Catastrophe

[Anavim]

The last several months have been excruciatingly painful for me. Not in the sense that something tangible is changing. No. It's just inner feeling of morale that is just sinking deeper and deeper. I lost several friends due to misunderstandings or my seeking love in all the wrong places. Past trauma, follishness, I don't know.
Now I've finally hit my head against the wall and although I was aware of that, there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Or I could do, but it all that kept coming my way left me feeling as a dry husk without any goal whatsoever.
I started taking antidepressants again and it's been a wild ride but something I needed. Meanwhile, there are things that cannot wait.
University. Chores. Potential job. I just need to sort my life together. Or do I?

I cast the I Ching first with the question about Uni. What is the best thing to do? Should I stay and try again? Should I Ieave it once and for all?

51.6 - shock brings ruin and terrifying gazing around. Going ahead brings misfortune.
So, the I Ching is telling me to leave Uni? I've fucked it up too much already? It can't be fixed?

No Uni, no satisfaction. No morale from outside, no satisfaction, no Uni. It's a vicious cycle.

So, I asked I Ching another question - What should I live for? Why should I even breathe here?

29.1.6. - for three years one does not find a way, misfortune. No prospect of escape. Wonderful. Absolutely nothing I can do. I know exactly what prison the I is talking about. My "wonderful" home with my parents. Like, I really don't feel like living there. At all.

Hm, so okay. I leave Uni, leave my country and.. well, what about if I apply for internship in a nice bureau in Austria?

61.2.3. - bent only on pleasure and enjoyment?? Whaaat? I have not had "enjoyment" from time immemorial. Mistakes are of my own making, sure. Well, I Ching, I'm just dumb, ok.

Next. What do I do to get out of this depressed state?
29.2.6. AGAIN, misfortune for three years.

Really? Meanwhile to do what?? Sit and meditate? So what? Sit and relax until your time comes because your hands are tied for three years? Well I might as well die, since I don't want to see anymore of this crap, even if a goldmine was signed in my name afterwards.

Please can someone elucidate on this? I'm pretty much losing my mind at this point.

 

[rosada]

I think 51.6 is saying you are in a very disturbed state at the moment so before being able to make any sort of plans for the future you need to first calm your mind.

 

[diamant]

Next. What do I do to get out of this depressed state?
29.2.6. AGAIN, misfortune for three years.

Did you mean 29.1.6 again?
Or did you get 29.2.6 twice?

 

[rosada]

I think he's referring to the fact he twice got 29.6 with it's prediction of misfortune for three years.

 

[Anavim]

Did you mean 29.1.6 again?
Or did you get 29.2.6 twice?

Twice I got 29.6, one time together with 29.1 and the other 29.2.
It's she, I'm a woman ^_^

 

[diamant]

about Uni. What is the best thing to do?
51.6 > 21
There are too many shocks, so marching straight ahead will bring misfortune. Talking about a 'marriage'. Marriage can mean contract, and in this case, perhaps your 'contract' with your Uni. Is there a possibility to speak with your Uni, let's say with a councillor of some sort? Maybe they'll be able to advise you on how to proceed, maybe they have a temporary solution, e.g. deferral. Resulting 21 shows a sort of a grin and bear it situation, so maybe you'll decide to continue with Uni after all, despite things being overall so difficult for you.

What should I live for? Why should I even breathe here?
29.1.6 > 61
29 shows (among other things) blood flowing outwards. In contrast, resulting 61 shows keeping the heart contained and protected. Here, 29 finishes quickly from A to Z. Perhaps the time of danger for you will end very shortly. Live to protect your heart.

what about if I apply for internship in a nice bureau in Austria?
61.2.3 > 37
A parent is calling out to its offspring. But, they are somehow enemies. But, they're still family. So if you apply for Austria, a family member will help you, but it won't be plain sailing.

What do I do to get out of this depressed state?
29.2.6 > 20
The answer here is clear. You need to take very small steps. Don't do anything drastic, because you are still in great danger. Do not expect victory, or to get out of depression quickly. Be satisfied with very small gains. Take it very slow, and step by step. For example, maybe keep a diary to note any small progress you make day by day.
Line 29.6 is a strong warning that if you don't heed the advice of 29.2 then you'll be in even bigger trouble and you'll get trapped for years.
Resulting 20 shows the need for you to put things into perspective.

