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Hex 11.2.4.5 to 49

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I think I ruined my relationship with the only person I was really close to — even after I sent a letter and called (too many times), they are saying it's too late and seem to have closed their heart from me. I asked the Yi what I could do to save or fix things between us, and I received hex 11.2.4.5 to 49.

With 11.2, it seems like the Yi is saying that I have to just let go and accept my failure. But 11.4 seems to be saying to be sincere? I had tried to do this in my letter and phone calls, but they've been rejected. Maybe it was saying I was too confident in my relationship with this person and became careless. I'm not sure if I'm understanding 11.5. Maybe making a sacrifice. Mostly I'm very concerned this reading is just confirming that there's nothing I can do but try to accept that I failed and that I have to let go of this person, which is so hard for me.
 
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We are definitely not neighbors — we live far away from each other, and that seems to have put a strain — which makes 11.4 interesting. And maybe it is not hopeless because I didn't get 11.6, which seems to be one of my "give it up, kid" lines.
 
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I have been feeling so sick about this, that I ruined the only thing in my life that gave me any joy or solace, so I asked again, but I asked what I could do so that this person would trust me again. (They refused to speak to me and threatened to block me if I contacted them again.) I received 11 unchanging. It really does seem to be too late.
 

mandarin_23

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Sorry to read this and there is not that much I can say. But is it thinkable that the Yi tells you to let go and not to be all too sad and desperate? 11 to 49 seems to adapt well to a "Revolution", a change in life. Also - Maybe time for you to change your views and patterns. It could well turn out to be a relief in the end.

Anyway, sometimes you can ask for forgiving, and there is not much more you can do. 11 unchanged probably tells you that things will be all right?

All the best,
Mandarine
 
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This is still bringing me so much pain. He won't speak to me. I had asked someone for advice and they'd said if something was meant for me, it would work out no matter what I did or didn't do. But I have a gnawing feeling that this isn't true and that I've just ruined the gift in my life.

I asked the Yi and received 9.3.5 to 41. To me it seems to just describe the situation—I had a true relationship, but I fought and I forced issues and I destroyed what was there.

I asked the Yi what I should do, and I received 22.3 to 27. I don't really understand what this means in this situation, in terms of something I could do.
 

rosada

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I'm so sorry you are having to go through this!

In view of the reality of his responses I think you have to read the hexagrams as advising you to assume it is over and look to moving on.
11.2.4.5 then could be seen as saying that although you see away things could be better, you have to accept his decision. 49 might be saying that if you do this you will eventually be recognized as having been right, that it could have been a good relationship, but I wouldn't hold my breath. I think it's more likely that it means you yourself come to realize, "Hey, I'm a totally good person and I don't need to settle for this abuse!" (Because I do think it's abusive to shut you down so harshly. I mean, he could have at least been nice about it...)

9.3.5 - 41: These lines also seem more hopeful than I think the situation deserves. I mean 9.3 points to the misunderstanding but maybe 9.5 is encouraging that with a bit of distance people come to see each other as friends (but not as lovers). 41 Decrease however cautions you really do need to cool it for now.

Finally 22.3 - 27 as advice for what you should do suggest to me you should 22.3 gloss over the harsh truth, put on a happy face and 27. focus on good food and kind thoughts.

Life is full of strange twists and turns. Every experience can turn out to somehow be for your greater benefit. Perhaps someday you will meet a man who has had a similar experience and because you've been here and done this you'll be able to have empathy and it will lead to something good.

I hope so!
 
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Thank you, rosada. I should clarify that I believe he is hurt and shutting me out because I was too harsh with him. I had hung the phone up on him during a fight and he'd mentioned that the last time we spoke, and I think it made him decide I'm too unhinged and overemotional.

We'd been long-distance friends for over a year and he was the only person in my life who really made me feel better about everything. He would listen to me and support me like no one ever has and was such a gift to me. He came to visit, and we talked about beginning a long-distance romantic relationship until I could hopefully move closer to him next year. But I knew he had been casually seeing another girl where he lives for the past six months, and I was worried that he would want to keep seeing her. I saw him texting her when he was visiting.

I'd tried bringing up my concerns that he'd just go back home but keep seeing her while I'd feel lonely, but he'd just said, "But she doesn't mean anything" and changed the subject. He had told me that I was the first girl he'd loved in years and that he was committed to me, so I'd thought, if I'm the girl he loves, then why isn't he volunteering to give her up, or at least talk about it?

I've never been anyone's first choice, men have always just wanted to be my friend or have an emotional relationship with me while not feeling passionate about me and seeing sex as mostly something they do with other women instead. I'm in my 30s and I've never had a romantic relationship. The idea that even him, who'd been so loving and kind to me, would still see me the same way -- I knew I would just go along with it because I wouldn't want to lose someone so important to me over something like that when I should measure my expectations, it is a long-distance relationship, but it would hurt so much.

