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esolo

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There's a guy at work who's quite a bit younger than I am. I like him and he seems interested. However, I don't know about the age difference. It feels weird and I don't know if it's a smart move to entertain this. This isn't the first time I've had younger men approach me because I look at least 10 years younger than I actually am. It is the first time I've considered it though.

I asked how he feels about me as a romantic partner:

3 (lines2.3.4) -> 43

Line 2

‘Now sprouting, now hesitating, now driving a team of horses.
Not robbers at all, but marital allies.
The child-woman’s constancy – no children.
Ten years go by, then there are children.’

My interp: He's interested. Sees me as younger than I am "the child-woman".

Line 3

‘Pursuing a stag with no forester,
Simply entering into the centre of the forest.
A noble one reads the subtle signs and sets this aside.
Going on: shame.’

My interp: He sees this as perhaps something that he shouldn't do.

Line 4

‘Driving a full team of horses, seeking marital alliance.
Going on, good fortune – nothing that does not bear fruit.’

My interp: There's some interest here.

Overall interp: He's interested but probably thinks it's as foolish as I do.

Any other ideas would be much appreciated.
 

foxx777

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There's a guy at work who's quite a bit younger than I am. I like him and he seems interested. However, I don't know about the age difference. It feels weird and I don't know if it's a smart move to entertain this. This isn't the first time I've had younger men approach me because I look at least 10 years younger than I actually am. It is the first time I've considered it though.

I asked how he feels about me as a romantic partner:

3 (lines2.3.4) -> 43

Line 2

‘Now sprouting, now hesitating, now driving a team of horses.
Not robbers at all, but marital allies.
The child-woman’s constancy – no children.
Ten years go by, then there are children.’

My interp: He's interested. Sees me as younger than I am "the child-woman".

Line 3

‘Pursuing a stag with no forester,
Simply entering into the centre of the forest.
A noble one reads the subtle signs and sets this aside.
Going on: shame.’

My interp: He sees this as perhaps something that he shouldn't do.

Line 4

‘Driving a full team of horses, seeking marital alliance.
Going on, good fortune – nothing that does not bear fruit.’

My interp: There's some interest here.

Overall interp: He's interested but probably thinks it's as foolish as I do.

Any other ideas would be much appreciated.
If you are young for your age, I do not think a relationship would be foolish. Many women these days are with younger men.

Also, in line 3, i think YOU are the one "pursuing a stag" ( he is the young male deer) and maybe it is your own sense of worry or propriety which is causing you to feel you would "get lost" in the pursuit?


My take:

3. Difficulties

Line 2:

Difficulties bring things to a dead end.
Carriage and horses are separated.
It is not enmity, but a love marriage.
The young woman persists, and does not betroth.
In ten years, then she betroths.

Things have come to an impasse because of difficulties. One is cut off from something essential. There may be some differences of opinion, that will however not lead to separation. Things will get a fresh start when the time is right for that, which will however not be any time soon.the age difference may be causing an adjounrment, but it is only temporary hesitation; it need not be permanent...

Line 3:

Being close to deer without preparation.
Thinking about going into the midst of the woods.
The noble one almost doesn't seem to stop.
Going is inadequate.

A special opportunity presents itself, that one isn't prepared for. To make use of it, one would need to go deep into an unknown situation. This is not a good idea, one needs to resist the temptation.perhaps neither of you feels prepared?

Line 4:

Carriage and horses are separated.
Seeking a love marriage.
Going brings good fortune, without disadvantage.

One is cut off from something essential, and is seeking a satisfying union elsewhere to do something about it. Things will go well if one takes action, there is no disadavantage to doing so.Perhaps both of you feel the need to be with someone your own age, although I would not see age alone as forcing either of you to look elsewhere. This may simply mirror your/his respective frames of mind??? Or could it be that neither of you are finding an appropriate mate your own ages, hence, it is not wrong to seek each other now? This latter may actually be a more apt interpretation.



Hexagram is changing to:

43. Deciding

Deciding.
Making it known at the king's court.
Crying out the truth is dangerous.
Telling the city oneself,
it is a disadvantage to be close to battle.
It is beneficial to have a goal to move to.

A decision. To inform others about the decision, it is best to tell key people first. It is not a good idea to bluntly tell the truth, or to get aggressive about this. Having a positive purpose in mind will work better. It is good to have a plan.It may be that one or both of you has to really decide to rule in favor of a relationship?
 
