hearbreak / spiritual growth.... 63.5 > 36

[MoonCatcher]

Hi there guys, I decided to ask the Yi a question you may find odd.

“Is another heartbreak necessary for my spiritual growth?”

I got ...... 63.5 > 36

The reason I ask this is, I’ve had far too many relationships and have been stuck in a pattern. I’ve hurt myself and many people with my inability to face reality. I.e not being true to myself and what my gut / logic told me in the beginning. So I’ve entered relationships for the wrong reasons… mainly addiction to needing love.

In short, I’ve kept up the facade of an emotional independence and I’ve kept my needy personality under control - none of my ex’s ever knew this side of me. But it’s there. There are many things I want to improve with myself and wish to do so without experiencing heartbreak again.

Again....I’ve started to develop this really sweet friendship / romantic relationship... this time with someone truly special and I just want to be a better person for him. I.e non possessive, judgemental, needy … but the better me which I frigging know is there!!…. But I'm not there yet, due to this paranoia I can't help thinking something will go wrong.

So 63... already across... could line 5 be saying I'm overthinking this? What about 36? Could this represent the hidden brightness inside me staying like this for a while?

Sorry for the long post. Appreciate your help!

 

[rosada]

Bad habits don't change just because we want them too. How many times have we all renounced chocolate or vowed to keep other grandiose New Year's Resolutions? The secret urges go underground and stay hidden from the light for a little while but unless we do something more to support our good intentions the old programing repeats.

I think you are being advised that while more heartbreak isn't necessarily necessary, you must keep in mind you haven't yet stabilized your new way of doing things.

One day at a time...

 

[diamanda]

Similarly to what Rosada said...
Line 63.5 compares an honest small sacrifice, with the unnecessary killing of a whole cow.
Resulting 36 shows what happens if we choose the latter.
There's no need for more heartache for you.

I can't help thinking something will go wrong

Why don't you try the middle way? Just observe, and see if things will go right or wrong.
Wanting love and attachment is a perfectly normal need.
Just keep an eye out to see if he wants the same from you (it takes two to tango!).

 

[MoonCatcher]

Thank you guys!!! Great perspectives. Very insightful and helpful to me.

Rosada - The New Year's resolution analogy - so true!! I see what you're saying about habits being very difficult to change. I know my habits need real work and I haven't had enough time to really deal with them.

"Line 63.5 compares an honest small sacrifice, with the unnecessary killing of a whole cow."

This is an awesome way of seeing it Diamanda - I can see how this is relevant to my question.

 

[loverofknowledge]

Hi, I see 63.5 as saying, the fact that you acknowledge your need for change and growth means that you are "already across". A Self-Sacrifice will be involved, which is a small price to pay for the opening of deeper love. This self-sacrifice is not showy or boastful. It is about self-awareness. This self-sacrifice involves and leads to 36 -- a sometimes uncomfortable and humbling place. You see that you are needy and how it affects somebody else. That confident, strong person -- who is full of light --is dimmed. Yet, in the end, your sacrifice is an opening to what you really want: love.

 

[radiofreewill]

Hi MoonCatcher,

I can highly recommend "Emotional Alchemy" by Tara Bennett-Goleman as a good reference for transforming depleting emotions back into deeply rich human feelings.

Here's a fun bookclub video review: https://youtu.be/k9VwkL1YclY

Many blessings!

 

[MoonCatcher]

Thank you so much for taking the time to give your precious input. It means so much to me.

loverofknowledge - I hope you are right... your interpretation is very uplifting and makes things even clearer. It's inline with what I initially thought.

Thank you radio freewill! Very kind of you to send me these links - I appreciate it!!