Does she want me to suffer? 31.2.3>47

[concinnity]

I know it is best not to ask yes or no questions, but I was hoping for some explanation. I asked about a relationship I have with S. She is alternately hot and cold and our relationship has been on again off again. I am feeling like we have no future, but I do love her and I would like to know why she seems to love me and then says maybe she doesn't and on and on. Ah love....!

Anyway, I asked if she wants me to suffer because she is causing me a lot of pain and don't know why.

The answer was 31.2.3 turning into 47.

Perhaps my question was inappropriate but I am not sure how to interpret the results? Any insights appreciated.

 

[kenji b]

Hi Concinnity,

If I were you I might ask:

What do I need to know about S?
What do I need to know about my relationship with S?
I would have asked something like "What does S need from me?" but the last time
I did that I got 36.1 and I'm still trying to decide what it means to me!

Anyway, good luck!

 

[Lavalamp]

"Does she want me to suffer?"

31.2.3 - If you follow her, you'll get hurt. And until she expresses some real interest, you'll only feel humiliated in this situation. This is too one sided to work, hold back. Don't respond to her airy teasing, she needs to show you some serious interest or don't waste your time.

47 says "If one has something to say, it is not believed." This indicates a situation where there is a lack of trust. She doesn't think much of you. The superior man is being held in restraint. You can only deal with this by being cheerful, rather than getting all tired out. Take a break, do something good for yourself.

You should wait, she's playing with you. She might be a narcissist, that feels important by playing with other people's feelings when she has nothing better to do.

 

[kenji b]

Hi Concinnity,

Let's not assume that she's out to get you.
You're already going along those lines and 31 talks about influence.
It might just be refering to the influences you choose to let into your mind.

Six at the beginning means:
The influence shows itself in the big toe.

Six in the second place means:
The influence shows itself in the calves of the legs.
Misfortune.
Tarrying brings good fortune.

Nine in the third place means:
The influence shows itself in the thighs.
Holds to that which follows it.
To continue is humiliating.

The thing is if you take a negative view of things it's going to color your interactions.
We project a certain kind of energy with every moment. If you allow yourself to be moved by things so that they disorient you to the point of losing the ability to see things clearly it's going to hamper your ability to make the best of everything.
Whether that's negative or positive influence it doesn't matter.

THE JUDGMENT

Influence. Success.
Perseverance furthers.
To take a maiden to wife brings good fortune.

THE IMAGE

A lake on the mountain:
The image of influence.
Thus the superior man encourages people to approach him
By his readiness to receive them.

The other thing you might want to do is see what you would have done without using the Yi.
How long have you known S for?

 

[Lavalamp]

Kenji, I based my advice on the lines of the first hex 32.2.3, not the judgement or image. Specfically

31.2 The influence shows itself in the calves of the legs.
Misfortune.
Tarrying brings good fortune.

The commentary advises one wait quietly until compelled by a real influence, in order to remain uninjured.

31.3 The influence shows itself in the thighs.
Holds to that which follows it.
To continue is humiliating.

The commentary says "a man should not run precipitately after all the
persons whom he would like to influence, but must be able to hold back
under certain circumstances. As little should he yield immediately to every
whim of those in whose service he stands. ... he should never ignore the possibility of inhibition..."

47 says "Thus everywhere superior men are oppressed and held in restraint ..."

OPPRESSION. Success. Perseverance.
The great man brings about good fortune.
No blame.
When one has something to say,
It is not believed.
" When a strong man meets with adversity, he remains cheerful despite all danger, and this cheerfulness is the source of later successes; it is that stability which is stronger than fate. He who lets his spirit be broken by exhaustion certainly has no success. "

And that there is an existing "lack of trust" as written in 47 is reflected in the question itself, as the querent himself is feeling hurt and questioning the relationship.

He should do something for himself, take care of himself and be happy. If she decides he's no fun if she can't string him along anymore it's her loss, if she decides she really interested she has ways I'm sure to let him know.

