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Fabimdp

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My mom is in town after several months. She has a very toxic personality. She awakens anger and resentment in me. She wants to see me and my son at all cost. I asked for advice . I got 32 lines 1 and 4 turning into 11.I think the main advice is to spend not too much nor too little energy on the matter. Any other ideas?
 

pooja123

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If I use the Wen wang gua, and it is best to see her after October 8th. Current stars are volatile. Creating anger and frustrations. The reunion should be best After 8th or on the 11th, as line 4 hex 32 changing to line 4 hex 11 goes to show a fruitful union where you have better control of the situation.
 

pooja123

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hex 11 line 4, the outcome "COMMENTARY" from James dekorne

Confucius/Legge: Both she and her neighbors are out of their real place where they are. This is what they have desired in the core of their hearts. Wilhelm/ Baynes: All of them have lost what is real. He desires it in the depths of his heart. Blofeld: His running to and fro and his lack of riches are due to his idealism. He preserves his faith in others because in his heart of hearts he WANTS to trust them. Ritsema/Karcher: Altogether letting-go substance indeed. Centering the heart desiring indeed. Cleary (2): Being unsettled and not prospering are both due to loss of the real. Exercise of sincerity without caution is the heart’s true desire. Wu: He is destined to remain empty … Because his willingness to share comes from his heart.

Legge: The subjects of the fourth and other yin lines of the upper trigram are not to be seen as opponents of the yang lines in the lower trigram, but as their correlates. They are of one heart and mind to maintain the state of Harmony, and humbly and readily yield their power to the yang lines below. Chu Hsi says that the upper lines "have lost their substantiality." As magnetic lines, their proper place is below.
 
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Fabimdp

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I saw that! She never says how long she is going to stay and she never does for more than 2 or 3 days
 

sylvia1ching

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My mom is in town after several months. She has a very toxic personality. She awakens anger and resentment in me. She wants to see me and my son at all cost. I asked for advice . I got 32 lines 1 and 4 turning into 11.I think the main advice is to spend not too much nor too little energy on the matter. Any other ideas?

Fabimdp

What is your question exactly? I can infer that you are asking the Yi how to handle yourself during the time your mother is staying with you?

HEX 32: DURATION

You question is two fold. It is not only how long you must endure the time she is here but how much longer must you endure the emotions and toxicity of your mothers imposition in your life./

1. HOW LONG WILL I NEED TO ENDURE MY MOTHER VISITY?
2. HOW MUCH LONGER MUST I CONTINUE TO ENDURE THE EMOTIONS AND TOXICITY OF MY MOTHER? HOW LONG MUST I CONTINUE TO ENDURE HER IMPOSITION IN MY LIFE?


I am going to address question 2 because short of death you have no other way at this time to address this. I think you want to have a way to handle a very difficult relationship.

HEXAGRAM32: DURATION

Duration by definition is the following:
1. continuance in time
2.the time during which something exists

CHE-The Arousing Thunder/eldest son above SUN - The Gentle Wind/ eldest daughter
Thunder and wind are always present together. One is not without the other. They are "constantly paired phenomen" (Wilhelm, 1997, 126)

Tthat quote alone is so cliched because as long as your mother exists you will never be free of her. You will ALWAYS be her child... so you must learn how to endure this.. sorry you are stuck with her for life. But the real question is around this is how do you get to set boundaries and be responsible for your relationship with your mother and still love her. You are responsible for the relationship you create Unless I am mistakened and I have to ask ….are you still a minor? It is possible.

So given that you are an adult and as difficult it is to maneuver in relationships with family who can be toxic I want to empower you by making YOU responsible for the relationship you create with your mother

I will follow up with an full interpretation that will give you something to ponder. I will follow up in a couple hours. I am in the US and you are in KLP. I promise to follow through
 

sylvia1ching

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1. HOW LONG WILL I NEED TO ENDURE MY MOTHER VISITY?
2. HOW MUCH LONGER MUST I CONTINUE TO ENDURE THE EMOTIONS AND TOXICITY OF MY MOTHER?
3. HOW LONGER MUST I CONTINUE TO ENDURE HER IMPOSITION IN MY LIFE?

