Help please! 28 & 33.4.5>52

[weather]

I'm in a long term relationship. Things haven't been well lately so I asked 'what would be best for me?'
To continue in this relationship? 28
To break up from this relationship and move on? 33.4.5>52

Haven't got a clear mind at the moment to be able to understand the answers. It seems to me 28 is saying that indeed things are/will continue being difficult if I stay. I can't get 33>52, is it saying retreat from the relationship? or retreat from the thought of breaking up?

Please help!

 

[arabella]

I'm in a long term relationship. Things haven't been well lately so I asked 'what would be best for me?'
To continue in this relationship? 28
To break up from this relationship and move on? 33.4.5>52

Haven't got a clear mind at the moment to be able to understand the answers. It seems to me 28 is saying that indeed things are/will continue being difficult if I stay. I can't get 33>52, is it saying retreat from the relationship? or retreat from the thought of breaking up?

Please help!

I think it's saying you have a place you can retreat to that doesn't destroy your future, your possibility, but retreating to there [a mental place, an emotional place, a physical place?] would be best. You're pushed, stressed, tired of it. Pull back, rest and think about it when you're not so tired. Protect yourself. There is no need, for whatever reason, to implode or explode. You can do this and serve your best interest without making an issue that means everything is finished.

 

[weather]

I think it's saying you have a place you can retreat to that doesn't destroy your future, your possibility, but retreating to there [a mental place, an emotional place, a physical place?] would be best. You're pushed, stressed, tired of it. Pull back, rest and think about it when you're not so tired. Protect yourself. There is no need, for whatever reason, to implode or explode. You can do this and serve your best interest without making an issue that means everything is finished.

Thanks for the advice Arabella.

I've been indeed pushed and stressed. I am a bit better today but still...

I've been trying to retreat mentally and emotionally and I'll keep doing so until I have a clearer picture.

 

[weather]

Some days ago I came to the realization that my long term partner is not fully what I believed him to be. He has a subtle controlling and manipulative behaviour towards me which I wasn't aware of.

With this in mind I asked 'Show me an image of who X really is' 33

Is the Yi saying I should retreat from him?

 

[arabella]

Of course the Yi can be giving you a snap shot of how to respond to someone else, rather than describing the person you've asked about.

This is a tough call on this one -- and only you can really say what resonates with the feelings that you have in the situation.

It seems, if the Yi is answering your question directly, that this is a very self-involved individual who is tangled up inside himself and can't get out of the pattern. A person in the perpetual retreat of Hexagram 33 unchanging I would imagine to be entirely self-interested and self-contained; difficult to connect with and not forthcoming or understanding of other people and their needs. I wouldn't think they would be particularly reliable or feeling, but extremely withdrawn and difficult to "read" or engage in emotional contact. That person would be supremely introverted and detached from other people.

IF you are sensing something sinister in this association, however, I might spring for the optional reading that this message is for you, recommending your position should be one of retreat -- and you should back out right away and without question.

 

[weather]

Of course the Yi can be giving you a snap shot of how to respond to someone else, rather than describing the person you've asked about.

This is a tough call on this one -- and only you can really say what resonates with the feelings that you have in the situation.

It seems, if the Yi is answering your question directly, that this is a very self-involved individual who is tangled up inside himself and can't get out of the pattern. A person in the perpetual retreat of Hexagram 33 unchanging I would imagine to be entirely self-interested and self-contained; difficult to connect with and not forthcoming or understanding of other people and their needs. I wouldn't think they would be particularly reliable or feeling, but extremely withdrawn and difficult to "read" or engage in emotional contact. That person would be supremely introverted and detached from other people.

IF you are sensing something sinister in this association, however, I might spring for the optional reading that this message is for you and you should back out without question.

My partner is not difficult to connect or not forthcoming or understanding of other people and their needs. He is always trying to help others and is very open. However, he seems to be very concerned of his image and this helpful attitude has more to do with how he will be perceived than the person's need itself.

With me he is also helpful in trivial things but when it comes to deeper circumstances / situations he is very self-interested. And as I've said before, just recently I realized he also subtly manipulates me to get his way.

I've been thinking of other questions to clarify this aspect but can't come up with one. Anyone's input in the readings and question would be highly appreciated!

 

[long yi]

If you are not married to the person, this relationship is over.
Hexagram 28: roof cave in.
Hexagram 52: opinions are different. Very difficult to compromise.
Hexagram 52 is one of the 8 pure hexagram. In relationship analysis, this means game over.

