Feelings

[precision grace]

Hi ya all. I've been doing this feelings experiment off and on, and wonder if you'd like to help me with it.

Most people probably have no problem knowing how they feel about something, but I am not most people and working out what feelings I am dealing with (firstly) and whether they are originating in myself our outside of myself (secondly) is a never ending bane of my life.

The most of the problems arise (I think) when I am having difficulty separating my own feelings from those that originate outside of myself but I feel as if they are my own. And the reason I have this difficulty is because I have feelings of my own that are tied in with the other person who also has feelings tied in with me. This is not always romantic, for example, very often I have issues of this nature when it comes to the person I share office with (another female).

And sometimes even opposite sex feelings issues are not actually romantic at all, but because we are so conditioned to automatically think that anything connected with opposite sex must have romantic connotations (family excluded). I have purposefully excluded gay issues here because I have a very good male friend who is gay and who definitely has very strong feelings for me that have been confusing him (and me) for years.

So, today, we are back to my two staples A & B, because they are always current and because I definitely know that I have strong feelings for them, although the nature of those feelings changes, or, rather, how I interpret those feelings changes all the time.

I did 4 castings in succession, and I will post below exactly the order in which I have cast them.

What are A's feelings for me (nowadays)? 26.1.2.6 > 15
What are B's feelings for me? 40 uc
What are my feelings for A? 56.3.4 > 23
What are my feelings for B? 40.3.6 > 50

What struck me was the symmetry of readings regarding B. Now, obviously I can juxtapose the answers for my feelings against what I think I am feeling, but I won't post that here so as not to influence anyone who may like to guess what these mean.

I'd love to hear what others may think, especially as I am guessing most people will be of the opinion that all of the castings actually relate to me and my thinking/feeling, rather than any other person. And in that case - it would be interesting to look at the differences in two castings regarding A.

Many thanks, and sorry for the very long post. Also, if nobody wants to attempt an answer, I totally understand, specially as I didn't offer my own attempt on this occasion (but I do hope you understand why and will play anyway)
:bows:

 

[meng]

I did 4 castings in succession, and I will post below exactly the order in which I have cast them.

What are A's feelings for me (nowadays)? 26.1.2.5 > 15
What are B's feelings for me? 40 uc
What are my feelings for A? 56.3.4 > 23
What are my feelings for B? 40.3.5 > 50

Assuming Yi's answers weren't some self-reflection thing, and spoke to your intended questions, from the hip I'd guess...

1. Playin' it cool, and a bit restrained, or maybe quite inhibited.
2. All is cool, bygones and all that.
3. You're movin' on.
4. You're not just wanting, you're wanting him for the right reasons. I think the answer implies, it's in your interest to keep it light for awhile, build some trust, both be on the same page.

 

[rodaki]

What are A's feelings for me (nowadays)? 26.1.2.5 > 15

PG 26.1,2,5 gives 53: perhaps holding back for a long time, taking things in stride, or even, holding back from long-term behavioral patterns

just a couple of cents . .

 

[precision grace]

PG 26.1,2,5 gives 53: perhaps holding back for a long time, taking things in stride, or even, holding back from long-term behavioral patterns

just a couple of cents . .

sorry! that should have been 26.1.2.6 - 15
Corrected the original post now as well.

 

[rodaki]

40.3,5 > 50 looks lopsided also (it turns into 28)

 

[precision grace]

40.3,5 > 50 looks lopsided also (it turns into 28)

OMG what kind of freudeanism was that - both times I swapped a 6 for a 5?!

Thank you for pointing out!

 

[rodaki]

you're welcomed


. . maybe inside you, you didn't believe you'd get top line? 6th line in both 26 and 40 is really great - good luck with accepting that

 

[precision grace]

OK, thank you both meng and rodaki for your thoughts.

I don't think 40.6 is such a great line, it sort of speaks of a moment of nabbing the pest as it were; I must confess I am confused by this reading which describes MY feelings. Am I inviting hostility? Or do I feel his behaviour invites my hostility? Weird. I actually feel pretty chilled about the boy, as it happens. I have no wants in his direction, other than just being friendly and easy going.
The 40uc is indeed bygones etc as meng said and I am fairly sure that's how B feels about me these days.

