Can't help worrying

[amyjohanna]

Hi all,
I wondered if anyone can help me with this reading. I got 31.3 5 >16 in response to the question 'should I worry about my eldest son'. I worry about him as he is very much an introvert & a homebird which is fine but he has no social contacts outside of home & doesn't seem to want any, he is 18 and has been like this since he was about 15, he has left college & works at home alone. I feel if I nudge him towards being social he resents it. I asked the I ching if I had cause to worry as other adults in my extended family often make comments that he's a loner ect. & this leaves me wondering how I can best support him. I asked the i ching again 'will he find friends in time' and got 47.2 3 > 31 I am thinking the first reading is saying all is okay as it end with enthusiam ! & the second I am thinking means accept that his life path may not be conventional in the social sense ?? Any help will be gratefully recieved :bows:

 

[amyjohanna]

I went on to ask 'how can i best support my son' and got hexagram 4 unchanging:bows:

 

[Trojina]

Hi all,
I wondered if anyone can help me with this reading. I got 31.3 5 >16 in response to the question 'should I worry about my eldest son'. I worry about him as he is very much an introvert & a homebird which is fine but he has no social contacts outside of home & doesn't seem to want any, he is 18 and has been like this since he was about 15, he has left college & works at home alone. I feel if I nudge him towards being social he resents it. I asked the I ching if I had cause to worry as other adults in my extended family often make comments that he's a loner ect. & this leaves me wondering how I can best support him. I asked the i ching again 'will he find friends in time' and got 47.2 3 > 31 I am thinking the first reading is saying all is okay as it end with enthusiam ! & the second I am thinking means accept that his life path may not be conventional in the social sense ?? Any help will be gratefully recieved :bows:

Afraid I can't offer very clear interpretations here since I can't be clear who the answers refer to. For example the first answer could apply to you, as you asked 'should I worry', or it could apply to him. Same with the other question.

Anyway first you got 31>16 re should I worry...and interestingly 31 also came up as the second hexagram in your second question as to whether he will find friends in time.

So 31 is a feature here and it signifies attraction and influence, that feeling of being drawn to things. Again I'm not sure if this refers to his basic need to connect, his pull towards relating...or your wish to influence him. I think on balance its more likley to be about his urge, his attractions to relating since thats what you asked about. Often if people ask about others affairs Yi can just point them back to themselves...but as his mother its understandable you are worried and want to ask for him.

So for should I worry 31>16. I see hex 16, the second hexagram as the question, the background to the question. 16 can be enthusiasm but also making ready through imaginings, building imaginary future scenarios in ones head in order to prepare for whats to come. 16 can be inspirational or it can be delusional, its all about imagesand you do mention his image is what your relatives discuss, they call him a 'loner' etc
31.3 is generally where ones holding on too closely...and strangely I have found its a line that often comes up around mother/child issues. It can mean being over involved, too enmeshed. It usually signifies its time to pull back, have more independence of thought. So who is it that needs to be more this way ? Is it you ? Are you being too much influenced by what what your relatives image of him is ? Would it help to step back from them...(and possibly signal to them to also back off from you/ him a tad in offering their opinions) Or do you think your bond with him is too close, that you and he need to seperate more ? Might he on any level perceive you need him at home. I know often young men subconsciously can become the man in their mothers lives if they are close to their mums.

31.5 i think knows their own mind deep inside and knows what they want. Perhaps you already know the answer to this question ? What does your gut tell you ? Do you think your relatives are right to look on his behaviour as somehow odd ? If i were you I really would sit quietly for a bit, go deep inside and look at what your instinct tells you. I think you know already. Ask yourself how are you feeling about your connection with him, maybe meditate on it a bit. Do you need to signal to him that hes free to leave you on some level ?

BTW the famous entrepreneur Sir Alan Sugar was on TV saying how he was a loner in his teens and how his mum used to try to arrange social connections for him...and how uncool it was and how he hated it. The interviewer asked how he got over his isolation and he said he just gradually learned to crack a joke here and there at a party and he learned to get by....but hes still a bit of a loner...and actually it is his being a loner, always apart from the group to some extent that has contributed to his success. I could see how his clarity of mind could likley be increased by bbeing less subject to pandering to demands of popularity.

You then asked if he would find friends in time and got 47>31. Could it be he is a little depressed right now, a bit jaded ? 47.2 is where one has all one needs and doesn't always notice the bigger offers that coming ones way. Maybe hes quite happy at home, possibly even a little too comfortable and so a bit lazy/jaded/despondent ?
47.3 is quite aharsh wake up call....it shows one looking for support where there is none, relying on the wrong things usually for emotional support/fulfillment

So regarding his need to relate (hex 31) hes possibly does need to rouse himself a little (47.2) and maybe he is looking for connections in ways that don't serve, maybe too much computer use ( don't we all lol !). But as his mum I'm not sure how possible it is for you to give him a bit of a shove, a bit of a wake up here and i don't see Yi telling you to do that The only thing I can think of to help is that you might consider if he is a bit depressed and look at ways to help that rather than focusing on his social life. However in 47 a person will not hear advice so its not worth just talking....perhaps theres some more practical way to reach him....or maybe he just has to find his own way out of this ?


thirdly you asked 'how best to support my son' and got hex 4 unchanging. Hmmm its not known and its okay not to know ? Its not an answer that says 'heres exactly what you should do'...quite the opposite. Maybe you should just play it by ear . Hex 4 is of course a young undeveloped state of affairs that can't be rushed into maturity...maybe also that represents him. I like that you said you may accept his life path may not be conventional in the social sense. The problem with 'nudging' young people into being more social as Alan Sugars mother did is that you may make them feel more self conscious about it., and like you say he may be just fine, it maybe just him travelling his own route in life.