I didn't know how to talk about this and kept questioning him on other things, like about how busy he suddenly seemed to be, why he wasn't more excited to talk to me now that he'd visited and we'd decided to officially date, was he not that interested now that something had happened between us, etc. After about a week of this, he got frustrated with me and said that he needed space and then "I'm not going to change my life for someone who lives across the country." That hurt my heart so much that I screamed "That's exactly what I was afraid you'd say!" and hung up the phone.

I texted him right after I hung up and reminded him that he'd said he was committed to me and that he loved me, but then he was also saying something like that. He said he wasn't going to make big changes because that was unreasonable. That hurt but it made sense. He'd mentioned before that I should travel to go visit him, but I haven't been on a plane in ten years, so I was scared about that and scared about taking these kinds of big hard steps but still getting my heart broken anyway, so I could understand if he was scared too.

Then we didn't talk for weeks, because he had said he needed space, and I was hurt and afraid he would just break things off if I contacted him again, so I waited for him. Then when I finally couldn't take it anymore after three weeks and tried contacting him, he said he couldn't talk and wouldn't be able to for another month. This has happened to me almost every time I've tried dating someone, exactly this. The guy says he can't talk for a long period of time, then comes back and rejects me.

He pointed out that I had hung up the phone on him and then didn't talk to him for three weeks, so in that time he moved on and realized that he wasn't in love because he's been in love before and it wasn't this hard or this much of a strain.

I have a lot of emotional issues, I've been really isolated, and I'm disabled, and I've always been so pained that no one would love me and choose me because I would only limit their life and make it harder. I love him and I know he would be so much better off without me and it just felt cruel to hold him back by being in a relationship with me. That's why I had been so afraid of trying to date him in the first place. I had looked up the girl he'd been seeing and just broke down because he deserves to have someone like that, he would have a much better life, I knew I should just let him go, but I didn't want to give him up because he had been my home.

I'm sorry for writing so much, I haven't really talked to anyone or left the house in over a week
 
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I apologize for bringing this up again, but I haven't been able to let go or move on, six months later. It only seems to feel worse, no matter what I do. I asked the Yi to help me understand, and I received 38.4.5 to 61, which is a little confusing — it seemed like going to him has been a mistake? Is it just saying that the truth is we are estranged and is describing what happened in the past?
 

mandarin_23

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Maybe it is just telling you about your inner truth, and gives you space to find a deeper understanding of - being your own Person? Hexagram 38 is not such a negative sign or doesn't have to be, at least. It is about being your own character and going your own ways and meeting people you can really trust and who understand you well enough and vice versa.
 

GreenHazel

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I apologize for bringing this up again, but I haven't been able to let go or move on, six months later. It only seems to feel worse, no matter what I do. I asked the Yi to help me understand, and I received 38.4.5 to 61, which is a little confusing — it seemed like going to him has been a mistake? Is it just saying that the truth is we are estranged and is describing what happened in the past?

ThisWorld, losing someone who felt like "home" to us is extremely painful, one of the hardest thing indeed.
So be very, very gentle to yourself, and allow all the time that you'll need to heal. I'm very sorry this is happening to you, but time WILL heal you, and no, I wouldn't contact him anymore. I know this is not what you want to hear now, but the little girl in you needs you to be strong for her and protect her now; don't put her again in front another rejection.

On the brighter side: in my experience Hex 49 opens up a series of real changes, something like we haven't experienced for a long while; be ready, it's not a walk in the park - at all - but it has the potential of a true, deep, once-in-a-lifetime transformation in any direction you'd want for your life. I would only and exclusively focus on this relationship as the catalyst for this transformation. Honestly? From what you write you have done nothing wrong, it wasn't you "ruining" the relationship. You just voiced your feelings, and I can assure you anybody would have felt in a very similar way; perhaps the difference is that peoplehide these feelings because there's the risk that so much honesty can be perceived as neediness. So Need vs Love could be a good starting point for the transformation. But the ultimate goal, I think would be to give that little girl inside you a "home" that she can belong to all the time, and that nobody can take away.

Hex 38 to 61 asks you to focus on what you know is the truth; the opposition is not just in the past, it's an opposition of goals and levels of commitment, and deep in your heart you probably know it already.
If I can share my perception: I think he put all the blame on you - not wanting to speak because you hung up the phone on him - because it's much easier than saying he got scared because he wasn't ready to date you exclusively. That's very cowardy, please don't fall into this trap; every time you blame yourself you give power to him and to the pain, and you starve yourself of that love that you could feel for yourself, with or without him. Does it make sense?

Nothing in life happens without reason. Perhaps this pain can give you the strength for an unimaginable change.

With warmest wishes
 
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