help for not giving up the oracle - hexagram 34.1.2.5 to 31

[Shining]

Hello everyone! I have been reading this site for long time and was quite happy understanding I ching, however, my last divination proved so wrong, that now I need your help for not giving up the oracle.

I had a very interesting and nice date with a guy. At the same night he texted me to say how happy he was in meeting me. In the next two days he also texted me and called me three times. We couldn't see each other again because in the day after the date I leave his town. I have plans to be there again in four months and he knew all my plans before meeting me.

So I asked I ching - How will developt my interaction with X? And received 34.1.2.5 changing to 31. I understood that the situation would develop very slowly and 31 showed attraction between us.

The problem is that in the day after his last call I wrote to him and found he was quite cold. Two days later I texted him again and he was still very cold. He never texted me or called me again (in 10 days), just replied the two messages I sent to him.

I confess I am not at all upsed because things didn't go well between us. But I am unhappy because this divination proved so wrong (at least for me) that I don't know how to use the oracle again.

I would apreciate to receive any help about this.

 

[Freedda]

Shining, without getting too much into this, I think it's important to make a distinction between what we think the Yi says (or what we want it to say) versus what it is actually be saying to us. These can sometimes be vastly different things, and lead to vastly different or even confusing understandings.

Looking at your reading in hindsight (and without knowing the details): it seems you have mixed feelings about this guy - that you had a 'nice date' but that things didn't go well between you two?

So, perhaps the answers was saying that you should persist in approaching this person, but to do so with some care - and not in a pushy or bold way (as a head-strong billygoat might!) ....

.... and by doing just that, you got clarity about your relationship - which seems to have answered your original question as far as I can tell: how will things develop between you two? He turned cold and distant so things really aren't developing at all.

Hex. 31 for me is suggesting that you approach this and other relationships with a sense of Reciprocity - that 'give and take' is important to you, and if you don't have it in a relationship (as you didn't have in this last one), then you should look for one where you do: warmth begets warmth; communication beget communication - and so forth.

Best, D

 

[Shining]

Freeda, thank you very much for your reply

Looking at your reading in hindsight (and without knowing the details): it seems you have mixed feelings about this guy - that you had a 'nice date' but that things didn't go well between you two?
Well, the date and the three days later were good, however he stopped contacting me and this is why I said things didn't go well. I didn't have mixed feelings about him, I just changed my feelings according with how he treated me

So, perhaps the answers was saying that you should persist in approaching this person, but to do so with so with some care - and not in a pushy or bold way (as a head-strong billygoat might!) ....
I was very carefull and not pushing at all when contacting him.

.... and by doing just that, you got clarity about your relationship - which seems to have answered your original question as far as I can tell: how will things develop between you two? He turned cold and distant so things really aren't developing at all.
Well, I didn't undestand that from the reading. Ok, I am completely naive, but I understood that if I was low profile and didn't push him, things could have a good development.

Hex. 31 for me is suggesting that you approach this relationhip and others with a sense of Reciprocity - that 'give and take' is important, and if you don't have it in a relationship (as you didn't have in this last one), then you should look for one where you do: warmth begets warmth; communication beget communication - and so forth.
Totally agree and exactly how I did. As soon as I realized he was not interested anymore, I stopped sending him messages.

Best, D
[/QUOTE]

 

[Freedda]

but I understood that if I was low profile and didn't push him, things could have a good development.

Thanks for your reply. Some of this difference of opinion might point to a distinction between the idea of the Yi giving us advice versus the idea of the Yi giving us a glimpse of the future. I am not a big fan of the 'this is how things will turn out' approach, but I do firmly believe that the Yi offers us good advice.

So, seeing it like this, I'd say the Yi gave you good advice about how to approach this relationship. But if you think it was supposed to be giving you a prediction of how things will turn out, then I could see how you might be disappointed.

Best, D

 

[Shining]

I do appreciate your support Freeda, however I am really disappointed. First, I didn't ask Yi how I should behave, but the development of the situation. Second, what Yi told me is exactly how I behave when I am beginning a relationship, nothing new. What is the point of Yi telling something I already know?

 

[Freedda]

I am really disappointed ...

Shining, I'm just giving you my understanding of the reading. And as I said, I don't know all the facts, especially your relationship history and all the details of what happened. And perhaps someone else will have a better understanding of this reading than I.

But I'm still not gettting what it is you find so disappointing in the Yi's response? Perhaps that it didn't shout at you: 'read my lips, this guy is cold and uncaring, and you should get as far away as possible from him!' ?

I often find the Yi gives me useful advice, though I don't always undertand it, nor do I always remember or remember to follow it's advice. And from what you're saying, I cannot see that it's a bad thing to be reminded of what might be our best way to act - even if we know it already. I still find those reminders useful.

I have seen times when someone asked, 'do they love me?' and instead of a yes or no, the Yi gives advice - even unwanted - perhaps something like, 'you really need to stop chasing after people who are not attracted to you,' or something similar. And I can hear people saying, 'I didn't ask for your advice, I asked if this person loves me or not' - when maybe the advice is way more helpful and might actually help them get what they want.

But you feel differently, or perhaps the Yi's not your cup of tea, I just don't know.

Best, D

 

[Shining]

Thank you Freeda

Best regards,

Lígia

 

[marybluesky]

Hello!

34.1 points to the truth and confidence at first; and 34.5 indicates losing the goat without regret.

Why do you consider it wrong?

 

[Shining]

Hi Mary,

I found it wrong because I read the following explanations in some place in this site, for a very similar question:
34.1. Act slow and carefull, otherwise you will waste your energy premature.
34.2. You begin to feel there is an opening, but don´t blurt it out yet. Stay in what is possible in the here and now.
34.5. The situation will prove that there´s no need for hurry or ultimate changes. It will develop, but in it´s own time.

Hexagram 31: well looks promising to me, because it is the hexagram of mutual atraction

You have more power (authority) in this situation than you give yourself credit for. Don´t neglect that. I´m not saying rush into assertive behavior, because the change lines don´t seem to counsel that. But the overall tenor of #34 is that you have power to make the desired changes. There may come a time when you yourself must take the initiative if the relationship will come to fruition, so prepare yourself for that if it arises.

But I will be very happy to be wrong and trust Yi again. It is why I made this post.

Thanks

 

[marybluesky]

Shining, I don't know which explanations are more correct. Just looked at the lines.
And it's up to you to trust (or not) the I Ching again.

 

[Mayorka]

Μy last divination proved so wrong, that now I need your help for not giving up the oracle.

After 10 years of using IChing I can tell you for sure that iching is NEVER wrong. What is wrong is our interpretations sometimes to have the answer we want.

About your cast

34.1.2.5 changing to 31

I don't like at all the line 5, my experience has taught me that this is a line that in relationships show the man losing his partner without regret. So I guess he doesn't mind losing you. I wonder if there is an other woman involved as hexagram 31 shows that the man woos a woman and if she isn't you...or stop any move towards him, let him woo you...

 

[Shining]

Hi Mayorca,

I don't like at all the line 5, my experience has taught me that this is a line that in relationships show the man losing his partner without regret. So I guess he doesn't mind losing you. I wonder if there is an other woman involved as hexagram 31 shows that the man woos a woman and if she isn't you...or stop any move towards him, let him woo you...

This makes lots of sense. He was quite interested and suddenly out of the blue he lost interest.