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Dismiising people Hex 4>42 and Hex 11>19

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goddessliss

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Growing up in a unloving, unforgiving family I never learned how to relate to people in a happy, healthy way - incidentally my ex husband experienced a similar upbringing, resulting in the same as me - no wonder we couldn't make it!

For many years, if someone even just acknowledged my existence, I would latch on to them wanting to be their 'best friend' which must have been awful for them and me.

Now days I've become very dismissive of others whether it's on first meeting them or friendships that I think are no longer worthy of my participation. I don't care if someone likes me or not and when a friendship comes to an end, I neither miss them or care. I wonder if I'm doing myself a disservice and being unfair to others in my dismissiveness. I haven't had a relationship since my marriage ended over 5 years ago - plenty of interest off and on but nothing that held my interest for longer than say a month if that. Although these days I can't say I've shown any or had any interest from any male.

Ok so I asked this question twice as the first answer made no sense at all but then again the second reading didn't either :confused::confused::confused:- I hope you can help

What is it that makes me dismiss people so easily

Hex 4>42 (I've forgotten the changing lines) and Hex 11.3>19

thanks I would love to resolve this for myself - Liss
 
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sooo

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Hi Liss,

I think your h4 lines are 1,2 and 5. I'm seeing that by just asking this question you open yourself to a future full of potential increase. You approach the question honestly and it's the right question to ask. Which is increase in itself.

I see your second question is picking up where the first left off. We sometimes look at the way we think a relationship should be, the way we tend to see the relationships of others through rose colored glasses, when the reality is that even the best unions have their share of bumps in the road. Or maybe the point is that you're already aware of this and say to yourself, what's the use, thereby dismissing hope for a relationship in your future. It's just not worth the trouble or effort. Whether this is true or not is really up to you. Just be clear with yourself that it is your decision to remain open or dismissive. Others pick up on that vibe right away.
 

angelatlantis14

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Hi Liss,

I think your first reading 4 1.2.5 --> 42 is actually a pretty clear one.
Hex 4 is Childhood and you yourself have stated that the negative influences from your childhood surroundings had a strong emotional impact on you.
Line 1 says to me me that you should try and and regulate these very understandable reactions (first overflow, then rigidity) but should do so in a kind and flexible way ("It furthers one to apply discipline. The fetters should be removed.")
LIne 2 is in a similar vein. It speaks of a kindly attitude to the emotional side of your nature (here referred to as "woman") There has been hurt and rejection and it is necessary to treat yourself and your experiences in a kind way - then you will see others in a more kind and communicative light, too.

That fits in well with hex 42 which speaks of balancing what is above with what is below. this can be interpreted as decreasing the above (mental control) for what is below (emotional and spiritual needs) with good results: " This time resembles that of the marriage of heaven and earth, when the earth partakes of the creative power of heaven, forming and bringing forth living beings. "

So in summary my take on this reading would be, be kind to your inner child and woman, and take good care of your own true needs. Then, progress will be coming :)

best wishes

maui
 

anemos

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I won't give any long interpretation because sooo's and maui's take says pretty much what i wanted to say. Hex 4 bring in mind a friends that goes through this dismissing-everything mode and calls herself naive if she attempt to trust and give to other people. What you said in the other thread and especially the following make me see a correlation between those too sets of readings.

T Just do what you're doing and not try to control things. - Liss

My friend over-controls situations in one way or another because of her need to guard herself . Nowdays she controls and try to ruin her marriage and trys to materialize a self fulfilling prophecy, that her husband will be like the others.

H4 in some ways is a tabula rasa, a clean slate free of conditioning, yet we loose that "cleanses" and that is helpful and sometimes not. So, in the context of your readings, ( here and in the other thread) controlling your controls (42) could be the message.

Sometimes, Liss, you upset me because you are very unkind to your self and I'm saying that in a way that i would and do say it to to some people I love and care and we have establish good relationship with its ups and down. When I read those posts of you I wonder; "who's should be's are those ? Liss' or someone elses' ? " There is a literature mostly at self help books or generally in that industry that create an ideal image of how it is to be human. Nice shine words and ideas yet in some respect its for Dr Spock and Vulcan race ;)
 
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goddessliss

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Thank you sooo, maui and anemos - all of you have 'hit the nail' and all of you seem to be saying that I'm very hard on myself. Is there any chance you could take the time to tell me what you're referring to from my other threads as clearly I've got something to learn about myself here that may ease my life a bit.

thanks - Liss
 

anemos

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I hesitate , Liss, because I don't know the details and the communication here-texting-leaves gaps. For instance, i don't know how you see this dismissing attitude re relationships. I second what maui said , i.e. " these very understandable reactions (first overflow, then rigidity) " .Do you see it as doing something bad or as a phase that many of us go through in order to find a satisfying way to relate. unfortunately, the only way I can think of on how one can improve that is trial and error. I hex 4 lines mention that too.

Your 14.4 seems to me has a correlation with your 11.3 and sooo's comment , "the way we tend to see the relationships of others through rose colored glasses, when the reality is that even the best unions have their share of bumps in the road" adds to 14.4 , imo.

I said " consent" re 54 but I didn't mean it as pushing the consent button and overnight everything changes. And I guess 54.6, in the context of your situation doesn't implies you are not sincere but that there is a distance you have to walk from the point of acknowledging that you wish to change some things till the change happens. In my eyes , your readings here come to assist you regarding that gap.

I share all this and by no means I try to say to you I'm smarter or better than you and preaching you what to do. I've been there and I have say all those " i don't care" . I think what we have all lived its imprinted , you can't get rid off them. But we can develop new patterns and strengthen them. And once in a while , something can trigger those old patterns but little by little we bounce better.

Its my personal believe that in our journey called life we carry in our back-bag all those things. Its not something we can pick up and throw away. Its there. But what changes its their weight.


 
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sooo

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Hi Liss,

I don't think you're too hard on yourself or anyone else. I think either you expect more than is realistic, or you are aware of what is realistic and no longer feel it's worth the effort. That's a person's prerogative. It's within ones own control, and others "in your energy field" can pick up on the degree of your availability to a relationship. I don't think it effects how nice someone is or how genuine they are. There can be all sorts of reasons someone chooses not to entertain an intimate and exclusive relationship. Whether others agree or disagree has nothing to do with it. 19 says it's your call to make.

Fwiw, I don't perceive you are a dismissive person, nor a cold or indifferent person. A discouraged person, maybe. Maybe you just haven't found the one to hear your song, but I don't think you've shut your ears either to the song of others. You just don't go traipsing through the forest any longer listening for it. No harm, no foul, it's your choice.
 
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goddessliss

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Thanks anemos I hear what you're saying - my life and mood change so quickly from one day to the next. What bothered me yesterday may not bother me today but i can get discouraged at times My question about being dismissive came through the creative writing journal I've started so it was just a thought process that made me realise I've come from being a very clingy, needy person to quite the opposite so I it was oh I wonder why that's happened. I neither think it's right or wrong it's just the way I am now.
 
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goddessliss

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Thanks for what you've said sooo - such clarity on what I'm about. Definitely discouraged in a lot of ways but at the same time it's yep I can see what the truth is straight up, no point in traipsing in that forest as you say.

PS Have you settled into your new abode yet?
 
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sooo

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PS Have you settled into your new abode yet?

Pretty much, though these last couple tumultuous years prevent me from snuggling in too close to it as yet, but I like my little house, it's layout and comfort. I get along with the husband and wife small ranch owners and think they're good, honest and hard working folks, both very helpful and appreciative that I don't disrupt their lives, help out as I'm able, though can't ride as often as I'd like, my heart can't take the pounding of riding too often so I have to hold to my limits, which they're fine with. No complaints. It's more rural, which brings with it some inconveniences, but that's also part of the peace and solitude. I'm close to my favorite area of surrounding mountains, the picturesque and mystic Black Mountains, ancient Indian caves and cave paintings, lots of western history. The moon rises from behind the mountains in full view from my second floor bedroom, and I watch her travel across the cosmos from my bed, while the ceiling fan slowly twirls like a prayer wheel. I hope it lasts a good while. I'm finding my peace back. Thank you for asking.
 

Trojina

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Thanks anemos I hear what you're saying - my life and mood change so quickly from one day to the next. What bothered me yesterday may not bother me today but i can get discouraged at times My question about being dismissive came through the creative writing journal I've started so it was just a thought process that made me realise I've come from being a very clingy, needy person to quite the opposite so I it was oh I wonder why that's happened. I neither think it's right or wrong it's just the way I am now.

Not able to focus on the casts today but just wanted to mention some of what you mention is perfectly usual in terms of the ageing process I think, even in terms biology, particularly for women. You'd be kind of wired to be concerned with others more possibly during your child bearing years. But in middle age, well you're wiring has changed, and you are more likely to be orientated to self fulfillment and self determination. There's a lot to accomplish in a life time and time is precious. I have heard countless people say that as they age they simply have less time and energy to be trying to maintain unfulfilling relationships. In positive terms they often say they find it easier to let go of things that are just a drain on them.

Thinking in terms of our animal lifecycle you might consider some of what you experience now is quite natural, well I have heard so many people say the same as you it surely must be. When we are 15 there is nothing more important than being accepted and so on...and if you think about it there's biology behind that. I think there are broad similarities of orientation in our animal lifecycle,. Aged 30 or so again a set of priorities that is prevalent among that age group...active in the world/taking care of family etc etc...Actually there are books about the life cycle and psychology


Wouldn't it appear odd if a 55 year old's sole priority was having others like her ? Wouldn't it be odd if she spent much time appeasing and blending in with friends wishes when actually, in the 2nd part of life her spirit's got it's mind elsewhere. I don't see your current ease of dismissal as pathological, unless it's extreme, but perhaps part of nature's cycles ? Often it seems the nearer people are to death the easier they find it to let things go. I feel that is part of our nature, our animal nature. Because society often only values youth people in middle age can think there is something wrong with them if they aren't cultivating every social opportunity, listening to bores at parties, trying to be liked and so on just like they did when they were 25. But there isn't, they just have less time, more self confidence and less belief that others must accept them for them to be okay.