I am going to address question 2/3 because short of death you have no other way at this time to address this. Reflecting on your post, my impression is that it is difficult to say no to her, difficult to ask for what you want and it is impossible for you to hide from her. I glean from you concerns she is very persistent. I have found in my own relationship with my mother, when she was alive, it very difficult and very confusing. She could be 10,000 miles away and if my mother did not agree ANY ASPECT OF MY LIFE I could almost feel her reach through the phone and put me in time out.

HEXAGRAM32: DURATION

Duration by definition is the following (Merriam-Webster website):
1. continuance in time
2. the time during which something exists

CHEN-The Arousing Thunder/eldest son above SUN - The Gentle Wind/ eldest daughter

Thunder and wind are always present together. One is not without the other at the right time. They are "constantly paired phenomena" (Wilhelm, 1997, 126). The relationship between CHEN/eldest son/man/husband/ and SUN/eldest daughter/woman/wife is like the relationship between a son and his mother.

While he is still a minor/unmarried/living at home the son is “subordinate”, obedient and docile to the mother and father. The son does not have many choices and any choice he wants he must ask first if he can/may. Once the son is married, his primary responsibility shifts from his mother to his wife. All of his life up to then has been subject to his mother’s influence. Suddenly he becomes the head of the household and is expected to lead/protect/provide his wife and family. Ultimately, parents and especially mothers will always see you as their child where she is the only person in the world will love you no matter what you do.

The evolution of the relationship with parents can be healthy and transformational AND/OR difficult and toxic.


THE JUDGEMENT
DURATION. Success. No blame.
Perseverance furthers.
It furthers one to have somewhere to go.

Duration as describe in Wilhelm translation as the following:
Duration is in a state of motion where nothing inhibits its motion or can encumber its movement in any way. Here duration is a “force” that is self-perpetuating and self-sufficient. It is guided by the immutable laws that include the changing of the season, the waxing and waning of the moon, the sun rises in the east and set in the west to identify. It also implies that the end is now a new beginning and the beginning is now an end. Change and transformation define the natural laws yet the are immobile and resistant to changing directions. The idea that these natural laws are stuck in their ways but in perpetual motion of change.

Man is the same. He continues change but the direction of change or choices are dependent on rules that are founded in his values as they pertain to morality and what man identifies as important for him to make choices that transfer in action that affect the world.

THE IMAGE
Thunder and wind: the image of DURATION.
Thus the superior man stands firm
And does not change his direction.

Duration is defined by what an individual believes is significant, important in life. This is different from person to person. What you observe, experience, and do in life gives meaning to life and how one views the world. These are values that define each person’s nature and morals that determines how one responds to of life challenges. These values are with us our entire life so man creates duration through how he assesses his life through choices he makes everyday.

Thunder and Wind are always together at the right time. The represent movement that extreme. Wind perpetuates everyway and influences everything it comes in contact. Thunder is specific to its location and creates a intense effect in its intention. They to not endure in the actual movement but the criteria/law that evoke them endure. There are specific environments and circumstances that are predictable and certain that bring together and have them create an effect on all life forms.

“What endures is the unswerving directive, the inner law of his being, which determines all of his actions.” (Wilhelm, 1997, p 127)

Line 1:
Six at the beginning means:
Seeking duration too hastily brings misfortune persistently.
Nothing that would further.


My impression of line 1 as it relates to you is the following:
You have a great desire to be free of the toxic relationship you have with your mother. Your experience of her is she is overbearing in her demands of your time. She does not acknowledge what you want and is insensitive or ignores your wishes when you express them. It seems that when she is in your presence she has a way of taking over and being demanding. She does not always approve of your actions, choices, and desires and possibly manipulates you into what she wants for you. Again, I am making some general deductions based on what you discussed in the forum. If I am out of line please let me know.

