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Hex 21.3>30

Amaterasu

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Hello there. I have been using Online Clarity for many years now as a resource when investigating possible interpretations for iChing readings, but just recently actually joined the community as an active user.

I am posting because I would like some input on an iChing reading I cast. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, and it has been a strained relationship from the start. We now have a 2-year-old daughter, and recently began seeing a therapist to try and work through our problems. We are getting along better now, but the relationship still feels cold to me. I asked the iChing: How is my marriage evolving? I got 21.3>30 as a result.

Based on what I know, I wonder if the iChing is saying that our problems are too old and embedded between us to "bite through" anymore. On the other hand, the resulting hexagram 30 seems to hold hope that we might be able to rekindle the flame. Any advice?
 

Amaterasu

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UPDATE:
So, I cast one more time with the same question today, and got 21.1.6 > 16. Again, the lines look like we're "stuck," but could the resulting hexagram, "enthusiasm," be a sign that our relationship is going to change
 

Amaterasu

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Update (4 years later):

So I never got a response to this, but I’m going to provide an update anyway in case anyone is interested in knowing how 21 turned out for me.

In both casts for the same question I got 21, so that struck me as being important. I.e., my marriage definitely needed some “biting through.”

With 21.3 it seemed at the time the iching was telling me that I was starting to become more consciously aware of old issues that had been stagnating under the surface. (Line 1: gnawing dried flesh, and meeting with what is disagreeable.) The relating hexagram 30 seemed to speak to a need to take care of the other people involved in the relationship in order to improve the situation (feeding the cow brings milk!)


In my second cast, I thought perhaps that 21.1,6 was saying that there wasn’t much I could actively do about our marital problems (line 1: one with his feet in the stocks and deprived of his toes), I wasn’t doing a good enough job listening (Line 6: one wearing the cangue, and deprived of his ears).

At any rate, 4 years have passed and we’re still married. We hardly fight these days, but our problems persist. The therapist stopped treating us for couples therapy, as he wasn’t really communicating much in the sessions and she told me later that there wasn’t much point since he couldn’t open up in session. I continued therapy for a while after that, hoping to reach some inner clarity regarding what I want and need out of life, but eventually stopped going.

In retrospect, I think the iching was actually telling me that there were (/are) stagnant problems (line 3) relating to communication that I could not resolve myself (line 1), especially with a partner who will not (cannot?) communicate about our problems (line 6).

Hope this post helps someone.
 

rosada

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Thanks for this update. It serves to validate how 21.3 is about old issues and perhaps also points to how it might not have been possible for your guy to talk about them - something poisonous and/or humiliating in his past but no blame? I had this line come up in reference to a very shutdown client who I later learned had been molested by a priest when he was a young alter boy and nothing in his life had gone right since.
Just saying your husband's problems may be way deeper than anyone has yet realized.
 

Amaterasu

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Thank you Rosada for your insight on this line. Now that you mention it, the issue between us started as a “humiliating” misunderstanding between us when we were engaged... no blame, in a way.
Unfortunately over the years, that issue was never resolved and was left to stagnate until it became “poison,” as you put it.
Now, I’m again at a crossroads in trying to decide how to proceed. When I’m ready, perhaps I’ll consult the iching again and post my thoughts here.
 

catchyouri

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Thanks for this update. It serves to validate how 21.3 is about old issues and perhaps also points to how it might not have been possible for your guy to talk about them - something poisonous and/or humiliating in his past but no blame? I had this line come up in reference to a very shutdown client who I later learned had been molested by a priest when he was a young alter boy and nothing in his life had gone right since.
Just saying your husband's problems may be way deeper than anyone has yet realized.
So true So True old shaming traumas can keep any relationship from transforming
 

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