 

[arabella]

My partner is not difficult to connect or not forthcoming or understanding of other people and their needs. He is always trying to help others and is very open. However, he seems to be very concerned of his image and this helpful attitude has more to do with how he will be perceived than the person's need itself.

With me he is also helpful in trivial things but when it comes to deeper circumstances / situations he is very self-interested. And as I've said before, just recently I realized he also subtly manipulates me to get his way.

I've been thinking of other questions to clarify this aspect but can't come up with one. Anyone's input in the readings and question would be highly appreciated!

Being open to others can be a means of information-gathering that is still self-serving, providing the in-road and the information needed to manipulate the situation in a way that no one will or can argue. Knowing, recognising someone's "needs" can be a great way to take control of them. It doesn't sound promising to be honest, but it is still a good learning situation about what to avoid in the future. Eye-opening moments can be extremely valuable to help you find what you are really looking for in a partner. So good for you that you've had this "ah-ha" experience and seen it for what it is.

 

[weather]

"I need to decide if I should continue with this man or break up with him. What should I know about him to make this decision?" 30.2.3.5>10

What does this mean ????????

 

[weather]

Also "what is the future of this relationship?" 63.1>39

Does this mean the future will be dragging? Or don't rush with any decisions?

 

[arabella]

"I need to decide if I should continue with this man or break up with him. What should I know about him to make this decision?" 30.2.3.5>10

What does this mean ????????

30.2 - If you have to reach beyond yourself, your sense of security, to cement a relationship then you are setting yourself up for potential disaster. You should be able to be yourself and feel at home with someone else and you apparently can't do that in this case.

30.3 - Knowing that even the "normal" times have an abnormal tinge to them, what would life be like in moments of great difficulty? There is nothing here to rely upon now -- what would happen in the tough times with this person?

30.5 - It's sad to walk away from something you've invested your hopes and dreams in, but fortunately there is a silver lining here. You've learned a lot; you got new experiences you can apply in other places; in the long run you are far better off.

Hexagram 10 as a background to this situation would indicate that you see you are walking on thin ice, you know this has limitations, you realise that any ripples could cause an unsurvivable "wave" over time. It seems clear what your new knowledge of this person is telling you.

In 63.1 you've got your tail wet -- an indication that you've slipped and nearly fallen in. But you're essentially still intact, nothing disastrous has happened. You don't need to slam the door in the guy's face next time you see him, but start making your exit, pulling back. You have time in the situation to maintain what you have of your dignity and carefully turn and walk away with your head high. You're just making a good decision, not turning tail and running away.

I like LiSe's commentary on hex 39 -- Life is what you make it. So even this poor prognosis on a relationship means you can let it go and find something far better for you. It's not a total loss; it's part of the learning curve.

 

[weather]

The last question of the day:

To be able to proceed with the decision of staying or leaving this relationship, which idea should I believe as the truth:

this partner is completely honest and transparent with me, someone I can fully trust
11

this partner is sometimes manipulative and I shouldn't trust him
20.3.6>39

Is the Iching saying both answers are the truth?

 

[weather]

30.2 - If you have to reach beyond yourself, your sense of security, to cement a relationship then you are setting yourself up for potential disaster. You should be able to be yourself and feel at home with someone else and you apparently can't do that in this case.

30.3 - Knowing that even the "normal" times have an abnormal tinge to them, what would life be like in moments of great difficulty? There is nothing here to rely upon now -- what would happen in the tough times with this person?

30.5 - It's sad to walk away from something you've invested your hopes and dreams in, but fortunately there is a silver lining here. You've learned a lot; you got new experiences you can apply in other places; in the long run you are far better off.

Hexagram 10 as a background to this situation would indicate that you see you are walking on thin ice, you know this has limitations, you realise that any ripples could cause an unsurvivable "wave" over time. It seems clear what your new knowledge of this person is telling you.

In 63.1 you've got your tail wet -- an indication that you've slipped and nearly fallen in. But you're essentially still intact, nothing disastrous has happened. You don't need to slam the door in the guy's face next time you see him, but start making your exit, pulling back. You have time in the situation to maintain what you have of your dignity and carefully turn and walk away with your head high. You're just making a good decision, not turning tail and running away.

I like LiSe's commentary on hex 39 -- Life is what you make it. So even this poor prognosis on a relationship means you can let it go and find something far better for you. It's not a total loss; it's part of the learning curve.

