ex factor 44

[gael123]

I had a break up without much closure with someone last year - we had one awkward conversation about his fear of commitment and I lost my temper and told him to leave. It was a low key loss of temper - I didn't even raise my voice - but then we fell out of touch for a while. I got back in touch some time later and he was very standoffish and seemed awkward. I was wondering about reaching out to him again. Well, I don't think the Yi is being very unclear here but just wanted to check in since I feel such a strong pull to make things better. I shouldn't, though, right...? Ha.

Who am I to A? hex 41.2.5. to 42.

How does A truly feel about me? 44.4.6 to 48

Should I reach out to A? hex 4.4 to 64.

OK this is completely unambiguous isn't it. I asked then, what is it that makes A not want me in his life and got the reply

hex 28.1.4. to 5.


Any thoughts at all? Thank you very much.

 

[usilser]

I would say try to interpret your casts even if they are totally wrong.

 

[gael123]

OK, thanks. My interpretations are

41.2.5 to 42 someone he feels the need to move away from towards wider horizons
44.4.6 to 48 a deep connection but one which brings up undesirable problems and feelings and must be handled carefully if at all.
4.4 to 64 if you reach out you'll be confronted with the realities described in the previous hexagrams. don't do it.
28.1.4 to 5 this connection can only be a source of anxiety.

Of course, I would also like other people's views. Thanks a lot!

 

[diamanda]

Who am I to A? 41.2.5 > 42
Someone who stays in the background (41.2 doesn't take action) and will enrich him at some point? Someone who will enrich him even if he doesn't take any action himself?

How does A truly feel about me? 44.4.6 > 48
Sorry but I don't see any deep connection here... 44.4 shows someone who has 'no fish' (either no money, or no sexual partner). 44.6 shows mating just for the sake of mating. And 48 is the 'bench', a steady provision of something. So perhaps he feels that when he's run out of others, he can easily come to meet you with his horn. Jeez.

Should I reach out to A? 4.4 > 64
The guy is hopelessly burned in his brain. So don't reach out (64).

what is it that makes A not want me in his life 28.1.4 > 5
The situation got too heavy between you. He still wanted you though. Now he's just waiting, perhaps waiting for you to demonstrate availability, so that he can repeat the same behaviour towards you as in the past? Hidden line 43.4 speaks of humiliation and punishment. How sweet... So, I'm not sure why he doesn't want you in life, as you put it. Most probably because 4.4 > 64.

My suggestion would be that, with spring-time just around the corner, pamper yourself, get some new clothes, and organise some outings with friends etc. It's the best time of the year to find someone new. Why waste precious time on mr Burned?

 

[becalm]

I your on facebook look up Bad Dates of Melbourne - it will give some true insight into this kind of behaviour. It certainly opened up my eyes to realise how vulnerable and used I'd been in the past. The way I see it, it all comes back to our self worth and learned behaviour patterns of our life.

 

[gael123]

Peculiar fact about this man: he was scared of the physical side of our relationship but would talk at me for hours. Who knows, maybe he just wasn't into it and wanted a friend - but there were weird behaviours around sex I won't go into but basically showed me intimacy terrified him.

Thank you Diamanda for your detailed thoughts. Yes, something about that story rings true despite the slightly different sexual dynamics. I genuinely don't think he thinks about anyone but himself. But his vulnerability tugged my heart-strings … oh god what a cliché.

Can I ask what you meant by burned in the brain please?

Thank you

Gael who is going to stop dating weirdos one day

 

[becalm]

But his vulnerability tugged my heart-strings … oh god what a cliché. - probs his way of getting what he wants......we always make excuses for these men. Speaking from experience that is. Most recent times first time I dated someone for any length of time in 10 years and he was a Narcissist but I so didn't want to see it , so I didn't until I did. Best thing I ever did was walk out the door, look at my responsibility for attracting such a drop kick! Yay for me.