 

[redoleander]

Diamant’s 29.2.6 interpretation is very resonant based on my own experience with that casting. It’s really helpful to focus on small goals not because you can’t have big ones ever in the future but because you’re not in a good spot to configure those larger plans. It’s actually a good thing because those plans, if made now, would likely just bring on more unhappiness. That reading is very “chop wood, carry water”. Focus on the simplest of simple things and let the small become grounding until you’re ready for the big.


I actually read 51.6 as saying that, yes, there has been conflict but ultimately this might have affected your relationships with others but it doesn’t have to be catastrophic for you. What can you learn from it? Maybe take these difficult interactions as a warning and act in relation to that. Maybe focus on that healing or alignment first. This could be an opportunity to see it isn’t all or nothing. You can continue to be in an environment in which mistakes have been made and still keep growing. Again, focusing on the small might help with that. That way, you don’t get stuck in a path that keeps compounding the past mistakes. Sometimes the block is a gift.


29.1.6 > 61 is living for finding your own truth. Being with yourself and not seeking distraction. The real strength. Even in times that feel more active or fulfilling, you still need that. Maybe this is a chance to cultivate the worth that isn’t related to the external.

Edit: I forgot to look at 61.2.3 > 37

I wonder if this is just saying that you currently have family support and that you might be seeking happiness outside yourself (Line 3). To me that line doesn’t read so negatively, it’s more like just going and experiencing life, with the all the ups and downs. It actually sounds a bit like the experience you described with friends and love at your current university. Maybe these are just the lessons you’re learning right now and they won’t be escaped by going to a different place?

 

[marybluesky]

Hello,

I feel you as I'm coming (hopefully) out of a large period of deppression started in mid 2020 where I've been technically a zombie for several months, then attacked by depression waves every now and then. The majority of my attempts to improve the situation failed badly, which led to starting to take anti-depressants last winter. I keep it at that as my posts are available in details.

What should I do? 51.6> 21
There are talks of alliance. Go with the one that feels more natural.

What should I live for? 29.1.6> 61
Keep calm, don't act out of fear. I don't know what can give you inner strength. Find that.

What about if i apply for internship in a nice bureau in austria 61.2.3 > 37
They'll accept you. Still there will be good and bad days, but you'll be like a family overall.

What do i do to get out of this depressed state?
29.2.6 > 20
Seek small gains- the little things that lift your mood (very difficult, and apparently useless, I know). It's a mistake to remain in your cave and not to do anything. 20 is examination. Maybe a professional can help?

 

[GreenHazel]

Just a word of encouragement. These are exceptionally difficult times, for everyone. Being young is also very difficult. Pace yourself, you don't need to solve all your problems at once, nobody can. Find someone who can listen truly and give you real support. Hang in there, sister. This is a phase. It will pass.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.” — Richard Bach.

 

[marybluesky]

Being young is also very difficult.

This time of Covid and its side effects have been indeed much more difficult for younger people, despite the older ones being more in danger. As a young- or pretty young- person your energy is repressed, you feel trapped, you feel you lose your time. In the meantime, you are always told you should be even more cautious for the sake of older people.

 

[Anavim]

Thank you all for your answers. Unfortunately, this phase doesn't seem to end and I've come to realize that I have primarily a problem with impulsivity and than with self esteem. It's incredible how these two character traits or faults can make a hell of your life. I got accepted for a nice job, and it seems that I fucked it up before it began and that I won't even start working. Then, the problem I had with Uni looks like nothing now but my panic made it impossible to solve.
Now I don't have money or means to get on with Uni how I wanted because I was indecisive to even officially apply for some subjects. Next year this time I could easily graduate and now I'm back one full year.
Small steps... okay, I've decided to fix my living space, to start taking care of my sleep and rest and I think more clearly, but it's so devastating to realize that your mind is working against you.
Honestly I'm desperate and have no excuses anymore, I am thinking to quit everything and start again in a new place. This is just like a worn out life altogether. But the thing is that I regret so deeply this wasted year that this regret will hold me back... and I have no courage to try to change anything anymore...

 

[diamant]

Sending you hugs. Hang in there. Post more readings if you feel like it.

 

[GreenHazel]

Anavim, you haven't wasted a year. You have used this year in a fantastic way. You have used it to acknowledge and be aware of something that most of the people don't ever have the courage to face. Which is, it's all ( or much) about our attitude.
There's not many people so young who can humbly admit this, as you are doing.
Life is much more learning about this than having a great job or full marks. This is why we go through failures, mistakes, broken hearts and nervous breakdowns.
It has taken you only a year to come face to face with yourself. Many kudos to you.

