Friend is behaving strangely

[kyle1969]

Hello!

I am new at the iching. I was very close to a friend for a few years.We drifted apart, then became friends again on facebook. She goes through phases of being very friendly and then literally weeks of being distant.

I asked what does she want from me - I received Hexagram 22 - Grace - unchanging
This usually means a superficial kind of relationship/friendship? Right?

Then I asked if there is anything I can do to influence the situation?

I received Hexagram 25 - Wu Wang - Unexpected - changing at line 2 - this translates as one who reaps without having ploughed, and gathers the produce of his third year's fields without having cultivated them the first year for that end. To such a one there will be advantage in whatever direction he may move.

Then I received Hexagram 19 - treading lightly.

I am very confused. Is this positive or negative? I have some feelings for her. Can someone help me interpret? Thank you

 

[kyle1969]

Sorry it should read Hexagram 10 - Lu Treading lightly as the resulting hexagram

 

[redarmada]

The Yi doesn't deal in "positive" or "negative", except in the most neutral way, like positive and negative magnetic charges; you'll hardly ever get an answer which is an up front "yes" or "no". What you will get is a picture of the changes at work in the situation. Whether it looks good or bad to you is entirely yours to decide- the universe doesn't care.

In regards to H22, Grace/Beauty... I suppose you could see this as referring to superficiality, but I think that has an excessively "bad" connotation (especially to people who think in the Western way, for whom everything has to be *deep* and *serious* to be worthwhile). Perhaps what she wants from you is just something beautiful and enjoyable- an adornment to her life, a friend whose company she enjoys, plain and simple.
This question is also a tricky one consider why you want to pry into her personal emotions, and whether or not you really should be an uninvited guest in her mind? Not to mention, nobody's thoughts are totally constant- she might think one thing and then another, and Hexagram 22 says that the noble one (who you're trying to live up to) has insight into people "without daring to judge". If you really HAVE to know this, you should probably ask her yourself, instead of asking the Yi, and then you'll find out whether or not you're invited.

H25 changing to H10- H25 is about innocence and naturalness. This hexagram reminds me of the Taoists (especially Zhuangzi)- this isn't about trying to make reality fit you, but rather making yourself fit into reality. You're asking whether there's any influence you can have, I think this is a pretty unequivocal answer- "an incorrect attitude brings misfortune through shortsightedness". Line 2 is reinforcing this message- don't plow the dirt up, don't tear the weeds out, you will get what you need by searching in the uncultivated land, that is, in the natural situation. Don't try to force things to be what you want them to be, don't try to construct an artificial friendship- accept the pattern of the friendship and relate to her naturally without preconceptions, show "constancy", and you will experience the harvest of "supreme success".
The relating Hexagram 10 seems to me like an additional warning to be very careful. If you tread too hard on the tiger's tail, you'll get bitten; being gentle, even timid, will create success by preventing this.
"I have some feelings for her"- well, that puts another complexion on things. Do you think she is aware of these feelings? Have you made them known to her? All of these things could play into the situation. And it seems to reflect on H25>10- you have something more than just friendship in mind, and Yi is suggesting that it might be causing you to jeopardize what you have by trying to force it to be what it isn't. Maybe if you tread lightly and don't tear up the wilderness, you'll find something you desire.

That's what I'm seeing. Hope this makes sense in some way, sometimes when I get rolling I type too much.