On the other hand, my feelings for A are a constant battle to and fro. One moment I feel I want nothing to do with A, next moment I feel all aww huggs about him, and I guess I really want to know if he has any feelings towards me - perhaps 23 is about seeing under the surface as much as splitting and going on my own way. So 56 I think fits. And it made me chuckle because of the whole fire above the mountain thing ( rodaki)

Not really sure what to make out of 26 > 15, especially as one cannot be sure what it is describing. I may just ask A what are his feelings for me the next time I see him, do you think he'd tell me?

 

[meng]

I may just ask A what are his feelings for me the next time I see him, do you think he'd tell me?

I don't know, but people do like to know where they stand with someone important to them. It's a fair question, so long as it carries no guilt trip message or pressure with it. Kinda 40ish, not 21ish, nor 44ish. Lift burdens and inhibitions rather than create them, and he should level with you likewise.

 

[precision grace]

I don't know, but people do like to know where they stand with someone important to them. It's a fair question, so long as it carries no guilt trip message or pressure with it. Kinda 40ish, not 21ish, nor 44ish. Lift burdens and inhibitions rather than create them, and he should level with you likewise.

Well, that's the thing. I am not sure I am all that important to him. There would definitely be no guilt trip, I can't stand that! however, this one is known for his proclivity for telling people [women] what they want to hear, so while no guilt inducement would be intended, there is no guarantee one wouldn't be spontaneously created within the subject itself and result in a less than accurate information being conveyed. Tbh, if I want to know the truth about this one, I am better off asking the Yi.

 

[Trojina]

Well, that's the thing. I am not sure I am all that important to him. There would definitely be no guilt trip, I can't stand that! however, this one is known for his proclivity for telling people [women] what they want to hear, so while no guilt inducement would be intended, there is no guarantee one wouldn't be spontaneously created within the subject itself and result in a less than accurate information being conveyed. Tbh, if I want to know the truth about this one, I am better off asking the Yi.

I've not read all the thread PG....but have the urge to point out what you must already know, which is that people tend to show their real feelings more than tell them. It's not what a person says their feelings are that really count in the long run is it..it's what they do. If people like each other they tend to find ways of spending time together. If this person (a or b not sure got lost here) is good to you, looks for you, tries to find was of spending time with you....then I'd say there's a good chance he likes you. If OTOH he makes a swift exit anytime you approach then it would seem he doesn't like you. (Women like to tell each other he may make an exit because he is 'afraid of his feelings'....but that's generally poppycock IMO...and if he were that afraid it would make things pretty untenable and wearisome wouldn't it.)

Answers on others feelings are so transient because feelings are transient. You feel differently at different times, so will they, so how fixed a 'snapshot' can Yi give and how much mind can you pay it ? . I think sometimes 'confusion' can enter when we don't actually want to see what someone's actions are saying, in friendship too.

I tried to look at the readings but doubt how helpful my thoughts would be because I feel only you can understand these answers, knowing the nuances of the interactions and so on.

 

[rodaki]

hey PG,

I've been doing a lot of reading 26 lately, specially first 2 lines . . been getting it a lot about someone and I think I have a fair idea of it is about - it's a no-go situation in toto, one that it's wiser to put on the brakes instead of letting it take us on . . this would feel like an avalanche, most probably, not of the good kind

On the other hand, I've felt I've also embodied 26 in my attitude towards a loved one; there's lots of powerful feelings there but, so far, I've felt it'd be better to keep them self-contained (btw, after the 22 discussion, I 'm finding 'self-containment' to be a large part of having mountain as upper hexagram, just a side note here). Anyways, in my case, looking back on the whole thing shows some long-term patterns in my relating with said person that I'd rather not repeat . . So while there's tons of things going on there, I'm keeping things in self-preservation/self-protection mode. I know it doesn't sound much adventurous or exciting but that's the way I feels about it.
Sometimes, I think 26 is just a way of protecting your self from what you know could go wild or rampant - it's also a lot about learning from the past, personal or collective. It feels conservative - and maybe it is in some ways - but it's definitely not mild or lukewarm - is there something in this guy's personal, or your joined history that would make some distance look needed at this point?


