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False damsel in distress 41.1>4

Wilderdreamer

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I live with a person who is very confused about what our relationship is. We are friends and roommates. This is mistaken as parent/child, lovers, boss/employee. I am working hard to remove myself from this situatio, but in the interim, I needed guidance about how to respond to the relationships misinterpretation.

Thing is, when I am doing my own thing and not around the house a lot, he turns into a false damsel in distress...I can't do anything without you, I'm helpless, please save me...etc

I say false damsel in distress because he won't take any of my suggestions or rationale, doesn't want to get into how to fix his life to his liking, won't give me any acknowledgement or credit for how I'm growing in my life. Basically he wants a mommy to hold him and tell him how special he is, and wants me also to be a knight in a white horse riding in to rescue him from every little thing.

So I asked you "what is the best energy to use for false damsel in distress?
Answer 41.1 to 4

41 Decrease
Line 1 remove myself immediately and call it out
4 darkness
 

moss elk

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"False Damsel in distress" is an excellent nickname for 41.1

It says, essentially, "consider not running to help him every time he bleats."
It also implies"meh, it's no big deal."
So there is no need to fight with him,
just decrease your responsiveness.

Nice example.
 
F

Freedda

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I think Moss Elk's response is a good one.

If I had to bottom-line it, I'd say this is about learning to be respectful of yourself, ane learning how to decrease what is disrespectful and unwanted in your life, and it's about setting boundaries, regardless of how much you care for this other person.

A few more thoughts .... Hex, 41can be about looking at what we need to decrease or minimize in our lives. I think you have a good idea what that is. The oracle text recommends persistence - that you need to stand by your decisions, maybe to set firm boundaries about what you will and won't do or accept. It also suggest that you don't need to overthink this too much - maybe that you already have a good sense of what do, and you maybe need to trust that.

40.1 for me says you have 'diminished' paying attention to our own life, your own affairs and interests, and while this might not cause serious harm, you need to consider not doing this anymore.

On name for Hex, 4 is 'inexperience' - and it could perhaps point to the fact that one or both of you doesn't have much experence in dealing with this type or thing, or are maybe not experienced in setting good boundaries? One sense I get is that you can't rely just on what feels good to you - or not be overly concerned with what this other person feels - but that you instead need to make better boundaries for yourself.

The text here seems quite literal: someone young and inexperienced is repeatedly approaching you. One time (or two) times, well, maybe that's okay, but for them to repeatedly approach you again and again, is - if nothing else - just down right disrespectful.

So, perhaps one way you can approach this - when this happens again - is to think: if I don't respect myself, whom do I expect will?

Stepping a bit outside the reading, I could see you saying someing like (but using your own words): 'look, I showed you how to do this already (or I showed you a dozen times already!) and I really don't have the time to continue to go over this, so you'll need to start figuring it out on your own.'

And another after-thought: I wonder if in some way this person's behavior is them saying, 'I want you to spend time with me, and share, and like me' - which is something we all want, but from the people we want it from.! And their way of going about it may be the only thing they've ever known - however - this is not something you need to take on or accept - regardless of how much compassion you might have for them!

So, closely related to the idea of respecting oneself, might be to ask: how do I want to be treated? And to learn to not accept sub-par treatment from others.

Best, D
 

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