Family Drama

[maisie]

Dear All,

I am having a realy difficult time at the moment with the partner of one of my brothers.
I had the feeling this woman, really didn`t like me much from the start.

However I tried to always get along and hide my feelings, she was often rude about various aspects of my life my houes,it´s old.My children, probably because she doesn`t seem to like children,they really were fairly well behaved.I think I should have told her from the start not to be rude, I suppose I thought she might eventually go off.

This woman has very little family of her own, and doesn`t seem to like the family she does have either.She has already helped cause one big fall out.
She told some lies about another brother of mine.


After some thought, I asked the the IC if she would caues any real damage to my family.
I received hexagram 21,line 2 and 3 changing.
Does this mean not too much. Just the situation will continue to be unpleasant?

What do you think?
Have I given enough information for you to have an say?

I would be very greatful if anyone had a slant on this?

M

 

[Trojina]

Dear All,

I am having a realy difficult time at the moment with the partner of one of my brothers.
I had the feeling this woman, really didn`t like me much from the start.

However I tried to always get along and hide my feelings, she was often rude about various aspects of my life my houes,it´s old.My children, probably because she doesn`t seem to like children,they really were fairly well behaved.I think I should have told her from the start not to be rude, I suppose I thought she might eventually go off.

This woman has very little family of her own, and doesn`t seem to like the family she does have either.She has already helped cause one big fall out.
She told some lies about another brother of mine.


After some thought, I asked the the IC if she would caues any real damage to my family.
I received hexagram 21,line 2 and 3 changing.
Does this mean not too much. Just the situation will continue to be unpleasant?

What do you think?
Have I given enough information for you to have an say?

I would be very greatful if anyone had a slant on this?

M

I noticed you had hex 14 as your second hexagram ? Hmmm do you think to her it looks like you have alot and she has little (see underlined comment) . If she is slightly jealous or insecure the answer looks to me like yes there is a problem, you aren't imagining it and you do need to deal with it. But it looks like you may be able to deal with it from a place of generosity (hex 14). Maybe you cannot see the whole picture. In 21.2 ones nose is buried in the meat, one cannot get perspective and yet still trying to deal with it is better than just thinking it will all be okay in the end. 21.3 indicates you are right she could well cause some trouble, maybe not big trouble, the line does say "small shame"....the thing is what can you do about it ?

Hex 14 suggests to me you have more power than she does in the situation. Or it could be the family itself is sufficiently strong, too rich in its bonds for her to make much of an impact on.....I get the image of a mosquito bothering a cow...dunno why..


I can't say what you should do here. I don't know enough about the situation. If it were my cast I think I'd relax a little as i think it shows you have a handle on the situation, things aren't out of control, you could over estimate the scale of the problem (21.2) and you are in position to be helpful to her or the situation (hex 14) I don't think she is a threat to you....that doesn't mean you have to put up with hurtful things though

What is a middle way...how have you handled it so far ?

Anyway think about hex 14 here...it means "you have" , you are possession of, riches, so all this aggravation is against the backdrop of secure plentiful bonds with your family, your brothers...how much harm can she really do ?

 

[maisie]

Trojan.

I will try to be generous, have generous thoughts about her and keep out of her way as much as possible.
I will try and imagine she is the mosquito bothering me, (not sure if I want to imagine myself as the cow though.)

Thanks very Much for the reply.

 

[Trojina]

Trojan.

I will try to be generous, have generous thoughts about her and keep out of her way as much as possible.
I will try and imagine she is the mosquito bothering me, (not sure if I want to imagine myself as the cow though.)

Thanks very Much for the reply.

Just to stress 21 does suggest you deal with it...I wasn't suggesting you try to be a saint and put up with it. Its just it seems from the 14 you can afford to be generous in how you do it...though there will be nevertheless some 'poison' line 3.

But overall its not a terribly worrying answer given the security of your position in the family (perhaps)

 

[pocossin]

Will she cause any real damage to my family?
21.2.3 > 14

The casting suggests to me that she will cause harm if you do not stand up to her. Hexagram 21 is about discipline and overcoming opposition. As the Image says,

Thus the kings of former times made firm the laws
Through clearly defined penalties.

You have the right of self defense. Is there any reason you cannot say to your partner, X hurt my brother, and I am concerned that she will hurt us? If you are not combative (I am, when provoked), then you need the support of others, your partner or other female relatives. Why sit passively waiting for another attack to occur? This is the time of year to be concerned about such matters because of upcoming family get togethers during the holiday season, when, I suppose, it will be impossible for you avoid the troublemaker. The nose (line 2) is a means of perception. Don't hide your nose if you already smell a bad odor. She is poisoning (line 3) the family atmosphere. And the Image of 14 says,

Thus the superior man curbs evil and furthers good,
And thereby obeys the benevolent will of heaven.

It is up to you to take action to avoid harm to yourself and others.

 

[rosada]

Dear Maisie,

I wonder if 21 could be seen as telling you how to handle the situation? If we look at it from that perspective I think the lines are suggesting you distance yourself from this person. You say she is your brother's partner which I assume means they are not married and therefore I think you needn't feel there is any pressure on you to allow her into your inner circle. She's not your friend and she's not family. If you feel you must include her at Thanksgiving and Christmas then I suggest you invite other non-family also to make it clear she is not there as a member of the family.
Particularly with your kids I would talk about the situation. Biting Through means getting things out in the open. Say things like, "This is your Uncle's friend so be nice to her," rather than anything that implies she has power or that you agree with her.

This is "Yes or No" question which makes interpretation difficult.

Best wishes,
Rosada

 

[maisie]

Thanks very much for the answers.
We won`t be seeing her anyway at Christmas as she has already fallen out with my partner as well.
She told him she did`t like him and did`t want anything to do with him.

Also making up storeis about my other brother, and twisting things that I have said.

I think I probably need to have speak plainly to her partner my brother, and explain why I don`t want anything to do with her.
It`s all rather involved. but I think I need to speak my mind to him.We aren`t very good at discussing personal feelings.

The worrying thing is my younger brother seem to really be in love with this woman even though, she is really probably one of the most unpleasant people I have ever met.
I hope by speaking my mind, rather than hoping she will go away at least I can stand up for my family.

M

 

[ginnie]

This woman seems to be alienating just about everybody she comes into contact with. Sounds like a person with a lot of personal problems to me. In other words, it's not your problem to solve. There's only a limited amount you can do, anyway, given that we cannot change other people. Maybe one of these days your brother will wake up to the true character of his partner and drop her. In the meantime, she'll probably continue to be a troublemaker but I don't think it will be bad trouble, or for very long.