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Commitmentphobe 29 3.4 > 28

susannah

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I'm involved with someone who I strongly suspect is commitment phobic.

They say they love me and want to see me.... but they don't make much space in their life to include me. If a friend came to me with the presenting behaviour, I'd probably say, well, they're not that into you.
My own issues... well, I tend to walk out at the first sign of trouble so probably have my own commitment issues.

I asked the I Ching what to do. I received 29 3.4 > 28

Both are rather ominous hexagrams.
28 The relationship could well fall apart.
29 Repeated danger... possibly an entrenched pattern (line 3). Line 4.. enlightenment is possible?

Overall, don't do anything, wait it out?

Any imput would be gratefully received. Many thanks.:bows:
 

juaneros

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Hi there Susannah. Well, let me see about your question... what to do? Yeah, this is a tough one I think, hehe. 29 has to do a lot about learning, although sometimes it's with tough blows, like 29.3 says. But on the other hand, 29.4 I think this can mean that people do things differently, maybe they are not the type to go after you and they'll find their own way of doing it, and you just have to keep that in mind. Also, maybe hex 28 hasn't happened yet, maybe it's telling you that there is pressure, but it's up to you if you break it by adding more weight on it or try to strengthen it. But yeah, maybe wait it out for a bit, nothing wrong with that I think.
 
S

sooo

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Hi Susannah

Everything about this reading says to me, unbalanced and not ready to commit. And as you have pointed out, you too are a teeterer when it comes to persevering; quick to take the hint, even if no hint was given. Nothing is casual or easygoing, see how it goes in time, yet this is what courtship is supposed to be, unless it's a fixed marriage where the couple's feelings for one another play no part in the marriage. I'm seeing the answer and solution in line 4: communicate simply, honestly, clearly, develop trust and safety. Once that stage has been experienced for a realistic time, then seeking a commitment is balanced and reasonable.

I see dating ads where modern women make a laundry list of everything they want, and commitment is often at the top of that list. How crazy is that! No wonder guys run away. If she's like that before they even meet, what would it be like after they were married or committed - yikes! I'm not saying some men aren't this way too, and that's usually seen as being possessive, controlling and stifling, and indeed it is.

Give each other some space on the front end and there will be fewer disappointments later, and less wandering and cheating too. Commitment comes when trust has been firmly established. That's not the condition shown in your reading; quite the opposite.
 

susannah

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Thank you both for your replies.


Juaneros: yes, people are different and have different ways of doing things. Hence:

Sooo, I agree; clear, honest communication is important any relationship.

Unfortunately, communication is something that my boyfriend seems to have difficulty with. He seems to have trouble making decisions, identifying priorities. He seems to rather not communicate anything and just kind of go with the flow.... maybe it's me and I have a control issue?
 

kincadefoster

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my thoughts: despite all these "rules" ppl have about dating and everything, when two ppl really like each other they spend alot of time together and stuff. Someone showing signs of interest isn't as important as someone showing signs of commitment, like if someone follows through on what they say and is consistent, that is a good thing...
Wanting to leave a situation bc someone doesn't show signs of commitment isn't necessarily commitment-phobic, it's one of those profound truths that is also contradictory, avoiding a situation like that for our own person so we have something to give to a person who treats us right... However, there is a gray area where for the first month or two where you know someone... well if someone doesn't want to commit after a certain about of time, they probably never will...
 

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