Getting along in groups because sometimes you've just gotta.... 11.1,2,5>39

[em ching]

Hi,

I'm on a teaching placement in China and sharing the experience with 6 others. 2 guys and 4 girls, who already seem closer to each other. This is all fine. I'm used to feeling the odd one out - often maybe I contribute to this feeling with an overly suspicious mind. But I also know people and groups and factions. I like them all, but I don't trust that there isn't something wrong - dislike behind my back. Even if there is it doesn't matter to me, I know the types of people I can get close to and trust and they say you can only have a handful of true friends, but I will be living with these people, and seeing them everyday - work and play - for the next 4 months. I don't to make any major errors as I have done in the past, or lose myself, and thus their respect, by trying to hard or doing things that make me uncomfortable out of a need to feel liked and accepted. Something it's taken me a while to grow out of. I do generally feel like a much stronger person now though, more self-sufficient and, know myself a bit more, than not long ago... I would also say that on the whole I'm definitely having fun with them! just can't shake that feeling too...

I asked, why do I find it difficult to be liked and accepted in groups?
11.1,2,5 > 39

There is one girl here who I'm sure didn't like me when we first met. She's warming up a bit now but is still blowing hot and cold.

11.1 I think could be saying don't force it. I know there's people out there I do connect with and trust to rally around me.
11.2 Could this be saying I need to/will anyway because I'm a natural diplomat usually, stay in the middle? Be neutral. At present people I do connect with properly are not at hand, so I must work with them here, but not get too involved. I do socialize and enjoy their company but I don't seem to need it as much as others, and I don't feel as included as the rest.
11.5 Is about a union of high and low...
39 I've heard is about being obstructed and friends not being able to or not seeing it as in their interest to help someone who is being opposed, so they don't come to your aid? Maybe some do and some don't like me in this group, I can guess who... There are a couple of them I think are genuine but another couple who blow hot and cold. But I can be Miss over-sensitive in these situations. But I can also recognise certain types...

I'm not feeling too upset by this but I'd like to know what it is I do, why people dismiss me, or think it's ok to treat me as... minor. I'm not being Mrs self-pitying here, or even paranoid, but people do often talk to me sometimes in a tone they wouldn't with another. I'm not sure if it's me giving and impression of neediness, weakness, weirdness, aloofness, maybe even arrogance? That makes it feel that I can never fit in with groups, not that I even particularly want to anymore, but it would be good to feel respected, and like a presence rather than side lined. Lol, I'm being melodramatic here - it isn't that bad - but you know what I mean? And to not always be so nice to everyone, or at least a push over. I think I will always be a bit of a loner and I'm finally fine with that. Maybe it's just that people can sense that?

What do you see in this reading say re. the issue of fitting in - being an individual while also a full member of a group?

Thanks,
Em

 

[willowfox]

This reading suggests that some people think or see that you are different in some way to them, it could be your educational level, your family background, your upper class accent etc.

But this answer suggests just don't worry about it, as it should make you so much more self reliant and sufficient, who needs others when you can do it all yourself.

Anyway, you don't go to China and just make friends with a few British people that you have travelled with, you go out and make friends with the Chinese people.

 

[owl_]

Hi,

I've been looking at those lines in Lise's site:

http://www.yijing.nl

They seem to be telling you to be who you are and flow with the world around you, learn from everything without getting too entangled and let life happen, being the best you can for the sake of it. Others and their opinions shouldn't be so important.

Sometimes this is easier said than done, but if you focus on your step and open up to the new possibilities this new experience of living abroad is bringing to you there might be many other interesting things to engage with other than a tiny group of collegues which happen to be there as well. Don't limit yourself.

Again, from Lise's site, 39 "Cold feet":
" If the whole world is cold, hostile and frustrating, then it is obvious you are obediently following the paths of the world.
Leaving them is frightening; you will be alone, without protection, shelter or comfort.
But if you do leave them, you will find protection, shelter and comfort within yourself, and after a while also around yourself. Make your own shelter and you will find shelter. Make place for friends and you will find friends.
Life is not what life is; life is what you make it. "

All the best :bows:

 

[em ching]

Hi - both thanks very much!
Yeah Willowfox - that is true! I would like to make some Chinese friends - especially as I've been told they're great to watch singing karaoke! Here the karaoke bars are separated into booths to keep groups of friends separate which is a shame - apparently it's to stop fights breaking out! Also the few teachers here that do speak some English are always working and can't come out with us!

I do feel far more self-sufficient these days too, and less inclined to want to do things that don't accord with me, just to 'fit in'. I am not so afraid to go off on my own more, if that's what I want to do. But I also enjoy the company too!

So yeah - I will walk in the middle and not stress it. Yes owl others and their opinions shouldn't be so important because they're only transitory! I won't limit myself. Everyone's different but if you can be yourself, you find those that you have an affinity with.

I like Lise's interpretation of hex 39 - I read it when in another sort of group problem situation, which this needn't be this time by the way if I can be true to myself!
It seems to be saying that we don't need what we think we need - ie. the admiration of the crowd. We can support ourselves. And that in turn supports the group I guess!

Thanks :bows: