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chasms forever

NemeanMagik

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Ok, here's more of my serial.

After months of troubles, finally various officials are coming to visit me at the end of the week about my so called care situation. Top of this and top of that.

I asked I ching direct question: "Is there anything I can do regarding future therapy work with D at this time?

Response: 29.3.6>57 and the worst bit, the very worst bit of that is three years of being braced in a thicket or something.

Now does that literally mean 3 years of chasms, and are we talking 'never'?

Anyone know? At the moment I just don't want to live.

And will I EVER get any explanations? I am not convinced even this meeting will deliver.
 

ginnie

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The hexagrams are very much responses to our own state of mind sometimes. In other words, your 29.3.6 is probably not describing an objective situation of chasms forever, but rather your own attitude at the time you cast your hexagrams. It seems to me that if you change your attitude, you will change the outcome.
 

NemeanMagik

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I hope you are right Ginnie, but thank you for that. The state of mind came from a Director type person who basically told me my therapist is to write a clinical report for me or something instead of meeting me to hear how angry with her I have felt, and how betrayed I have felt --for reasons I have already gone on about here--apparently this is the nearest I get to an explanation. Several mental health high ups are coming to see me to give me this account but they will it seems be coming to focuse on my care --but no one is willing to offer explanation to me for all the conflicting messages I have received from the therapist/psychiatrist/et al....They are all sidestepping and this is crucifying me. They will not deal with the very issues I have repeatedly been asking since the middle of January. I feel exhausted and very upset about this. And then when I put this question to the I ching, I get.................chasms! What did I do to deserve this? Prior to this reading all my readings have been pretty ok, hunky dory even. Doesn't make sense.
 

moss elk

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You may think i sound critical about this but,
I think you may benefit from hearing it.

"The state of mind came from a Director type person.."
The state of mind came from you. It was your choice to feel that way,
Even if you don't currently recognize it as such.
Once you begin to look at it this way, you will be empowered with self control.

"No one is willing to offer an explanation to me for all the conflicting messages.."
Other forum users have already suggested the reason:
When you are dealing with several people, they each have their own understanding and way of doing things.
One should not expect many individuals to speak with one voice.
As part of an organization with many regulations, they still speak their own with individual voices.
You are intelligent and can certainly understand this.

The organization and treatment methods are their 'show'.
You cannot run that show. 2.6
And trying to do so will not bring you peace.
You can go along with it or not, your choice.

I think that 29.3.6. Is very much a warning for you to stop engaging in this fight,
Because it will bring no good for you.

One if the most difficult things we can do sometimes is to do nothing,
To accept something unpleasant.
But the thing is, there are occassions when Acceptance is the only path to peace.

What makes you happy and peaceful?
 
G

goddessliss

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As I've already said and very much in total agreeance with Moss Elk here - by fighting the fight and blaming everybody else for your troubles - how's that working for you????
All your doing is distracting yourself from yourself because you don't appear to want to get well or heal or whatever the problem is. Just my opinion...
 

NemeanMagik

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There may be some truth in what you say but I don't think it is that straightforward. To claim my illness my fault is really a very big accusation!
 

NemeanMagik

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That last sentence is salvation - if there is any at all. And that is what I am focussing on in any way I can.
 

moss elk

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I am not claiming your illness is your fault.

I am claiming that you are intelligent and aware of many things,
(Including that you sometimes make things hard for yourself by working yourself up into a frenzy)
And that you have the power within you to help make your life better, not instantly but gradually.

Lets say there is a box with a thorny plant in it.
When you stick your hand inside you get poked.
I think the 29 .3.6 is saying that continuing to insist on D's help is like sticking your hand in that box.

Im trying to encourage you to be your own friend
And to recognize that thorny boxes and brick walls are not your friend.
 

NemeanMagik

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I think the most important point is here that whilst I agree that organisations, because they are made up of individual people, will result in somewhat chaotic delivery...but if that organisation is meant to be delivering not a product but care and support, the impact on the individual who is meant to be 'helped' or whatever word you want to use, can be very damaging. For some people the choice simply to walk away from that is not so easy for obvious (I think) reasons.
I am reflecting on the point you make Moss Elk; I am not saying they are not valid. But I don't as yet have any clear answers as to what to do. Yes, I can look at the Marrying Maiden response, and actually I am so exhausted that that may be the only way I can handle this.
 

