't mean engage to marry. I meant engaging in this casual relationship were we are both free to live our own lives separate from each other. I never asked him to marry me or anything like that. When we were dating before (around 7 months) we were still figuring things out. I had real feelings and he wasn't sure, so we ended. Now, a couple of moths later, neither of us want to commit but we still want to see each other... casually. But as I said before not with him dating other women as well. So it's a standoff. I don't think we can make it work, we want different things, just like before.

There was no reason to have fear, the only reason is because he doesnt like commitment, he is not worth it unless he changes his mind about seeing other persons..

 

[dancingfox]

There was no reason to have fear, the only reason is because he doesnt like commitment, he is not worth it unless he changes his mind about

There was no reason to have fear, the only reason is because he doesnt like commitment, he is not worth it unless he changes his mind about seeing other persons..

Um yes exactly as I was saying...

 

[RemRem]

Hi Dancingfox!

Rem here. Here's my take on your reading:

Your question: Can we make this work?
Your reading: H14

H14
Great Possession

Yes, you can make this work...

1 if you both continue to work it out (Inner Heaven) with greater clarity (Outer Fire)
2 if you begin to let go the cause of negative emotions (ends hatred) and start to be kind and loving to each other more (spreads good)
3 If you both follow the golden rule (yields to heaven and rest on her mandate)

I hope this helps.

 

[dancingfox]

Hi Dancingfox!

Rem here. Here's my take on your reading:

Your question: Can we make this work?
Your reading: H14

H14
Great Possession

Yes, you can make this work...

1 if you both continue to work it out (Inner Heaven) with greater clarity (Outer Fire)
2 if you begin to let go the cause of negative emotions (ends hatred) and start to be kind and loving to each other more (spreads good)
3 If you both follow the golden rule (yields to heaven and rest on her mandate)

I hope this helps.

Hy RemRem

Thanks for pitching in! Well he wants to see other people as well as me so I am pulling back from him. There was a lot of disappointment and negativity between us in the past. I am trying to let go of that negativity and focus on the good times we had together, let it be a warm memory. It is what it is.

So yes this helps!

 

[RemRem]

Cheers, Dancingfox! Yes, much lovelier to let it be a warm memory! All is well!

 

[dancingfox]

Oh lord... looking back at this time in my life still makes me cringe. J shattered my heart into a million pieces. It took me so long to even admin that to myself. I never wanted to date J casually, I abandonend myself in order to keep J from abandoning me.

On the upperhand I believe meeting J was a necessary thing for me in order to learn some very valuable things about myself, rearranging my life towards a radically different path...

 

[rosada]

So interesting to read hexagram 14 in view of how it all evolved:
"Yields to heaven," and "rests on her mandate" sound like you ultimately "yielding to heaven" and recognizing the whole experience was necessary for you learning some things (your mandate?) about yourself.
I think of the advice, "Be grateful for all things".