 

[anemos]

When someone is in a 47 situation and they hear that things might be better, those words are not believed. In our everyday language, 47, one could say it the "I'm sick and tired of x thing" ... at the best.

Lines 2 & 3 , seems to describe someone going in and out. maybe realizing the mistake of 31.2 decides to 31.3 ?

Not sure. The background you give is not sufficient enough and its hard to say whether Yi actually talks about her or you.

One maybe in an on/off mode in a relationship for many different reasons. sees the other as a pass timer , doesn't get everything they want, or might be their personal issues. Its hard to tell with so little info.

 

[Lavalamp]

If you love her, if she's backing off, I would back off too now and give it a chance to settle, rather than follow her around which would push things to be decided one way or the other. You can buy more time by giving her space now rather than waiting until she demands it, by then it may be too late.

Given the situation, back off some and see if her feelings expand or contract.

 

[riurik]

Please, be aware that most of the time people read the situation and give advice based on their take on the situation rather than the answer itself. Those comments ring true because they are talking to your situation. Most of the time, those are good advises.

If I read your "background" I could agree with lavalamp: "if you love her, if she's backing off, I would back off too now and give it a chance to settle, rather than follow her around which would push things to be decided one way or the other. You can buy more time by giving her space now rather than waiting until she demands it, by then it may be too late." That's a good advise.

If I'd read only the question and answer without background, I'd say: no, she doesn't want to make you suffer, but the fact of the matter is that you do suffer because of inconsistency. There is no blame nor bad intention in any of the lines. But there is inconsistency, humilliation, mistrust and sadness.

Whatever you could do after you interpret your answer is up to you. Whit this interpretation, I could give the same advise: take one step back. I also could give a different one: take a step away. I also could give a different one: take a step forward, win her heart. The fact is: any of those options would be my take on your situation, but not what the answer implies. I will be lying if I say: The Yi is telling you to take a step back, or away, or forward. Is not the yi, is me saying that.

P.S. What I wouldn't say is: "she's playing with you. She might be a narcissist, that feels important by playing with other people's feelings when she has nothing better to do" That is not in the lines. In many cultures to make such statement about a real person without knowing her/him at all would be considered unethical.

 

[Lavalamp]

Well of course context is important. When you are talking about what is, or how how to approach something, or business, career, or a relationship. the same lines can take on a lot of different meanings.

And sure, my comment about narcissism is obviously not in the lines, clearly my own commentary - but after considering the reading. You see sometimes when people love someone they might feel it is unchaste or impure, not true to their love to consider a person may not have their best interests at heart. But you wouldn't be loving yourself to not consider it either. This is part of the 47-ness of the situation, take care of yourself. Some people do not do unto others as they would like to be treated, some people are spoiled and love themselves to the exclusion of others.

But the lines clearly describe the back and forth of the situation, the pain and humiliation being experienced. 31.2 implies a lack of seriousness or insincerity when it says "tarrying brings good fortune" - I read as "Slow down" - and wait for something serious from this person. And 32.3 says you shouldn't react to her every whim, reinforcing 31.2, and also says continuing to hold to what you follow brings you hurt.

That's the lines and commentary.

47 says be cheerful and patient in adversity, and you will overcome lesser people bringing you down.

Practical advice, clearly in the book and lines.

 

[riurik]

But the lines clearly describe the back and forth of the situation, the pain and humiliation being experienced.

Yes

32.2 implies a lack of seriousness or insincerity

Lack of seriousness maybe. I rather name it inconsistency, but we're talking about the same.
Insincerity, no. Lack of consistency is not the same than insincerity. No every inconsistency is because she/he is playing or because she/he is narcisist. That is your voice, not the reading.


Since the question wasn't if she is making concinnity suffering but is she WANTS to make him suffer, there are no basis to say that she wants to make him suffer. And no basis to say that she may feel superior playing with other's feelings.