As to 40.6, I just love the imagery there, I find it glorious: aiming in the purest way and getting the prey, replenishing all worries and anxieties AND all that tied to the new start of 64? - what's there not to like?

 

[precision grace]

I've not read all the thread PG....but have the urge to point out what you must already know, which is that people tend to show their real feelings more than tell them. It's not what a person says their feelings are that really count in the long run is it..it's what they do. If people like each other they tend to find ways of spending time together. If this person (a or b not sure got lost here) is good to you, looks for you, tries to find was of spending time with you....then I'd say there's a good chance he likes you. If OTOH he makes a swift exit anytime you approach then it would seem he doesn't like you. (Women like to tell each other he may make an exit because he is 'afraid of his feelings'....but that's generally poppycock IMO...and if he were that afraid it would make things pretty untenable and wearisome wouldn't it.)

Answers on others feelings are so transient because feelings are transient. You feel differently at different times, so will they, so how fixed a 'snapshot' can Yi give and how much mind can you pay it ? . I think sometimes 'confusion' can enter when we don't actually want to see what someone's actions are saying, in friendship too.

I tried to look at the readings but doubt how helpful my thoughts would be because I feel only you can understand these answers, knowing the nuances of the interactions and so on.

hey hey, i totally agree with you in principle, and the whole exercise isn't so much about knowing what he feels, but what I feel within myself as opposed to what I am unconsciously picking up from him.

the trouble with going by the usual indicators is that we are dealing with a people pleaser here. I actually had this conversation with B about A, and we agreed that he gets himself into trouble by being 'too nice' and going out of his way to be there for people [women] who then, inevitably, develop feelings for him because they are, in part, convinced he has feelings for them, just hides them or something.
I even had this conversation with A about this problem of his when I'd asked him for something and I could see that he was having an internal battle of not wanting to re-arrange his plans and feeling like he was supposed to re-arrange his plans in order to accommodate me. There was absolutely no urgency from me and it wasn't even something remotely important. So, because I know him, I was able to stop him from messing up his day for no reason, but this is the type of thing he does ALL the time and which inevitably confuses people as to what his motives may be.

In the end, it's only relevant if I am hoping to have a relationship with him, which I suspect I don't, because every time we are together I am struck by the absence of any desire on my part to throw myself at him

 

[precision grace]

hey PG,

I've been doing a lot of reading 26 lately, specially first 2 lines . . been getting it a lot about someone and I think I have a fair idea of it is about - it's a no-go situation in toto, one that it's wiser to put on the brakes instead of letting it take us on . . this would feel like an avalanche, most probably, not of the good kind

On the other hand, I've felt I've also embodied 26 in my attitude towards a loved one; there's lots of powerful feelings there but, so far, I've felt it'd be better to keep them self-contained (btw, after the 22 discussion, I 'm finding 'self-containment' to be a large part of having mountain as upper hexagram, just a side note here). Anyways, in my case, looking back on the whole thing shows some long-term patterns in my relating with said person that I'd rather not repeat . . So while there's tons of things going on there, I'm keeping things in self-preservation/self-protection mode. I know it doesn't sound much adventurous or exciting but that's the way I feels about it.
Sometimes, I think 26 is just a way of protecting your self from what you know could go wild or rampant - it's also a lot about learning from the past, personal or collective. It feels conservative - and maybe it is in some ways - but it's definitely not mild or lukewarm - is there something in this guy's personal, or your joined history that would make some distance look needed at this point?


As to 40.6, I just love the imagery there, I find it glorious: aiming in the purest way and getting the prey, replenishing all worries and anxieties AND all that tied to the new start of 64? - what's there not to like?