NemeanMagik

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No it was Goddess who said it was my fault Moss Elk, not you. Yes, I understand. I just feel so disturbed by events that despite how rational I might seem on here ( or even 'intelligent' ), actually I am finding it really hard to keep grounded, and that in itself is tremendously difficult. Thank you for your thoughts and words. I have actually had some much better readings since the chasm one which I think now was only fully relevant at the time of the reading as ginnie said.
 
M

mirian

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Hi Nemeanmagik,

There is a lot of learning involved in Hex 29 and, by the way, "three years" does not represent literally that length of time. The sixth line on top shows that it is taking a long time to learn, to take lessons from past experiences and apply to the present, and as such we repeat the same mistakes falling again and again in the "abyss". By reading your posts one can tell that you are a very intelligent person, but how are you using your capability to learn from all that you have been through? Why are you repeating the same patterns of behaviour? The longer you do that the longer it will take you to find your way in life. This is what the Yi is trying to tell you and your reading is reflecting as well how difficult you find it to take on board all the advice that has been posted on the forum for you. Your reading is not a "sentence", it is more a wake up call. :bows:
 

NemeanMagik

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This chasms one was such a shock! But as I have said further down this page, I have had much more fortunate readings recently. So, that is encouraging. In particular about the upcoming meeting I mentioned. We will see.
 

moss elk

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So what sorts of things make you feel happy and/or peaceful?
 

NemeanMagik

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Thanks Mirian. There seems to be something perverse in me about this - like I am stuck in some grooves. It is a hell of a climb out though! Sometimes there is a chink of light, and all opens up before me, and I can see where I am going (well you know sort of), and all is positive, even brilliant, but then before long I drop back into the grooves again, and the struggle repeats.

I may seem to be batting advice and support to the side, but in fact the more you people say what you say, the less able I feel to persist. I kind of know I am unconscious but feel such a resistance, such a stubbornness to wake up from it. yet I spend a considerable amount of time thinking about and reading about and focussing on just that: waking up. I am inspired by it, yet I remain.......almost wilfully blind. Ugh!
 

NemeanMagik

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Not much: lakes, nature in general; writing poetry, taking a shower. Relaxation exercises...feeling loved (rare thing).
 

NemeanMagik

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Maybe I need to add something. At age of 16 I had an utterly mind blowing mystical experience. The brightest light you could ever know. I have NEVER been able to integrate it into normal life. Other childhood abuse and neglect issues, and other experiences in adolescence kind of derailed my life quite radically too. My development has been skewed and set me off in directions that probably were quite inappropriate. I still feel in a wilderness, never really feel that I have landed. That bright light besides being a gift raised questions for me, issues that still confuse and obstruct - quite contradictory really - for light! Too bright and richochet to the dark?

Trojina will be skittin along soon and tell me off for posting this in the wrong place.....!
 

NemeanMagik

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and trying to get any help with this from a therapist or priest or monk or meditator, psychologist, psychiatrist etc etc. is - hopeless. So off I go, on my todd, trying this, trying that. Nothing, No one, Nowhere. Only me. (and all of you too of course).
 

NemeanMagik

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For various 'reasons' I feel unable to get this therapist out of my head! I feel totally enclosed by her. I think she has been attached me in one way too, despite discharging me-- because the link feels so strong, and I keep bumping into her in lots of different settings without any conscious intention whatsoever. It really is amazing. Words she said before discharge made me feel this connection was intentional - and yet, and yet, this therapist is a stickler for ...'endings' in therapy; thinks they are essential. She only does relatively short term work because of this. Yet I feel I cannot separate-- and any sense of that-- of abandonment - is a nightmare almost impossible for me to negotiate , deal with.............She says then that she has not 'abandoned' me, yet that is my experience - at the same time as unbearable connection and feeling 'trapped'. :brickwall:
 

Trojina

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Maybe I need to add something. At age of 16 I had an utterly mind blowing mystical experience. The brightest light you could ever know. I have NEVER been able to integrate it into normal life.

Me too. I was meditating and it was like...well I can't say, a thousand suns exploding. no one can integrate it immediately into normal life. It's just an experience ....be glad to have known it. You will know it again some day



Other childhood abuse and neglect issues, and other experiences in adolescence kind of derailed my life quite radically too. My development has been skewed and set me off in directions that probably were quite inappropriate. I still feel in a wilderness, never really feel that I have landed. That bright light besides being a gift raised questions for me, issues that still confuse and obstruct - quite contradictory really - for light! Too bright and richochet to the dark?

