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lslater

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I posted recently but did not give any back ground and some major things have happened since that day.

I am a 36 year old professional divorced mother of two girls, 9 ad 11 years old. They have a very involved dad and so I am not in the desperate position of trying to finding a dad for them. I have been a seeing a man for about 3 months that has commitment issues. He acts as if he is in it with me when we are together, but if he feels the slightest pressure from me (whether intentional or not), he says that he does not want a long term relationship with me. But his actions are not consistent.

He is 39 and never been married and his longest relationship has been 3 years. He does care for me. I feel sometimes that because he is commitment-phobic (as am I) that I overfocus on him and then have to step back. I was married for 12 years to a man who was very much committed to me and loved me, but I did not feel fulfilled and ended the marriage. That was 4 years ago and I have since found that men at this age are a tricky sort. I do care about this particular guy a lot. Just recently we had a pregnancy scare and he acted like a teenage boy over it. I really don't know what to with with him.

Some days I feel like I have never been so connected to anyone and other days (like when I am out of town for work, which is frequent) , there is a total disconnect. Right now it is pretty rocky and the gap is wide. We are talking about doing something for New Years eve with his friends. Next time I see him it will have been three weeks since we were last together. Anyhow, I consulted the I Ching and asked what potential for us was and got 28.5 = 32

Thoughts?
 

juaneros

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Hi Islater,

Interesting reading. Well, beginning with hexagram, 28... not sure if that is how your relationship feels like, like a big pressure on your shoulders, that's how I feel with certain relationships, eheh... and honestly, when I start getting that feeling it usually means to move on for me or step back. But you asked about the potential, well... the line is pretty direct I think, indicating a withered tree producing flowers... but by having spent that much energy to flower, it might not survive to see the fruit. So, maybe there is potential to enjoy the flowers and the moment, but overall no fruit will become of it. The same with the meaning of an old women involving herself with a younger man, yes there can be good moments between them, but the ultimate ''goal'' of most relationships, which is a family, is impossible to be achieved. But hey, like it says in the end, nothing wrong with that, enjoy what you got. I don't focus much on the last hexagram, but it possibly means ''a duration'' that everybody would want with a relationship. Anyhow, do wish you luck, hope I made some sense, it's just my thoughts about the matter.

:hug:
 
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pocossin

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What is the potential for us?
28.5 > 32


Judgment and Image are not auspicious for relationship.

It furthers one to have somewhere to go.

The image of Preponderance of the Great.
Thus the superior man, when he stands alone,
Is unconcerned,
And if he has to renounce the world,
He is undaunted.

Line 5. The poplar is withered, suggesting that the relationship will not last long.
 

meng

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I have been a seeing a man for about 3 months that has commitment issues. He acts as if he is in it with me when we are together, but if he feels the slightest pressure from me (whether intentional or not), he says that he does not want a long term relationship with me. But his actions are not consistent.

Anyhow, I consulted the I Ching and asked what potential for us was and got 28.5 = 32

Thoughts?

If someone doesn't wish to commit to someone (male or female), does that necessarily indicate commitment "issues"? I don't see why you need to attach a disorder to either of your reluctance to commit to a long term relationship at this time. In fact, perhaps you each have your own good reasons for such reluctance to jump into a full commitment - it may in fact be most healthy not to.

You didn't say how long this spotty relationship has thus far endured, but the line indicates it won't be for a lifetime, though I do not read any negative connotation associated with such a relationship, only that neither can expect it to be more than what it is.

32 symbolizes a long term and steady relationship, literally of husband and wife. Apparently, this one ain't it. But don't give up on happiness because of it.
 

lslater

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If someone doesn't wish to commit to someone (male or female), does that necessarily indicate commitment "issues"? I don't see why you need to attach a disorder to either of your reluctance to commit to a long term relationship at this time. In fact, perhaps you each have your own good reasons for such reluctance to jump into a full commitment - it may in fact be most healthy not to.