 

[Anavim]

No, I have not used this year in a fantastic way. I needed an energetic reform, but couldn't do it. Now I'm in an abyss. The only good thing is that I categorically refused to reconnect with some really bad people from before. Only chance can "save" me and even that I don't want. I don't want to depend on chance but on myself.
I hate everywhere I thought of going. I don't have marketable skills. I'm not good at what I do. My peers have 7 years of experience by now and I've been wallowing in depression the whole time. I'm surrounded by idiots because I'm no better.
It's a disaster.

 

[redoleander]

I’m a traditional astrologer. From the perspective of astrology, we don’t even come into adulthood until ages 28-31. I’m not saying you haven’t been an adult or that I don’t understand why you feel the despair you feel. However, with many of my own clients and with myself as well, some of what we have to do is recognize the timeline and expectations of contemporary culture are based in business, profit, producing for wealthy CEOs etc. These things have nothing to do with personal growth, personal timelines, and who we came here to be as individuals. You are more than just whatever you believe you were supposed to accomplish so far. What if you read stories and articles and biographies of people who found their callings later in life? Or lived the most interesting part of their lives in their forties, fifties, sixties or beyond. Not because you need to emulate someone but to remind you that there is not one way. Address the issue of being so hard on yourself. Find people skilled to help you with that. Even if you’ve done some “bad” things, so what. You’re a good person. You deserve to be happy. If it takes you a little or a lot longer to heal and get aligned and figure things out then you’re following YOUR path. Being gentler with yourself and aiming to understand yourself (get curious about yourself like you would someone else you love) might not fix everything but it will transform your days which will in turn transform your life. You deserve more grace than you’re giving yourself. Everything has a cause. If you’re struggling, there are valid reasons why. Care for those things first. You will find your way.

 

[Trojina]

I hate everywhere I thought of going. I don't have marketable skills. I'm not good at what I do. My peers have 7 years of experience by now and I've been wallowing in depression the whole time. I'm surrounded by idiots because I'm no better.
It's a disaster.

No it's not a disaster. Not having 'marketable skill' is not a disaster, it's not like you/anyone were born to have marketable skills, you're life is way more vast and precious than that.

However, with many of my own clients and with myself as well, some of what we have to do is recognize the timeline and expectations of contemporary culture are based in business, profit, producing for wealthy CEOs etc. These things have nothing to do with personal growth, personal timelines, and who we came here to be as individuals. You are more than just whatever you believe you were supposed to accomplish so far. What if you read stories and articles and biographies of people who found their callings later in life? Or lived the most interesting part of their lives in their forties, fifties, sixties or beyond.

Amen. They really ought to teach this to adolescents in school. That is they need to teach an awareness that these goals and timelines that will be laid on them from early adulthood are nothing at all to do with truth or meaning in life but the products of living inside a capitalist culture, a culture that is destructive and oppositional often to individual growth and happiness.

Instead young adults are internalising all these deadlines and it's just such a lie. Moreover it's a lie that with awareness they might sidestep or outrun or outwit or put two fingers up to rather than internalise these values and end up feeling worthless.

And it's true people's lives begin and blossom endlessly there's no cut off point for growth and change throughout life. Too many young lives are blighted by panic that they aren't in the right place doing the right thing at the right time and all is lost and terrible and catastrophic. Well in 51.6 the catastrophe is happening elsewhere, it's not your catastrophe.

 

[dfreed]

Next. What do I do to get out of this depressed state?

I think 51.6 is saying you are in a very disturbed state at the moment so before being able to make any sort of plans for the future you need to first calm your mind

I think Rosada has summed up things well. Stepping away from interpretation, it seems you are depressed. That is a very difficult mental and physical place to free yourself from, but it is possible!

I suggest you seek help / allies / assistance: perhaps therapy, and the usual self-care: eating well, getting enough sleep, activity, staying away from alcohol and other depressants. Perhaps too, to find activities that might get you out of your current state of mind: volunteering, or something to do with music or art.

Best, D.

 

[dfreed]

Anavim, to follow up on my post above ....

What do I do to get out of this depressed state? 29.2.6.

I see that you are taking anti-depressants, which can be a helpful tool for depression. As I said above, there other things that may be useful (besides even the examples I've shared); I think your work now is to free yourself from this hurtful, beast of burden. In your reading: you have:

Line 29.2: "Pit within a pit; (plunging) down the pit-fall; and line 29.6: (tied) up with braids and cords. Throw into a thorny keep (an enclosure); and for three years, (not changed)".