Thank you for that rodaki! If I was reading this for someone else, I'd say off the cuff that the guy had the massive hots for the lady but held back because the fireworks may just prove to be lethal

I like your perception of 40.6 and I would enjoy it too if it hasn't been an answer to question about how I feel. It is making me feel like a butterfly collector and the poor B will be pinned to an upholstered plate and given pride place on my wall

 

[Trojina]

In the end, it's only relevant if I am hoping to have a relationship with him, which I suspect I don't, because every time we are together I am struck by the absence of any desire on my part to throw myself at him

Fantasy time (sexual or otherwise) accorded the person can generally inidicate level of interest I find....See following chart



0 hours a day /night = You aren't in love in lust. You can be just friends


1 hour a day/night = Mild interest, a dalliance, a possibility

3 hours a day/night = A bit concerning, people say you don't listen aren't fully there...but this is easily enough shaken off if one pulls oneself together.

6 hours a day/night = Something now needs to happen. You have to meet, he needs to ask you out, you need to kiss...you need ****** . All this fantasy time needs some reality. You need some action...a declaration of if it's 'go' or 'no' because your copy of Wilhelm can't stand the strain of another cast



24/7 what can I say = This stage can happen a) if it's 'go' and you can hardly believe it..OMG now you have to deal with having a relationship...!
.b) if it's 'no' you can hardly believe it. All you can do is work your way back to the '0 hours' stage or find a replacement


Patented by Trojan June 2013

 

[precision grace]

That is incredibly useful and should be a sticky all of it's own! with corresponding hexagrams to indicate whether fantasy involves only sex, or romance too

However, this still doesn't help me. For example, on those rare days when I haven't thought about the subject AT ALL, I note it with joy and relief and wonder why in the hell do I have all these fantasies the rest of the time. Like, I 'could' do something even if I am not sure of the outcome, but I'm afraid that I am more afraid of a positive reception then I am of rejection, which is odd but fits into 'OMG having to deal with having a relationship' issue. Oh, I can see that 56 fitting in so nicely now - RUN AWAY NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE

PS fantasies are usually very far removed of the real subject that gave rise to them in the beginning
PPS life is not a romantic comedy

 

[rodaki]

Thank you for that rodaki! If I was reading this for someone else, I'd say off the cuff that the guy had the massive hots for the lady but held back because the fireworks may just prove to be lethal

hehe, well, yes, I guess that's one way it could turn out to be BUT (of course there's one of them here too ) I have to wonder whether A's 26 isn't related to your 56 . . 56 is often about unstable places/sites, relations running hot&cold, changeable emotions - pretty much what you described as your feelings for A . . So, just for a sec, I'm gonna play devil's advocate and ask whether your unpredictability also plays a part in A's staying put (26)? Just asking


Cause, you know, you began this line of query to find where your emotions begin and others' end but the thing is, with emotions, the line can get so blurred, as, often, there's not really a dividing, but a connecting line, linking all of it together, influences going back and forth . . So what A feels may be just as influenced by your energy as much as yours is influenced by A's
. . see what I'm saying?

 

[precision grace]

Cause, you know, you began this line of query to find where your emotions begin and others' end but the thing is, with emotions, the line can get so blurred, as, often, there's not really a dividing, but a connecting line, linking all of it together, influences going back and forth . . So what A feels may be just as influenced by your energy as much as yours is influenced by A's
. . see what I'm saying?

I need to tattoo that on my arm!

:bows::bows::bows::bows::bows::bows::bows:

 

[precision grace]

Hello, yearly update..

so, nothing really happened..or, well, things happened obviously, but nothing As Such.

At least I have got handle on my feelings as regards B. I know where I stand even if it's not entirely clear where he stood, stands or will stand. I'm happy to know where I'm at.

With A things are still going to and fro, or have been, but soon, that will all be behind me due to change in circumstances, so I thought it was about time to settle that one within myself too. However this one is not that easy, so once again, I asked Yi:

What is the nature of my feelings for A? 53.5.6 > 15
I am ashamed I actually like him *that way*

What is the nature of A's feelings for me? 33.2.5.6 > 32
He is firmly retreated from me.

