Children I love

[lisaford2]

I have decided not to spend as much time with O who is my friend/ tennis coach/ foundation partner/ romantic interest. In fact a lot less time. We were never officially together so there's no break up. Just a lot more space on my part. And since his back surgery he has been unable to participate in our foundation work. I got to know his 2 children -12 and 14 -and actually posted about the boy who was caught stealing. Anyhow I really love the kids and would love to stay connected to them. Their parents are divorced. My question to IC was ' what about them?' Answer 63.3 to 3. My attention was caught by the phrase " don't use small people" in line 3. Could this mean literally don't use your attachment to them to stay connected to their father? I know it means something more symbolic in the most interpretations. Overall I hate the thought of not being part of their lives. Thanks for any assistance with this.

 

[deusa]

I have some questions to you, after reading LiSe's take on 63.3-
How do they feel about seing you? They are big enough to decide for themselves.
How is it going to afect your relationship with their father if you keep seing them? Do you still have feelings for him?

I would say the "small people" are them... but they are not too small anymore...

Citing LiSe: "The noble one takes thought of misfortune and guards against it."
Be careful about everybody's feelings.
Besides that, it could be ok to see them, if they wish to do so...

 

[lisaford2]

Thanks. I'll see how they feel. I think it could work out well for them. It's me I'm really worried about. I'm afraid I do still have feelings for him and I want to move on from them - the feelings that is. So hard to ask feelings to disappear. Appreciate your perspective.

 

[deusa]

Are you sure there isn't a way to make it work? If you have feelings for him, what happened is beyond repair?
Maybe that is also the "misfortune"....

 

[Lilly-La]

'Minor People' usually refers to babarians, enemies and in modern language and understanding mindless people. I am sure the Yi does not refer to kids here - though from 13 onwards they can be pretty mindless

I cite from John Minfords book on Hex63 Judgement: The Tao is exhausted.
63.3: After 3 years comes exhaustion

I would read: keeping up the ralationship is exhausting.

Mind me but kids of 12 and 14 are soon not really interested in adults anymore anyway. Rather in their peers. Sad but true.

 

[lisaford2]

Yes. It is a misfortune as I love him lots. But he's so unavailable. Drove me insane. Loves me too but has too many problems. You are so kind to reply. I'm about to start a new thread on how to make contact to talk with him about it all. Thanks

 

[lisaford2]

Yes. Keeping up the relationship was exhausting. I spent hours trying to figure him and his problems out. Thanks so much for your interpretation of 63.3. I agree in theory about kids but in this case his daughter is looking for a mentor. She wants to go to Med school -already! - and she and I communicate easily. His son is a real love and I feel like I added a lot and could add a lot to his life. But given the situation with their father I think it best that I hold back now on more communiction with them. It is so sad because all three of us could benefit from the connection. But life is wiser than me. I'll just wait. Thanks again. I really appreciate your reply.

 

[Lilly-La]

Hi Lisa,

i have been in a similar 'relationship' like you for many years and it was exhausting too. Looking back, i believe my fault (if you can call it a fault at all) was not holding back after a while. I wasted so much time. I´m almost feeling desperation about the time i wasted.

I strongly believe kids usually need mentors. (That´s why grandparents often are so important and later other adults.) Nevertheless, if they (parents, kids etc) either don´t want or it simply does not happen, give up. Let go. Someone much wiser than me once said : let people find you. Again the engl. word 'serenity' comes to my mind. I like this word - all the best!

 

[deusa]

I love that:
"Let people find you."!
Hard for me... but useful and wise.

 

[Lilly-La]

I love that:
"Let people find you."!
Hard for me... but useful and wise.

,,, same here... but sometimes i remember good quotes