Help w/teenage son issues

[empowers77]

This is one of those situations that I am emotionally connected to, so it is hard to see the forest through the trees, so to speak.

In a nutshell, my 15yo came to live w/me last August (IL), after trying out living w/his dad & stepmom (FL) for a 1 1/2 yrs. Illinois is where my son lived up until he was 4, but last time he lived w/me was in AZ. He has been drawn to poor choice making, struggles in school, and most recently a legal thing hanging out there that could really blow up if the police figure out all the pieces. He has made some very small improvements since mid-January .. but recently again I can see (& sense) the defiance, self medicating, self defeating behaviors & choices. Last night in frustration of what to do .. this is what the Yi guided me to ...

What is at the root of Garret's behavior:
59.6 >29

What can I do to help?
16.6 > 35

Most likely outcome if Garret went to live w/his dad & stepmom again?
2.1 > 24

What will be the unfolding for him if he stays living here?
6.1.3.5 > 14

What is the next step I should take on behalf of "G" for his highest & best?
2.4.6 > 35

I just want to help him so much to help himself and set up the enviroment that will help him to not only discover his "truth" but to be the most successful.

I am wondering if being here in IL is just making it so challenging for him. 59.6 > 29 - shows that this is really effecting him deeply.

Thank you all in advance for any and all support you can give ...

Namaste ...
Beth

 

[willowfox]

What is at the root of Garret's behavior:
59.6 >29

It seems to suggest that he has some issue with the way things are between you and your ex husband, maybe he is angry about you living apart from your ex, maybe he is angry with the both of you for making his life hard by not being a normal family. He sees everything as being difficult and challenging for him, life seems to be against him in everything that he does, this is his opinion, he sees only the bad side and is probably feeling depressed by the way things are, unsettled. So, instead of fighting, he is just giving up and becoming resentful of authority.

What can I do to help?
16.6 > 35

This says don't fall into the trap of deluding yourself that you can help by using a soft approach, it would seem that you need to be very realistic in your approach if you want to see any changes in him, perhaps time to get tough.

Most likely outcome if Garret went to live w/his dad & stepmom again?
2.1 > 24

This shows further problems developing until disaster comes unless you put a stop to it before it starts.

What will be the unfolding for him if he stays living here?
6.1.3.5 > 14

Probably troubles at first which will be easily dealt with but there seems to be the need for him to have some kind of counseling before things get really better. He needs help from someone qualified to do just that.

What is the next step I should take on behalf of "G" for his highest & best?
2.4.6 > 35

 

[dobro p]

I picked my favorite question:

"What can I do to help? 16.6 > 35"

16.6 is a tough one for people who like to know what's going on, because in 16.6 you're in the dark. You're getting ready for something important, but you're doing it without any idea of whether it's the right thing to do or what the likely outcome will be. It's blind faith. 'Ours is not to question why'. But that's only the first part. The second part talks about bringing this to completion, and in this you will see a change in the situation, and that change will be without fault. Yours hands will be clean, in other words.

Actually, what I see in this is a simple snapshot of the situation: the preparation that 16.6 talks about is everything that's led to the current impasse/crisis, and you don't know what to do exactly. The change that 16.6 talks about is the change that your family must undergo in this situation. And the 'without fault' valuation means exactly that - ease your heart on that score, cuz it ain't your fault.

And finally, of everything I've talked about, the most important thing is the bit about things coming to completion and a change taking place. See, it's like having a baby - there's stuff you can do, but basically that baby's gonna come when it's ready and nothing's gonna stop it. Same with this situation - it's gonna change when it's ready and nothing gonna stop it. What can you do? Well, you can use the skills and patience you have been using all along, without any idea of whether they're useful, whether they're working, whether the outcome will be any good. And this is without fault. And keep in mind how terribly, terribly positive 35 is.

Good luck. Teenage son. Better you than me lol.

 

[mudpie]

59.6 >29 welcome to adolescence. His need to pull away, defy, is part of the process and in some ways, it is his journey.

16.6.....when adolescence comes into full bloom, we sometimes remember the small sweet child with nostalgia for those days. I think most parents get thrown for a loop by adolescence, suddenly faced by strange behavior and breakdown of communication...sort of like: "WHO ARE YOU, and what have you done with my child??" But he is making progress towrds adulthood. The time calls for looking at the situation for what it is.

6> 14. He NEEDS the contention. He needs to contend with an authority figure- and that would be you - and actually he WANTS it, don't be fooled. Just be fair, and be firm. The pearl of adulthood is formed by this gritty contention. It seems like you are the better choice now for seeing this through.

2.4 a sack tied up. Again, be firm. You don't have to explain yourself for being a parent.. I love what the Sorrells say about this line: "Your words and actions will be exposed to critical scrutiny." Ha. teenagers to a T. You need a lot of ego strength to withstand the onslaught of criticism, etc. BUt bear in mind, he needs you to be firm.
2.6 There Will Be Blood. ohhhh, there will be battles.

BUT ...35. yes, 35. Take heart.

 

[dobro p]

6> 14. He NEEDS the contention. He needs to contend with an authority figure- and that would be you - and actually he WANTS it, don't be fooled. Just be fair, and be firm. The pearl of adulthood is formed by this gritty contention. It seems like you are the better choice now for seeing this through.

That's exactly what I saw with that one, too. +1

 

[empowers77]

Thank you all so much. Very helpful! So easy to fall into doubt sometimes on the single parenting road .... Thank you for pointing out it appears that it is a better place here w/me than w/his dad. I felt that in my heart, but my mind started to doubt. I will focus on 35 - both questions I asked regarding my "assistance" gave that to me as the resulting hex. I must be doing something right! lol
And btw .. he agreed to go to counseling tonight. That is a big step .. up until now - he absolutely refused.

Thanks again!
Beth

 

[hollis]

That's exactly what I saw with that one, too. +1

well you need points dobro after your sacrilege on the other thread.

 

[dobro p]

well you need points dobro after your sacriledge on the other thread.

Was it any thread in particular? I find myself in that category so often here...

 

[hollis]

awww well im kindof kidding, over on the sacrifice thread, but i can be tone deaf on the internet, so mea culpa