Diagnosis of relationship questions

[rosetyler]

Hello!
I asked a bit about this relationship recently.
We live a distance apart, began a physical relationship, emails about "what we could do" led T to say we'd be better as friends at the moment- but he has maintained and intitated regular contact since. He suggested meeting up soon a couple of weeks ago. I waited to see if he'd suggest it again. But I mentioned it this week and he said he'd just been thinking that. Not sure if it'll happen or how as neither of us then made concrete plans. Just talk? He contacts me lots in the week, not at weekends, which makes me feel he's compartmentalising his life. (maybe he sees women at weekends dunno...okay, maybe I fear that).

I have a history of intimacy issues in relationships, so does he I think.
I asked;

diagnosis of this relationship

27

His position re it

29 2.4 to 45

Mine-25.5 to 21

What should I do? 43.2.3.5 to 51

Hmm. So- nourishing? In many ways this relationship feels it. We are nice to each other, have much in common, much to talk about.
29.2.4 so...is that him "simplifying everything" as he said he needs to do with his life in order to figure out what works and what doesn't.
25.5 for me. Hmm. Is that a stop worrying over what you can't solve?

But....43 to 51. I don't really understand that. What am I being advised to do?
Any thoughts appreciated.

 

[dobro p]

diagnosis of this relationship

27

Hmm. So- nourishing? In many ways this relationship feels it. We are nice to each other, have much in common, much to talk about.

When you draw 27, it doesn't mean that nourishing is taking place. (Nourishing takes place every moment of every day.) When you draw 27, the Yi's saying: "What you're nourishing yourself on here is an issue; you need to concern yourself with quality nourishment."

Also, you have different dimensions to your being: physical, psychological, spiritual. (Maybe more - how would I know? lol) So which dimensions of you is the relationship with T feeding? Physical? (This includes more than sex; it includes time spent with the person in the same room - eating with him, sleeping with him (real sleeping lol), walking with him. So, are you getting enough time with him? Psychological? (Emotion comes in here. Dunno bout you, but I've got to actually *like* the people I have sex with. Plus I've got to connect with them. Not all the time, but regularly.) So, are you getting enough emotional juice out of the r'ship with him? Spiritual? (I'm not greedy. I don't need a soul mate to have a relationship I'm okay with.) He ain't no soulmate, cuz you wouldn't be able to keep him at bay if he were.

 

[rosetyler]

Oh. Okay, that makes sense.

Well, to think on those questions- am I getting enough/quality nourishment here- no.

He's been the only person I've ever enjoyed talking to on the phone because of the pleasurableness (both mentally and playfully of our conversations). BUT since we became "friends" we've spoken three times on the phone, less than before and not at all in the last two weeks.
I feel nourished by the way he notes what's happening for me work wise and creatively and asks me about it with real interest and concern and I do the same for him. That IS nourishing. Ditto the regular playful texts.
Physically we had pleasure but then I wasn't ready (emotionally) for sex so that got confusing. We live 200 miles apart and haven't seen each other for six weeks now.

I don't see him as a "soulmate" but I do see him as someone who has been more nourishing for me than I've allowed most people to be in a long time. But there are big nourishment gaps...

 

[rosetyler]

The "nature" of the relationship is vexed for me though
(it is what I've asked about here re other relationships a while ago). A question that seems to come up again and again for me. Is this friendship, sexual, romantic? It must indicate my own difficulties with defining this for myself.

I just asked- chances of a romantic relationship with T?
Got 1 changing to 2.

I once asked that here- two years ago- of a relationship and got that answer.
I had longed for the man for years, then resisted him another year after that question, then we entered a combustible romantic relationship.

I see a therapist, I am doing a counselling course, I talk and seek learning and new experiences re relationships, I write cathartically about the roots of my issues. But really- maybe I should just- flow, flow, flow.

 

[auriel]

Hope you've called him up already.