Yes it's strange how such bright light can come among such dark times but it does.



Trojina will be skittin along soon and tell me off for posting this in the wrong place.....!



:rofl: I'm glad that amidst all this darkness and turmoil you feel you can rely on me to boss you about :rofl: I don't think you are in the wrong section anyway as far as I can see.



I know your problems are complex, probably much more than we can appreciate here, but have you just tried some simple minded distractions ? We've been here before remember, when you went to wash the dog and did some disastrous cooking. :D

You are still alive and kicking and you sound full of vim and vigour but speak of not wanting to live ?

I think you do want to live.

Don't scare yourself with the I Ching.

I propose we all suggest an activity for Nema to keep her sane and away from chasms



Have you washed all the dishes today ?

Are you taking plenty of physical exercise ?

What is taking your time up in the day ?


No need to answer these personal questions but I feel a structured day might help with the angst you feel.
 

ginnie

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We cannot control our feelings, but we can control our thoughts. Feelings themselves would simmer down, except you are attaching danger to your situation. You are not in danger, nor are you going through an emergency. All you have to do is repeat to yourself: "There is no danger . . . " Convince yourself that there is no danger and you will begin to get a handle on your own thoughts. We will always have feelings, and sometimes these feelings can be quite a maelstrom, but we are not our feelings and our feelings are not facts, especially when our feelings are telling us of danger when we're not in any danger.
 
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goddessliss

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No it was Goddess who said it was my fault Moss Elk, not you.

Did I say it was your fault - that wasn't my intention.

this is what I meant only I cut to the chase because I think enough's been said

Hi Nemeanmagik,

There is a lot of learning involved in Hex 29 and, by the way, "three years" does not represent literally that length of time. The sixth line on top shows that it is taking a long time to learn, to take lessons from past experiences and apply to the present, and as such we repeat the same mistakes falling again and again in the "abyss". By reading your posts one can tell that you are a very intelligent person, but how are you using your capability to learn from all that you have been through? Why are you repeating the same patterns of behaviour? The longer you do that the longer it will take you to find your way in life. This is what the Yi is trying to tell you and your reading is reflecting as well how difficult you find it to take on board all the advice that has been posted on the forum for you. Your reading is not a "sentence", it is more a wake up call. :bows:
 

NemeanMagik

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Ok, sorry, I must have mis-read you. It was my feeling that was all. Because of my difficulties, different attitudes hold sway at different times and the fluctuations are very extreme - so any assessment on this forum is not likely to be that accurate I don't think goddessliss, so it might cut to my core and hurt, but is only one possible way at looking at my position and I know this - so, I understand what you say in that context.
thank you though. I appreciate your comments.
Today btw, had that meetings and I have posted the I ching reading about it just now. Feeling a sense of a job well done right now...
 

NemeanMagik

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Trojina, you are brilliant as ever....! Please read my latest post on the meeting today! On one level, it is quite an advance.
 
M

mirian

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Hi NemeanMagik,

I have done Tai Chi today and got home bouncing with happiness :D You see, life can be that simple ;)
 

NemeanMagik

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Trojina, you are a bright light & you make me giggle warmly, Profoundly. At the moment, my world is wonderful. (29/3/14 Saturday 6.36am). Mysterious but wonderful. Moving. Extraordinary.
 

Lodestar

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Hi You probably have had your questions answered but I will just add an idea about process..

when things are overwhelming and difficult my personal recommendation is not to contemplate how you may have created or contributed to the situation ( you can save that for another point in the process right now it may just make you feel guilty..)

Instead just focus on bringing your energy up. Yes take your focus off the other people and the situation, put it back on yourself.. And just look after yourself, have a bath, watch a comedy, be kind to yourself..

I often think the notion of a persons 'creation of a situation' can be unhelpful, if you are already feeling bad, and the pattern that is creating it may be quite powerful and deep seated possibly stemming from early childhood, so you are not exactly in a position to just 'take power'.. You can work through that over time..

I would say your priority should be to nurture yourself to the point you feel better and then look at,the situation with a fresh viewpoint.

Hope this helps. ;)
 

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