Many thanks Arabella. Your interpretations do ring bells. Anyway, is not that easy to move on. We've been living together for more than 10 years. We live in a foreign country which is already home now but were I haven't got any family support or many friends. This aha moment just happened last week and is soooo strange to look at someone you've known for ages and suddenly see them in a completely different light...Sometimes I think I might be going crazy, but I can't get rid of my new perception of him...

 

[arabella]

The last question of the day:

To be able to proceed with the decision of staying or leaving this relationship, which idea should I believe as the truth:

this partner is completely honest and transparent with me, someone I can fully trust
11

this partner is sometimes manipulative and I shouldn't trust him
20.3.6>39

Is the Iching saying both answers are the truth?

I think that the Yi has just given you the mirror image of each of these statements. I sometimes find when I ask again and again, short of throwing up Hexagram 4, the Yi starts to reflect me to me -- telling me if I'm asking this question, I already know the answer.

 

[weather]

Any other views on any of these answers?

 

[weather]

What should I know about these feelings that I'm having towards my partner? 10.2

Is it saying for me to calm down?

 

[arabella]

What should I know about these feelings that I'm having towards my partner? 10.2

Is it saying for me to calm down?

I believe it says you will need to be deliberate in building a road out of there. Find out what your rights and benefits are. If you've been in a foreign country, you probably have some depending on the laws. Do things like, look for work if you don't have it, set up a separate bank account, get a solicitor's help or ask a citizen's advice bureau for assistance. Don't panic, but get yourself positioned to have choices.

 

[meng]

as I see it

Hi Weather,

It sounds to me as if you've gotten ensnared in the hall of mirrors. This typically is when someone begins their inquiry while in a state of confusion, when they're not content with something but they usually can't place their finger on exactly what that something is. If you consider a moment, that describes a h28 state of mind fairly well. Something's wrong! What is it? I don't know, but something's wrong. The roof is collapsing, I'm running out of air, the sky is falling! Describing the emotion or feel of it, there's not much reasoning to help glue it together. But here, logically it's all simple: if it's worth it, you stay; if not worth it, you leave. But it seems you're not at that 63 point yet to make such a call, so you retreat from treading upon this particular matter, and focus on holding what you've got in yourself that you can rely on (52).

If you just emulate mountain, you do what's right here. A child can do that. Be a happy mountain, or sad mountain, spring, summer or fall mountain.

What goes on around you you can rightfully deal with, because your position is firm. It's your right to make that decision, but you may tend to get ahead of yourself sometimes, and to a mountain there is only now. But the danger is that it can also make you stubborn, unwilling to see the other side. But whichever, Yi punctuated the series relating to 52, and the outcome should also have that sense of resolve and completion.

 

[weather]

Hi Weather,

It sounds to me as if you've gotten ensnared in the hall of mirrors. This typically is when someone begins their inquiry while in a state of confusion, when they're not content with something but they usually can't place their finger on exactly what that something is. If you consider a moment, that describes a h28 state of mind fairly well. Something's wrong! What is it? I don't know, but something's wrong. The roof is collapsing, I'm running out of air, the sky is falling! Describing the emotion or feel of it, there's not much reasoning to help glue it together. But here, logically it's all simple: if it's worth it, you stay; if not worth it, you leave. But it seems you're not at that 63 point yet to make such a call, so you retreat from treading upon this particular matter, and focus on holding what you've got in yourself that you can rely on (52).

If you just emulate mountain, you do what's right here. A child can do that. Be a happy mountain, or sad mountain, spring, summer or fall mountain.

What goes on around you you can rightfully deal with, because your position is firm. It's your right to make that decision, but you may tend to get ahead of yourself sometimes, and to a mountain there is only now. But the danger is that it can also make you stubborn, unwilling to see the other side. But whichever, Yi punctuated the series relating to 52, and the outcome should also have that sense of resolve and completion as well.

Many thanks Meng!

It is very true that I'm in a state of confussion, very, very much so! I haven't been this bad for a very long time. How difficult it's proving to hold on to 52 at this moment. Exactly when I most need to...I'll do my best.

 

[meng]

Best way I know of beginning is by breathing. Maybe counting them, like leaves floating by.

 

[weather]

Thanks Meng. I'll do that.

Do you think the rest of the answers the IC gave me on this thread were only mirroring my confussion?

Would it be best to ask them again when I feel 52?