BTW, it is 31 not 32.

 

[Lavalamp]

Oh, thanks about my typo on the hex. Saves confusion!

Anyway I didn't say she was a narcissist, but that she might be. I didn't say she intended him suffering either, and I agree the lines don't say she does - or that she doesn't. They do say he is hurt and needs to take care of himself, and to do that I think he needs to take a realistic look and see what is there.

Perhaps you are right that it could be inconsistency. But in a mature person inconsistency is insincerity, because they know better and should be responsible for their actions, while in a younger person who has no experience to draw on and is just learning it may be without blame due to ignorance.

 

[riurik]

But in a mature person inconsistency is insincerity, because they know better and should be responsible for their actions, while in a younger person who has no experience to draw on and is just learning it may be without blame due to ignorance.

So, do you know her and her age? how old is she?

Even in older people, there are many possible causes of inconsistency not only insincerity. Fear, bad experiences in childhood, mental illness, depression, sincere doubts, etc.

But once again... all this is not related to the answer but to your subjective take on the situation.

Anyway, there's no point to debate. You said what you said. I said what I said. Concinnity will decide what to do with what he reads.

peace

 

[Lavalamp]

Well if it's merely inconsistency, why would the Oracle advise waiting until there is a "real influence?" If the person is sincere but just inconsistent, one could continue without the oracle's pronouncement of misfortune.

And Riurik - you do realize it's a flat out insult to a reader to say he is speaking about his own experience and not what he reads in the Oracle, don't you? I am reading it as I see it; whether you agree or not is another matter, but to say such a thing is an overt insult. These kind of barbs are pretty disrespectful.

"Peace" yourself, my brother.

 

[anemos]

Well if it's merely inconsistency, why would the Oracle advise waiting until there is a "real influence?" If the person is sincere but just inconsistent, one could continue without the oracle's pronouncement of misfortune.

To stabilize one's footing... maybe ? Walking that way its very probable to fall down and hurt yourself.

 

[Lavalamp]

Six in the second place means:
The influence shows itself in the calves of the legs.
Misfortune.
Tarrying brings good fortune.
In movement, the calf of the leg follows the foot; by itself it can neither go
forward nor stand still. Since the movement is not self-governed, it bodes ill.
One should wait quietly until one is impelled to action by a real influence.
Then one remains uninjured.

This sounds like the relationship as described by Concinniti, sometimes she seems to care, sometimes she says "maybe I don't love you..." And his feeling is she may be trying to hurt him, this is actual question. I read this all together - what would the "real influence" he should be waiting for be in this situation? Because the Oracle says this influence isn't the real thing.

Line 3 says "..a man should not run precipitately after all the persons whom he would like to influence..."

Anyway, I think I got this right, but even if I didn't to say I'm talking about my situation, not the querent's is an unacceptable thing to say, it only makes doing readings more difficult and it does not serve clarity.

 

[concinnity]

Thanks so much for all the thoughtful comments. I do sense that the answer I got suggests that her causing me pain is not intentional. I do also see the wisdom of remaining cheerful and waiting to see what happens.

Inconsistency seems to be the order of the day. I just asked how does S feel towards me today? the answer was

60.3.4.6 > 1

This seems like more inconsistency. She feels our relationship is limited but 60.4 seems opposed to 60.6. And then the transformed hexagram is 1--creative energy. Does she feel limited about me (imposed by her, because she has pushed me away) or creative and pursuing?

Could someone suggest a question I might ask that might give me ideas about how to deal with this situation? I get the notion of waiting cheerfully for resolution, but is that it?

 

[Lavalamp]

I think it indicates 60.3 you being the one experiencing the limitation are not happy, but 60.4 she the one making the limitation is content to not go any further than she has. 60.6 advises you this limit in your relationship is something hard to put up with, and you need to be ruthless with yourself.

