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rosetyler

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Have posted here on very heavy relationship issues in the past.
Just reading some threads about romantic issues whereby quick feedback might be possible I thought I'd offer up an issue of my own and then come on and give feedback about how things turn out.

Recently started dating a man who lives a distance away.
I got scared, failed to communicate openly about wanting a relationship, said we'd be better as friends despite him saying that was a shame and then attempted to redeem things with a long email.

Still waiting a reply two days after he said he'd reply in full after taking it all in.

Why's he not replied yet?

39.2 to 48.

Ah- busy? Lots on. Obstructions I don't know of. Could be. He has lots to do. I also did say i didn't expect a quick reply.

How will he respond?

51,1,4 to 2.

He'll be surprised, guarded but receptive?

Chances for a romantic relationship between us?

46.3, 6 to 4.

Hmm. Lots to learn, scope for growth, take the risk?
(My therapist today said I was plainly scared of emotional risk, burying things in a long email and if he were me, he'd ring him. I do like this man...but hadn't wanted to show my somewhat neurotic colours so early).
 

Tohpol

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Have posted here on very heavy relationship issues in the past.Just reading some threads about romantic issues whereby quick feedback might be possible I thought I'd offer up an issue of my own and then come on and give feedback about how things turn out.
Recently started dating a man who lives a distance away.
I got scared, failed to communicate openly about wanting a relationship, said we'd be better as friends despite him saying that was a shame and then attempted to redeem things with a long email.
Still waiting a reply two days after he said he'd reply in full after taking it all in.
Why's he not replied yet?
39.2 to 48.
Ah- busy? Lots on. Obstructions I don't know of. Could be. He has lots to do. I also did say i didn't expect a quick reply.
How will he respond?
51,1,4 to 2.
He'll be surprised, guarded but receptive?
Chances for a romantic relationship between us?
46.3, 6 to 4.Hmm. Lots to learn, scope for growth, take the risk?
(My therapist today said I was plainly scared of emotional risk, burying things in a long email and if he were me, he'd ring him. I do like this man...but hadn't wanted to show my somewhat neurotic colours so early).

I think you've pretty much nailed it Rose. The hex's seem to give a thumbs up for going ahead with this. More importantly, your "gut" says "yes, this is ok. I want to take the risk." So take it. Communicate with honesty and sincerity about how you feel and take it from there. Maybe he'll love your - as you see it - "neurotic" ways!

Yeah, I'd give him a tinkle on the ole' mobile.

Topal
 

rosetyler

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Thanks for that Topal.
An update already.

He's replied- delay due to work, tiredness and I think sheer overwhelment at the email (3000 words...tsk, I knew I was putting a scary amount in)- so 39.2. Some of the obstacles are not his fault- but actually put there by me.

General tone of email- I don't want to hurt you and feel like I might be responsible for doing. Really want you as a friend- we've shared more than most people I know cos usually I keep people at a distance. Maybe we could go on being in touch as "cheeky flirty friends". Hmm. Basically I've scared him off. After three times of me going we might be better as friends and him saying that would be a shame, I've almost asked him to commit to a relationship and he can't. Quite right too. (51,1,4 to 2? Suppose so. We're both involved in comedy and share that as an interest to there might be a return to laughing words)

I've stuck my neck out though and instead of immediately recoiling rejected, I've said I don't really want a friend that I have a feelings for and want to sleep with and perhaps the might be something for us in carrying on the path we were going down. 46.3, 6 to 4?
Well, difficult. We live a hundred miles apart. I do want a proper relationship. I can't myself commit to one yet, nor expect someone else to at this early stage. He said he's trying to become a better person, as I am, but doesnt honestly know what he wants. Me neither.
Have sent the reply, may ring him tomorrow if he's around and actually risk conversing about these issues in the flesh.

I sensed "intimacy issues" similar to mine in him from early on. In contrast to other men I've failed to resolve these with, he's considerate, rational, single, open and fun. Hmmm.

