Dysfunctional Families - Hexagrams 37 & 64

[petrosianii]

Family - Hexagram #37

I've been thinking lately about family dynamics. My sister and I have grown more distant since my Father's passing last month. As a result, I've been wondering whether there is something I can or should do to restore amends.

However, I have wondered whether my family relationships were "right" all my life. My relationships with my blood relatives has suffered, for various reasons, my entire life; and, while I realize that at least some of this is due to my own selfishness, I'm still not sure of what to do about it...or whether I should do anything at all except - wait.

Pondering my family situation leads me to think about I Ching Hexagram #37 - The Family.

I've received Hexagram 37 not infrequently during personal I Ching meditations. On the face of it, the meaning of the Hexagram is clear; however, I struggle with this hexagram (as well as #45 Assembling) perhaps more than any other. The reason is that I've never had the ideal family system of which it speaks in this hexagram. Nor have I had the opportunity to create the sort of family harmony the I Ching as a whole promotes. It goes without saying, but I have real difficulty following the I Ching's counsel in family matters because I feel that my own biological family was and is quite dysfunctional.

Hexagram #64 & Jung's Archetype of Self

As I was reading this hexagram again today, I also looked at its nuclear hexagram: #64 Before the End. This nuclear hexagram is at once an atomic hexagram. Elsewhere I have given the definition and discussed the significance of the I Ching's four atomic hexagrams. (For more information on atomic hexagrams, click here.)

In the discussion on atomic hexagrams, I explained that hexagram #64 corresponds roughly to the Jungian Self. (Read more on Jung's archetype of Self.) However, now as I think about it, I'm starting to agree with Hilary's suggestion that #64 seems to correspond more to Jung's Shadow archetype, while #63 more accurately corresponds to Jung's Self archetype.

Well, who knows...? I told Hilary that on any given day - depending upon my mood - I can flip flop on this. Today, I guess I'm flip flopping!

One of the things Hexagram 64 speaks of is a sort of primal fear. I describe this as a sort of nameless dread. Well, that nameless dread does sound like Shadow-language, doesn't it? And it's that "nameless dread" that keeps me at a distance from my family members.

Why? Because of the dysfunction I experienced growing up; and, because of the dysfunction that I still notice today. I suppose one of my fears is that I have to give up my self - my truth, my beliefs, my personality to a degree - in order to gain their approval and/or acceptance. So, there really is a kind of fear of death associated with my family: a fear that the new, contented,dignified self that I now am will somehow be abused, neglected, invalidated yet again...that is, if I get too close to them.

 

[hilary]

Another way to see 64 at the heart of 37 might give you a more encouraging perspective on this. The strength of the 'people in the home' comes in part from everyone knowing their role, being confident of their relationship and responsibilities to one another. We Westerners look at this and hope that there will also be scope for the full development of individuality within these bounds.

(And eventually we may feel impelled to move outside and reassert our difference... and oh wait, that would be Hexagram 38 when 'the dao of the family is exhausted', so maybe not such an exclusively 'Western' impulse after all...)

So Hexagram 37 says everyone knows their place, everything is arranged as it should be.

Hexagram 64, at the heart of it, says nothing is arranged as it should be; everything is still in a state of flux. And see, the small fox on the bank of the river is wondering whether it's safe to commit his weight to the ice, or whether he'll end up soaked, humiliated and stranded midstream.

It seems to me this indicates a natural reserve about committing to the family as a universal trait - and at a deeper level, that the family itself is not so fixed as it would appear. Like the walls in a Chinese home, that would be moved from one generation to the next.

Having said all that... is this actually 'the I Ching's counsel in family matters' we're discussing - is it actually a reading? Or should I be moving it over to 'divination discussion'?