Given that these issues were not developed overnight it is difficult to identify the root of the issues and if you did how would handle it. They have endured and have duration in the effect they have on you in your life. The conflict within you or anyone else is how to get what you need and want from her without being reprimanded, dismissed, guilted…how does anyone speak up against someone that has such an overwhelming impact on your life. So based on what you believe you can do or given permission to do, it is easier for you to want to avoid her all together. At the same time it does not seem like the right thing to do therefore the option is to limit the time with her. This brings on a feeling of dread too because all of concerns still exist but the only difference is that you are willing to tolerate short periods of time so that you are a dutiful son and you do not totally loose your mind during these short visits.

It must be like riding a roller coaster when she is present. Once you get over the initial big hill as you “click, click, click” up the rails, white knuckled, and totally uncertain of what the ride will be. You know you are not going to die but frustration, anxiety, and uncertainty overcome you and you endure the ride to only find yourself at the end of the ride pissed off because she got you on that ride AGAIN!

In order to do change this you must break it down into smaller components or choices allow you to make the changes you want in your relationship with your mother and ultimately your life. You need to ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do I want to have a relationship with my mother that is mutually respectful?’
2. What is it about her that has me experience her has being toxic?
3. What is it that I BELIEVE OR DECIDED about her that has me experience her as toxic?
4. What is it that I want from my relationship my mother or even do I want a relationship with my mother?
There are more..

Line 4:
Nine in the fourth place means:
No game in the field.


I am going to use the following metaphor to explain Line 4:

My impression of your forum question is that I do not sense she knows she is being toxic in your life… We all make assumptions and misinterpretations of our love ones actions and then we build a huge story around it and before they know (and they have no clue or will never know it) you/I have decided that they are doing something intentionally to undermine you. It is not that it is NOT POSSIBLE but since one has made all of the decisions without conferencing with the other person… one has been detective, district attorney, judge, jury and executioner. At some point it is brought to their attention that they have been executed out of your life… you observe them as if they are on the table about to receive the final injection in great confusion professing their innocence… and never knowing how they got there. ( I speak from experience as the one who is “Dead Man Walking”)

To add to it if you are not seeking out a solution you will never get out from under this oppressive feeling. One aspect of the family is to teach the children how to relate and relationships. Not everyone has role models that completely prepare you but at some point you must decide to take responsibility of your life so that you are not burden with unnecessary and disruptive emotions and thoughts.

“No game in the field” suggests to me that your mother may not have a complete understanding of your wishes and so she does not know where or what playing field she is supposed to be on…

It sounds like a difficult situation and until you address it which is solely dependent on you. It will continue to remain in stagnant and intendable situation. It is time to define boundaries and to speak up for yourself and hold your position. Identify what you want, do not compromise your boundaries, and be true to yourself.

HEX 11 PEACE..

Should you take on such an amazing, potentially transforming task … the task of asking for what you want (given that what you want is reasonable, right in its intent, and correct in how you achieve it) you will create love. It may mean that you eliminate her from your life or you redefine your relationship with your mother … either way you create love and specifically loving and caring for yourself first.

 
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Fabimdp

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Hi Sylvia1chingI am 51 years old and my mom is 74. I have been and I am in this toxic situation since I was born. And you are right, I will be until she or I cease to exist. I can be responsible for what I create, that is true. She is as flexible as a wall can be. I need to be able to feel all the frustration and pain I haven´t felt in all these years. It is all stuck in my throat. I don´t mean to yeall at her or tell her how I feel, but to be able to express and feel it without falling apart, if possible.
 