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esolo

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Or could it be that neither of you are finding an appropriate mate your own ages, hence, it is not wrong to seek each other now? This latter may actually be a more apt interpretation.

I think you're right. I definitely have that problem and I think it's very possible that he has it as well. It would make sense given the situation here.

I think my sense of propriety is definitely going to have difficulty with this. This is a younger man who has never been married and I feel that he should find someone closer to his own age so that he can have a family with her. It feels wrong that he should waste his time on me. Of course, if he's lonely I understand and I suppose that it could be a temporary solution as I feel lonely as well. I just hope I never run into his mother. I hope she didn't have him at a very young age.
 

foxx777

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Or could it be that neither of you are finding an appropriate mate your own ages, hence, it is not wrong to seek each other now? This latter may actually be a more apt interpretation.

I think you're right. I definitely have that problem and I think it's very possible that he has it as well. It would make sense given the situation here.

I think my sense of propriety is definitely going to have difficulty with this. This is a younger man who has never been married and I feel that he should find someone closer to his own age so that he can have a family with her. It feels wrong that he should waste his time on me. Of course, if he's lonely I understand and I suppose that it could be a temporary solution as I feel lonely as well. I just hope I never run into his mother. I hope she didn't have him at a very young age.
Yes, try to avoid his mother.:rofl: But you know, first of all, it could be beneficial to you both even if it is transitional and temporary. Second, there ARE guys that do not want to have kids. I know a couple where the guy was 32, the woman, 56, and they married, with a 24 year age difference. They are still together and happy, so who knows?:rolleyes:
 

esolo

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Second, there ARE guys that do not want to have kids.

I suppose if we hurry up there's still time. However, just thinking about that seems perverse. I think I'm too straight-laced for this. I can see that I have set ideas about how things should be that are proving difficult to overcome.

Just to be clear..

You do see this reading on how he feels about me as a romantic partner as more or less positive, correct? Overall this is how I read it. Some reservations there but he appears to be interested in me in that way, right? I don't think it's all in my head.

My problem is that I'm always attracting men who are much younger or much older. I can't seem to ever hit the mark and attract a man around my own age. It's a bit disconcerting.
 

foxx777

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Second, there ARE guys that do not want to have kids.

I suppose if we hurry up there's still time. However, just thinking about that seems perverse. I think I'm too straight-laced for this. I can see that I have set ideas about how things should be that are proving difficult to overcome.

Just to be clear..

You do see this reading on how he feels about me as a romantic partner as more or less positive, correct? Overall this is how I read it. Some reservations there but he appears to be interested in me in that way, right? I don't think it's all in my head.

My problem is that I'm always attracting men who are much younger or much older. I can't seem to ever hit the mark and attract a man around my own age. It's a bit disconcerting.
Oh, yes, I do see this as very positive, and I hope my remarks and yi jing passages concerning your oracle have conveyed that. :)

Difficulties bring things to a dead end.
Carriage and horses are separated.
It is not enmity, but a love marriage.
The young woman persists, and does not betroth.
In ten years, then she betroths.


Plus, I was trying to point out there there may NOT any reason to hurry, because he may not want children (if things should reach this point). Something to ponder, or ask about if it should reach a point at which such a discussion would naturally arise...

Yes, I can see why it may be disconcerting to you, but there is also a new perspective from which you might view it. And in our era, this seems to be becoming more common (age differences in marriage, in particular, older women/younger men)---Do you mind my asking what the age difference actually is? If you would rather not say, of course that is fine, just wondering....:rolleyes:
 
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esolo

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Late 20s and late 40s.

This is happening because I look very young for my age. I can easily pass for someone 10-15 years younger. So, these younger men initially make that mistake. They think that I'm much younger, probably only a bit older than they are. That's what happened here. But, I made my age clear this time and it didn't stop him.

I have friends who think that I should be happy about this. However, it's a kind of burden actually because it can place me in these awkward situations. I don't want to be "the older woman" - not this much older anyway! This is nuts. I'm not a "cougar".

I've dated men 15 years older and everyone thought they were my father and to be honest they seemed old to me.

I suppose I'll muddle through this somehow.
 
