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Difficult Decision, money and career or freedom

bluelight

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Hello everyone,I've been struggling to make a decision for months now. I am an immigrant staying in the US after college.So happened that I became dependent on a man who can give me a job which would sponsor my visa in the near future, and some other job in the coming months. Other than that, I will have to go to my home country where I haven't been since early teens and the prospect there are not so bright. This man indicated that we are not in a relationship but turned out, he is really possessive. He gave me a job recently but then we went out with a group of friends and he was very angry I talked with a guy in a nightclub, made a scene and later blocked me in a messenger. He ignored my other messages and replied way later some that i am fine and we will see each other soon at a work event. This whole thing really shook me, and there was more emotional manipulation and abuse previously but blocking event is very alarming. Needless to say, I don't even know how to move on with work at the moment. So I casted the following: (1) What if i continue working for him? 49.3.4>3(2) What if I don't? 28.1.3.5>54 (3) How should I resume in this situation?61. 2.5.>27Now I understand the first as if I keep working with him, it will be difficult and unclear how good/successful (i looked at other questions regarding this combination) If I don't, also pretty blend and will be left with nothing (and essentially i will have to go back to my birth country). Now, how should I resume - i asked "in this situation", so it concerns us both, but the interpretations says to follow your inner truth, nourish the right people, etc. He has been certainly abusive to me, and of course I want to drop all this except it comes at a price of losing all these career and immigration opportunities. Does this also mean i need to nourish him? I am confused. Thank you so much for any suggestions.
 

mulberry

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Oh no. I didn't even need to get to the readings to know this was a bad situation, but 49.3.4-> 3 confirms it. The oracle warns of danger in 49.3, "Setting out to bring order means pitfall, Constancy means danger." 49.4 is better but I don't like 3 as a background for this. This man will give you lots more trouble, and you're in a very vulnerable position with him. He almost certainly wants to have a romantic or sexual relationship with you, and he's exploiting you. I don't think you can trust him.

If you don't continue working for him, you will have to accept that there your freedom will be curtailed in another way. 54, the background, is an image of a second wife who enters a house and must be subservient to the first wife. I've had 54 come up a LOT in work situations where my time is not my own or I have to be subservient in some way to a higher power. However-- it is a very different flavor from what you're describing dealing with this man. It usually doesn't describe abuse.

I think by "How should I resume in this situation?" you mean "What should I do in this situation?" right? No, 27 does not mean you need to nourish him, that's a misunderstanding. 27 is the background and it's the oracle indicating that you need to think hard about how you nourish yourself. This hexagram can be good or bad, just like there is healthy food and junk food. Which one are you eating? Etc.

In terms of the lines 61.2 is lovely and suggests you will be rewarded if you follow your natural instincts and are your true self--

"Calling crane in the shadows,
Its young one responds in harmony.
I have a beloved wine cup,
I will share myself, simply pouring it out."

It's one of the loveliest lines in the whole I Ching. It suggests that if you call out, someone who is truly harmonious with you will reply. Someone will share with you in a very natural way. Can you apply for other jobs? Can you find someone else to sponsor your visa? This suggests that others who are not abusive will be willing to help you.

61.3 shows an emotionally intense state where you are constantly being pulled in different directions and one in which other people have a lot of power over how you feel. Not good! R.L. Wing has a helpful interpretation of this line: "You depend upon your external relationships to dictate your mood or to gauge your confidence in yourself. This can sometimes elevate you to the heights of joy or banish you to the depths of despair."

You're in a really difficult situation right now but the most important thing is to stay safe and get away from this abusive man, whatever it takes.
 

mulberry

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Oh, I forgot to discuss the 28 in the 28 reading that changes to 54. 28.1.3.5>54 suggests if you don't go continue to work for him, you'll be taking things very carefully (line 1) but it is not a mistake to do so; you will be stressed out/feeling over extended and like you are under pressure (line 3); but in the end something decent can be made out of a difficult and unusual situation (line 5, in which an "old willow produces new shoots" and an "old woman takes a young husband"). The feeling of hexagrams 28 and 54 are quite each quite stressful in their own ways, but it sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place; there's not going to be a very easy way out of this, but you will get through it in time.
 