Hmmm anyway I have no idea how old you are, but I have heard so many friends say for example after having sat next to someone boring at a dinner party " I just can't be bothered with them,,,it's funny years ago I would have sat there for hours smiling falsely, these days I'm just not inclined to do that" that I'm thinking it's pretty usual.

There is a possible broad gender difference apparently. After middle age men get more like women, more nurturing and so on and women get more like men, more interested in self fulfilment. I have seen this too, older men's softer nurturing qualities coming to the fore after middle age. It has been linked to actual hormone changes in both sexes. Yang gets a bit more yin and yin gets a bit more yang.

I think there are further fundamental changes too when people get much older to 75 or 80 or so. Then they can find it much easier to let things go, they've had a lot of practise, and in many I see a great serenity and dignity in that. There's no one quite a as shiny as a contented 85 year old IMO and some of them have the art of dismissal down to a T ....:cool:

Maybe in your creative writing journal you could play with how it feels to be different ages and explore what gifts there are for you at the particular age you are now. They won't be the same as when you were 25. No age group is without it's perks IMO.

I like that you had hex 4 here anyway....it fits somehow. I have a bad cold today though and cannot think much about hexagrams
 

Trojina

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It made me think of this by Shakespeare






William Shakespeare – The Seven Ages of Man



All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms;
And then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.




Your suggested assignment is to re write this for your own self, as a woman, from a woman's POV


:mischief:
 

anemos

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.... but I have heard so many friends say for example after having sat next to someone boring at a dinner party " I just can't be bothered with them,,,it's funny years ago I would have sat there for hours smiling falsely, these days I'm just not inclined to do that" that I'm thinking it's pretty usual.

I think its pretty natural that change of priorities either because of aging or just because we are in a certain phase and we wish to spend some time with ourselves and things we need rather than socializing without getting any real pleasure.
 

Trojina

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yes, I am just adding another consideration, one's place in one's lifecycle, I thought Liss may not have thought of yet. 11.3 makes me think of that as I have had readings of 11.3 connected with the life cycle

(is 'lifecycle' one word or two words 'life cycle'....this is also the kind of thing I can't be bothered to find out)
 
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goddessliss

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Pretty much, though these last couple tumultuous years prevent me from snuggling in too close to it as yet, but I like my little house, it's layout and comfort. I get along with the husband and wife small ranch owners and think they're good, honest and hard working folks, both very helpful and appreciative that I don't disrupt their lives, help out as I'm able, though can't ride as often as I'd like, my heart can't take the pounding of riding too often so I have to hold to my limits, which they're fine with. No complaints. It's more rural, which brings with it some inconveniences, but that's also part of the peace and solitude. I'm close to my favorite area of surrounding mountains, the picturesque and mystic Black Mountains, ancient Indian caves and cave paintings, lots of western history. The moon rises from behind the mountains in full view from my second floor bedroom, and I watch her travel across the cosmos from my bed, while the ceiling fan slowly twirls like a prayer wheel. I hope it lasts a good while. I'm finding my peace back. Thank you for asking.

Yes it's hard to settle in when you've moved so many times and really trust it won't happen again for whatever reason anytime soon.
Me too - I'm finding my peace back (I'm going to quote you on my facebook page) despite what I felt was a difficult beginning.
- Liss
 
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goddessliss

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Trojina (fabulous name change) thanks for sharing this wisdom and knowledge with me. My life would've been so much easier if I had a mentor but I thank God for the internet, this site and all the generous sharing that is part of it. I remember my first thread where I had a bitch at rosada, I think, about her giving her opinion and not just interpreting the reading and I think it was you who said too bad that just comes with Clarity. Good I got over myself about that :)
I am 53 - todays journaling was about Who am I today and ended with What do I want - which will be answered in tomorrows journaling. - Liss
 

anemos

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I am 53 - todays journaling was about Who am I today and ended with What do I want - which will be answered in tomorrows journaling. - Liss

Liss,
I'm sorry if i said something harsh earlier. Was thinking of you and wanted to tell you that all that searching you are doing , it needs guts and not everyone dares to do it. It has it ups and down depending on what you encounter or re-encounter but if you have the courage - and you certainly seem to have- things will go well. In my training team people when reach at difficult points just quit their training and studies on psy. So don't underestimate what you do. Hope I don't sound like preaching just wanted to say what you do is admirable.

You might have seen that in 11.3 but posting it here just in case you miss it
"As long as a man's inner nature remains stronger and richer than anything offered by external fortune, as long as he remains inwardly superior to fate, fortune will not desert him."
 
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goddessliss

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On the contrary anemos - I love that you take the time to share with me and tell me what you think. Sorry if I forgot to acknowledge something you've said. As I read I think and then that takes me to another series of questions and thoughts and writings so perhaps sometimes I forget to acknowledge all who've helped me on my threads. Well that's interesting about your training team thought not surprising - I feel my marriage split (and many others fall apart) because one of the partners does not want to face their 'demons' or the truth about themselves. What is that you do? Do you train people...- Liss
 

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