C

cjgait

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It's not the age difference, but how it is perceived

In the system I use the only text read for 3-->43 is line 3. So you feel that you have no moral exemplar to point the way for you in this situation and thus are 'out to sea'. If I received this answer I would be inclined to caution in pursuing the relationship.
 

notatirem

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I read this as there is a spark there for sure, he is physically attracted to you but hesitates because he assumes you are unavailable. 43 implies a big build up before anything comes to a head. Enjoy the sexual tension for what it is.
 

foxx777

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Late 20s and late 40s.

This is happening because I look very young for my age. I can easily pass for someone 10-15 years younger. So, these younger men initially make that mistake. They think that I'm much younger, probably only a bit older than they are. That's what happened here. But, I made my age clear this time and it didn't stop him.

I have friends who think that I should be happy about this. However, it's a kind of burden actually because it can place me in these awkward situations. I don't want to be "the older woman" - not this much older anyway! This is nuts. I'm not a "cougar".

I've dated men 15 years older and everyone thought they were my father and to be honest they seemed old to me.

I suppose I'll muddle through this somehow.
Well, since you look young, then of course you will attract younger people, for what it is worth. In any case, it's a nice compliment! :) My sister is 49 and people often think she is 35, same type of thing.

I know what you mean about the cougar thing, you do not want to be "the older woman". However, in a special situation, that would not have to be the case: After all, it is not like you ARE some "cougar" who deliberately seeks younger men. This just happened.:eek:

I think for a person with your kind of values (i.e., it sounds like you like to stick to traditional things and not go off for "far out' things, hence line 3, and I think this is very reasonable) it makes sense to be cautious. But if this has some special potential, you will see it in time.

I guess a good rule of thumb would be:
1. Listen to what line 3 is saying (which obviously reflects your natural reaction)
2. But keep an open mind in case this particular relationship is somehow "meant to be"; in case it has some potential in which age does not matter in this case.
 

foxx777

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By the way, why not try asking the I Ching, "Does age not matter in this case, and am I being asked to take a different view, or should I just stick to my normal reaction?" or something like that, anyway ;)---because as I follow the Jungian protocol in which ALL changing lines are taken into account, I believe this line would seem to be asking you to gain a new perspective:

Line 4

‘Driving a full team of horses, seeking marital alliance.
Going on, good fortune – nothing that does not bear fruit.’
 

esolo

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By the way, why not try asking the I Ching, "Does age not matter in this case, and am I being asked to take a different view, or should I just stick to my normal reaction?" or something like that, anyway ;)---because as I follow the Jungian protocol in which ALL changing lines are taken into account, I believe this line would seem to be asking you to gain a new perspective:

Line 4

‘Driving a full team of horses, seeking marital alliance.
Going on, good fortune – nothing that does not bear fruit.’

I asked how he sees the age difference between us and got this:

50 (lines 2.3.5) -> 12

I think the 50 indicates that he feels that there IS something here. However, I think that lines 2 and 3 and the resulting 12 indicate that he also sees a bit of a problem.

Really, I'm ready to just nip this in the bud and say "no" to it. I'm sort of surprised that the Yi sees it as positive in any way. He's a really sweet guy and I'm very attracted to him. However, it feels weird and wrong. Maybe I'll change my mind but that's the way I feel right now.
 

foxx777

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I asked how he sees the age difference between us and got this:

50 (lines 2.3.5) -> 12

I think the 50 indicates that he feels that there IS something here. However, I think that lines 2 and 3 and the resulting 12 indicate that he also sees a bit of a problem.

Really, I'm ready to just nip this in the bud and say "no" to it. I'm sort of surprised that the Yi sees it as positive in any way. He's a really sweet guy and I'm very attracted to him. However, it feels weird and wrong. Maybe I'll change my mind but that's the way I feel right now.
Yes, the I Ching does seem to be presenting it in a somewhat positive light. However, if you feel it is weird, wrong, or whatever, and believe it should be nipped in the bud, you should be true to yourself. I would take 50.3 as having positive future potential, and line 5 as being very auspicious - but as you say, 12 does seem to indicate what you have reservations about. I think since your feelings are so firm, you should trust them.
and line 2 is telling also:
50. The Caldron

Line 2:

The caldron is filled.
My partner is sick, I am not.
Being able to go to eat brings good fortune.

The results of a transformation are available. One must however be in a state to use them, in order to reap the benefits.
(When you're sick, you may not be able to eat.)
It could be saying that he realizes that you cannot partake, because you find the situation in some sense "sick".:eek:
 
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