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Fabimdp

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Hi Sylvia1chingI am 51 years old and my mom is 74. I have been and I am in this toxic situation since I was born. And you are right, I will be until she or I cease to exist. I can be responsible for what I create, that is true. She is as flexible as a wall can be. I need to be able to feel all the frustration and pain I haven´t felt in all these years. It is all stuck in my throat. I don´t mean to yeall at her or tell her how I feel, but to be able to express and feel it without falling apart, if possible.
 

sylvia1ching

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Hi Sylvia1chingI am 51 years old and my mom is 74. I have been and I am in this toxic situation since I was born. And you are right, I will be until she or I cease to exist. I can be responsible for what I create, that is true. She is as flexible as a wall can be. I need to be able to feel all the frustration and pain I haven´t felt in all these years. It is all stuck in my throat. I don´t mean to yeall at her or tell her how I feel, but to be able to express and feel it without falling apart, if possible.
Kula Lumpur = KLP in the oil and gas businessFabimdpI only give an interpretation and both options were there. Duration applies to both. You have duration in your resolve. I get it. I lost my mother in 2016. I am 51 years old and my mother passed away when I was 48 and she was 73. I had to come the same resolve as you have. I understand completely. So i am not speaking from lack experience... My mother had an way of always sabotaging me. In my successes there was always that thing where she would plant a negative in my mind. Now that she is dead... i would give anything to have that crazy annoying woman here with me. I would do the thing that i suggested to you. I could overlook the crap and i would set my boundaries. i would do anything and everything it took. that woman who was such a selfish woman and narcissistic woman i miss her so much. I would not allow her to sabotage and I would accept her as she is and let her believe she is manipulating... I would not careI am suggesting you should. I lost my father 2014 and my mother 2016 and I was free. All their hooks were gone. Imagine what a hole would have if you did not have the struggle you have with your mother.I hope that i was at least interesting. i am not trying to change your mind.Sylvia
 
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Freedda

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My mom ... has a very toxic personality. She awakens anger and resentment in me. She wants to see me and my son ... I asked for advice . I got 32 lines 1 and 4 turning into 11 ...
Fabimdp, it seems that others here have gone to great lengths to interpret your question, but it seems to me that what you are asking is:

'I'd like some advice on how to best deal with my mom' (and perhaps specifically during this time when she wants to visit with you?)

Is that about it, or did you ask something else, and I'm perhaps misinterpreting what you said?
 
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sylvia1ching

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i agree it is a great length of words and ppssibly lost its effectiveness...and the basic question is just that how does one handle Mom, although may be lost. it is not about how to please Mom because that is what she wants.
 

Trojina

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My mom is in town after several months. She has a very toxic personality. She awakens anger and resentment in me. She wants to see me and my son at all cost. I asked for advice . I got 32 lines 1 and 4 turning into 11.I think the main advice is to spend not too much nor too little energy on the matter. Any other ideas?

My take on the reading is that the anticipation of how it will be with her is actually worse than the reality. In 32.1 we kind of want things settled now, we are already trying to live in a future that hasn't happened yet. This doesn't help you and it doesn't help you to get too stuck in just one idea or picture of her because it may not be quite as you think (32.4)


I agree with your interpretation in a sense. I think the more thought you put into how bad this is going to be the worse it gets. 32, Continuing. You have an idea she will go on as she always has done but however unlikely it seems it doesn't look to me as if she is quite as settled in old harmful patterns as it may appear. The 11 there confirms there is fresh new energy sweeping through this situation - through you at least.


You don't need to feel as powerless about this as you used to. Change can always happen. Also try to not to imagine this is going to be just as it always is. I think Yi is saying it's too early in 32.1 to take any kind of entrenched position about it. See if you can lighten your grip on it, don't dwell on it and also be confident about change both in you and in her. The 11 there goes to show good influences are getting stronger, harmful ones are getting weaker. I think you are in a stronger position than you imagine and I think change is possible here and that old patterns will change or the balance of power will whereby you'll actually feel much more comfortable because the power balance shifts.
 

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