Conflicted about child support case

[elienos]

Hello folks, I don’t post much around here but use this site a LOT. I have been having trouble deciphering the responses I have been getting. I am going through a very hard time, deciding to sue for child support from my daughter’s father. She is almost 8 and he has contributed next to nothing and in fact tried to disappear at one point in the beginning, and has also used us to his own advantage. He is the type who is always trying to figure out how he can benefit from all situations, not really thinking of others. He is a mess and he is poor and he lives in Costa Rica, where salaries are much smaller than here. However his family has a lot of property and a few chunks are making it his way, so it isn’t like he is poor and desolate. And he doesn’t pay rent. I have been having a hard time with this because it doesn’t feel good taking all the responsibility for raising my daughter and I am exhausted and wish I had some support….and it also doesn’t feel good suing him for Child Support. Thinking of how our relationship with his family might change for the worse, that the case won’t be successful (though Costa Rica has the strongest child support laws in the world), of that it will cause hardship on him and his other two kids (who have less than my daughter does but with whom he lives). However I have been slowly but surely proceeding with the child support case because it feels more right to me than letting it go. I think if he doesn’t start making an effort to support his child in some way, be a father, I will have to remove us completely from their lives to be okay with it. He says he loves her and me too, but he just is such a flaky self-centered guy!

The next step is paying the lawyer half of his fee.

I have asked for advice on how to proceed with the child support issue and I get:
Hex 10 with lines 2.3.5.6 changing to 55

when asking for clarity on this (because I couldn’t really understand) I got
9 with changing line 1 and 2 changing to 53

I haven’t been able to figure this out, I get vague conflicting ideas with these reading. So I asked “Should I step back and not pay the lawyer?” and I get :
Hex 21 with line 1 and 6 changing to 16

Anyone got some insight for me?

Warmly,
Soni

 

[elienos]

I also want to add, because I got the feeling the I Ching was telling me not to force things...that I have been procrastinating this and thinking about this for a very long time! I have been discussing with the lawyer for over a year already! So I don't feel that I am being hasty. I have also asked similar questions in the past, and I never get a decisive NO or YES! and I never feel like I really understand what the I ching is saying. There's always danger and usually the hex that it changes to seems for positive that the original one. Sometimes I get the idea of flowing with things.

 

[elienos]

Well, since I wrote...I asked a 4 more questions to try to really get to the bottom of this and and I think I have found my answer myself so I'll share a bit.

I asked about how to reconcile with the dad and got Hex 12, blocked (sounds like it just isn't happening right now).
I asked how to move forward at this time and got 17.4 , in which line 4 told me I have power, but don't let it go to my head, don't just push ahead, but follow along, that maybe I should look into other strategies.
I asked about moving forward with the lawyer and got Hex 2.1 changing to 24 in which line 4 seems to be telling me about hard ice, problems coming (that might be of my own doing).
I asked about connecting with my daughter's grandmother about this (we are friends but I have never talked to her about this) 46.4 to 32, and well it sounds like making that connection would be a positive direction to take in this impossible situation...

I guess I thought the child support case must be the right thing to do, that I was making the right decision, so had a hard time accepting the warnings the oracle was giving me.

 

[Liselle]

Hi Soni,

I'm not good with complicated readings, but after looking at your original readings, and also the conclusions you've drawn after more readings (which makes it easier, since you've provided half the answers!), I'd agree with you that not pursuing the legal case is a good decision. I'm not certain about it, since this is a complicated situation, but I don't see any reason to disagree.

All quotes here are from Hilary Barrett's book. (Hilary is the owner of this website.)

How to proceed with the child support issue? 10.2.3.5.6 > 55

10.2
"Treading the path, smooth and easy.
A hermit's constancy brings good fortune."

I think starting a legal case would be getting off the path rather than continuing on it in a "smooth and easy" way (this is certainly not to say things have been smooth and easy for you! But I think the reading is saying to just keep going, more or less as you've been.) Also, pursuing a legal case doesn't seem very hermit-like.

10.3
"With one eye, can see.
Lame, can walk.
Treads on the tiger's tail:
It bites him. Pitfall.
Soldier acting as a great leader."

This line seems to be saying that you can continue to muddle through in your life (as unpalatable as that is, I'm sure). You can still "see" and "walk," to some degree, even though your ability to do so is hampered. "Treads on the tiger's tail: It bites him. Pitfall." - the tiger here would have to be the legal case, and/or your daughter's father. If you tread on it, it will bite you. I think the point is not that you're doing so well now (you're not), but that pursuing a legal case would somehow make things even worse. "Soldier acting as a great leader" might mean that you lack power or authority in some way - maybe the difficulty of trying to bring legal action in another country? Not sure.

10.5
"Decisive treading.
Constancy, danger."

