Do I send the email?

[banjara]

Hello everyone

You may remember I was here a couple of months ago looking for advice about my cheating husband and the state of our marriage.

So much has happened since then and I won't bore you with the details. He was supposed to be moving out today but now says he is unable to for a couple more days. I also overheard him talking to his new landlord about his rent and am certain he mentioned 'first week of May'.

My main problem is money. He gives me an allowance to run the household which is simply not enough. Yet whenever we talk about money or I ask him for more he gets very uptight and it ends in an argument. I had prepared an email detailing all expenses for the month plus some upcoming ones he has probably forgotten about (school fees etc). I have asked for more money and I intended to send the mail today, after he left, so I wouldn't have to deal with a face to face confrontation. Of course, now he isn't going and we will have him at home all weekend.

I am scared to send the mail but I realise as time goes on my chances of getting more money are becoming smaller. This is mainly because he seems to have forgotten his family responsibilities and is going on spending sprees with flights to this other country (where his lover lives), hotel accommodation, gifts etc. Yet here I am wondering how to pay the electric bill!

I asked the I Ching "What will happen if I send ****** the email about expenses today?" and got Hexagram 30, lines 1, 2 and 4 moving to hexagram 18.

Not sure I like the 'can of worms' image. To be honest, the thought of dealing with him over this has got me quite worked up. Things have been very friendly between us of late but that is because of my effort in maintaining a sense of peace at home for the sake of our son.

Hope you can all shed some light

Banjara


PS I am at work so did the online I Ching rather than start tossing coins around the lobby! I am never sure how good those things can be.....

 

[banjara]

I guess I could wait until Monday to send it as I hope to talk with him over the weekend about his role in our family and press him to move out. He needs to know he has made his choice and cannot keep dropping in and out of our lives whenever it suits him. This is having an effect on my emotional and psychological health. Oddly, I am not as anxious about this 'talk' as I am about asking for money.

 

[goddessliss]

Hey banjara,
The whole thing says to me wait until you don't feel so much angst over the money thing - you will get a better response when you are not so attatched to the outcome. Hex 18 decay of the marriage.
Having just lived through the same myself I know this is the best way to go.

The other thing banjara is to retain your genuine integrity at all times. Not only does it keep things on an even keel for your self and your children, it is a healthy way to go about things and, as a great side effect - it seemed to really annoy the crap out of my exhusband and his new partner.


Melissa x

 

[banjara]

Thank you for responding Melissa. I am sorry to learn you have lived this too yet am grateful to have your experience to draw on.

I agreed with your interpretation of it as well and held off sending the email. I did, however, have chance to talk with him on Sunday evening as I planned and even brought up the topic of money. I explained I did not have enough from him to meet our (mine and our son's) needs and he simply responded with "If you need more then I will give it to you" ( ';' ).


We have had a good few days since he moved out and I put this down to not having the stress of the situation being in our face. All contact has come from him and he has surprised me on more than one occasion by calling, texting and even inviting me for lunch! When we sat down at the table he picked up his phone and texted 'her'. I simply reprimanded him sharply then moved on to the menu while he put his phone away and we ended up having a good time. I am not seeing this as a sign of all being well between us, but it is nice to not have that tension there any more. It's a nice kind of peace after so much heartache.

Anyway, I was contemplating sending the email now as funds are running low and so asked the I Ching again if I should send it today. I got Hexagram 20 (known as contemplation!), lines 5 & 6, relating hexagram 2.

I am not sure what to make of lines 5 & 6 but the overall message seemed to me to say keep contemplating...wait and see. I am kind of hoping he hasn't forgotten his offer and it will come from him without my need to remind him (he would see that as a failure on his part and be annoyed with himself, reflecting it on me). The hexagram seems to be telling me to allow time for this to happen.

I like the last line of hexagram 2....."Peaceful constancy brings good fortune".


Does anyone have any other thoughts?