You didn't say how long this spotty relationship has thus far endured, but the line indicates it won't be for a lifetime, though I do not read any negative connotation associated with such a relationship, only that neither can expect it to be more than what it is.

32 symbolizes a long term and steady relationship, literally of husband and wife. Apparently, this one ain't it. But don't give up on happiness because of it.

I did mention how long... 3 months. The thing is... I don't get that from line 5 that it automatically implies that he isn't the "one". I get more that because I thought I was pregnant, but was not in fact, that this is what line 5 refers to. That I wasn't pregnant. And that now we have the chance to take a break and rebuild what was good before the scare (thus 32). He is older than me, doesn't have kids and I do, but I am still quite fertile! I am only 36! I literally got this hexagram the day before I found out that I was not in fact with child.
 
M

mirian

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I consulted the I Ching and asked what potential for us was and got 28.5 = 32 Thoughts?

Dear Islater,

I can only share my own experience with 28.5, which I got quite a few times in the past. It panned out that the relationship that I wanted, and I thought would be great for me, would end up being very frustrating and disappointing. On the surface, things seemed to be just all right, but deep down there was something really essential missing. As a couple, we could have never made it long-term (which we, of course, didn't).
So, I hope that you can identify in your own relationship what is there, under the surface, that is really missing and can undermine the relationship or make it impossible in the long run.

All the best :bows:
 

meng

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I did mention how long... 3 months. The thing is... I don't get that from line 5 that it automatically implies that he isn't the "one". I get more that because I thought I was pregnant, but was not in fact, that this is what line 5 refers to. That I wasn't pregnant. And that now we have the chance to take a break and rebuild what was good before the scare (thus 32). He is older than me, doesn't have kids and I do, but I am still quite fertile! I am only 36! I literally got this hexagram the day before I found out that I was not in fact with child.

Sorry, missed the three months part.

Line 5 could indeed refer to the result of pregnancy, if that was your question. However, I read your question as: "what potential for us was..."

If the whole pregnancy scare was foremost on your mind and emotions, the Yi could have addressed that anyway, even if you asked a different question, however only you can discern that for yourself. My interpretation was based on the question you had asked.

28.5 has never boded well for me for anything but a passing fancy (of any kind, not just relationships), but neither has it been harmful, so long as I didn't expect more than what it promises.

28.2 is different story, and may be what you'd rather have gotten.
 

lslater

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Sorry, missed the three months part.

Line 5 could indeed refer to the result of pregnancy, if that was your question. However, I read your question as: "what potential for us was..."

If the whole pregnancy scare was foremost on your mind and emotions, the Yi could have addressed that anyway, even if you asked a different question, however only you can discern that for yourself. My interpretation was based on the question you had asked.

28.5 has never boded well for me for anything but a passing fancy (of any kind, not just relationships), but neither has it been harmful, so long as I didn't expect more than what it promises.

28.2 is different story, and may be what you'd rather have gotten.

haha..., not really. I wouldn't have rather gotten 28.2, for that would have not reflected the real situation. Yes, pregnancy was heavily on my mind and is what I was thinking of when i asked the question of potential. What I was thinking was "what is the potential if I am pregnant", which case Yi told me that I was not pregnant.

So, I hear you all and so that I don't sink into denial I asked the question again. This time my mind was more open to the potential of the relationship minus thoughts of pregnancy. The pregnancy scare has put some walls between us due to my emotional reaction to it. He is also out of the country for the next week and we have agreed to give the relationship space. It is what is needed right now. I am feeling that we need a good two weeks of "space".

So that is what I had on my mind when asking the question again, "what is our potential". I threw both of these by hand using pennies. Interesting because I got hex 32 again, this time changing to 43. Line 5 validates the space that is needed due to line 32.1, which was a pregnancy scare too early in our relationship. Sometimes I like to throw one Tarot card to help clarify the reading and I drew a King of Cups. I will meditate on this for a couple of weeks. Hex 43 is a tough one, but appropriate. King of cups is also appropriate given the great caring capacity of this man. Alrighty.. thanks so much for the feedback everyone! It is appreciated!
 

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