 

[meng]

That's what I refer to it as a hall of mirrors once entered into with a determination to find satisfaction. I am of the persuasion that Yi deals with our psychology first, if the way we're looking at something or way of being in that situation has flaws, I believe generally that is what Yi will focus on. Not that it won't or can't find lost car keys, it can, but sometimes what leads us to ask the question is more important than the question itself, and it is sometimes that which the Yi will single out and speak to. It's up to us to discern well the real intention.

 

[arabella]

Meng and I are saying similar things from different points of view. I think the operative idea is to slow down and get your options together. Right now you are spinning and afraid if you have choices to make none of them are good. But they could be. Just knowing you HAVE a choice is sometimes a big deal and enough to let you breathe out and let your mind unwind a bit. I like the way Meng puts it -- breathe and count leaves floating by. Danger and anxiety aren't the same thing at all.

 

[weather]

That's what I refer to it as a hall of mirrors once entered into with a determination to find satisfaction. I am of the persuasion that Yi deals with our psychology first, if the way we're looking at something or way of being in that situation has flaws, I believe generally that is what Yi will focus on. Not that it won't or can't find lost car keys, it can, but sometimes what leads us to ask the question is more important than the question itself, and it is sometimes that which the Yi will single out and speak to. It's up to us to discern well the real intention.

I've just came across Hilary's sticky note on questions about relationships and it seems you are both saying the same thing: when entering into a conversation with the Yi, asking question after question about something we are very emotional about the answers aren't clear. You have added that not only they are not clear but they are actually answering something else (our state of mind, or maybe what we are expecting to believe?) not the question itself. Thanks Meng.

 

[weather]

Meng and I are saying similar things from different points of view. I think the operative idea is to slow down and get your options together. Right now you are spinning and afraid if you have choices to make none of them are good. But they could be. Just knowing you HAVE a choice is sometimes a big deal and enough to let you breathe out and let your mind unwind a bit. I like the way Meng puts it -- breathe and count leaves floating by. Danger and anxiety aren't the same thing at all.

Many thanks for the advice Arabella. I have become very anxiuos about the whole thing and 33 to 52 (retreating to my mountain as Meng says) seems to be a very good answer from the Yi. Positioning myself as to have choices is also a good advice. It will take time though but it's a lesson for life.

 

[weather]

I am now only concentrating in the answers the Yi gave me on the first post of this thread.

As a continuation of those I have asked today, what path should i follow regarding this situation? 6.5

Lise's say:
9 at 5: Contending. Very auspicious.
The only way to contend is by being an individual, independent. If you are true to yourself and correct to others, you are your own (and others) best advocate. You are the Gong.
(Changes to hex.64)

The line mentions being an individual, independent which confirms what's been spoken about already.

When it says being correct to others, is it implying my new perception of my partner is incorrect?

However, hex 6 moving to 64 is CONFLICT-BEFORE COMPLETION. Is it saying that I'm in a process of completing something which is not yet complete (it could be myself, my independence, my options or it could be on top of that, taking a whole new direction in my life due to my new perception of my partner and leaving him after I feel it's the right time to do so) and this process is now creating conflict?
Is the Yi here again mirroring myself back to me, or is it giving me a straight answer to my question?

What's the GONG and how does it apply to my question?

 

[arabella]

I am now only concentrating in the answers the Yi gave me on the first post of this thread.

As a continuation of those I have asked today, what path should i follow regarding this situation? 6.5

Lise's say:
9 at 5: Contending. Very auspicious.
The only way to contend is by being an individual, independent. If you are true to yourself and correct to others, you are your own (and others) best advocate. You are the Gong.
(Changes to hex.64)

The line mentions being an individual, independent which confirms what's been spoken about already.

When it says being correct to others, is it implying my new perception of my partner is incorrect?

However, hex 6 moving to 64 is CONFLICT-BEFORE COMPLETION. Is it saying that I'm in a process of completing something which is not yet complete (it could be myself, my independence, my options or it could be on top of that, taking a whole new direction in my life due to my new perception of my partner and leaving him after I feel it's the right time to do so) and this process is now creating conflict?
Is the Yi here again mirroring myself back to me, or is it giving me a straight answer to my question?

What's the GONG and how does it apply to my question?

In general [and there can be many variations of course depending on your question] the Gong implies a "wake up call" when I have cast it. It can mean that I am receiving that call -- or I've become that for someone else.

The situation you describe would seem to indicate that you accept the warning/feeling you are getting from this relationship and/or that you become the one who is saying: Time for a change; this phase of the relationship is over; I am moving on. And whether that means things must change, you will leave, or whatever, is what you are determining now.