Did my sister intentionally take advantage of me? 59.1.2.5- 27.

[rosada]

My mother passed away and then my sister, who was in charge of her affairs and executor of her estate, died suddenly a year later just after completing the distribution of Mom's property. The final balance seemed so lopsided - Sis had gotten Mom to pay all her expenses and medical bills for the last ten years of her life plus she voted herself a salary that was twice the norm - that my children are furious with me for not having demanded a more detailed explanation of where the money went. I had hoped they would have been able to just take an attitude of what's done is done but they haven't and it's created uncomfortable feelings with their cousins, my sister's kids, who inherited what my children feel should have gone to me (and ultimately them). My own feeling is that while my sister always had a sharp eye for figuring out how to get the biggest share, she really did feel that what she took was fair. Also I think she did a very good job of looking out for Mom's interests and that if someone else had had the job - me for example or a professional - we probably would not have ended up with much of anything at all. Sister is dead now so we can't ask her any questions but I did go to a lawyer to see what if anything could be done. His judgement was to just accept the situation, that the cost of looking into things and perhaps having to go to court would be prohibitive plus it would really blow the family apart. The fact I was willing to consult a lawyer has molified my kids a bit, thank heavens, but now I am wondering, "Did my sister intentionally take advantage of me?" As I say, I think she was on the look out for every advantage (she once tried to get me to pay for a housekeeper for her on the grounds that Mom's papers were kept in a file in her den...) but I don't want to believe she was dishonest. However more than that I want to know The Truth! I am most appreciative for any insights.

Did my sister intentionally take advantage of me? 59.1.2.5 - 27.

 

[Trojina]

it doesn't seem that way to me....but is there an instruction for you there to distribute all you have, 59.5, ?


I'm seeing in the reading your kids could do with some of the money now, and it might help ease things.

I think this is quite an active reading for you to do some kind of salvage work rather than dwell on your sister's motives. If it was your sister who cared for your mum she's entitled to a bit more isn't she.


But my first off impression is that you can help here by distributing some wealth (59) to those who need it (27) I don't think they'd feel so bad if they had enough right now. I wonder if a gathering with the cousins may help too....but that's a long shot.

well maybe it isn't that you need to give some money out now but it's the first thing that came to my mind.

 

[Tim K]

In my opinion Yi just reflected the situation back to you, and the most effective way to cope with it.

I think lines 1 and 2 urge you to stop thinking about ulterior motives of your sister, before this feeling turns into attitude and causes more problems ("it's created uncomfortable feelings with their cousins").
And line 5 says to share your wisdom/grace with your kids.

Internal hexagrams are 27.1.6 -> 2 Accept the situation as it is.
27.1 - Don't be greedy.
27.6 - You have your own resources.

Another approach is using transitional hexagrams
59.1 -> 61 Be sincere in your heart, don't allow the ego to take control.
61.2 -> 42 Share this sincerity with your kids, teach them.
42.5 -> 27, Wilhelm: "If you really have a gentle heart, do not ask. Supreme good fortune! Kindness will truly be recognized as your virtue."
Be kind and this is enough.


Oh the things money makes people do, makes me sad
Today I have watched BBC documentary about Byzantium aka Constantinopolis aka Istanbul. There were descriptions of power/money struggles, killing people, tortures, mad behaviour (obsession with large women, patrolling streets at night killing anybody at first sight of trespassing the law, killing just for fun, drowning for fun, having 106 children and then killing half of them and keeping the other half in a golden cage, omg) by kings. Having 900 women in a harem.
So please forgive me if you find this rude/blunt.

"Why do we fall ?
Into the same mistakes, again
When will we learn ?
We can't kill the beast, can't catch the wind"

 

[pocossin]

Did my sister intentionally take advantage of me?
59.1.2.5 > 27

Sure. Your mother was her meal ticket (27), and she milked it for all she could get (59).

if someone else had had the job - me for example or a professional - we probably would not have ended up with much of anything at all.

I don't think so. An accountant (not a CPA) would have seen your mother's estate through probate for a few hundred dollars, but you would have had to do all the legwork. That is my experience. The lawyer gave you good advice. Favoritism, unless you can show fraud or undue influence, is not compensable in probate. Even if you had been the executor, your sister would have been entitled to a share of the estate equal to yours.

I had hoped they would have been able to just take an attitude of what's done is done but they haven't and it's created uncomfortable feelings with their cousins

Cousins are remote creatures. Some of mine I admire, but for most I am grateful no longer to have to put up with them. They are not persons I would choose as friends. What's done is never undone without at least an apology. I remember their folly and injustice from over sixty years ago. A little courtesy now is all I want, but I won't get it from them. Over Christmas I offered to pay relocation expenses for a cousin who has gotten herself into a bad situation overseas. She hasn't accepted my offer, but I did receive a note of thanks. That's all I wanted.

 

[rosada]

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies.
Trojan, I'm glad to read you think the I Ching is encouraging me that dispersing what I can to the kids now is appropriate because that is what I have been doing but I've been nervous that I might not be doing the wise thing. So I'm very grateful to know you get the sense that it is!
Ashteroid, I wasn't asking the I Ching what my attitude should be but I can understand how you came by your interpretation - don't dwell on it, be an example of kindness etc. This also encourages me as that is exactly what I have been trying to do but sometimes such an attitude can be misinterpreted as a sign of weakness or even stupidity.
Pocossin, thank you so much for coming right out and saying "she milked it for all she could get"! I didn't want to believe that but now having you say it somehow makes me able to live with the situation. I guess the truth does indeed set you free! (and yeah, my niece and nephew - my kids' cousins - live far away, not important that we try to straighten it all out!)

Rosada