bluelight

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""Calling crane in the shadows,Its young one responds in harmony.I have a beloved wine cup,I will share myself, simply pouring it out."It's one of the loveliest lines in the whole I Ching. It suggests that if you call out, someone who is truly harmonious with you will reply. Someone will share with you in a very natural way. Can you apply for other jobs? Can you find someone else to sponsor your visa? This suggests that others who are not abusive will be willing to help you." Thank you mulberry for your detailed replies. I still find it difficult to understand how to exit this situation.No it is unlikely someone could sponsor my visa at the moment. There is a possibility but it is just as shakey at the moment. If I apply for other jobs...it is such a short time to get the visa part too. So I'd really like to know what 61>27 entails. My natural instincts are to exit the situation entirely, maybe take a break, move and start my life over... Because I am so entangled with this man and not sure how to exit so he does not affect me in the future if I work in the same industry. I am not sure if exiting now is not just an action on emotion though?
 

mulberry

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I really feel for you, bluelight. It is a very hard time to be an immigrant in the US, and this man is a vulture preying on you.

How about you ask the I Ching something like, "Can you show me a picture of a way out of this abusive situation?" It might still be hard to interpret, but perhaps it will help.

Sending you all the best.
 

bluelight

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Thank you mulberry! I asked "Can you show me a picture of a way out of dependence from X"?I got 16.1.2.3.6.>14 4 changing lines so I should read the line 5...In the interpretations, it is something about the chronic conditions that is not being cured but doesn't cause death.. and hexagrams 16 and 14 seem quite bright...I'm not sure what it is, just advice to keep going? On another note, I had friends who offered me a job, really wanted me to work on their venture and offered a good pay (but also unofficial) and I put in the work they asked for, then they paused their enterprise and didn't pay me. That was supposed to be a monthly work that would also make me more independent in my current situation.I, however, got so over all of this. Decided to apply for other jobs even though my visa expires and trying to convince them I will enroll to school in the evening so i will keep working. In a way, I feel fine with my current situation, things are not in my control, I don't care if I manage to find a job and pay for more school, or if the startup pays for it, or if I have to go home...Somehow I was very hard on myself before and was frustrated that I cannot succeed quickly, by which I mean get somewhat comfortable life conditions with stability in sight. Now my world is really small and I feel okay with that
 

Trojina

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Thank you mulberry! I asked "Can you show me a picture of a way out of dependence from X"?I got 16.1.2.3.6.>14 4 changing lines so I should read the line 5..
.

No you didn't get line 5 nor line 4 so why would you interpret those.



In the interpretations, it is something about the chronic conditions that is not being cured but doesn't cause death..

You didn't get the line but in any case it's often tongue in cheek as in 'this won't kill you'...still you can disregard that as you didn't cast it


Decided to apply for other jobs even though my visa expires and trying to convince them I will enroll to school in the evening so i will keep working. In a way, I feel fine with my current situation, things are not in my control, I don't care if I manage to find a job and pay for more school, or if the startup pays for it, or if I have to go home...Somehow I was very hard on myself before and was frustrated that I cannot succeed quickly, by which I mean get somewhat comfortable life conditions with stability in sight. Now my world is really small and I feel okay with that


So you feel okay and aren't being sexually abused by the man ?
 

bluelight

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"Oh no. I didn't even need to get to the readings to know this was a bad situation, but 49.3.4-> 3 confirms it. The oracle warns of danger in 49.3, "Setting out to bring order means pitfall, Constancy means danger." 49.4 is better but I don't like 3 as a background for this. This man will give you lots more trouble, and you're in a very vulnerable position with him. He almost certainly wants to have a romantic or sexual relationship with you, and he's exploiting you. I don't think you can trust him.If you don't continue working for him, you will have to accept that there your freedom will be curtailed in another way. 54, the background, is an image of a second wife who enters a house and must be subservient to the first wife. I've had 54 come up a LOT in work situations where my time is not my own or I have to be subservient in some way to a higher power. However-- it is a very different flavor from what you're describing dealing with this man. It usually doesn't describe abuse." Yes, I realized I should speak to a lawyer and perhaps come up with a contractual agreement. As well as note all the violations in my case. Even though it is in the grey for my current visa, I should be protected by labor laws
 

mulberry

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Trojina mentioned in the other thread that she didn't feel 49.3.4 was as negative as I made it out to be. I could be wrong, of course, everyone experiences casts in different manifestations along a spectrum, one could say, but I have an unforgettably bad past experience with lines 3 and 4.