I don't think this is describing a future outcome - or at least not one that is set in stone - but it certainly describes how you are feeling right now: that this all feels like a vicious cycle; and that you really don't feel like living there (or here?) at all.

As to changes, in its positive, balanced manifestation, Hex. 29 can be about going deeply - into an idea or ones feelings, etc. (but in positive ways); when it is out of balance, it can feel like being in a pit (one name for 29), and can be about grief, sadness, depression, and feeling swept along by these feelings - like being caught in a moving river within a steep canyon.

With your reading:
Line 29.2, the lower trigram (three-line figure) Water changes to Earth,
... and with Line 29.6, the upper trigram Water, changes to Wind:

This is suggesting that you (can, will) find practical down-to-Earth ways to care for yourself - and it is suggesting that you can (or should) be receptive to allowing others to help you. This will be a long, Wind-like journey, and it will require gentleness and patience on your part. I have been in a place very much as you describe, and I can tell you first hand it is possible to heal from this - but you cannot do it alone.

Kindly, D

 

[Liselle]

Anavim, real quick summary, I think you got off on the wrong track in the beginning of this. Just my opinion, could be wrong, but I think it's actually good news or at least better than you think.

Apologies if I've missed or misrepresented anything anyone has said - I don't mean to, I'm just a little rushed, sorry. (Probably shouldn't post at all when rushed... I know... )

First of all, what people have said about being on your own path and timeline etc. and how the universe doesn't hew to society etc. - true, but I think it's important to acknowledge that this isn't anything many people will actually want. It can be very, very hard.

Well in 51.6 the catastrophe is happening elsewhere, it's not your catastrophe.

Couldn't agree more. Trying to "bring order" to shock - fix a shock, in other words - that isn't actually your shock is "pitfall."

I have no idea what that could mean as far as you and university, Anavim, but maybe give the whole issue a lot more thought, maybe don't jump to conclusions and give up right away or entirely. There might be something still possible.

Facts trump readings, so if the facts say you've missed deadlines or something, well then you have, but that might not mean give up on it entirely forever. "Stay and try again" might work out. "Leave it once and for all" - not what 51.6 says, I don't think.

However, you thought it meant this:

51.6 - shock brings ruin and terrifying gazing around. Going ahead brings misfortune.
So, the I Ching is telling me to leave Uni? I've fucked it up too much already? It can't be fixed?

No Uni, no satisfaction. No morale from outside, no satisfaction, no Uni. It's a vicious cycle.

and so your next question and interpretation was this -

So, I asked I Ching another question - What should I live for? Why should I even breathe here?

29.1.6. - for three years one does not find a way, misfortune. No prospect of escape. Wonderful. Absolutely nothing I can do. I know exactly what prison the I is talking about. My "wonderful" home with my parents. Like, I really don't feel like living there. At all.

I think you got off on the wrong track. I don't believe 51.6 means what you thought it did, so I think all the follow-ups are wrong, too.

29.1 - you're just getting yourself farther down into chasms, based on a wrong interpretation
29.6 - but until you realize that, you're stuck

Hm, so okay. I leave Uni, leave my country and.. well, what about if I apply for internship in a nice bureau in Austria?

61.2.3. - bent only on pleasure and enjoyment?? Whaaat? I have not had "enjoyment" from time immemorial. Mistakes are of my own making, sure. Well, I Ching, I'm just dumb, ok.

61.2 isn't yelling at you. It says there's a call and response you need to hear. I don't think this is a direct answer about internships in Austria, but Yi saying you need to hear the other answers better. Yi's calling from the shadows and pouring some wine for you - you're missing that and not responding correctly.

61.3 - what I said up above about wrong interpretation leading to wrong follow-up questions which lead to more wrong interpretations. I think this is the vicious cycle you mentioned. It's all building on itself wrongly. Every "counterpart" is just an echo of wrongness, or something. In this case, that's actually good news because it means it's less dire than you think.

You may or may not still want to look into internships in Austria, I have no idea. I just don't think this reading was about that.

Next. What do I do to get out of this depressed state?
29.2.6. AGAIN, misfortune for three years.

Really? Meanwhile to do what?? Sit and meditate? So what? Sit and relax until your time comes because your hands are tied for three years? Well I might as well die, since I don't want to see anymore of this crap, even if a goldmine was signed in my name afterwards.

