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epic fail at being a good person

Rasalila

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There was a huge thunderstorm this morning and I was driving on a one way street on my way to a yoga class. Traffic stopped because two giant tree limbs were blocking the road. There was literally no way for any of us to get off of that road except for those limbs to be moved. It took me about two minutes to figure this out and then I saw a man get out and start trying to move them, so I got out and helped. It was really hard and it was lightning and pouring down rain. I kept gesturing, in vain, for other people to get out and help. I was mad that no one would help us! Finally two other women came out, but there were several cars where no one got out. We eventually managed to move them, I'm soaking wet, and all the cars were able to go through. I couldn't let this go, it was pissing me off that no one else helped and I guess I was feeling pretty cocky about it too. Like, Im the kind of person that does this stuff but no one else is. I got home and posted a long rant on facebook about it. Right after my post I asked the I Ching what this whole thing was trying to teach me and got 42.5.6>24. Line 5 I understood because it was all about helping other people and being unselfish. Here's from James DeKorne's site: Without asking for recognition and gratitude, the man in a high position benefits those below. He acts from the inner necessity of acknowledged goodness. But then there was the sixth line which basically says the opposite. I was confused. Hadn't I worked unselfishly to help other people? Now I live in a fairly small town and even smaller community, so one of my friends saw my post and said that she had seen several other posts that morning from people saying how grateful they were that we had moved those limbs because they were either elderly or had babies in the car. I felt like such a jerk! I only saw this fb post from my friend after I'd asked the I Ching and, boy, did that line six make sense now! Another reading from Mothering Change on line six said, You receive a great sign but will not heed it. I then, after seeing my friend's post, asked what is the great sign that I didn't heed and got 36 uc. I'm taking this to mean that it's my part, right now, to work for the benefit of humanity without seeking any recognition, i.e., staying quiet about what a great unselfish person I am, ha ha. Apparently I'm not as unselfish as I think I am if I demand so much respect and recognition for helping other people. This wouldn't be hitting me so hard if I weren't really trying to do this Work and really wanting to be a good, unselfish person. Looks like I haven't quite hit the mark. I deleted my fb post and feel terrible now. I'm going to meditate on this today, and try to understand what it really means to work unselfishly for humanity without needing recognition. Any thoughts, comments? Thank you.
 

mandarin_23

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Hi Rasalila,

I had the same reading recently when I had an open weekly reading. For me, it was a different Situation, as I probably got more than I gave, except that I had a bad and unfair argument with a close person, and decided to forgive and stay kind even though the other person may not have been that right. And so this situation dissolved shortly after.

When I read your post, I think that you have shown to be a kind and caring person, and the Yi says this with 42.5. What you really wanted in this situation was maybe just support, not necessarily recognition.

But in 42.5 it is this: Don't ask. You could just be happy to have been in such a situation to be able to help and give support. Not everybody is, not everybody can, not everybody is strong or kind enough, and it must be a bad feeling, for example, to be in a situation where help is needed and you are unable to give. You weren't.

Don't worry, stay kind, stay grateful: This is the message I got from this 42.5.6 reading.
 

moss elk

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So, you helped other people with a problem.
And somehow you think that makes you a bad person?
Are you sure about that?
I think you need to rethink that.

The anger energy you felt in the moment would have looked something like this, had you healthily expressed it: Arms waving, 'hey you people! come help us!" But you bottled it inside, thinking it is beneath you maybe? When we bottle things inside that are supposed to come out, we tie ourselves in knots and amplify the feelings, in your situation: you vented on facebook.

I think you are worrying over nothing.

Line 5 was you helping.
If you have an ideal of perfection in your mind that says you should never yell.. It would be a good idea to drop it.
 

Rasalila

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Moss Elk, thank you. I think I mostly felt guilty about my ruminating thoughts about it afterwards. Kind of grumbling in my head about how lazy and selfish people are. Also, to be honest, moving those limbs was more about ME being able to get to my class then about helping everyone else. I am a person who bottles a lot of stuff up under the guise of being a good person, but I'm glad I was honest on fb because if I hadn't been I never would have found out the true situation of things. I spend a lot of time in my head judging people's actions(including my own). I guess I'd like to be free of judgement altogether, just accepting what's happening without needing to comment on the rightness or wrongness of it in my head. Also, like you said, when I bottle things up, it's painful for me and also I never get to the real story if I don't express my true feelings. So the question is, how to express anger without blame and judgement, I guess. Because I don't want to go around being a robot, never having any emotions.
 

rosada

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If you blame others you are just starting out on the journey.
If you blame yourself you are half way along on the journey.
If you blame no one you have arrived!
-Ancient Chinese saying.

I saw the above on Facebook today and was thinking it sounded like an I Ching reading but I couldn't figure out which one it would be. Now I know! Thanks!
 
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becalm

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Oh Rasalila all you did was post about your frustrations which is fair enough.....come on, don't be so hard on yourself and if it bothers you that much delete the post!!! Getting back to your feelings about it though, you felt there was an injustice going on and people were being selfish but it sounds like people had there valid reasons why they couldn't help and well some people just don't have the confidence. Might sound silly to you but lack of confidence, anxiety etc. does impact on people's decision making skills. Whether it's to get out in the pouring rain to help move a tree or whether to even go out that day - it all exists. You did a good deed for yourself and others - You're the best just as you are.
 
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diamanda

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42.5 some people can be kind, and it's easily recognisable
42.6 some people can't be kind, can't reciprocate
24 live and let live, each to their own, people come and go without blame
Perhaps the lesson here is to distinguish who is who in a given situation, and to realise that some people just can't be kind, for whatever reason.
 

rosada

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I think too that sometimes our brain creates images that match our physical experience bot actually the thoughts that run through our head aren’t really what we intend to activate. I guess that’s what is meant by the saying, “it really pushed my button.” Something happens and you find your head filled with these thoughts but they really aren’t thoughts you want to think. Like the situation stirs up the debris in the bottom of the well that you didn’t even realize was there, but it’s a good thing because now you can clean out those attitudes from your head just like you cleared the tree limbs from the road.
 
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Freedda

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Rasalila, good gracious, when I first started to read about you driving in a storm, I thought you were going to say that you ran over someone's dog, or hit an elderly person crossing the street, but instad you, what? ... you were very helpful and helped out in a bad situation, but that you also judged some people and yourself? And then you asked the Yi about it and you grew from it? I mean .... good grace(ious)!

So, least you take my sarcasitc opener too seriously - from Joni Mitchell:

I don't know who l am
But you know life is for learning

I'm struck by how much the hexagram's imagery fits your situation: you have the trigrams (the two, 3-line figures that make of the hexagram) wind - also called wood (as in a downed tree), and thunder!

The lines tell you to be true and kind-hearted - which all in all, it seems you did, even in a round-about way ...

.... and to see our flaws and failures as ways to grow. The only 'flaw' would have been if you'd never questioned your own response, or continued to see it only as a failure - both of which might be like 'adopting an inconsistent heart.'

So A+ on successfully making use of the Yi (a.k.a. the users' manual for flawed humans)! And I'm so glad you shared this, since ... okay, I'll admit it ... I've judged people in the same way, but only one or two (milllion) times!

Best, D.

PS - the one 'flaw' I do see is that your post is one big block of text, which is hard to read through. If you're having trouble adding in line or sentence breaks, you might want to seek this thread https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...ving-trouble-formatting-or-editing-your-posts
 

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