Could she be trying to get you to break up with her, so it's not on her?

If she's feeling like a 1 a dragon, maybe be that, creative, strong, untiring, look at all things clearly. When you do see her, you need to be newer than when she last saw you. Maybe change your smell, a new shirt, do something different with her, something like that.

 

[dancing white ferret]

This is just my experience here on how to cheerfully wait... I would take this time to strengthen my other relationships... If you are seeking a stable and consistent connection, go ahead and enjoy that where the opportunity is present! With someone else... I'm not suggesting with another romantic partner, but with a friend, family, or some new people. Doing something nice for someone else can be a great way to take one's focus off their own problem, and helps to strengthen another bond. Creative activity, like drawing or painting work for me, as well. Do things that keep you consciously in the present. That is the trick to waiting, staying in the present moment, so you may want to ask the Yi something like "How can I stay in the present moment?" or"What will keep me in the present moment." Could also consider, "How can I find the kind of consistent connection I am looking for?" or "What do I need to see to wait with cheer?" There is no reason you should have to be upset while this works itself out, and I think if you find a way to focus your energy in a healthy way, you will still enjoy this time. Just some ideas, and I am by no means an expert with Yi questions. And just have faith in a positive outcome... Say to yourself, "Only good things come to me."

Take care Concinnity

DWF

 

[riurik]

And Riurik - you do realize it's a flat out insult to a reader to say he is speaking about his own experience

Anyway, I think I got this right, but even if I didn't to say I'm talking about my situation, not the querent's is an unacceptable thing to say, it only makes doing readings more difficult and it does not serve clarity.

Read again. I never said you were talking about your own experience nor about your own situation.

I said you added your personal take on Concinnity's situation (your idea that she is playing with him and she may be narcisist; which you firstly accepted "And sure, my comment about narcissism is obviously not in the lines, clearly my own commentary")

Well if it's merely inconsistency, why would the Oracle advise waiting until there is a "real influence?"

Well, if it is real insinserity and she really wants to hurt him, why would the Oracle advise to wait at all?

There are many lines to describe when someone wants to hurt us. The advise is always to protect ourselves, most of the time leaving the situation.
Therea are some lines to describe when is just our imagination that we are under other's attack. The advise is to put down our arrows and seek the reunion.
Here, interestingly enough, Yi gave a line to describe a real damage but not a bad intention. It make sense to wait and see if this can be solved, but with caution

 

[Lavalamp]

Read again. I never said you were talking about your own experience nor about your own situation.

I said you added your personal take on Concinnity's situation (your idea that she is playing with him and she may be narcisist; which you firstly accepted "And sure, my comment about narcissism is obviously not in the lines, clearly my own commentary")

That part I have no problem with.

[/QUOTE] Well, if it is real insinserity and she really wants to hurt him, why would the Oracle advise to wait at all? [/QUOTE]

Because she hasn't made up her mind yet. There is still time to do something about the situation, she knows he wants commitment and she's not ready to give it yet, this bothers him, and that isn't helping him. He needs to be happy anyway - or least be cool with where she is at.

 

[precision grace]

I think Lise explains this particular Hex changing combination perfectly
31.2 "For a good contact one needs to keep one's composure. Impulsive and rash reactions disturb relations. People want to feel at ease and to know were they stand, these two things are the base of being together.
(Changes to hex.28)"

31.3 "9 at 3: Affect one's thigh. Holding in the hand one's follower. To proceed: distress.
Do not float along with moods or convictions. The other follows yours – you follow his – and in the end a little thing becomes sky-high. If it happens consciously, at least you know what you do, but the ones you do not really think about are the dangerous ones. What you do not test is contagious, especially if a great number of people go along.
(Changes to hex.45)"

And it changing to 47..all points to the situation where you've let your self be carried along by external influences and thus lost your composure. Who cares if she wants you to suffer. Do you want you to suffer?