Sounds about right.

What was my lesson here? 42.2 > 61

Eh?

 

[goddessliss]

Hey Precision Grace - the lesson is you got reflected back to you, your inner spark. - Liss

 

[precision grace]

Thank you for your comment Liss; I am not sure I really understand what you meant there.

I am also not at all sure what this lesson is about. And why do I have to feel so complicated about this person and our every interaction.
For example, today, after a five minute chat I felt sufficiently disquieted to consult Yi, just do a pulse check of the situation as it were, and asked

X and I at that moment (what was that): 29.5.6 > 4

So, 29.6 is a pretty horrible line which of course sent me into a frenzied seance of questions
What should I know about my relation to X 60.2.5.6 > 27 (it could be about the favour I am doing for him which involves corrections, so that would be quite simple; watch the limitations and how I use the language, but of course 60.2 and 60.6 are so unpleasant I have to keep digging)

What if I avoid X completely from now on? 3.2.6 > 61 (ok, so obviously that's not it)

What does J want from me at this point? 64.4 > 4 (he is an angel without fault it would seem)

So, it's clearly me, I am doing something wrong, what is it? 49.3 > 17

What change? Mine or his? Or something else. Oh I don't know, this thing is doing my head in. I keep thinking it's something I should just ignore but then I get these poignant readings and that makes me think I should pay more attention and that this is something important I should do something about.

I feel like I have asked all the questions that make any sense and I still don't understand anything about this and it doesn't feel like it's something that I should just left fizzle out either.


Does anyone have a suggestion for a really good pointed question that may help me zero in on what I need to figure out here?

 

[Tohpol]

So, it's clearly me, I am doing something wrong, what is it? 49.3 > 17

That seems to be a key reading in my view. If you disengage for a while and stop trying to understand, let your emotions subside and just try to be you, then clarity will arrive. I know that's not a very satisfying answer but it's often what's needed in these situations...(Oh the stories I could tell..lol)

For a revolution in understanding leading to the action that you're seeking, it needs to do the rounds for a while. Give it more time for the situation to evolve. I don't think it necessarily means ignore it or let it fizzle out as you say, but just allow something to emerge without your emotional static interfering for now. 17 says follow and adapt to the situation.

I really sympathize with the "frenzied seance of questions" . That can definitely lead to gritted teeth.

You might want to ask: How can I best resolve my confusion regarding X and J?

 

[goddessliss]

He doesn't recognise your true heart - do you? - Liss

 

[precision grace]

He doesn't recognise your true heart - do you? - Liss

I think he does recognise it and takes advantage of it whenever suits him.

 

[precision grace]

So, it's clearly me, I am doing something wrong, what is it? 49.3 > 17

That seems to be a key reading in my view. If you disengage for a while and stop trying to understand, let your emotions subside and just try to be you, then clarity will arrive. I know that's not a very satisfying answer but it's often what's needed in these situations...(Oh the stories I could tell..lol)

17 says follow and adapt to the situation.

I really sympathize with the "frenzied seance of questions" . That can definitely lead to gritted teeth.

You might want to ask: How can I best resolve my confusion regarding X and J?

Thank you topal!

I have been trying desperately to disengage, but, as you must know from your own experience, one doesn't always have full control of these things. Anyway, giving up trying to understand is at least something I can attempt. I just don't want to let myself be accidentally hurt. It seems to happen a lot these days.

X and J are the same person lol!

I did ask how can I resolve my feelings about this and received 4.1.5 > 61
I guess I just have to endure it until, one day, a lesson has been arrived at ..

 

[Tohpol]

That's a great reading I'd say,very fresh and hopeful.

Line 1: let go. And if you can't disengage completely try and keep to the mean.
Line 5: An attitude of innocent acceptance, a stance that will be rewarded.

61: TRUST.

Get out of the way (as much as possible) and let the Universe organise things for you.

That said, I know it's not easy. Been there many times.