Please can someone elucidate on this? I'm pretty much losing my mind at this point.

29.2 - stop slipping farther down into chasms. Stop and find a small foothold.
29.6 - again, until you do, you're stuck in a pit of badness.

The small foothold, in my opinion, is realizing 51.6 isn't as terrible as you think, to begin with.

 

[marybluesky]

from the perspective of astrology, we don’t even come into adulthood until ages 28-31.

I've experienced it: at 28 I went through an essential change, like my eyes opened to things I didn't see before.

Now at the end of 31 I see the 28-year-old me as an outdated version of myself.

the timeline and expectations of contemporary culture are based in business, profit, producing for wealthy CEOs etc.

Couldn't say better than this

 

[Anavim]

Thank you all for your input.
The problem that I have with my university and my higher education in general is really kind of complex issue, of which a huge part is my immaturity. The bad thing is that it didn't show as much during the years but I didn't get appropriate therapy for years (until a year ago). But still, I am expected to keep up with all that as if nothing happened before and as if I now miraculously have all the answers and means and habits etc. I don't, I'm crippled by shame and other problems which just mount one on top of the other and dig me even more. I want to let go of this burdensome environment and society first because nothing satisfies me until I am mentally free and not-on-my-parents-budget. But the road is really full with thorns and thistles. Having said all that, my profession is the only light at the end of the tunnel, and just like in "Smells like teen spirit" - I'm worst at what I do best and for this gift I feel blessed".
Couple of days ago I sent a plea to the Faculty to enroll in the final year because of the disruption of the school process to which I legally have right to, but the decision of the University in general was that nobody can transfer a lot. (I could have done it just beautifully legally, if I focused on the 2nd year subjects more, than on the 3rd year, which I, of course, haven't done, quite the opposite). So I have no idea what to expect. I'll call tomorrow to see the outcome. Should I continue? I have no other option. I have asked myself so many times this question that I feel like I'm just a creature beyond repair because it's the same story every single time... and every year again and again... I'll do better, and I never do, I simply never learn. I lose credit and respect with people because of all this, but it's hard to explain that I know myself a bit better than they know me, and that, for the most part, I simply couldn't psychically and physically do better. Yet, Universe is giving me so many chances which I woefully let slip right before my eyes.

@Liselle: yea, I have to find a foothold. Have no idea what that is since I really don't trust neither myself nor my friends nor family. Family is probably last on the list. Other things are similarily in a f' pit.
I sincerely hope Universe will offer me another shot at life, because otherwise I'm simply doomed.

 

[Anavim]

Hello everyone
I wanted to chill out a bit and try and do anything basically for Uni. It went surprisingly good, which is... not that bad, I guess.
Tomorrow I will know the outcome of the plea. My chances, realistically speaking, are very slim to pass into next sophomore year. But, I did a casting: "what is the outcome of the plea?" and got 37.4 to 13.
"She is the jewel of the home"
At this point I think I Ching is making fun of me... So...it will be... ok? I will pass to third year?
:/

 

[Liselle]

37 and 13 seem a little bit at odds, because 37 is about family, things inside the home, rules and roles, how a household runs smoothly, etc. 13 is about creating harmony with people and things that are unfamiliar, which might not naturally mesh well. The line is very favorable, though: "Great good fortune." Hilary explains it in WikiWing by saying that comes from "a willingness to expand." You have to let some freshness in, sometimes.

So maybe it means the powers that be will decide to ignore the rules this time. I hope so. Good news is you'll find out tomorrow!

Thanks for keeping us updated, by the way, that's always very helpful.

 

[Anavim]

if it means anything, I study architecture.

 

[redoleander]

It means you’re staying home with your family so I’m guessing that means you’ll be staying in school as well. (The only other possibility I see is it could be saying you’ll be focused on home life instead of school, meaning you’d have some time off before you’re able to go back and jump into again.) Love the symbol of the house since you study architecture!

It’s just a guess of course but I think your plea will end well for you! For what it’s worth, I read the initial casting that way too. I think 51.6 is you taking the prior troubles as a warning and moving forward to learn from them (that’s all you or anyone can really do!) and that 37.4 is hopeful. Maybe there’s some kind of compromise they offer you? Obviously I don’t know the details of your program so such a thing may not exist but I think the interaction and decision will be harmonious and trying to help you. Is there any chance you’d have to do any kind of home study and pass a test to able to go back, that kind of thing? I would trust their decision, whatever it may be, to be positive for you in the long run.