Being decisive and constant are often good things, but not always. If you are too "decisive" or too "constant" here, there will be danger. Maybe you feel as if you are forcing a decision, because you feel you must, or you should, do something. I think this line is saying not to.

10.6
"Observing the footsteps, blessings from the ancestors.
They come full circle: good fortune from the source."

"Blessings from the ancestors" - maybe this means that your daughter's father's family will eventually help in some way? You mentioned her grandmother in a later post...

46.4
"The king makes offerings on Mount Qi.
Good fortune, no mistake."

I don't understand this. But here is what Hilary says in her commentary:

"Mount Qi was the original sacred mountain of the Zhou people, close to their home. You might make new conquests in remote lands, or you might suffer losses, but the mountain remains, and it sets these things in perspective.

It is time to rededicate yourself to your roots and the source of your strength. Steady your present ambitions by anchoring them to the past. Whether or not you can see any prospect of immediate success, this will ultimately mean good fortune."​

It sounds like maintaining some relationship with your daughter's grandmother, and/or other members of the family, is a good thing for you to do. But notice that the text says "makes offerings," and Hilary's commentary doesn't promise "immediate success." Based on that, I'm not sure I'd literally ask the grandmother for money, and it might even mean not mentioning your difficulties at all. "Making offerings" might mean cultivating a relationship simply for the sake of having a relationship - so your daughter and her father's family develop ties with each other (Mount Qi was close to home). Then, at some point, they might help financially, maybe because they'll want to rather than because they're forced to.

Asking for clarity - 9.1.2 > 53
I think this just repeats the idea of pulling back from the lawsuit, returning to the path you're already on (not the lawsuit path, just your normal, everyday path), and making gradual progress (hex 53).

“Should I step back and not pay the lawyer?” 21.1.6 > 16

21.1
"Shoes locked in the stocks, feet disappear - not a mistake."

Not doing anything now - not moving ahead with this (you can't move, your feet are locked up) - is not a mistake.

21.6
"Shouldering a cangue so your ears disappear - pitfall."

Not sure about this one. It might be Yi fussing a bit: "Yes, you should step back and not pay the lawyer. That's what I've been telling you - hooray, you hear me now!" (Or something like that - I think this line is Yi being not so polite.) It might also be saying that if you would pay the lawyer, it would be a financial burden to you (carrying a cangue on your shoulders is a burden) which may not pay off (remember the hex 10 lines, such as 10.3 - you may not have the power and authority to succeed with legal action in another country).

Hexagram 16, the relating hexagram in this reading, can mean intuition. You have doubts about this lawsuit, and Yi might be saying to listen to that instinct.

I also want to add, because I got the feeling the I Ching was telling me not to force things...that I have been procrastinating this and thinking about this for a very long time! I have been discussing with the lawyer for over a year already! So I don't feel that I am being hasty. I have also asked similar questions in the past, and I never get a decisive NO or YES! and I never feel like I really understand what the I ching is saying. There's always danger and usually the hex that it changes to seems for positive that the original one. Sometimes I get the idea of flowing with things.

You may already know that the second hexagram - the relating hexagram - is not the outcome or the future, it's the background or how you are relating to the situation.

And the idea of "flowing with things" might be echoed in 10.2, 9.1, and 9.2 from today's readings - return to your path, just keep treading in your life as you have been. That sort of flowing. Bringing a lawsuit, no matter how carefully thought about beforehand, is not a "flow-y" thing to do. And it would certainly seem much less "flow-y" to your daughter's father and his family.

I'm not sticking up for them! I think it's despicable that in eight years of your daughter's life, they have done nothing at all . And I am not at all trying to make light of the difficult situation you're in. But based on these readings, I do think the I Ching is counselling you to just keep muddling through and not pursue legal action. The good news is that I think it's saying that you will be able to keep muddling through. It might also be saying you'll get farther in the long run without legal action than you would have with it.

 

[elienos]

thanks

Thank you for your response! It makes sense. I wrote his mom this morning. I wrote my feelings and then took out about half of it, so it wouldn't be too much at once and so I wasn't just bitching about someone to their mother... I have no plan to ask her for money. I have never asked any of them for money and I didn't have the intention of asking for CS until I felt that her father's behavior was just too lame to withstand. I mean I would expect it if he were well off, but he isn't...

I wanted to cut him out of our life completely or force him to do something, thus the idea of suing. He has really screwed up and is really just super duper self-absorbed, always trying to get **** for himself...lying and cheating...anyhow. At the same time I know there is a good heart way in there.

I think, from these and other tosses, that I should follow my intuition and work to resolve the situation, but that it needs to be done carefully and with tact. I need to be sure my intentions are good, to really examine them throughout this process, which won't be short and quick (if I want it to end up well).