Dealing with someone with BPD

[diamanda]

Of course people need each other. I can just envisage a whole society of healthy needless robots screwing each other now and then whilst maintaining healthy boundaries and healthy self esteem

This is genius Trojina, love it

 

[thisismybody]

I imagine she probably wants a little help on her original questions and Yi answers, as far as interpretation goes—and not to have her relationship and psychology diagnosed or judged in anyway.

What I picked up is that though MrKind takes advantage of freewill and free speech, there’s little kindness there. It’s actually pretty rude and aggressive to make such claims about someone’s self-esteem and in such a way. Not helpful. And not possible to determine, especially on an Internet forum. The use of the word “toxic” is a bit of a red-flag. I’ve heard this from people who judge other people and their relationships because they’ve watched a lot of Oprah.

The biggest thing I picked up from his judgments is that he has some unresolved feelings concerning his past connection with “BPD” and those who “have” it. He sounds scarred and is shooting from the hip and from that place of pain—but probably intends to be helpful because his past experiences caused him pain. I won’t make any further deductions or determinations on his mental/emotional well-being because it’s not my business and how the F would I know? I don’t know him.

Has anyone ever heard the saying, “you get more flies with honey than you can with vinegar?” I think the honey might help the “horse you can’t make drink” drink the water also.

What I’ve noticed about Internet forums is that people say things to each other they wouldn’t say face-to-face. If mrkind speaks like this to his family, friends, coworkers and “students,” then I imagine they’ve either diagnosed him as an “autistic” who has no filter and go about relating to him in a special way, or I imagine they think he’s a jerk and shun him. That kind of arrogance, judgmental-ness, and know-it-all behavior about others’ personal business usually doesn’t create lasting bonds. It seems authoritative and unloving, thus potentially creating too much conflict and an “unhealthy” connection.

Maybe it’s not so much people are “unhealthy” as there are “unhealthy connections.” And instead of unhealthy and toxic, maybe “unstable” and in need of balance and growth. Maybe we have yet to understand all the sources and causes of what’s afflicting people’s minds and emotions. And perhaps karma has some implication. ??

Anyway, FWIW—55.5>49 offers a “thing of beauty coming.” I’d follow that.

 

[diamanda]

Thisismybody - indeed MrKind sounded too harsh. And his use of words wasn't great. On the other hand, you now indirectly call him autistic and a jerk.

You probably haven't followed Newbie's threads. Her guy has consistently behaved badly to her for many years. The issue is not that he might have BPD, nor what his childhood looked like. The issue is that he consistently behaves badly to her.

Btw 'toxic' is another word to describe abusers. Newbie's guy definitely sounds like one. It's harmful to make excuses for abusers. 'Unstable' is a good word too, although a bit too mild for this case. There are unstable people who do not behave badly to their partners.

 

[hilary]

Moderatorly decision: I'm going to close this thread now. It's got quite a long way away from helping with I Ching readings, and I think everything's been said on all sides.

Forum policy is to discourage members from 'diagnosing' each other here. There are grey areas where it can be done kindly and even helpfully, but it's all too easily turned into a weapon in argument.