 

[Hartloper]

Hi Anavim,

I don't have much to add to the wonderful support you have received with your readings so far.

When I feel hopeless and receive #29 it usually feels like an extra slap in the face. But now I wonder whether Yi might not instead be saying:

"I feel you! You are not alone!"

It took me a long time till I received meaningful answers from the Yi at all. It was hard for me to find into a relationship with the oracle (my unconscious?)

You are already there!

And you seem like a perfectly intelligent young woman to me despite your sporadic displays of self-deprecation.

When I was in university 20 years ago I felt utterly depressed and constantly chastised myself for not being able to live up to my potential ("like the others"). I was so hopeless, I thought I'd never have a career, never find love, never found a family. Now I am passed 40 and I look back on two more or less prolific careers I would have never imagined possible back then. I have a wonderful daughter and a soon to be ex-wife I have experienced deep love with for at least 10 years. Outwardly I am in a very tough situation again. But when I look back to the depressed young man I was back then, I'm in a much better place now, and I just want to take him in my arms, hug him firmly, and say: "I know it's hard. I know it's unfair. I know it's not your fault. But don't worry. Just carry on. You will be ok!"

I just want to say, life has so much more to offer than we imagine possible or impossible at one given moment. Trust the bigger picture and reach out to the woman you will once be, who might not have mastered all secrets of life, but certainly some. And the goof thing is: she knows exactly where you are coming from now (I will keep the typo, because I like it, "goof" is better than "good").

You mention the song "Smells Like a Teen Spirit". That was my youth. That's what we lived for back then. I like the fact that Nirvana only became big after a new drummer joined in 1990, Dave Grohl. He was instrumental to the bands success. But on the outside it was all about Kurt. Dave Grohl was in a pretty bad place when Nirvana deceased to exist. But he found ways to carry on, start anew and move on. You might not like his new band, The Foo Fighters. But that's not the point.

The Yi for me is like that rhytmn section of a band. It is always there. It is the pacemaker and backbone to all the wonderful flamboyant drama the lead singer (our ego) creates, and it might even take over with a brilliant little improvised solo to carry the whole band through a dark stretch when the singer's voice unexpectedly falters.

No matter how hopeless our situation that drum beat in the background of our lives will carry us through every dark valley and it is there to reconnect you with your inner worth (#61) aside from what "society" says and "family" or you yourself expect and regardless of how debased you might currently feel.

I mean, stay on your meds, trust the professional help you have found. Don't do anything rash. Do what needs be done (paperwork, etc.).

Depression for me is nothing shameful. I don't believe it has to do with a lack of vitality. On the contrary, it is fueled by a powerful will to live, which has been frustrated in the current framework of life.

61.2. a crane calling out in the shade, is one of my most favorite lines in the entire Yi Ying:

"this is the echo awakened in humans through spiritual attraction. whenever a feeling is voiced with truth and frankness, whenever a deed is the clear expression of sentiment, a mysterious and far-reaching influence is exerted."

Wishing you luck and endurance for the difficult river bend you are currently navigating ...

And if you feel utterly lost, just reach inside and listen to that drum beat droning at the depth of your being ...

(or draw up the volume of your stereo or headphones, take an old tennis racket and freak out to "Smells Like a Teen Spirit" when nobody is watching, if that works better for you ... yeah, cheesy, I know ... )

Don't worry about (not) being good, it can't hurt to just be goofy sometimes ...

Love,

jd

 

[Anavim]

There has been this horrible chaos around laws about high education here, because our lawmaking is chaotic to say the least. Literally I need a lot of going around of regulations and laws even despite lax measures that have been in place since the pandemic started. So it depends on two big deals - one is the public laws that have been recently changed and adapted and the other, the more important and the final decision is still on our Faculty council. In this context, the "Family" could mean the Faculty council? I don't know. I called today and they told me that I will receive the news on Monday, most probably. The thing is that our Dean is ill from corona, or someone from his family. He's very, very pressed. I had a professional history with him, so he'll probably take that into account. In one case, I will probably stay with my family... (gosh!) for a semester and have some obligations in the second semester, from February onward. The thing is that this isn't just "what is the natural course of events" because I need the miracle from last year, right now. Very irrational of me, but the only thing I could do now. Will I learn from this? Have no idea, but let's take one step at the time.

 

[Anavim]

I am really grateful to all these insightful and compassionate comments. <3