I'm having trouble formulating a next question.
Ones asking about a romantic future or friendship or what to do next or what not to do, don't seem quite right.
Will hang fire and see what transpires.
I do know I want someone to walk hand in hand on a beach romantically with though. Hmm. Will ask if I could have that with this bloke-

chances of walking on a beach hand in hand?

1.6 to 43.

Oh. Would there have to be a tidal wave?
 

Tohpol

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Have sent the reply, may ring him tomorrow if he's around and actually risk conversing about these issues in the flesh.

I sensed "intimacy issues" similar to mine in him from early on. In contrast to other men I've failed to resolve these with, he's considerate, rational, single, open and fun. Hmmm.

chances of walking on a beach hand in hand?

1.6 to 43.

Oh. Would there have to be a tidal wave?



:D Hmmm.Seems that way...Well, yes, you're going for someone who is reflecting very much what is going on inside you, i.e. a mirror and vice versa. That can have advantages and disadvantages....This line offers up humility, modesty. In other words, bring yourself back down to earth - you maybe overreaching in this case. That creative energy is being misused a little it seems.

So "hand in hand" is probably not what is on offer here right now But there is room for friendship perhaps if you cope with that. However, the future is open - always. Progress is possible but perhaps not in the way that you would wish. :rolleyes: But 46 suggests some headway being made and not to give up. Whether it's in a general sense or with this guy is another matter...

I think you've been pretty clear and actually shown quite a bit of understanding about yourself and him. So, like you say, let it unfold and see what happens. My guess is that this will lead to something creative and fulfilling if you're able to let go. That could mean friendship with him, a deeper relationship in the future, or cutting the ties to allow what you've learned here to come to fruition.

Well, that's my take on it, no doubt others will pitch in.

Topal
 

willowfox

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I do know I want someone to walk hand in hand on a beach romantically with though. Hmm. Will ask if I could have that with this bloke-

chances of walking on a beach hand in hand?

1.6 to 43.

You are going too fast here, a case of putting the cart before the horse, as there are still problems to be overcome so be cautious in how you deal with him but don't give up the fight.
 

rosetyler

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Thanks both.

I think I did have some over optimistic romantic hopes- though I began to withdraw and flounder a bit once I realised these weren't likely to be met.

We do have a good grounds for a friendship though despite all else. I allowed him in very early for me- either because I knew that's what I'd need to do to lay the ground for me to be ready for a sexual relationship, or as a risk, or just because he and I both want intimacy and fear it in a similar way. I've missed our cheery daily contacts.

No reply from him yet.
How will he respond to my email?;

18,3,4,6 to 40.

Hmm. Reiterating the just be friends-ness, looking a bit deeper at some of our shared issues, wishing we could just get back to where we were. Maybe.
 

rosetyler

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I dreamed last night that he was a small pink butterfly/human, flying around me.
I was too big for us to connect. We were trying to have sex but he was too small. I wore a wedding type dress. Then I grew, to normal size, while he stayed small. He tugged at my hand angrily at one point, to get me to notice him. Then we were disappointed at the difficulty of us sleeping together now.
Give me an image for this dream I asked this morning-39.5 to 15.
Later, I thought that was too vague- asked "What did this dream mean for me?"
39.5 to 15.

Ah.

A message.
Am I the friend who will come for me?
What is too small and too big?
 

Tohpol

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A message.
Am I the friend who will come for me?
What is too small and too big?


I've got this hex recently. It talks about friends and/or aspects of yourself coming to aid you in difficult times. The butterfly is often connected with emotions, or the heart. Your friend might have served as a way to unlock something in you, but you are both on different journeys - incompatible for "marriage" and for sexual energy to create something lasting. But it is an important stepping stone I think.

Topal
 

rosetyler

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Yes, thanks Topal, that sounds right.

Re the email he replied to;

He did indeed reiterate he wanted us just as friends at the moment
and (as 18-40) did talk more about how he isn't feeling too happy with his life at the moment and feels he needs to focus on sorting it out.