However I can see that its worrying that an 18 year old man...and he is a man now, still has no life outside home. Hmm but rereading your post you say hes only been like this since he was 15....and he does work from home so he set himself up in business or something

It occurs to me this is the kind of question someone like Rosada may better help with practically.....Rosada often seems to have practical solutions to family problems and also has sons I think.

 

[amyjohanna]

HI Trojan,

Thank you so much for your insights, many are spot on. I think my son has probably felt that I need him at home over the years but this has lessened over time as I have had a partner for over 2 years now. I have made it clear that I want & support him to going to Uni & he has said he plans to go to Uni, but equally I have always made it clear that my sons can stay as long as they need. He is very focused on his career things & has made abit of money - so has the Alan Sugar entrapenuer skills !! He loves animals - we have to dogs & he takes them out daily, I think this is where he gets a sense of connection from. He spends his life on the PC like alot of teens but in his case he does web design & gaming so it's all the time. He suffers insomnia & was aneamic - I took him to the Doctors who said he wasn't depressed ( he was told he had aneamia at this time) & I took him to a counceller as he dropped out of college but he didn't follow it up as he felt it unnecessary - he is very strong willed and is a very logical, rational black & white person ! He never takes up any offers from people to go out, recently an old friend from school got in touch & he never followed it up The councellor said that he was obvioulsy shy but focused & in her experience suggested that problems may occur when he does finally get into a relationship if it were to break down ect. He doesn't really relate to his dad ( we seperated when he was 5 & he sees his dad every week ) as they are totally different characters & his younger brother is also the polar opposite - both are extraverts & always out with his focus is on his friends & social life. I think you are right in saying ignore 'negative comments' from family ect. I have had comments such as 'people who suddenly gun down loads of people for no reason ect are loners' - it's done in jest but it hurts me and worries me, my partner has also said he thinks my son will never leave home & makes the odd jibe about it !! I will ignore this and like you say meditate on the truth of the situation. I have thought about our 'bond' it's close but he doesn't confide or open up to me but thats his nature. People have told me I have been to over-protective of him. This has been down to him being shy & me wanting to sheild him from difficult or uncomfortable feelings. I think I will back off a bit & pray that he finds a connection with people Thank again for taking the time to respond to my post -these insights really help to gain insight & lighten the load !:bows:

 

[Trojina]

HI Trojan,

Thank you so much for your insights, many are spot on. I think my son has probably felt that I need him at home over the years but this has lessened over time as I have had a partner for over 2 years now. I have made it clear that I want & support him to going to Uni & he has said he plans to go to Uni, but equally I have always made it clear that my sons can stay as long as they need. He is very focused on his career things & has made abit of money - so has the Alan Sugar entrapenuer skills !! He loves animals - we have to dogs & he takes them out daily, I think this is where he gets a sense of connection from. He spends his life on the PC like alot of teens but in his case he does web design & gaming so it's all the time. He suffers insomnia & was aneamic - I took him to the Doctors who said he wasn't depressed ( he was told he had aneamia at this time) & I took him to a counceller as he dropped out of college but he didn't follow it up as he felt it unnecessary - he is very strong willed and is a very logical, rational black & white person ! He never takes up any offers from people to go out, recently an old friend from school got in touch & he never followed it up The councellor said that he was obvioulsy shy but focused & in her experience suggested that problems may occur when he does finally get into a relationship if it were to break down ect. He doesn't really relate to his dad ( we seperated when he was 5 & he sees his dad every week ) as they are totally different characters & his younger brother is also the polar opposite - both are extraverts & always out with his focus is on his friends & social life. I think you are right in saying ignore 'negative comments' from family ect. I have had comments such as 'people who suddenly gun down loads of people for no reason ect are loners' - it's done in jest but it hurts me and worries me, my partner has also said he thinks my son will never leave home & makes the odd jibe about it !! I will ignore this and like you say meditate on the truth of the situation. I have thought about our 'bond' it's close but he doesn't confide or open up to me but thats his nature. People have told me I have been to over-protective of him. This has been down to him being shy & me wanting to sheild him from difficult or uncomfortable feelings. I think I will back off a bit & pray that he finds a connection with people Thank again for taking the time to respond to my post -these insights really help to gain insight & lighten the load !:bows:

I'm not suprised you find these relatives comments hurtful !...It seems quite an outrageous comment to make to a mother about her son. If they mean it as a joke it doesn't seem very funny. Well thats how it seems to me. Hes only 18 so it seems also a bit OTT of your partner to say he will never leave home. Still I don't know how these things were said so I guess I can't really judge but to compare him to a mass killer because he spends time alone focusing on his work seems a bit strong doesn't it.

maybe next time they make such comments about him you could point out that actually there aren't too many 18 year old boys who manage to generate an income working on their own initiative from home. There are plenty who are sociable....but still living off mum and dad. For that I think you have cause to be proud of him

 

[amyjohanna]

thanks for that Trojan!