When I asked "how will it go?" about living an apartment that turned out to be a dangerous nightmare situation, I received 49.3.4.5->24. It turned out to be a situation where we were scammed by the rental broker, who was getting some kind of kickback from the landlord, who was a New York slumlord of the Trump variety. The apartment had a hidden years' long infestation of bed bugs stemming from the neighbors both below and above, each of whom was violent and mentally ill. The neighbor below was particularly scary and we overheard him threatening to assault and kill others living in the building several times. The neighbor above was a paranoid schizophrenic with a disabled adult child living with her, and she refused to admit anyone to exterminate her apartment.

Meanwhile, I was diagnosed with dangerous pregnancy complications which could be worsened by stress. We ended up having to break our lease, which required tons of paperwork and back & forths and documentation, and find a new apartment, then move while I was in the most dangerous weeks for the pregnancy issue I was having.

Ultimately, it turned out okay! We found a lovely and safe new apartment, and both my daughter and I made it through healthy.

However, we did lose about $6,000, between needing intense fumigation done, extra moving costs, and losing the scammy broker's fee. That was a heavy blow.

So. In hindsight, from my situation:

49.3--> " Setting out to bring order means pitfall, Constancy means danger." We were trying to set up a home, but stumbled into a pit. Staying was dangerous. "Words of radical change draw near three times,
There is truth and confidence." We had to petition 3 times to have our lease broken, each time petitioning the next level hierarchy of the NY slumlords, until finally a manager cleared us to break our lease without penalty. We had to do this to make our case stronger with housing court, if it came to that. This took over a month, during which we had to continue to live in infested apartment, and not know if we'd be able to leave without being sued for the remaining rent or placed on the NYC landlord no-rent blacklist (which exists). But eventually they cleared us.

49.4-> "Regrets vanish, there is truth and confidence. Changing mandate, good fortune." Well, it was a period of change and we DID find a nicer apartment in a better area eventually. But it required total radical change (we moved to the other end of the city, in a neighborhood in a district we never originally considered, but turned out be a better "mandate" for us overall.)

49.5 --> "Great person transforms like a tiger. Even before the augury, there is truth and confidence." It was a transformative experience. I shed a lot. But I also lost a lot in the process. In the end, we were believed and not legally bound to the apartment.

So! Sorry for the longwinded reply. These lines just always jump out at me.

Bluelight, I might have been overly negative, as Trojina pointed out, colored by my past experiences. But considering the questio, "What if i continue working for him?," I still think 49.3.4 shows you have some major changes to get through before you are in a stable situation, and 49.3 still makes me think it is describing your situation of trying to organize your life and finding that any stability given by this man to you is dangerous. He's emotionally manipulative, which is bad enough, but the legal matters make it worse. His behavior at the bar sounded obnoxious, but worse because he's tried to place you in a dependent position with him.

On the bright side, the "truth and confidence," "changing mandate," and "words of radical change believed" aspects make me think that though this is all very hard, you may be able to get through it, find allies, be believed by people important to you, and transform through this experience of injustice and constriction.

I wish you the best of luck!!
 

Trojina

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Almost crossed posts. Having fully read through I don't disagree with your advice Mulberry. It is a difficult and complicated situation. I pretty much see the 28>54 cast the same as you do. I was a bit baffled as to why you saw 49.3.4>3 as confirming a bad situation. I think long term it bodes well though line 3 seems to go on and on. Thanks for explaining your experiences with the lines which er certainly didn't seem to bode well although all is well now thankfully.

Yes, I realized I should speak to a lawyer and perhaps come up with a contractual agreement. As well as note all the violations in my case. Even though it is in the grey for my current visa, I should be protected by labor laws

Sounds a good idea

.