A girlfriend tonight has pointed out that I do have a difficulty with endings but may be better off withdrawing rather than keeping up our high level of day to day contact that we had had.

I therefore asked what I should do re this relationship and received 23.6 to 2.

Hmm. Well, there could have been/be more to come. Time isn't right at the moment though for either of us really. Will stay receptive
(but I'm not going to hang about hoping for romance where there isn't any- done that in the past, too often, too long. How can I go about achieving a good romantic relationship?


35.2 to 64.

Progressing but in sorrow? Hmm. I am progressing in sorrow at the mo to be honest what with the sadness I feel around this and still recovering from the heartbreak of a relationship earlier this year (which I'm now writing about and have unravelled as being tied up with lots of old father loss issues).

Any further insights on this line as a guide to help me into a (much wished for, much avoided) happy romance would be great.
 

Tohpol

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35.2 to 64.

Progressing but in sorrow? Hmm. I am progressing in sorrow at the mo to be honest what with the sadness I feel around this and still recovering from the heartbreak of a relationship earlier this year (which I'm now writing about and have unravelled as being tied up with lots of old father loss issues).

Any further insights on this line as a guide to help me into a (much wished for, much avoided) happy romance would be great.


The thing about break-ups and broken hearts, selfish needs and the intense to desire to find THAT relationship is that it requires some time to think about where we are and WHY we are where we are. ;) Not just about why we haven't got that damn guy/gal in our lives. (waaaaaah) If we let go of the "I want it now..." feeling it can lead to a fuller knowledge of WHO we are which in turn, can set up the right kind of wavelength or "signal" with that other 'arf. Gotta let go of this idea and adopt that cliche of living in the moment.

However, your experiences suggest definite progress to that end. 35.2. is about clear progress and the will to hang in there. If you keep seeing it as a self-elected challenge to grow then you'll get there. It's kinda saying "You're doing ok - you're SEEING things in their deeper sense and you're laying the groundwork for the future, so don't give up. Have faith."

So the happy romance IS possible but it's often messed up because we jump the gun before we have done the necessary work. Or, conversely, just when we think that all is lost, it may be that the person comes along to aid us in that work. But it often happens unexpectedly I think. It depends on the lesson profile - each case is individual. What is a constant is the 23 "stripping" which gets rid of the old habits and hurts that create blockage. That takes time.

So 35.2 is about making progress from letting go and fixating on the idea of this elusive romance so that it can flutter down to you - like that true butterfly - which is allowed to approach your space because there is no anticipatory "static" hanging around. We can actually keep people away by wishing for something too much. It cancels out the natural expanding present and the balanced order of attraction by fixing a fantasy onto a future event. See here

When you let yourself expand and live in the present, be positive, then it will come to you - just gotta let it go first but at the same time keep the antenna primed. So hang in there and have faith.

Topal
 

rosetyler

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Thanks Topal for your clear-eyed thoughts and the link to the Topper stuff.

This is good for me to read.

The night before I met this bloke a month ago I dreamt a man I know and love (a counsellor) came into my room and kissed me passionately, though we didn't have sex but were satisfied. Then I was following my friend to Liverpool. Late, compared to my friend (who has just entered a good romance) but trying to get there through tunnels. Carl Jung talked of Liverpool as a place of energy, libido and lifeforce (because of "Live" and "Pool") and that's been my association to the city previously.

The man I met was from Liverpool (though I forgot my dream at first!) I was unusually joyous and went with the flow- and since that night have been far, far more in touch with the simple joys and pleasures of life (food and company especially) in a way that I know I'd been looking for. I know I still have access to that joyous feeling and suspect, and what you say helps confirm it, that if I flow with this more, then romance will be one of the myriad joyousnesses that flows towards me.

(A bit of my worry with the relationship was "Argh, I can't hold onto that joy or I repell it" but I am definitely seeing this as "a self-elected challenge to grow" and my therapy and friendships and writing all seem to support this growth, even as parts of me resist it. Posting here has supported it too so thank you. :)
 

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