Hello everyone,I've been struggling to make a decision for months now. I am an immigrant staying in the US after college.So happened that I became dependent on a man who can give me a job which would sponsor my visa in the near future, and some other job in the coming months. Other than that, I will have to go to my home country where I haven't been since early teens and the prospect there are not so bright. This man indicated that we are not in a relationship but turned out, he is really possessive. He gave me a job recently but then we went out with a group of friends and he was very angry I talked with a guy in a nightclub, made a scene and later blocked me in a messenger

So this man can give you a job which means you can get your visa to stay. You no longer live with him ?


He ignored my other messages and replied way later some that i am fine and we will see each other soon at a work event. This whole thing really shook me, and there was more emotional manipulation and abuse previously but blocking event is very alarming. Needless to say, I don't even know how to move on with work at the moment. So I casted the following: (1) What if i continue working for him? 49.3.4>3(2)

(wondering why the (2) not sure what it means) You mean him blocking you is alarming because it means he is not happy with you and if he's not happy with you he may take away your job ? I'm just thinking if he's horrible why would you care if he blocks you but you care because he has so much power over your job I guess.

It looks to me like you will find a way out of the situation via a lot of discussion, and line 3 can be quite long winded. Discussion or debating or airing issues out is very much what happens in line. Line 4 looks like successfully making a change. 3 as the relating I think may show the struggle to find your footing in this country. I think it bodes well long term although some patience is needed with setbacks. Hopefully your experience won't be quite so bad as Mulberry's. The cast looks a bit to me like it has bypassed the question and that you won't be working for him much longer anyway because the reading is about change of government and maybe line 3 here is you debating this over and over in your mind until you take action in line 4

I could also take it that whilst working for him you do make a revolution in that the job acts as a means or a springboard to get somewhere else or the job is the means of the revolution you want to happen.


What if I don't? 28.1.3.5>54 (3)

I think if you don't things may be very hard to sustain. It could be that working for him just a little while longer gives you time and space to make other plans or find other support. If you stop now you may not have enough support (28.3), well you know you don't. 28.1 looks like until now you have been extremely careful in how you play this, it's like a balancing act. As Mulberry said this cast looks like there's no easy way out of this. If you quit with him you may still find yourself very much in a secondary situation one way or another because of your circumstances.


I wasn't sure how you meant the 'resume' question but the answer looked nice as Mulberry explained.
 

bluelight

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"I wasn't sure how you meant the 'resume' question but the answer looked nice as Mulberry explained." Well, I asked this question meaning, how should I continue, what should I do next. Because he assigned me work and then blocked me after a night out. This issue is resolved now and I will be working with a lawyer on the terms I still don't know how 61 and 27 materialize, I am applying for a few jobs and I cooked good food. All friends who know about my situation can't help much at the moment
 

bluelight

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When I asked "how will it go?" about living an apartment that turned out to be a dangerous nightmare situation, I received 49.3.4.5->24. It turned out to be a situation where we were scammed by the rental broker, who was getting some kind of kickback from the landlord, who was a New York slumlord of the Trump variety. The apartment had a hidden years' long infestation of bed bugs stemming from the neighbors both below and above, each of whom was violent and mentally ill. The neighbor below was particularly scary and we overheard him threatening to assault and kill others living in the building several times. The neighbor above was a paranoid schizophrenic with a disabled adult child living with her, and she refused to admit anyone to exterminate her apartment.

Meanwhile, I was diagnosed with dangerous pregnancy complications which could be worsened by stress. We ended up having to break our lease, which required tons of paperwork and back & forths and documentation, and find a new apartment, then move while I was in the most dangerous weeks for the pregnancy issue I was having.

Ultimately, it turned out okay! We found a lovely and safe new apartment, and both my daughter and I made it through healthy.

Almost crossed posts. Having fully read through I don't disagree with your advice Mulberry. It is a difficult and complicated situation. I pretty much see the 28>54 cast the same as you do. I was a bit baffled as to why you saw 49.3.4>3 as confirming a bad situation. I think long term it bodes well though line 3 seems to go on and on. Thanks for explaining your experiences with the lines which er certainly didn't seem to bode well although all is well now thankfully.

I kept remembering Mulberry's interpretation all these years because my situation played out in the similar fashion. So, back then, I moved out, the "work for him" was not official and didn't deliver much, however in 2 mo he hired me for a decent job officially, my visa was resolved and he also treated me professionally (even though he was an unstable person regardless).
 

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